Valduggery, Ghanith, and a whole lot of revelation
by LythiaHarpen
Summary: It's Valduggery, Ghanith, and Fletchia galore! Fights, weddings, amusement, general mayhem, and a whole lot of OC's! Songfics, madness, Flaring and romance are sure to equal a lot of laughter!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

When Good Times Fail

Skulduggery Pleasant walked the streets of Haggard. He'd been rescued from the Faceless Ones portal and was trying to get to grips with himself. The torture in the portal had been, for want of a better word, _exquisite_, and when he had returned the tension between realities had almost killed him. Killed him again, so to speak.

Skulduggery kicked a squashed beer can out his way as he walked and thought of Valkyrie. She had trained in Necromancy, yes, but as soon as the portal had closed she had told Skulduggery she hadn't let her Elemental powers fade. It had been her reassurance that had brought him back from the brink of death. Ghastly and Tanith had indeed played an important role, yes, but his young apprentice had proved herself. If only Guild hadn't fired them both after Skulduggery had told Guild of his suspicions, she might be a detective now. A proper detective. It was a sad thing, really.

Skulduggery stopped walking abruptly and realised he was outside Valkyrie's house. From under the brim of his huge hat he could see that there was a full moon. A perfect night, at least.

Faint drizzle began, and Skulduggery made up his mind. He pushed open the gate gently and walked up Valkyrie's driveway. Thunder boomed and the rain intensified.

He walked around to Valkyrie's window and put his powers to use. He manipulated the air and the wind buffeted him up onto the roof. He proceeded to knock lightly on Valkyrie's bedroom window.

The 15-year-old looked up to see Skulduggery, in his disguise, standing just beyond a pane of glass. She pulled her earphones out and put down her book, got up from her bed and opened the window.

"Skulduggery!" she said, grinning. She helped her skeletal friend through into her room. "My parents are in Australia for another two months. I sent the reflection to stay at my grandparents. What brings you here? The mood when good times fail?"

Skulduggery shrugged. "I don't actually know."

Valkyrie frowned, regarded him with concern. "You're recovering, I hope?"

Skulduggery tilted his head to the side. "Not remotely."

"Skul…" Valkyrie stepped forward, and hugged him, and the detective felt somewhat less than hollow for a few seconds. Then she withdrew and looked into his eye sockets. "You're back now."

"And feeling like a stranger."

"But you're among friends! Everybody's thanking Fletcher, Tanith, Ghastly and I for bringing you back. That's all that matters. That you're back."

"Back, yes, but confused."

"But we can fix that." Valkyrie's brown eyes softened. "There's even been a rumour circulating that Guild might be willing to hire us again."

Skulduggery didn't say anything. He was content just to watch Valkyrie speak. He didn't like thinking too much nowadays. Thinking tended to lead to remembering, and Skulduggery wanted to forget. Although he'd never say to Valkyrie or Ghastly, The Faceless Ones had broken something in his mind, and he didn't know how to fix it.

But Val did.

Valkyrie frowned. "Are you OK, Skulduggery? You seem quieter than usual."

Skulduggery looked at her blankly, and only then did he notice the dark at the edge of his vision, which converged quickly.

He shuddered and dropped to the floor. Valkyrie shrieked and ran to him. Unlike Ghastly or Tanith, Skulduggery didn't have a pulse, and she had no way to tell if he was still alive.

She reached over to the wall and frantically ripped her phone out of its charger. She dialled Ghastly Bespoke. The tailor answered after three rings, but didn't even have time to utter a word before Valkyrie spoke.

"You need to get here and you need to get here NOW. Don't ask questions, please. Skulduggery is here and he might be dead. Get here. NOW."

Ghastly swore and hung up. Valkyrie assumed he was coming. She placed a head on the skeleton's forehead protectively and waited.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Definitely Time to Ignore Speed Cameras

Ghastly jumped into his new van and started the engine. Tanith barely had time to get in before he drove off.

"What's going on?" she asked as Ghastly turned a corner severely. She grabbed the dashboard and managed to stay upright.

"I don't know the answer myself," Ghastly replied, wrenching the steering wheel in order to stay on the road. "Valkyrie wasn't that specific. But Skulduggery could have died on her and she made it sound like there was no time for delay. Which is probably true, incidentally. This is most definitely time to ignore speed cameras."

Tanith fell silent, to ponder her own thoughts.

Ghastly drove fast and reached Valkyrie's house in under quarter of an hour. Van doors were flung open. Ghastly and Tanith sprang out and sprinted inside.

Once they climbed the stairs, they spotted Valkyrie kneeling beside Skulduggery, who lay motionless on the carpet. His skull was in her lap and she looked on the verge of tears.

"Shit." The curse that flew from Ghastly's lips was appropriate for the situation. "Kenspeckle Grouse. Now."

Valkyrie nodded, tears in her eyes, and bit her lip. Ghastly took Skulduggery from her, and left the house. The women followed him as he put the unmoving skeleton in the back seat of the van. Tanith jumped headfirst into the passenger seat, Ghastly took hold of the wheel and Valkyrie got into the back seat. Tanith watched as the 15-year-old grabbed Skulduggery's gloved hand and held it.

"Go!" Valkyrie called.

The van left the house and a smell of burning rubber behind, and it took them little under ten minutes to reach the Hibernian Cinema. They got out. Ghastly flung his friend over one shoulder, entered the building, ran down the cinema aisle and practically launched himself into Grouse's laboratory.

Tanith gave Valkyrie an unsure smile and followed. She heard footsteps and knew Val was right behind her.

They caught up to Ghastly just as Clarabelle emerged from an adjoining corridor. She looked surprised to see them.

"What – " she began, but Valkyrie cut her short.

"It's Skulduggery. Grouse. We need Grouse."

Clarabelle frowned but willingly led them to the old, white-haired professor. He was poring over a bright orange plant with a magnifying glass, but set it down as Ghastly approached. He looked at Skulduggery doubtfully.

"Mr Bespoke," Grouse announced. "A wonderful surprise."

Ghastly shook his head. "No time. We need help. I know you don't really like Skulduggery, but…"

The muscly tailor looked at Valkyrie and the teenager continued.

"He came to my window," she choked, wiping a tear from her left eye. "I let him in and we were talking and he seemed odd then he collapsed. Is he still alive?"

Grouse frowned. "This is most odd. But I will do what I can. Leave him here with me and I'll see what I can do."

Valkyrie nodded sadly and turned to Tanith. She closed her eyes and found her friend's shoulder perfect to cry on. Tanith hugged her back and mouthed something to Grouse. The old man didn't understand, and frowned, but Ghastly understood her meaning.

"Try and be quick," Ghastly said. "Sorry to sound so demanding, but…" He trailed off and simply gestured to Valkyrie, full of misery.

Grouse nodded. "Go for coffee. This shouldn't take long."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Unexpected Romance Ensues!

Valkyrie had stopped crying, but there was sadness inside her such as she had never known. She sipped her flat white but it did nothing to quell the feeling of dread she had deep inside. A thousand daggers of worry were piercing her heart.

She looked up; hoping someone could help her fight the sensation. Tanith smiled warmly, but to no avail. She still felt awful. Her eyes landed on Ghastly, who was flicking the side of his empty coffee cup and looked vacant.

"It's lucky he's a genius," he said. "Grouse, I mean."

"It sure is," Skulduggery said, as he closed the café door behind him. "Grouse told me you were here. Have I missed anything? A joke? Jokes are amusing. Tell me the joke I missed."

Ghastly and Tanith were looking at Skulduggery open-mouthed. Ghastly blinked hard and rubbed his eyes as if needing proof.

Valkyrie's eyes were sparkling, and she got up and launched herself at Skulduggery. She tried to communicate all of her love through a hug, but it wasn't possible, so she kissed him. It was fundamentally the same as kissing anyone, but there was something tantalising about kissing a skull. Valkyrie pulled away and grinned.

"You're back!" she shrieked. She hugged him again. "How?"

"Ah…" Skulduggery said, and Valkyrie could tell he would be smiling if he had possessed lips. "Let's just say that Grouse is more than a genius or a hero, and that he is extremely good at removing the affects of months of torture at the hands of a million gods, and that I owe him my life."

Valkyrie swayed. Skulduggery hung onto her. "You do know that this may suggest you have more than just a liking for me?" the detective chuckled.

Valkyrie again started into those black, empty eye sockets. "Of course. And you?"

"Let's just say I'm glad Fletcher hasn't reserved you yet."

Valkyrie smiled, and then realised they were in a public place. Well, public as in Ghastly and Tanith. There was nobody else in the café and the owners were out the back getting ready to shut up for the night. It was black as pitch outside.

Tanith laughed and so did Ghastly. "This is unexpected," they said in unison.

"But it works." Ghastly said.

"If you want to call it that," Tanith laughed. "And now that everybody's declaring love, I can say I've loved you for a while, Ghastly."

Ghastly smiled, and his scars shifted. He reached across the table and grabbed Tanith's hand, and looked at her in _that _way. "Me too."

Now that Ghastly and Tanith were occupied, Valkyrie took the opportunity to embrace Skulduggery again.

"I'm so glad you're back to normal," she whispered.

"And unexpected romance ensues when I return. Ah. I'm not entirely back to normal, but I may be soon."

Valkyrie pulled away. "What do you mean?"

Skulduggery interlocked the skeletal fingers on his left hand with the very human ones on Valkyrie's right hand. "I bumped into Solomon Wreath on the way here. Apparently there may be a way to restore my flesh."

Valkyrie's eyes widened. "How?"

"You," Skulduggery looked into Valkyrie's dark eyes. "According to him, you are the most powerful Necromancer he has witnessed in a long time. You remember the book that Savian Eck gave to China? The one that was an edited version of the Mad Sorcerer's rambling? Well, Solomon nicked that, out of interest. And, folded between two pages, was a piece of parchment, which had a spell on it. A spell that can be used on amputees to help them regrow their limbs."

A smile spread across Valkyrie's face again. "So, let me guess. He found a loophole?"

"He did indeed. If one of your power was to perform it, I could become Skulduggery Pleasant the man, instead of Skulduggery Pleasant the skeleton."

Valkyrie frowned. "You would go back to having flesh and blood?"

"How can I love you properly if I don't?"

Valkyrie's breath turned ice cold inside her. He had admitted it. Now she could as well.

"I love you, Skul. I will help you return to the state of a man."

Skulduggery's jaw shifted in the way that meant he was grinning. He pulled Valkyrie close. When they broke apart, they both looked at Ghastly and Tanith.

Tanith had moved to sit beside Ghastly and Ghastly had a hand in her golden locks and was kissing her.

"Oh," whispered Skulduggery. "That's sweet. How are we going to, you know, get them apart? We have to get you back home."

Valkyrie grinned, pointed to Ghastly. "Ring his phone. Then hang up."

"Genius."

He pulled out his phone and dialled. Ghastly frowned and pulled back as the theme to King of the Hill rang out in the café. Just as he had the phone in his hand, Skulduggery hung up.

"Brilliant," the Skeleton Detective murmured. Ghastly got up and looked at Skulduggery, who was now standing with his hands in the pockets, looking out the window.

"Weird." Ghastly looked at his watch. "Oh. Bugger. We really must get young Valkyrie back home."

Skulduggery turned and pretended to be surprised by this statement. "Oh. Yes. Let's go. Do you want me to drive the van?"

Ghastly pulled his keys out of his pocket and threw them to Skulduggery. He winked at the detective. Skulduggery grabbed Valkyrie's hand, but not before donning his disguise. He walked out to the van and unlocked it. He clambered into the vehicle and Valkyrie walked around to the passenger door. She got in and watched Tanith and Ghastly climb into the back.

Skulduggery turned the key, revved the engine, and pulled out onto the road. Her eyes flicked to the rear view mirror and she glimpsed Ghastly holding Tanith close. She smiled, and she saw Skulduggery had his skull tilted towards the mirror too. Their 'eyes' met and Skulduggery reached out and held her hand.

Valkyrie felt all warm inside.

When the van pulled up outside her house, Valkyrie was disappointed that the ride was over. She looked at Skulduggery, and then she looked in the rear view mirror again. Ghastly and Tanith were kissing again and it made her feel hollow.

And then she felt Skulduggery's hand on her arm, and he said, "I love you," with such affection she knew that she wanted him in the flesh as soon as possible.

Valkyrie got out of the van and Skulduggery walked her to the door. "Until when?" he said.

"Tomorrow," she said. "Tomorrow I'll contact Wreath and get him to help me. And then…well, maybe all four of us could go on holiday. Somewhere nice and sunny. Italy, maybe."

Skulduggery nodded. "It will be nice to actually get sunburnt again."

Valkyrie kissed Skulduggery on his bony cheek. "Until tomorrow night. Then maybe you can kiss me properly."

Skulduggery put on his hat and nodded. "I'll pick you up around six o'clock, and we'll get this thing done and then, I don't know, go for dinner somewhere. And then we'll ask Tanith and Ghastly if they want a holiday. God knows I do."

With that, Skulduggery inclined his head, and left. Valkyrie shut the door and leaned against it, smiling.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

A Matter of the Mouth

Tanith was enjoying all the kissing. She hadn't dated anyone properly since Frightening Jones, and she missed having a good smooch now and then. And Ghastly, for all his scars and his ability at fighting, was a great kisser.

She smiled and pulled away as Skulduggery walked back to the van. "Having fun?" The skeleton asked as he turned the key in the ignition.

"Yes, actually. It's a matter of the mouth. Is that mean? You don't have a mouth. Sorry. I'm so mean." Tanith answered. Ghastly smiled at her and gave her another peck on the cheek. The couple laughed.

"I'm going back to being a proper man tomorrow, you realise. Get your skeleton fix now, people," Skulduggery announced. "Thanks to my new girlfriend, Val, I am going to have flesh again. Oh, and hair. God, I miss hair."

Tanith and Ghastly looked at each other. Then Ghastly said, "I really can't imagine you in the flesh, Skul."

"Then it'll come as a surprise!" Skulduggery said cheerily, as he indicated and pulled out onto the road.

Tanith raised an eyebrow but said nothing.

"Do you want to pick up the Bentley?" Ghastly asked. "If you know where it is you can get it and I'll drive the van home."

Skulduggery hesitated. "Yeah. That's a good idea. Expect I have no idea where it is. Where did I last have it, does anybody know?"

"Aranmore, I think," Ghastly answered. "Let's go."

"But it'll take ages!" Tanith moaned.

"No, it won't," said Ghastly and kissed her with a passion that would surely cure boredom. Skulduggery would have rolled his eyes but he didn't have any, so he merely sighed. The sooner Valkyrie could get this spell over with, the better. He _so_ wanted to be able to do _that_ with her.

Nevertheless, he drove out to Aranmore. There was the Bentley, still perfect after a few months exposed to the elements.

He thanked Ghastly and Tanith and told them about the holiday. They indicated their interest and with that, Skulduggery left them.

Ghastly didn't get in the front seat. He was too busy pashing Tanith.

A knock on the window startled them. They broke apart suddenly and turned, but it was so dark and they couldn't see out the window. Ghastly summoned a flame but still couldn't see anything out of the ordinary.

"Probably a bird." He elevated himself with one elbow and checked his watch. "It's nearly nine. Where do you want to go now?"

"Why not down to the beach?" Tanith suggested. "It looks really pretty in the moonlight."

Ghastly nodded. "Sounds like a plan."

He reluctantly let go of Tanith's hand and got in the front seat. Starting the engine, he drove away from the place where the world had nearly ended.

"The pier?" he asked.

"Yes."

"OK."

They drove in silence. Then Tanith said, "Actually, I've changed my mind. Let's just stop here."

Ghastly stopped. "Why, may I inquire?" he asked coolly, already knowing the answer.

"Can't wait any more."

Ghastly chuckled, reached in the back, grabbed her hand and kissed it. "We've at least got to wait until Italy. It would be weird until then. The moment will come, I promise. Then we'll be real lovers."

"Can't wait."

Ghastly knew she meant it.

"I should probably get you home."

"Nonsense. I'm staying over. I can't be arsed going back to my apartment."

Ghastly sighed, but he didn't object. Starting the van again, he drove off.

The ride back to Bespoke Tailors' was short and quiet. He parked his van in the back and helped Tanith out. Hand in hand, they entered the house.

Ghastly grinned. She was his. Finally, she was his. But he was still unsure.

He asked Tanith if she wanted to sleep on the couch and got a shake of the head in return.

"Where then?" he inquired.

"Beside you."

Ghastly grimaced. "Really? I'm not putting out or anything."

"I'm not expecting you or anything. I respect your space. But there's an awful draught that goes up your back when you sleep on that couch. It's not very well placed. No offence."

"None taken. All right, my pretty, you can share my warmth for the night. But tonight only."

"I can't promise that…"

Ghastly sighed, exasperated. "Because you're not at all keen for this love to take over."

"Haha. I love you too, Mr Bespoke."

Tanith kissed him on the cheek and went to clean her teeth. She had been around here so often she had about fourteen toothbrushes that had been left behind.

Ghastly shook his head slightly, grinning. That woman. That woman was a fighter, all right.

He went to bed. Thirty seconds later he felt a rush of air on his back, but then warmth as Tanith put her arms around him.

"No monkey business, now, Tanith. I am a boxer."

Tanith snorted, and almost immediately went to sleep. Ghastly couldn't sleep. He lay awake for a long, long time, just thinking.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

Darkness helps

Valkyrie woke up easily when she was looking forward to something. She always had.

She swung her legs over the side of the bed and walked down the hallway to get in the shower. She couldn't stop buzzing with excitement. Skulduggery was going to be a man again! Valkyrie grinned. She and him could partake in more pleasures then.

Valkyrie dressed and then went back to her room. Picking up her cell phone, she found Solomon Wreath's number and dialled.

"Hello?" The voice of Wreath was sharp and clear, as always. For the first time Valkyrie wondered if Necromancers slept. She did, but she wasn't a fully-fledged one yet. And she hadn't used Necromancy since rescuing Skulduggery.

"Hi. Wreath. This is Valkyrie Cain."

"My young pupil. How are you?"

"I am fine. I'm calling because of a certain discovery of yours."

"The spell that promises to turn Skulduggery back human again?"

"Yes."

"You will need your necklace to perform it."

"I realise this."

The item that Valkyrie had channelled most of her Death Magic power into was a skull pendant about the size of a bottle cap. It was a very nice necklace, and it held the power of Necromancy well. She had chosen it precisely because it was a skull and reminded her of Skulduggery.

"I shall see you at five thirty outside your home."

"OK, Wreath. Skulduggery's coming around six."

"Then I shall have half an hour to help you brush up on your Necromancy."

Valkyrie looked at the clock. It was twenty-five past nine. "See you then."

"I shall."

The Necromancer hung up. Valkyrie dropped her phone on her bed. "Finally," she muttered to herself. "This darkness helps." Then, crossing to her dresser, she pulled out a drawer in her handcrafted, mini, jewellery closet.

It was a drawer that contained one thing. The necklace. She reached in tentatively, and pulled it from the drawer. Immediately she felt the dark power it contained. She reached up and put it on. A trail of shadow curled around her neck. She swallowed hard and again felt the cold, dull sensation at the ends of her fingers. This was how Necromancy reacted to her. Just to practice, she touched the skull necklace and then reached out and directed a tendril of shadow to open the window. It worked. And the sound of birds and traffic drifted through the gap.

She worked on her homework. The day passed surprisingly quickly, and she only stopped working to make herself something to eat around noon. Then she went back to her homework, and when she had finished that, she practiced her Elemental powers.

When Wreath was nearly due, she waited. When he knocked on the door, she hurried to answer it, but she hoped she didn't appear enthused. Solomon Wreath may have taught her but he was not her friend. An ally, perhaps, but nowhere close to a friend.

"Hi. Come in." The dark-haired Necromancer obliged and moved in from the doorsteps. He briefly let go of his cane to take off his jacket, and Valkyrie noticed the thick shadows coiling around it.

Wreath picked up his cane, motioned to Valkyrie's necklace and nodded. "Good girl."

Valkyrie scowled. "The spell?"

Wreath inclined his head. "You won't have to do a lot. I conduct the spell inside my head." He helped himself to a chair. "All I need is your power infused with mine."

Valkyrie nodded slowly. "You're welcome to it. In case you haven't noticed, I didn't actually want to have this power. I'm an Elemental."

Wreath shrugged gracefully. "Anyway. To lend me your power…follow my instructions when the skeleton arrives."

They waited, checking the clock occasionally.

Valkyrie heard the familiar purring sound of the Bentley's engine and bolted headlong out the door and into Skulduggery's arms, surprising him as he got out of the car. He was knocked to the ground, Valkyrie on top of him. His hat fell off. Valkyrie hugged him, seemingly not noticing where they were.

"Today. TONIGHT!" Valkyrie shrieked. She looked at Skulduggery, eyes blazing. "Wreath is here. And you're becoming a human again TONIGHT"

"Hello." Wreath stepped outside, and Valkyrie stared at him. Skulduggery extracted himself from Valkyrie's grasp and stood, and helped Valkyrie to her feet.

"Solomon." Skulduggery said, holding Valkyrie close to him. "What a surprise."

Wreath shrugged. "I am her teacher, I guess."

"No. You're not. I am."

The Necromancer frowned. "You know, I'm tempted to leave without restoring your flesh and blood. I got over the events of the past, why haven't you? We're allies now, Skulduggery."

Skulduggery tilted his skull slightly to the left. "OK. Guess we could call it that. But you'd be pushing your luck to call me a friend."

Wreath smiled. "Glad we've got that little skirmish sorted. And now, to business. Here, or somewhere else?"

Skulduggery hesitated. "I just got out of the Bentley. You can have too much of a good thing, also known as a car. Here will suffice."

Wreath dipped his head. Then he turned and walked back into Valkyrie's house. Valkyrie and Skulduggery watched trails of shadow follow him in. Skulduggery released Valkyrie and they walked into the house.

"Let's get a 'Before the Transformation' photo," Valkyrie demanded. She ran up the stairs, grabbed her camera, and was back down within ten seconds. Skulduggery sighed but allowed her to take a photo. Then Valkyrie put the camera aside and looked very serious. "This is it Skul. Are you sure?"

Skulduggery nodded. "I'm about ready to adhere to anything." He glanced at Wreath.

The Necromancer nodded. He motioned for Skulduggery to step forward. Skulduggery did so.

"Right. Valkyrie. All you have to do is hold the head of my cane at the same time as I do." He held out the bent piece of wood and Valkyrie placed her hand on it. She felt as though all her power was leaning towards the point where her hand connected with the cane.

Wreath placed his hand over top of Valkyrie's. Skulduggery and Valkyrie frowned in unison, but allowed the contact.

"Release your power and I will guide it."

She let go of her inner control over the shadows. As she did so, she felt all of her power vanish from the necklace. Her shadows flowed into Wreath and he grimaced. He cursed as her sheer power washed over him. Then he raised the cane and brought it back to the ground, the ground on which Skulduggery stood. He did it again. And again.

With the shriek of a thousand souls, darkness flew from the cane, and wrapped around Skulduggery's entire body. He began trying to shake it off and Wreath shook his head vigorously, utter agony on his face.

"Don't struggle!" he yelled. "This is hard enough already."

Skulduggery stopped and stood motionless. The shadows continued to swirl around him.

Suddenly a silent pulse of blackness burst outwards. It struck Valkyrie and Wreath and knocked them unconscious.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

Finally, He Lives Without Labels…

Ghastly had slept all day. He was woken around six o'clock by the sound of his phone ringing. He grunted and swiped for it, and knocked it off the bedside table. Cursing, he got out of bed and picked it up, and pressed the green button. "This is Ghastly."

"Ghastly. This is Skulduggery. Get to Valkyrie's."

Ghastly looked at Tanith. "We've still got a sleeping person. Shall I wake her up?"

"Do what you must," Skulduggery answered. "Just get here. It's amazing. Solomon Wreath has changed everything."

The line went dead. Ghastly looked at the phone blankly, then went and attempted to shake Tanith awake. She protested with an angry mumble, and pressed her face into her pillow, but Ghastly persisted and she opened her eyes.

"What?" she asked, still half-asleep.

"We're going to Val's. Now."

"Why?"

"They never seem to tell me that."

Tanith grumbled, but obliged. She got out of bed, briefly went into the bathroom to change, and came back out. She belted on her sword and unsuccessfully tried to comb her tousled blonde hair with her fingers. She noticed Ghastly staring.

"What?" she demanded.

"Leave it. I like it how it is."

Tanith shrugged. Ghastly walked out of the room, picked up his keys from the kitchen bench, and left the house, Tanith right behind him.

The car ride to Valkyrie's house was short and silent, as per usual. Tanith and Ghastly got out of the car on arrival, and Ghastly knocked on the door.

A tall, slender man with startlingly blue eyes and jet-black hair opened it. This man had his arm wrapped firmly around Valkyrie's waist.

"Hi, Ghastly. Tanith." The strange man spoke with a velvet voice, so smooth, so familiar…

Ghastly gave Skulduggery a weird look. "So she managed it."

"Indeed," Skulduggery released his hold on Val. "You still remember what I looked like before the war?"

"I do. No longer the Skeleton. Finally he lives without labels," Ghastly replied. Tanith was frowning in puzzlement, so he took the liberty of explaining. "Tanith. This is Skulduggery here."

Tanith laughed. "From memory, Skul is a skeleton. A Necromancy technique?"

"Yes," Wreath said, stepping into view. "Courtesy of China."

"China helped you?" Tanith said, open-mouthed.

"Indirectly."

"Ah."

"I am in possession of a certain book that should be in her possession…"

"I understand."

Wreath shifted his hands, which were again firmly clamped on top of his cane. "I should get going."

"OK," Skulduggery agreed. "I'll be in touch."

The Necromancer nodded, and they watched as the shadows leaking from his cane coiled around him, hiding him from view. And he was gone.

"Skulduggery," Ghastly said suddenly.

"What?"

"Are we going for dinner, then?"

"Ah. Sure. I'm not sure I can eat though…I'm not in the habit of eating…"

"You need sustenance. Come. I'll drive you and Val to a pub somewhere."

Ghastly turned and left the front door. Tanith reached out and grabbed his hand, walking beside him.

"This is incredible," she said.

"It is."

"I love this new Skulduggery. He has facial expressions. Valkyrie loves it. Him being in the flesh. You can tell."

"Of course. That's because now he can do this."

And Ghastly took a hold of Tanith's face and captured her lips with his own.

"Yup," Tanith said, when they broke apart. "She's most definitely happy now."

They looked back just as Skulduggery and Valkyrie kissed. Properly.

"It's the first time he's had a tongue in ages," Ghastly speculated.

Tanith winced. "Images, Bespoke. Don't give me images."

They walked to the van slowly, once again holding hands.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Eight

Back To 'Normal.'

Ghastly and Tanith watched Skulduggery and Valkyrie. Valkyrie kept shooting looks Skulduggery's way and Skulduggery kept smiling. Valkyrie leaned over and whispered in the detective's ear and Skulduggery laughed. She kissed him on the cheek and gazed out the window, joy spread on her face.

"Wonder what happens with China?" Ghastly asked Tanith quietly. "She's not going to take this lightly."

Tanith shrugged. "She's going to have to get over it. She might have loved Skulduggery, but times do change. And anyway, I heard a quiet rumour that she may be dating Solomon Wreath."

"Fitting match. They both help us occasionally, but they're both not to be trusted."

Tanith nodded slowly. "Now I know you've been back to 'normal' for ages, but I missed you when you were a statue, you know that?"

"I didn't."

"Well, now you do."

Ghastly smiled, continued driving. He turned out onto the main road as a heavy rain began to fall.

"Bugger and buggeration." Skulduggery muttered. "When does it ever stop raining? I can physically feel wet now that I'm human. And cold. I don't want to feel wet and cold. I want to be warm."

"Then it's a pub for you," recommended Ghastly. "Feel like a beer?"

Skulduggery smiled. "Oh, yes."

Valkyrie grinned at the thought of Skulduggery and Ghastly drunk. It would surely be more amusing than the drunk people that had been at the Edgely family reunion a few years back. That was when they had been fighting Vengeous and the Grotesquery. Valkyrie still had nightmares about the moment when she had killed it, and the immense pain it had caused her as it died. The shadows, and the terrible scream that had pierced her and almost turned her inside out…

Valkyrie woke up from her little flashback. Then, very randomly, she thought of Fletcher Renn, the natural-born Teleporter that had helped them retrieve Skulduggery from the Faceless Ones' portal.

"Anybody heard from Fletcher lately?" she inquired.

"Nope," answered Skulduggery.

"No, not me," said Tanith.

Ghastly was silent. He looked very seriously at the road as all three of his companions stared at him.

"Ghastly…" Skulduggery said, a hint of amusement in his voice. "Your turn to say no."

"Is it? Oh, I didn't realise. No."

"While that is the reaction I was intending, there is a new fact here. Fletcher has been in contact with you, hasn't he?"

"And it matters _why?_"

"I'm offended he didn't come to visit me."

"No, you're not."

"You know me too well."

"I know, and that is why I didn't tell you. He's annoying to you."

"He's not to _you_?" Skulduggery asked incredulously.

Ghastly frowned slightly as they pulled up outside a tavern. "No. In fact he's rather kind. And he helps me make clothes, as my kind of assistant."

"Right…"

"Next time he comes, I'll call you. He's in London at the moment."

"OK."

Ghastly cut the engine and pointed to the tavern. "Pub. Now. In. Drink."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Nine

Ah, Rejoice As We All Drink Alcoholic Beverages...

The tavern was packed and noisy, and the bartenders were working in overdrive. Ghastly shrugged his coat off and grinned.

"How long since you've had alcohol, Skul?"

"Too long," said Skulduggery, a smile also creasing his face as he saw the assortment of bottles behind the counter. After placing his coat on the back of a chair, he went up and ordered a beer. They watched him, barely. The crowd was thick. One of the bartenders, a blonde lady wearing a top showing off her substantial cleavage, winked at Skulduggery as she passed his beer to him.

"Have fun with that."

Valkyrie wrinkled her nose distastefully and Tanith coughed in disgust. Ghastly smiled, bemused.

"Well," said Skulduggery, returning and slinking an arm around Valkyrie's shoulder. Valkyrie almost laughed as about half a dozen women sighed in despair. "What are you having, Ghastly?"

"I'll have a gin and tonic. What about you, Tanith? And you, Val? You can also join in our masquerade."

Val thought. "Rum and cola for me." She glanced at Tanith.

"Bourbon and cola. Cheers."

"It's on me," Skulduggery announced. Holding up his beer, he smiled and said: "Here's to me!"

"That ego…" Valkyrie muttered.

Ghastly went to collect their drinks, disappearing into the crowd. They lost sight of him.

But soon after, he returned, grinning. "That lady that served you was staring at my scars so much I told her I used to work in the mines," he told them. "I made up something about a cave-in and you should have seen the look on her face." He paused. "Ah, rejoice as we all drink alcoholic beverages."

Skulduggery chuckled, and elicited a toast to himself. Valkyrie rolled her eyes, but participated. They laughed as about twelve other people joined in their cry of 'Cheers!"

Valkyrie began to drink, and she loved the taste of the rum. She began to detach from her worry. She wasn't drunk, but the alcohol was helping her have fun.

Some hours later, after a lot of crazy dancing with Tanith, 'Fairy Tale of New York' by The Pogues began to play. Valkyrie hadn't even noticed the pub's band until now. Now, she saw both a lady and a man step forward as the vocals. She loved the Pogues.

"Skulduggery!" Valkyrie called. "It's our song!"

Skulduggery turned, a vacant look in his eyes. Ghastly staggered as he turned to face them as well. Skulduggery had a beatific smile on his face.

He and Ghastly were smashed.

Valkyrie and Tanith laughed. Valkyrie wiped away her tears, only to have them spring into her eyes again as the two men began to sing along.

"It was Christmas evening,

And in the drunk tank,

An old man said to me,

We'll see another one,

And then we sang a song,

The rare old mountain tune,

I turned my face away,

And dreamed about you…"

Skulduggery grabbed Valkyrie's hand and pulled her close. They began to dance.

"Thought, 'I'm the lucky one,'

Came in at ten to one,

I've got a feeling,

This years for a million years,

So Happy Christmas!

I love you baby,

I can see a better time,

When all our dreams come true."

That was the last line of the slow first verse, and Valkyrie screamed, "Whoohoo!" as the fast-moving second verse came in. She peered to her left and saw that Ghastly and Tanith were dancing as well. Ghastly had his arms around Tanith's waist and looked completely and totally gone.

And then she and Tanith were singing, as were all the ladies in the bar. This was the verse of the women. This song alternated between the men and the women singing.

"They got cars big as bars, they got rivers of gold,

But the wind goes right through you, it's no place for the old,

When you first took my hand on that cold Christmas Eve,

You promised me Broadway was waiting for me.

You're handsome."

And the men, including Ghastly and Skulduggery, sang their alternation: "You're pretty, queen of New York City."

And all:

"When the band finished playing they held up for more.

So natural, we're swinging,

All the drunks they were singing,

We kissed on the corner then danced through the night."

And as they went into the chorus, Valkyrie looked up at Skulduggery, who was still holding her, and he looked deadly serious as he leaned down and kissed her. He even had a few tricks, which included nibbling her lip. Valkyrie thought she might die with happiness.

Ghastly was still embracing Tanith but she had turned to face him, and they had joined the rest of the pub in kissing.

Everybody had someone to dance with. Everybody had someone to hold. And in that Irish pub that night, there was nobody who felt unwanted.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Ten

Fun Has Regrets

He didn't want to. He wanted to stay asleep.

But it was morning.

Ghastly slowly returned to consciousness and groaned. He sat up and raised a hand to his forehead.

The pain exploding inside his skull was worse than anything…even being punched by Krav.

"Hangover," he muttered to himself.

He looked at Tanith, still sound asleep on the other side of the bed, and groaned again. He couldn't remember a whole lot about last night.

Ghastly pulled together his memories. He'd had…he'd had a lot. He didn't know how much he'd drunk. That was a worry.

He remembered telling his fake mining story to the bartender, but things got steadily worse from that. He wondered how Skulduggery was feeling. Before he rang him, however, he dressed and chucked down a few painkillers to relieve his headache. It didn't really work, but it did enough.

Ghastly was excepting the groggy voice laced with pain that answered at Valkyrie's house.

"Helllloooo…" Skulduggery tried to speak, but Ghastly knew his mouth would be dry and his vocal cords wouldn't have recovered yet. Having fun had its down sides.

"Ghastly here. I feel horrid. How much did I drink?"

"Dunno…as…much as me?"

Ghastly groaned. "That's…that's not a whole lot of…help, Skulduggery."

"I went overboard. My first time in alcohol in over a _century_…I guess…it…was…to…be expected."

"Are you OK, Skul?" Ghastly's mind sharpened as he heard the unsure tone in Skulduggery's voice.

"I…don't have alcohol poisoning, at least…"

"What? Spit it out."

"I think…I might've…"

"What?"

"Slept with Valkyrie…"

Ghastly dropped the phone and it hit the floor with a loud bang. Tanith woke with a start and she stared at him, bleary-eyed.

"Moooorning…" she said. She was a bit groggy but nowhere as bad as Skulduggery. "What's going on?"

"Tell you in a minute." He picked up the phone and spoke in hushed tones.

"It's all right," he told Skulduggery. "Are you sure?"

"Think…so…"

"I'm coming over. Is she with you?"

"Presumably. I'm at her house, so…Ah, yes, here she is. Val's here. But she's still asleep…"

"Get her up…"

"OK, will do that…See you soon…"

The line went dead.

Ghastly swore and pressed END. "What's going on?" Tanith repeated.

Ghastly took a deep breath. "Skulduggery."

"He's going on? Oh good. He didn't suffer too badly then."

"It's not that."

"Then what…?"

Ghastly looked her dead in the eyes. "Val might be pregnant right now."

"He slept with her?" Tanith covered her hand with her mouth. "Really?"

"He thinks so. He can't really remember, which isn't surprising, considering how much him and me drank. You didn't drink a whole lot. How much did he drink? Was he getting serious with her?"

Ghastly had a sudden thought. "How did we get _home?_"

Tanith hesitated. "The bartender drove Skulduggery and Val home. A mutual friend of mine who came into the bar just as I was intending to leave with you, and gave us a lift home."

Ghastly nodded. "How about Skul? Was he getting serious?"

Tanith looked at Ghastly doubtfully. "He was getting pretty physical. Val was drunk too, though. A lot of kisses and dirty dances and…groping…is all I recalled."

"God damn it." Ghastly got out of bed. "He's right. He said he thought he went overboard and boy, did he."

The pair were up and running in ten minutes. Ghastly pulled on new clothes, as did Tanith, and they jumped into the van and headed off to Val's.

They opened the front door without knocking. The first thing they noticed was the skinny man sitting at the kitchen table, drowning his sorrow in a mug of tea.

"I can't believe myself," Skulduggery said. He covered his face with his hands.

"It's fine, Skul," Ghastly said. The tailor went to sit beside the detective and they began a quiet conversation.

Tanith, her eyes hard, went up the stairs. She heard Valkyrie in her room, or, rather, the grunge music she was listening to.

Tanith knocked on the door and entered. The teenager had a tear-streaked face and had her eyes shut.

"Val."

Valkyrie opened her eyes, and Tanith saw they were full of tears. Tanith moved further into the room and closed the door behind her.

"He is the love of my life, but…" Valkyrie trailed off, her breathing strained in her misery.

"You might not be…" Tanith found she couldn't say the word.

Valkyrie shook her head slightly. "I don't mind that. I just don't like the fact that I don't remember a whole lot. I remember 'Fairytale of New York' playing and dancing with Skulduggery then, but not a lot after that." A lone tear travelled down her cheek, and Tanith wiped it away.

"Skulduggery feels guilty." Valkyrie remained silent.

Tanith tried a different tack. "We could go to Grouse and see if he has anything to repel pregnancy."

"Abortion kind of thing?"

"Yeah."

"That's a good idea, Tanith. Because I so want Grouse to know that I've had sex with somebody. You know what he's like. And he'll know, he'll _somehow_ know that it's Skulduggery…"

Tanith's shoulders slumped when she heard the venom in Valkyrie's voice. Val gave her a reproachful look.

"I'm sorry, Tanith," she said gently. "I'm just scared."

Tanith sat on the bed and hugged Valkyrie close. "So am I, Val. But we'll get through it. Like I said, you might not even be pregnant."

"I'm probably not."

"That's the spirit."

Valkyrie hugged Tanith back, a half-smile on her face.

"You should go talk to Skulduggery."

"I don't want to face him after this. How did I get that drunk? How do I know he's not disappointed because I didn't put out before?"

Tanith sighed. "He's not like that."

"Fine. I'll talk to him."

"I'll come downstairs too. But before we go…"

Tanith leaned down and whispered in Valkyrie's ear. The teenager's eyes widened.

"No way…" Valkyrie breathed. "Not you as well! Well, now that I'm not alone in messing up last night…"

"Ghastly doesn't even remember. But luckily, being an Adept, I'd already cast some safety measures on myself. I would teach you, but that little fact of you being an Elemental…"

"Ah. Yes."

Tanith nodded, and saw a new kind of strength in Valkyrie's eyes. "Ready?" she asked.

Val nodded, and they went downstairs together.

Tanith watched Skulduggery stand and sigh as they entered.

"I don't have anything to say, Valkyrie. I had too much drink and I got out of hand. I'm sorry." The once-was skeleton had tears in his eyes also. "No hard feelings?"

Valkyrie gazed at him. Breathing in deeply, she said:

"How could I have hard feelings? It doesn't change the fact that you're the one I love. And besides. Fun has regrets."

Skulduggery's frown eased. Tanith edged around Valkyrie and swapped places with Skulduggery as he walked up to stand next to Valkyrie. Tanith went to stand beside Ghastly.

"He's worried," the tailor said, concernedly.

"No kidding. So is she."

"Worry is comforting. It makes sure everybody doesn't throw themselves around without caution."

"But this is actually really serious."

"I know this."

Tanith looked at Valkyrie and Skulduggery just in time to see her burst into fresh tears and hug him. "She's head over heels."

"As is he. But he's feeling really guilty. Trust me. He told me that when he remembered he climbed out of the window and almost walked himself off the roof."

"Wow. Skulduggery and suicide doesn't really fit though. He's meant to die heroically, in battle, protecting Valkyrie."

"That's what he thought."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Eleven

The Day the Earth Stood Still

A few weeks later

China Sorrows was extremely angry. She felt like screaming in rage, destroying the entire world and drowning herself in blood and tears.

Wreath had broken up with her.

She was sitting, impossibly still, on the carpet of her apartment. There was no pain, no sorrow, just an irrevocable rage. She was breathing steadily and slowly. She brought the knife across her wrist. The only time she ever deliberately hurt herself was when somebody did her wrong.

"That's to show you next time you see me, you bastard." China barely registered her pain or the blood that was seeping into her spotless blouse. The only thing she registered was the fact that she had been denied, she had been rejected, and that he had used her.

She wondered about the night she couldn't remember. Had he...? China brought a hand to her stomach. _But no… _she thought. _Necromancers aren't capable of that…they have too much of a cold centre._

China decided not to let it worry her. Besides, she had new books to pore over. The book she had received from Savian Eck had still not been properly scrutinised.

She went to look for it. China was sure she had left it on her desk, but it wasn't there. Frowning, she looked underneath the desk to make sure it hadn't fallen off. It hadn't. China straightened up and cursed as a drop of her own blood fell onto the front cover of a century-old book, "The Day the Earth Stood Still." It was a book on the Faceless Ones.

_She had placed the same book on top of the book of the Mad Sorcerer's Spells…_

China healed her bleeding wrist with a wave of her hand and clenched her fists, realised what Wreath had done.

He had stolen it. He had pretended to love her, drugged her on that night she couldn't remember, and stolen the book.

A few vases around the room cracked as China shrieked in rage. And then there was a knock on the door and Skulduggery Pleasant stepped in, no longer in skeletal form. He was just as handsome as she remembered. She noticed him holding hands with Valkyrie Cain, who was hovering just behind him, and frowned.

_Wait a minute…_ China thought. _How did he get back to normal? I had the spell…it was inside the book…_

Her suspicions grew, and coupled with her anger. She sprinted forward and her hand flew out to punch Skulduggery's straight, narrow nose just as he began to say, "Was that y – "

China faltered as Skulduggery put out a hand and held her back, and used the other hand to block her punch.

China stopped immediately, and began to quietly sob.

"Wreath has me ruined!" she cried.

Skulduggery regarded her with a cautious eye. "China…"

She held out her arms and Skulduggery's eyes flicked to the cut on her wrist. He said nothing. Valkyrie was muttering to herself and China couldn't make out what she was saying.

"How?" Skulduggery asked.

"Complicated," answered China. "But, basically, he used me to get his hands on a certain book of mine."

Skulduggery tilted his head to the side. He knew how passionate she was about her collection. And he knew about the Necromancer's theft. "He did tell me. In fact he helped me, to get back like this, with that book."

"You accepted his help, right under my nose?"

"I love Valkyrie. He promised to turn me back like this," he motioned to himself and Valkyrie. "And I accepted."

China's eyes narrowed. "You don't love her."

"I do."

"But that's not meant to happen. You're her mentor."

"Doesn't change a thing. China, I know we've had our things in the past…"

"Leave me."

"What?"

"Leave me. Now. And I recommend you do not see me for at least a week or you will make me very upset. And, I quote the very words I said to Remus Crux not too long ago. You would _not_ like me when I'm upset."

Skulduggery blinked. Then he turned and walked out of the apartment, leaving the most beautiful woman in the world to her sorrow. Finally, her last name had some meaning…


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Twelve

One Strong Chick

"Well, that didn't work," said Valkyrie. "In fact it failed miserably."

They were in the Bentley, driving back to Cemetery Street. "It was, as the schoolyard mongers say, an 'EPIC FAIL'. Skulduggery was evidently in the same mindset as Valkyrie in this aspect.

"Indeed."

"You do know why I went?"

"I have an idea."

"Does your idea have anything to do with research?"

"No."

"You need to do more detecting next time…"

Valkyrie sighed deeply. The car ride was silent for a long time. She focused on streetlights because there wasn't a lot else to look at. She watched them for a while.

"Valkyrie," Skulduggery said suddenly. "You tell me if you _are _pregnant. It might give me a second chance at fatherhood, but I'm sorry for snatching your innocence out from out under your feet."

Valkyrie stared at him. "Does it matter?"

"Yes," Skulduggery answered, remorse in his tone. "I'm a monster for that."

"No." Valkyrie leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. "You're still my Skulduggery."

_This girl of mine_, thought Skulduggery, _is one strong chick._

"Even if I am pregnant," Valkyrie continued, "it doesn't change the whole forever and ever thing."

"I get it."

"I'm glad."

They drove on in silence. Valkyrie put a hand to her abdomen and knew, just knew. She was. She _was_ pregnant. She had a hunch.

And so Valkyrie knew.

But she didn't care.

"Skulduggery." He turned to her slightly. She tried to figure out how to put it.

"I know I'm bearing your kid, right now," she said. "I just have this odd feeling. But do you know what? I'm happy. I'm not going to die, and neither is our kid. You can have a second life, if you wish."

Skulduggery spoke softly. "I'd be most happy to have that chance."

Valkyrie smiled. They kept driving. Then Valkyrie had a thought.

"You know, I just want to keep driving." Valkyrie said.

"That's good," Skulduggery replied. "Because I'm pretty sure we're further from your house than we were when I started driving away from China's."

"Want to go to Gordon's instead?"

"Is his place close?"

"Yeah."

"OK then. You got the key?"

"No. But I know where it is."

"OK."

Skulduggery turned the Bentley onto another road. Within quarter of an hour they were at Gordon's estate.

Valkyrie got out of the car first, and walked up to the front door. She lifted up an ornamental dragon which was holding a "Welcome" sign and picked up the spare key from underneath it.

Grinning, she looked back at Skulduggery, who had locked the car and was now putting on his hat. She turned back to the door, fitted the key in the lock, and opened the door.

Valkyrie screamed.

Anathem Mire stood there, and he looked _livid_.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Thirteen

Live Forever

A feeling of electric shock came over Tanith. She jumped a foot in the air, although Ghastly had an arm around her shoulders and was ordering her a coffee.

"Shit," Tanith said. And then, "Oops. Sorry," as she saw the waiter's disgruntled look.

Ghastly looked at her strangely, but didn't pursue the issue until the waiter was well out of earshot.

"What is it?" he hissed.

"They're in trouble." Goosebumps sprang up on her arms, and she felt suddenly chilly.

"What?"

"Valkyrie knows that she _is_ in fact pregnant and they're at Gordon's and they're in trouble."

"And you know all of this _how?_" Ghastly was getting a little wound up.

"I…I don't know."

"Is Val really pregnant?"

"She is."

"Then we need to get there and protect her. I'm sure Skulduggery's there, but if he's overrun…"

"You don't need to finish that sentence."

"I had no intention of finishing it."

Ghastly got to his feet and Tanith followed. They abandoned their table and went back to the van. Ghastly started the engine and they sped off, taking no heed whatsoever of speed limits. Skulduggery and Valkyrie were in trouble and there was no time for delay.

They reached the estate in no time, and they sped over the humpbacked bridge, got out of the car and _sprinted_

The front door was open and Tanith watched as Skulduggery rocketed backwards out of it. Ghastly lunged, tried to stop him in midair but was unsuccessful, and the detective hit the ground and groaned.

"Bloody ghosts…" he muttered.

"What's going on?" Tanith asked.

"Val's in there," Skulduggery groaned. "No time to explain, sorry, just that she needs help."

Skulduggery scrambled to his feet but Tanith distinctly saw the wall of air that rushed into him just as he managed to stand. He hurtled backwards again and hit the Bentley, was pinioned to it. Then the air dissipated and he fell to the concrete and groaned again.

Tanith had seen enough. Catching Ghastly's eye, she nodded and drew her sword from its sheath.

Together they walked into Gordon's home. It was a mess. There were books everywhere, large holes in the walls, and items smashed on the floor.

"Val!" Tanith cried. The teenager was trading blows with a sorcerer that Tanith had never seen before. Then she saw the large hole in the floor and subconsciously knew he'd come from the caves, the caves that Valkyrie had told her about.

"Oi!" Tanith yelled. The sorcerer's head turned, and Tanith leaped to one side as he sent a large chair her way. He wasn't finished, however, and Ghastly pulled her out of a table's line of path.

"Keep away!" the strange sorcerer hissed. "She is mine. I told her she would be mine."

"Sorry," said Ghastly, as he expanded a large ball of flame in his hand. He stepped forward. "But Valkyrie is _Skulduggery's_" He directed the fireball at the sorcerer's head.

"You cannot hurt me!" the sorcerer screeched, as he waved it away. "I am Anathem Mire! I will live forever!"

"Nobody lives forever," Valkyrie goaded, through gritted teeth. "That's what Serpine said and we managed to kill him!"

Anathem screeched and attempted to punch Valkyrie. Tanith lunged for Mire, sword flashing, but he waved his arm and she was sent hurtling back by a concentrated wall of air. She hit a bookcase and fell to the floor.

"Ow…" Tanith moaned. She tried to get up again but was unsuccessful, due to the large amount of air Mire was pressing down on her, and she remained on the ground. Tanith slowly sat up. Beside her, Ghastly was being held back by the sorcerer. Tanith saw his gritted teeth, but there was nothing he could do but watch Valkyrie fighting. This Mire, whoever he was, was far too powerful.

Mire swung an elbow but Valkyrie grabbed it, moved in close, and punched him in the stomach. Mire yelled and swung a fist into her shoulder, but she in turn leaped, kicking him on the hinge of the jaw. He howled and returned the favour, but he kicked lower.

His foot got Valkyrie square in the gut and she gasped, as did Tanith. They knew what that could have done.

Valkyrie roared and came at Mire with a new strength. She flexed her fingers and a huge blast of air hit Mire. He screamed, was pushed back. He recovered quickly, however, but Valkyrie wasn't done.

She used her powers to manipulate the air and hold him in place with it. Such was her anger, and, in turn, sheer power, Mire was immobilised.

"Go," Valkyrie said curtly. "Leave me and my friends alone and _accept_ that I didn't want to stay underground all my life. Leave now."

Mire groaned. "I am beaten," he admitted. "I see I cannot beat a youth such as yourself. I apologise most humbly. I was self-centred."

Anathem Mire waved his hand, with difficulty, and everything he'd put out or order either went back to its former position or repaired.

"I shall leave you and your friends be," he waved his hand and Ghastly stood, without the bonds that had held him back. He helped Tanith to his feet. "I shall leave. Call on my services when they are needed, for I, Anathem Mire, am your humble servant."

Valkyrie lowered her hands, and watched Anathem Mire walk away. He dropped through the hole in the floor, and, once he was down there, waved his hand and the floor closed up.

"Valkyrie." Tanith walked over to the teenager, who had already collapsed into a chair, hands pressed to her belly.

"He kicked me right there. I'm going to miscarry." There was a vacant look in Valkyrie's eyes.

"You're not."

"I am."

Ghastly swore, and went outside. Moments later he returned, half-supporting Skulduggery. The detective got himself together when he saw Valkyrie.

"Val," he murmured, rushing over to her. "Are you OK?"


	13. Chapter 13

**Whoops…realise now I skipped out Chapter Seven! So here it is…sorry about that! XD**

**LythiaHarpen**

Chapter Seven

A Nice Little Discovery…

Skulduggery was able to kiss Valkyrie now and not feel extremely odd. That was why he hadn't waited long. Tangling his hand in her hair, he smiled beneath her lips.

"My, my," Valkyrie said coyly when hey finally separated, about three minutes later. "I didn't know _that_."

"What? That I am, in fact, after a few centuries, still as great a kisser as I once was?"

"That is the one ego-full statement I can vouch for. It's a nice little discovery, finding out there's at least one truth in your words…"

"I love you too."

Valkyrie smiled and it dazzled him. She reached out to take his hand.

"Wait," Skulduggery said. "I just remembered I can do this." And with a flourish, he took off his gloves. Valkyrie grinned and Skulduggery inspected his hands.

"Ah," he said, as he noticed the many jagged scars on the back of his right hand, and pulled up his sleeves to reveal the fact that they continued all up the back of his arm. "Always knew those would come back to haunt me."

"Serpine?"

"Serpine. He was an evil bastard, he really was."

"Another statement I can verify."

"Precisely. Now let's go to the car and get something for you to eat." Skulduggery frowned and held his stomach. "Funny. I think I'm hungry as well. Haven't felt that sensation in a while so I can't tell. Maybe I should get an organ tutorial from you, Val. You know, as repayment for me saving your life so many times."

"Maybe you should come to school one day."

"Yeah. Because that wouldn't be weird at all."

"You could act as my Uncle."

"Come off it. Anyway, can you not see Tanith waving from the window? She wants to go."

"I can't see her, Skulduggery. You're imagining things tat work to your advantage."

He shook his head. "My eyes haven't existed for decades and they're superior. How sad."

Valkyrie hit his arm playfully. He hit her back, lightly of course. He began to laugh, those perfect lips curving back into a grin. His eyes sparkled and any doubt Valkyrie had about loving him was gone.

Skulduggery was her man.

Valkyrie hugged him again and then they walked back to the car.

Skulduggery was feeling euphoric and warm. He hadn't felt that in so long. It was as though his love for Valkyrie had quenched his dark rage.

Skulduggery opened the door for Valkyrie and she got in. Ghastly smiled as he started the engine, and Tanith winked.

"Saw you," she whispered to Val. "You looked happy."

"That's because I am." Valkyrie grinned and tapped the side of her nose, in a gesture of, 'later.'


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

Mysteries

"Yup," Valkyrie said miserably. "Miscarried this morning."

It was the next day and she was on the phone to Tanith.

"Valkyrie, I'm sorry…" Tanith soothed.

"What for? You weren't the one that kicked me."

"I could have got there quicker."

"Nonsense. I'm lucky you even knew I was in trouble. How did you do that, by the way?"

"I…don't know."

"Weird."

"Just probably a sixth sense."

"Yeah, OK…" Valkyrie sighed.

Tanith sighed as well. "That bastard Mire."

"He is quite a louse."

"He is."

There was silence for a while. Then: "Skulduggery seems quiet."

Tanith hesitated. "He probably doesn't know whether to feel relieved or sad."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Well, he feels ashamed about that night after the pub, obviously, but he was happy to hear that he may be able to have a second chance at family life. He's in two minds."

"What should I do?"

"Just keep loving him and he'll recover."

"OK. Thanks for calling Tanith. I've got to go and find something."

"All right. See you soon."

Valkyrie put down the phone and groaned. She did have to find something. Or rather, someone. She needed to find Skulduggey. He had disappeared when she had told him she had miscarried.

Suddenly having an idea, she rang his phone.

"Hello?" Skulduggery asked.

"Skulduggery…" Valkyrie began. "Its Val. Meet me on the roof of Gordon's mansion in ten minutes. If you love me, at least."

She hung up and tears sprang into her eyes as she thought about what it meant if he didn't come.

But he would.

Valkyrie made her way outside, and used her powers to get herself onto the roof. And she waited in silence, listening to the birds singing and the trees rustling and the sound of a car engine.

Car engine?

Valkyrie leaped up and cried out in joy as the Bentley pulled up. She ducked down low, however. He still had to get on the roof.

There was a rush of air and then Skulduggery stood in front of her.

"Valkyrie." He stepped forward and hugged her so hard he threatened to bruise, but Valkyrie was glad to be in his arms again.

"I'm so sorry," he said, as he released her and tucked a piece of her hair behind one of her ears. "I know this isn't what you wanted."

"Confusion is a mystery. Mysteries are what we do, right?" Valkyrie tried out a smile.

"They are. And this particular one we should crack with equal effort. Sorry to leave everything with you. I just hated this. Just when there was a positive aspect to that night after the pub, it's been snatched away by some nutcase who wants you to live in darkness all your life."

"I know. I'm sorry, Skulduggery."

"You don't need to be."

Skulduggery smiled, hugged Valkyrie again.

Then Valkyrie decided.

"Italy," she said. "And we won't be drunk this time."

Skulduggery's eyes widened. "Really?"

"I'm sure."

"Well this…this is unexpected."

"Mysteries are what we do." Valkyrie grinned and kissed Skulduggery, and Skulduggery responded with equal enthusiasm.

"All right," Skulduggery replied. "Italy. We should really organise that."

"Fletcher."

"What?"

"Fletcher. He can Teleport all of us there."

"Um…" Skulduggery fell silent.

Valkyrie narrowed her eyes. "What…"

Skulduggery pressed his lips together tightly and then said, "Fletcher came to Ghastly's after being captured by Dusk."

Valkyrie's eyes bulged. "WHAT?"

"That's where I went. Ghastly's. He decided to tell me what he was hiding that day you asked who'd heard from Fletcher. It's that Dusk had captured him."

"Oh God…has Dusk made Fletcher a vampire?"

"No. But he was bitten. He came to Ghastly with his neck torn open."

Valkyrie felt suddenly nauseous. "Please tell me Ghastly got him to Kenspeckle Grouse."

"He did."

"Oh, good."

"But he's not strong enough to Teleport. He's recovering."

"Bugger."

"We're taking a plane, Valkyrie."

"OK."

Valkyrie began to breathe again. Fletcher was OK. She didn't want Fletcher to die, despite his annoying nature. She loved him, but as a friend or a younger sibling. Not the way she loved Skulduggery.

"Well," Skulduggery announced. "We should take Gordon's private plane and get there today."

Valkyrie frowned. "I didn't know he had a private plane."

"He told me."

"Great. Let's go into the house and call Ghastly and Tanith. No doubt they're together."

"Most definitely."

The detectives walked to the edge of the roof. Valkyrie clung to Skulduggery and he leaped, displacing the air. They landed gently.

"Oh, and one other thing." Skulduggery reached into his pocket. "I have a new necklace for you."

He brought out a small velvet box and proffered it to Valkyrie.

"The other one vanished when I let go when Wreath and I changed you back this way," Valkyrie said softly, as she opened the box and another skull pendant came into view. "Thanks, Skulduggery." She put it on immediately.

Skulduggery smiled softly, stooped and kissed her again. "Let's go ring the others."

Valkyrie nodded, and they walked inside the house.

_This trip is going to be amazing, _she thought to herself.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

Who Else?

The phone rang, and Tanith pulled back from Ghastly. "Why don't you want to?" she protested.

Ghastly hesitated. "Because I want to marry first. I'm odd like that."

"Marry who?"

"Who else?"

"Me?"

"_No,_" Ghastly said, injecting as much sarcasm as possible into that word. "Obviously its you, Tanith!"

"Is this a proposal?"

"It could be seen as one, I guess."

Tanith flung her arms around Ghastly's neck. "In that case, I say _yes._"

Ghastly smiled but it vanished as Tanith kissed him and he went to kiss her back. Then Tanith realised the phone was still ringing, and went to answer it.

"It's Skulduggery," she mouthed to Ghastly, from the other side of the room.

Ghastly nodded. "Put it on speaker."

Tanith nodded, pressed a button, and Ghastly could hear Skulduggery's voice. " – Leaving today, if that's all good with you people?"

"Wait a minute," Tanith said. She looked at Ghastly. "Skulduggery says him and Valkyrie were thinking of leaving for Italy today."

Ghastly tilted his chin to the side a little. "Why not?"

Tanith nodded again. "That's OK," she said to Skulduggery. "We'll pack and meet you at Gordon's. Are we taking his private jet?"

"Yes." Skulduggery answered. Tanith frowned as she heard Valkyrie in the background. The teenager was saying, "How come I'm the only person not to know about this plane of his?"

"We'll see you in about an hour," Ghastly said, loudly enough so that Skulduggery and Valkyrie could hear him. "Just got to pack."

"Great," Skulduggery replied. "See you when you get here."

"Bye," said Tanith, and ended the call. She glanced at Ghastly. "I hope I have sufficient clothing here."

Ghastly smiled, rolled his eyes slightly. "I'm sure you do…"

"No cheekiness, Bespoke." She walked to him, entwined her arms around his neck again. "I'll see what I can find."

Ghastly nodded, kissed her cheek, and went upstairs to gather some things as well.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

An Enjoyable Flight

_I can't believe it,_ Skulduggery thought. _I can't believe I'm actually going on holiday with Valkyrie and Ghastly and Tanith. It's like the old times, except for Tanith and Valkyrie being here, f course._

"You OK, Skulduggery?" Valkyrie looked up from her book, turned on her swivel chair. She was reading _Braineater_, by her Uncle.

"I'm fine." Skulduggery looked to the other side of the plane, where Ghastly and Tanith were sprawled on a foldout double bed, both reading the same newspaper.

Valkyrie was sitting at the mini bar as she turned pages. Gordon's plane was _luxurious. _Skulduggery hadn't been able to appreciate the comforts of a Lazy Boy in a long time. He had the footrest out and was nearly parallel with the carpeted floor of the plane.

The lone airhostess came out. "Hi," she said. "I'm Carry. Welcome to Gordon's private jet. We hope you have a comfortable flight. Please have your seatbelt on for take-off and landing." She indicated the two rows of seats to her left. "Otherwise, have an enjoyable flight." She disappeared into the cockpit.

"OK." Ghastly said, getting up from the bed and folding the newspaper. Tanith frowned slightly, grabbed it from him, unfolded it again and Skulduggery watched her eyes sweep the pages.

"We should probably chuck our seatbelts on now," Valkyrie said as she felt the plane's engine start up.

"That's a very good idea." Skulduggery flipped the lever and the armchair he'd been lounging in returned to a sitting shape. He crossed to the seats and buckled himself in. "Val."

"I know." The teenager made her way over to him, sitting in the seat beside her. Once her seatbelt was done up Skulduggery gave her hand a squeeze.

"Do you like flying?" he inquired.

"I've never flown before," Valkyrie replied, an eyebrow arched. "Unless you count the time Vaurian Scapegrace chucked me off a tower. I suppose you could call _that_ flying."

Skulduggery laughed quietly. The plane thundered down the runway and took off smoothly just as he was asking Ghastly how Fletcher was.

"I heard from Grouse today," the tailor answered. "Fletcher's recovering. Grouse administered him with treatment, and he's a genius, so…"

"He'll be fine," Tanith finished. "If I'm still alive he has reason to live." She rolled her eyes in mock disgust. Then she sat up like she'd remembered something, whispered in Ghastly's ear.

"Oh, that's right." Ghastly looked Skulduggery right in his sparkling blue eyes. "I didn't tell you."

Skulduggery's brow furrowed slightly. "Tell me what?"

Ghastly inhaled. "Tanith and I…we're…getting married."

Valkyrie's dark eyes were wide in her astonishment, and Skulduggery wasn't much different. There was silence for a while.

"OK," Skulduggery said. "That's…"

"Wonderful!" Valkyrie finished. Her eyes were bright. "When?"

"Soon," Tanith answered, her lips curving. "We were thinking Italy, but Ghastly proposed _today_, and we left _today_, so…"

"Ah," Skulduggery answered. He flicked his eyes onto Valkyrie.

_Maybe I should propose to her, _Skulduggery thought. _China would be irritated, but my life doesn't revolve around her, despite what she assumes._

"We'll organise that when we get back," Ghastly told the two. "For now, we're going to Italy."

Skulduggery smiled. He reached under the seat, to grab something he'd spotted when he first got on the plane.

"Gordon was a hard case," Skulduggery announced. "Champagne, anyone?"

Ghastly and Tanith and Valkyrie all looked at him.

"Ok,"

"Yup."

"Fine by me."

Skulduggery smiled a little and poured them all drinks. Valkyrie frowned, remembering how her last encounter with alcohol had ended, but Skulduggery gave her a look that had so much pain in it that she shrugged and proffered a toast.

"Ghastly and Tanith!" she called.

The betrothed ones smiled and blushed and glasses clinked.

And the plane flew on in silence, and all was well.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter Seventeen

A Rare Sight

Italy was hot, even at night. Not just hot. It was hot and humid and loud and _boiling_.

"Nice place." Skulduggery threw his bags on the bed and regarded the hotel room with appreciation.

"I agree fully," Valkyrie rubbed her eyes. "This place has a pool, doesn't it?"

"Valkyrie," Skulduggery looked at her strangely. "It's eleven o'clock at _night_."

"And?" He didn't answer.

Valkyrie continued. "You're coming too. I want to see how you dive."

Skulduggery laughed. "Not very well."

But he obliged. They changed into their swimming gear and walked down to the pool, in bathrobes of course.

"Ah." The pool was still lit at night. Valkyrie stepped out of her robe and was about to climb the diving board ladder when strong, thin arms grabbed her from behind. She yelled but Skulduggery had her in his arms.

"Don't you dare!" she warned.

"Sorry." Skulduggery laughed and ran forward, and jumped, and they both splashed into the pool.

Valkyrie turned, bubbles streaming from her mouth, and saw Skulduggery, a vague shape in the water. She surfaced and spat water.

"SKULDUGGERY!" she shrieked, but she was laughing. She saw Skulduggery, clad in board shorts, laughing like a schoolboy as he dived smoothly, from the diving board, into the clear blue water. She watched his figure in the water, getting near to her, tried to swim away from him, but he grabbed her ankle playfully. Valkyrie saw him flash her a grin underwater and then he rose, and began to laugh again.

"HEY!" she yelled. Above her, a window opened.

"Keep it…" Tanith saw Valkyrie.

"Down?" she finished.

Valkyrie smiled and waved. Tanith and Ghastly had left Skulduggery and her to their room and gone to their own. Gordon had the power to book the entire hotel, and Skulduggery had done so, under his name.

"Hi Tanith!" Valkyrie called. "How are you settling in?"

Tanith grinned, shut the window. Minutes later she emerged, her and Ghastly. Ghastly laughed when he saw Skulduggery in board shorts.

"Now _that's _a rare sight!" he chuckled, but not in an insulting way.

"You can't talk, Ghastly!" said Skulduggery. Ghastly was in boarding shorts as well, but he had the muscle to go with them and it wasn't as amusing. Skulduggery was basically the same as he had been before his transformation, skinny. Ghastly laughed yet again and dove from the side of the pool into the water.

"Water's great, Tanith," Valkyrie said. She beckoned. Tanith nodded, slipped out of her silk bathrobe. Ghastly came back up from underwater, saw Tanith, and wolf-whistled. Tanith was wearing a very flattering black swimsuit. It was halter-neck, with a silver clasp at the bust. Valkyrie's blonde-haired companion rolled her eyes and, like Ghastly, dove into the pool.

Skulduggery paddled lazily over to Valkyrie. His dark hair was plastered to his scalp, highlighting his blue eyes. "You look nice in that, did I mention?"

Valkyrie blushed furiously. She was wearing a lime green bikini. "You shouldn't say things like that!"

"Why not?"

"I don't take compliments well."

"Well, get used to them. I'm going to be complimenting you a lot these days."

Valkyrie sighed. Skulduggery tutted and shook his head, then swam away, to the side of the pool, hauled himself out, and climbed the diving board again.

"Ghastly," he called. "You'll most likely win, but I challenge you to a bomb competition."

Ghastly wiped pool water out of his eye. "You're on."

Skulduggery timed his descent perfectly, hit the water exactly where he was supposed to and sent an eruption of water into Tanith and Valkyrie's faces.

"Cheers, Skulduggery," Tanith grumbled as she attempted to clear her vision. And then she laughed.

Ghastly was stepping up to the edge of the board.

"Oh dear," Valkyrie moaned. "I think we're getting swamped this time."

"Should we put our heads underwater?"

"I think we should."

"Not insulting Ghastly, of course."

"Never."

They waited until the muscly sorcerer jumped and then ducked underwater. They missed the water in their faces, but they felt the water surge. Ghastly had won, all right.

Tanith and Valkyrie surfaced to Ghastly laughing furiously, his head tilted back, treading water.

"You're beaten, Skulduggery."

"I concur…" Skulduggery had his hands in front of his face, and he was dripping.

Ghastly chuckled. "Can't beat a boxer." Then he made his way through the water in Tanith's direction, his scars visible in the cool moonlight.

Valkyrie laughed. Skulduggery joined her at the side of the pool. She dove and did a flip underwater. She loved swimming.

"OK, now I get your meaning," Skulduggery said. "This is incredibly amusing."

"I'd noticed."

Skulduggery reached out, held her close. "This is such a good trip and it hasn't even properly started yet. Does this place have a spa pool?"

"I'd assume so. But stay here for a while. I'm having fun."

Valkyrie began to swim in earnest, length after length. Her legs began to burn and she had the familiar and friendly burning sensation in her lungs.

_Welcome back, old friend,_ she thought.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

Just So Special

Valkyrie squeezed pool water from her hair, wrinkling her nose at the smell of chlorine and looked at the time. It was midnight.

The hotel phone rang, and Valkyrie went to answer it. She wrapped her towel around herself and picked up.

"Hi," Tanith said cheerily.

"Ah," Valkyrie answered. "I'm just so special that you have to call me thirty seconds after you last see me."

Tanith snorted and laughed. "No. I'm ringing to ask…will you be my maid of honour at the wedding?"

"Sure," Valkyrie replied. "I'm assuming that Ghastly's best man is Skulduggery?"

"Obviously."

"Ah. That's all sorted then."

"I'm so excited!"

"As you should be."

"Val. Do you reckon Skulduggery's going to propose to you on this trip?"

"He might." Valkyrie blinked hard, trying to get chlorine out of her eyes. "Do you think it's likely?"

"I think it's incredibly likely."

There was a pause. Skulduggery filled that pause, calling, "Valkyrie! Get your lovely arse over here!"

"Omigod," Valkyrie said. "Skul wants me. Gotta go."

She hung up, hurriedly dressed, and ran to where she thought Skulduggery was. He was standing on the balcony, his back to her. There was a lovely view over the town they were in, of the coastline and the night sky.

Skulduggery turned, sinking into the stance in which he normally pushed at the air. Valkyrie frowned, turned her head, prepared herself for the wall of air, but nothing came.

Instead, she saw the diamond winking at her, held in a small velvet box, which was held in Skulduggery's palm. His knee touched the ground.

"You realise I shouldn't have to say anything here. This is cliched enough," Skulduggery stated. "But…Valkyrie…my most revered and crazy lady, will you…"

Valkyrie cut him off. "Yes."

"Really?" Skulduggery arched an eyebrow. "You're not psychotic are you? Marrying me. Oh dear."

Valkyrie frowned and a laugh flew from her lips. "Oh course not. I love you and I will gladly marry you."

Skulduggery's eyes were wide. He straightened, dusted himself off, and looked at her. Valkyrie stepped forward and fell against his chest, laughing. She laughed and laughed and couldn't stop.

"I wasn't that bad, was I?" Skulduggery asked curiously.

"No," Valkyrie replied. She gasped and ceased laughing. "I just love it and it's hugely ironic."

Skulduggery nodded incredibly slowly. "I'm just going to nod and agree to that one."

"As you should." They stayed in each other's arms for a while, and then Valkyrie pulled away, looked deep into those blue eyes.

"Now," she said. "It's fine. Let's go."

Skulduggery understood immediately. His face split into a grin. "Have it your way."

He swept her feet from under her and began to climb the stairs.

In the next room, exactly the same thing had just transpired.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

Silence, Perfect

Floating on cloud nine, Tanith woke up. How had it ended up like this? Tanith didn't know, but she liked it.

She got out of bed, hurriedly pulling on a bathrobe to cover herself. She ran her fingers through her hair and blinked. She grinned.

Maybe she was having a kid now.

Tanith went downstairs to make something to eat. She looked up as Valkyrie knocked on the door. Her friend was dressed in a pale blue singlet top and denim shorts.

"Hey!" Tanith called as she opened the door. "Oh my god, I assume you can guess what happened last night?"

Valkyrie's lips curved into a mischievous grin. "Ah. I can guess. The same experience as me?"

"Now I know," Tanith said. "Come in."

Valkyrie stepped inside. "Skulduggery's still asleep."

"So is Ghastly."

"Want to go for a morning swim?"

"I'd love to." And because she was still so, so happy, she grabbed Valkyrie and lifted her off her feet and swung her in a circle. "This is so exciting!" Tanith cried.

"Evidently," Valkyrie answered, but she was laughing.

"I'll just grab my swimsuit." Tanith walked away, to the bathroom, and pulled her swimsuit off the heated towel rail. She stepped back out. Valkyrie led the way to the pool; taking off her clothing to reveal the fact that she already had a swimsuit on underneath. She had a different bikini on this time, black with a rainbow firework exploding across each section.

"Nice!" Tanith exclaimed. Valkyrie looked up and smiled, then dipped a toe in the water and dove in.

Tanith stepped into the spa room and changed. Within two minutes she was in the water as well. The searing rays of light warmed her back. Tanith thought she could smell olives and pizza in the air.

"So think of it this way," Valkyrie called to her, as she swam over. "Within months we could both have kids. I'm sure Skulduggery would appreciate it if he could have a second chance at family life. Without some murderous asshole on the loose."

Tanith laughed and agreed. "Ghastly is counting on a son."

"That sounds like Ghastly to me."

Tanith nodded, and then pushed Valkyrie's head underwater playfully. The teenager surfaced and laughed, blasted the air and sent a huge cargo of water into Tanith's face. Tanith shook her head and dove underwater. She placed her hand on the bottom of the pool and kept it there, in a handstand.

When she came back up, Valkyrie was staring at her, deadly serious.

"What?" Tanith inquired.

"You were actually right," Valkyrie said. "That's why I came to get you."

"What? What's going on?"

"Skulduggery proposed last night. Well, technically today, it was midnight when he did, soo…"

Tanith grinned, her eyebrows nearly shooting off her head. "That's great!"

"You're my maid of honour as well. Hope you realise that."

"Yeah, I got that."

The friends smiled at each other. "But no double weddings," Valkyrie added. "They suck."

"I agree fully."

Valkyrie nodded. The friends hugged, excited, and then Valkyrie pulled away and began to practise her backstroke. Tanith tilted her body back, took a breath, and simply floated. She crossed her arms over her chest and closed her eyes. Her breathing stayed steady and her natural flotation kept her from sinking. Tanith revelled in the silence, perfect apart from the splashing of Valkyrie's swimming strokes.

And then, raised voices:

"She's over three hundred years younger than you!"

"Hey. You can't talk. You're way more than a century older than Tanith!"

"Now let's not get this out of hand, OK? It just came as a shock…"

Ghastly and Skulduggery emerged from Tanith and Ghastly's room. Tanith hadn't even seen Skulduggery enter.

They saw Valkyrie and Tanith and stopped dead.

"Oh, bugger." Skulduggery's shoulders dropped considerably low. "Ghastly, I thought you said they were out shopping."

"I made an assumption."

"When you assume, you make an '**ass**' out of '**u**' and '**me**'. Most certainly the case in this situation."

"Be quiet, Pleasant." Ghastly's tone was dangerous, and Tanith stared. She hadn't heard Skulduggery and Ghastly argue before.

"It's fine," Tanith called. She paddled to the side and hauled herself out. Behind her, Valkyrie had noticed something was wrong and followed her lead.

"What's up?" Valkyrie crossed her arms over her chest.

"Not a lot."

"It didn't seem that way," Tanith pointed out.

"It's nothing."

"Really?"

"You can count on it."

Tanith shrugged. Skulduggery looked at Valkyrie.

"Italy is the fashion country of the world, or so they say. Valkyrie. Let's go shopping. Now. For clothing."

"A little odd and sudden, but OK." Valkyrie grabbed her clothes, and, still sopping wet, walked into her room.

Skulduggery sighed, sat down on a deck chair. "It's a free world, Ghastly."

"All right, all right, you've made your point, Skulduggery. Sorry."

"That's OK."

"OK then. Well, that was quick." Valkyrie was already making her way back to them, but she was just picking up her towel. She winked at Tanith and disappeared inside again.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

A Protective Side

"OK, I like those ones."

Valkyrie frowned. "But I stagger in them."

"Look nice though."

Valkyrie was trying on a pair of nine centimetre high heels. They were a shiny, glossy black colour.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. Let's get those."

"OK."

Valkyrie took the heels off, proffered them to Skulduggery. He grinned and took them off her.

"I love spoiling you; do you know that, Val?" He paid for the shoes and they walked outside, under the sun again.

"I had guessed already." Valkyrie was now the proud owner of numerous expensive Italian fashion items.

"We can go for a coffee or something now."

"That would be great."

Skulduggery led the way through the throng of people. Italy, or at least the part of Italy they were in, was constantly full of people. Especially teenage guys. Valkyrie had received numerous winks during the course of the morning, all of which she ignored.

They went to a quiet café, and ordered take away coffee, and walked down to a park, hand in hand.

"God, this is romantic," Valkyrie suddenly said. "You could make a movie out of this."

"And this is the part where everybody gets scared." A thin, smooth voice said behind them. The hairs on the back of Valkyrie's neck prickled. The detectives turned.

Skulduggery and Valkyrie found they were facing Dusk. The vampire was simply standing there, his hands casually in his pockets. The light revealed handsome face, and his ugly scar.

He stepped forward and met Valkyrie's gaze.

"Valkyrie Cain," he said, his words softly spoken. "Lovely to see you. Long have I hungered."

Valkyrie looked at him, fear in her eyes. She grabbed Skulduggery's hand and held it.

"You will not touch her." Skulduggery answered, cool as anything.

"I intend to."

"Well, I'm the one that touches her now, so you can get lost."

Dusk laughed.

"I'm not going to be bait this time, Skul," Valkyrie said, fully aware that Dusk could hear. "What are we going to do about this psychotic vampire?"

"You're not going to do anything." The voice was strong, steady, and Valkyrie watched the man behind Dusk approach. "I am."

Skulduggery raised an eyebrow. "And you are?"

The sorcerer was obviously a necromancer. He had a sword in a sheath, a little shorter than Tanith's, strapped to his side. He was dressed all in black and Valkyrie could clearly see the shadows surrounding the sword. The hilt was in view, and it was studded with many precious and semi-precious stones.

"My name is Ducanti Stormshadow. And Dusk, you aren't laying one finger on her. She was taught by Wreath, who is one of my closest friends. So, you're not touching her. I have a protective side. Sorry about that."

Dusk frowned. "You're asking to be attacked."

"Of _course_ I am! I haven't had a good scrap in ages. Meet me in the abandoned house two blocks over in ten minutes."

Ducanti stalked off. Dusk let his gaze rest on Valkyrie for a few seconds and then strolled away. Valkyrie began to breathe again.

"Skulduggery, we have to go there as well."

"We do."

"We have to be there when Dusk is defeated."

"We do."

"We need to start walking now."

"We do."

They drank their take away coffee as they walked down the street. It was lukewarm now but Valkyrie didn't mind. Skulduggery did, however, and poured his in a bush.

"Not even worth having it if it sucks," he muttered. "Pity, that."

Valkyrie stared.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter Twenty-One

Now You're Talking

Ghastly followed Tanith, having come shopping with her as well, but she was looking for a wedding dress. They were currently in a very fancy dressmaker's.

"Wow." Tanith had stepped out of her changing cubicle and Ghastly's eyes grew wide. The dress was nearly as beautiful as the woman filling it was. It was all white satin and stark lace, with a halter neck, low-cut. It clung to Tanith's body perfectly, flattered her with precision.

"I like it." Tanith admired the dress in the mirror. "What do you reckon?"

Ghastly let his expression do the talking.

"OK, I take it you like it as well. I kind of think it's the one we should be getting." Tanith smiled as the serving lady bustled over. Ghastly rolled his eyes slightly as the lady clucked over Tanith. _Any chance of a sale and they magnetise_, he thought.

"Yes, this is the one I want," Tanith repeated for the seventeenth time. "Yes, I'm sure."

Ghastly inhaled and exhaled slightly. The heat of Italy was getting to him, and he wanted to get back to the hotel so that he could swim again and battle the heat of the day.

_Well, the heat of the evening_, Ghastly thought to himself, as he saw the darkening sky outside. He stood as Tanith disappeared into the cubicle again. He pored over the diamond rings in a glass cabinet for a while, thinking. One in particular caught his eye, and, in hushed tones, Ghastly asked the storekeeper to get it out of the display cabinet. He motioned to the changing area, signalling that he didn't need what he was doing announced to the whole town.

"OK," the woman whispered, smiling a little. Ghastly swiped his card and tucked the small box into his coat. The lady who had served him let her eyes drift over his scars, but said nothing.

"Right then." Tanith opened the door, oblivious to what had just occurred. She discussed purchase with the storekeeper and the lady responded with obvious enthusiasm. Tanith paid for her wedding dress, winked at Ghastly, and asked if she could have it delivered to the hotel.

With that, Tanith and Ghastly left, bank accounts depleted a little, but both extremely happy.

"Glad that's over," Tanith muttered.

"Now you're talking," Ghastly replied, and looked up to find the sky had darkened.

They rang for a taxi, kissed each other, and waited.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter Twenty-Two

I've been Looking Forward to a Scrap…

The derelict house had long been abandoned. Almost all of the windows were smashed. The house was big, true, and the rooms were large, but a dull feeling of dread hung in the air like a cloud of fog.

"Probably why Stormshadow chose the place," Valkyrie observed, as she stepped around a ripped and dusty couch.

"Probably." Skulduggery pulled out his revolver and stalked further into the house. They reached the living room, and Skulduggery directed his gun at the lone figure standing by the broken window.

It was Dusk. The vampire turned, and hissed slightly, but Valkyrie felt a chill on her back and Ducanti Stormshadow stepped into the room.

"It's almost dark." Dusk's lip lifted in amusement.

"I realise that," Stormshadow answered. "Bear in mind, Dusk, that my power waxes at night also."

"I hadn't forgotten."

Skulduggery put his gun away. He pushed at the air and a section of wall beside them crumbled and fell. Valkyrie glanced at the direction of the broken wall and glimpsed a purple twilight.

"Just in case we need to make a quick exit," Skulduggery explained, answering Valkyrie's inquisitive look. They watched the vampire and the Necromancer approach each other warily. Sizing each other up, preparing to fight.

The last of the sun's face sank into shadow. The night immediately claimed the old house.

Dusk's hand went to his belly and Valkyrie could see the agony on his face. He arched his back and Valkyrie heard the familiar sound of bones cracking.

Dusk tore his human form off and snarled at Stormshadow, his jagged fangs and alabaster skin gleaming slightly as the moon drifted free of a cloud's embrace.

Stormshadow, for his part, had strengthened as well. Drawing his sword, he inhaled, outstretching his arms. Valkyrie and Skulduggery watched as the abundant shadows in the room seemed to converge on him, seeping into his very form. Stormshadow smiled maliciously at the vampire and his eyes burned with black fire.

"It has been a while," the Necromancer announced, his tone dark and reeking of death, "since I have killed a vampire."

Dusk, no longer in a logical mind, merely roared and sprang. The curiosity that had kept him back evaporated.

Stormshadow swung his sword with technical precision and a wave of darkness crashed into Dusk. The vampire roared and stood, stepping forward from the wall that had cracked under the concussion of the blow. His claws clicked on the wooden floor, which had long since been stripped of carpet.

And then Dusk lunged; his front paws landed on Stormshadow's shoulders. They fell. Stormshadow grunted, pinned to the dusty floor. He tried to bring his sword up, to sever part of Dusk's body, but the blade was trapped between the two. Valkyrie rushed forward to help him but Skulduggery held her back.

Dusk leaped off Stormshadow as a fast-moving fist, reinforced with shadow, collided with the side of his head. Before Stormshadow could react, Dusk swiped, and Stormshadow roared as claws caught him across his left upper arm, carving deep. His sword was free now, however, and Stormshadow wrapped both hands around the hilt, lifted it, and cried a word that Valkyrie and Skulduggery couldn't understand. Black fire came to life, dancing along the edges of the sword. Ducanti Stormshadow stepped forward, swung, and lopped the vampire's head off.

Dusk's decapitated form slumped to the ground, extremely dead.

Now, Skulduggery allowed Valkyrie to approach Stormshadow. The Necromancer's sword was already back in its sheath. Ruby-red liquid trickled in between Stormshadow's fingers as he tried to stem the flow of blood.

"I'm actually fine," he grunted, as Skulduggery opened his mouth to suggest something. He conjured a bandage of darkness, coiled it around the wound, and watched it solidify.

"OK. Well, thank you for your help, Ducanti. Dusk has been a pest for a long time." Skulduggery's gratitude was subtle.

"No problem!" The Necromancer cackled. "I've been looking forward to a scrap for a long time."

Skulduggery raised an eyebrow. "You enjoy fighting?"

"I do."

"Then maybe you'd enjoy working for the Sanctuary."

"Ah. The bloody Italian Sanctuary fired me because I decapitated a sorcerer."

"What was the sorcerer doing?"

"Trying to chat up my girlfriend."

"Ah. That'd be right then. But didn't you go a bit overboard?"

"Of course. I couldn't help it really. This is when I hadn't harnessed my Necromancy power into my sword yet. I had my sword, but the darkness was there, and took over…"

"Right. No, actually, what I was meaning is the Irish Sanctuary. They've lost me, their best fighter, so…"

"You want me to see if I can get employ there?"

"That's my ingenious plan."

"OK, well, I'll see what I can do. I'll make my way to Ireland soon."

"Great."

"Oh, by the way," Stormshadow said, as shadow began to obscure his form, "If you meet a sorceress, an Adept, called Lythia Harpen, tell her you met me."

"Who is she?" Valkyrie asked.

Stormshadow's smile drifted out of view. "She's my sister."

And then he was gone.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter Twenty-Three

Make This Casual

Ghastly threw a piece of popcorn at Tanith, but only because she had first.

"Oi, Bespoke, I'm supposed to get away with it!" Tanith laughed.

"Not likely." Ghastly got her right on the nose with another piece of popcorn. He threw another piece and it landed on top of her head.

"Ha," Ghastly taunted, amused. "Told you so."

"Whoops," said Tanith as she threw half a dozen pieces into his face. Ghastly began to laugh. The movie playing, _"Resident Evil: Apocalypse" _was ignored in the fray.

They smiled at exactly the same time and Ghastly put his hands up. "I surrender before my lounge floor gets covered in popcorn."

"Fair enough." Tanith grabbed some popcorn and fulfilled its purpose, eating it. "I might go for a ride on the motorbike later."

"OK. I have to visit Fletcher anyway."

Tanith frowned. "How is he doing?"

"Not half bad. He should be out of hospital in a few days."

Tanith nodded. For her and her companions, the trip to Italy had concluded in normality. Skulduggery and Valkyrie had told them about their encounter with Dusk, the Necromancer named Ducanti Stormshadow, and the vampire's death. Tanith had shown Valkyrie her wedding dress, and she still didn't know what the men had talked about while she was showing it to the teenager. But she didn't mind.

"Before you go, however." Ghastly passed her a small box. It had the name of the small dressmaker's on the side, the one they had visited in Italy. She frowned, opened it.

Her frown vanished as she took in the sight of the diamond ring. It was really two interlocking silver rings, with a diamond at the centre. Still gaping, she put it on and admired it.

"I don't know what to say, Ghastly…" she trailed off.

"Well, I'd already proposed, sort of. Skulduggery suggested I just make this casual."

"That's fine with me."

"I'm glad." Tanith hugged Ghastly. Their eyes flicked to the TV screen just in time to see a group of zombies devour a woman.

"Nice." Tanith buried her face in Ghastly's chest, trying to get the image out of her head. "Why did I choose this movie anyway?"

"So you could cling to me in fright?"

"I think so."

"But yet you've faced trolls without flinching."

"Trolls don't have special effects surrounding them, and you don't usually see them eating the people they eat."

"You're a bit strange, Tanith."

"I suspected as much."

"Well, that's fine then. Just as long as you realise that."

Ghastly resumed watching the movie. A man with a machine gun drilled shells into three zombies, and then four more attacked him viciously from behind.

Ghastly began to laugh. "What a dumbass."

"No kidding."


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter Twenty-Four

Perfect Timing

"Val! That's great." Skulduggery answered. He was sprawled on the couch at Cemetery Street, his tie nonexistent. He had replaced his formal suit with a pair of jeans and a t-shirt depicting a gnome sitting on a beach, drinking beer.

"I had the whole 'hunch' thing again, and it turned out to be true again."

"Well, I'm glad to hear you're pregnant. Perfect timing, actually. I just ordered a whole lot of appliances to be delivered here. I'd like to think I could use them."

"Um…"

"What? You don't think I have good taste in furniture?"

"No it's just…I wondered if you wanted to live in Gordon's estate?"

"Oh. Right. I seem to have forgotten about that house. I'm going to cancel those orders and get my money back."

"OK. Although we can put them in Gordon's place if you want, personalise the house a bit."

"No, I didn't manage to find a fridge with a skeleton on the front."

"Ha ha," Valkyrie replied dryly. "Sarcasm is the lowest for of wit, you know that?"

"Explains how I am just so hilarious." Skulduggery stood, walked to the kitchen. He made himself a coffee and returned to the living room.

"Well," continued Skulduggery. "I could just have anything Gordon's already got cancelled, and tell them to deliver the rest there."

"That would work."

"OK."

There was silence for a few seconds. Then: "I love you," from Valkyrie.

Skulduggery bit his lip, smiling, and his eyelids sank down a little. "You too, Val."

"I have to go."

"OK."

"I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yup. Love you, Valkyrie."

"Bye."

Skulduggery hung up. Drinking the last of his coffee, he looked up as the door rang.

"China?" The most beautiful woman in the world stood on the doorstep. Skulduggery blinked when he saw China's face, mottled with anger.

"Wreath apologised."

"What did you do?"

"I slapped him."

"Right. You're angry?"

"Of course. I found that the book mysteriously reappeared overnight. How ironic, don't you think?"

"A little…why did you come to see me, China?"

China lifted her pale blue eyes and Skulduggery got a blast of her charming sorcery. "Just thought you might want to know."

Skulduggery was still reeling, but he had long since grown immune to China's charms. There was a difference between noticing them and being affected. "Oh, well, thanks for that."

China frowned. Obviously her insidious plan to make Skulduggery fall in love with her had failed. She gave a small sob, turned on her heel, and fled.

_That was spontaneous and weird,_ Skulduggery thought.

He shrugged, and listened as China pulled away from his house.

_Good_.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter Twenty-Five

Trying to Prove

"OK. This is weird."

"No, it's not. Every kid in the country and beyond has one." Valkyrie popped "Sims 2" out of its case and clicked it into its place, in the belly of the PS2.

"Still weird. I mostly meant the game, actually." Skulduggery snatched the case and began to read. "A new way to play with life. Create your Sims. Choose from over 10,000 fashion styles and pursue fortune, popularity, knowledge, romance of creativity life aspirations." He looked at Valkyrie, puzzlement clouding his blue eyes. "You control people?"

"Pretty much."

"And I thought you were trying to prove to Batu that we weren't gods."

"Oh, shaddup."

The green diamond came up and when it vanished Valkyrie chose Freeplay. Skulduggery caught on to the concept of a PlayStation quickly and was soon as competent as Valkyrie in directing everything.

"Let's make ourselves." Skulduggery accepted the generic Sim and began to work on clothing. It didn't take him long to give his male Sim a wide-brimmed hat, sunglasses, a suit, shoes and make him extra skinny. He gave the Sim hair as well, black and spiked at the front.

"There, that's me." Skulduggery chose Wealth aspiration, flicked his personality onto Aquarius, and named the Sim "Skulduggery Pleasant."

"My turn." Valkyrie kitted out her Sim with black boots, black jeans, a blue boob tube (Skulduggery flinched) and a black cardigan. The boob tube looked tarty on its own but the cardigan helped its integrity. Valkyrie stuck her tongue out at Skulduggery as she plastered multiple tattoos onto her Sim. She gave the Sim a black belt with a skull buckle, set the hair to a style similar to her own, chose Knowledge aspiration and named her Sim after herself.

Then Valkyrie made Tanith and Ghastly, and they turned out not too dissimilar to the actual people.

"OK. House building next. You can do that, if you like." Skulduggery nodded, and took controller one. Valkyrie told him how to work the building and he created a house. He filled it with items, and then Valkyrie and Skulduggery began to play Sims 2.

"OK, I'm socialising with you." Valkyrie ran 'Valkyrie' to Skulduggery's side, selected 'Skulduggery' and pressed 'X'. They went into social mode.

"These ones are good." Valkyrie chose 'Tell joke."

Skulduggery winced when he heard his own character laugh. It was alarmingly high-pitched.

He watched as Valkyrie did a series of actions and they went up to 40 social points.

"That's friends," Valkyrie said. She grinned at Skulduggery, her unspoken question hovering in the air.

"Yup."

He watched as Valkyrie scrolled down, selected "Kiss." Valkyrie looked a little embarrassed but seemed satisfied by the way the air went pink around the two Sims and they stepped closer.

"Crush."

"You're more than my crush in real life." Skulduggery leaned over and kissed Valkyrie in the reality and she grinned when he pulled away.

"OK, I'm going," Valkyrie said. She pressed triangle. Then she pressed the right arrow. "My Sim wants to 'Play Chess.'

"I think we bought one of those sets."

"I think we did."

"Did we buy a foosball table?"

"I don't think so…"

Skulduggery paused and went into 'Buy Catalog.'

"OK. I'm buying one."

Valkyrie grinned. She had known Skulduggery would enjoy playing this game.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter Twenty-Six

Doesn't Help

Tanith was on the phone to the venue owner and she was ANGRY.

"How the fuck did you manage to screw that up?" Tanith's voice was rising fast. Ghastly was making himself a tuxedo in the next room and poked his head through the doorway, frowning in a questioning way. Tanith shook her head, waved him away, ran her fingers through her tousled blonde hair. She felt like ripping it out instead.

"I'm sorry miss, but we've double-booked. It's quite unfortunate but there is nothing we can do. I'm sorry." The prim, proper voice on the other end infuriated Tanith.

"FUCKING ARSE BISCUITS." Tanith put the phone down hastily and rubbed her temples. The stress of organising a wedding was beginning to get to her. It had visited in the form of a headache. _Oh joy,_ Tanith thought

"You OK, Tanith?" Ghastly's voice was tinged with concern. His head, covered in scars, appeared again.

"No. The venue owners double-booked and we've been kicked out."

"Shit. That's a worry."

"It is indeed. Where else can we go?"

"What about…" Ghastly trailed off, as if having an idea. "How about Gordon's estate?"

"It could work," Tanith said, exasperated. "I'm really sick of the stress, so yeah, let's go there. There's no way anybody else is going to book _that_."

"OK. I'll ring Val tonight. It's her house, after all."

"Sounds good." Tanith collapsed into a chair. "We'll have to get the invitations done by Friday. And My shoes need to be bought. Oh, and we've got to organise the car. ARGH."

"Calm down, Tanith," Ghastly soothed. "It doesn't help the situation, being wound up. I know the world is conspiring against us, but we might as well stay cheery about it."

Tanith sighed.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter Twenty-Seven

And It Shows

_THIS CHAPTER IS M. __Cheers_ _Lythia Harpen_ The next day

Valkyrie slotted the CD, "All we know is falling" by Paramore into her CD player. She pressed play, and grinned as the familiar sound of electric guitars and Hayley Williams' voice immediately rang out.

"_We tried so hard to understand,_

_But we can't…_

_We held the world out in our hands…_

_And you ran away…_

_It takes some time to let you go…_

_And it shows…"_

Valkyrie knew all of the words. She'd hinted to Skulduggery that she might like Paramore's new CD for Christmas. _Brand New Eyes_ would make a great addition to her CD collection.

"Now we could follow you back home…

But we won't…!" Valkyrie sang.

"Says who?" Fletcher's voice asked, from right behind her. Valkyrie whirled, saw Fletcher. He had his arms crossed over his chest and Valkyrie could see the fading stitches on his neck.

"Fletcher! You're OK!" Valkyrie's voice was high in amazement.

"Grouse worked a miracle. I heard Dusk got owned by some Necromancer in Italy."

"Yeah. Ducanti Stormshadow. He'll be working for the Sanctuary here soon."

There was a pause. Then: "Do I get a hug, or what? I've only had a near-death experience."

Valkyrie grinned, pushed him away. He laughed. Fletcher Teleported and Valkyrie heard him raiding her fridge.

"OI!" she yelled, a smile on her face. She slid down the banister, flipped and rolled, and came up in time to tackle Fletcher.

Fletcher cried out in shock, pinned to the floor. Then Valkyrie froze, realising she was on top of Fletcher…she got up hurriedly and dusted herself off. She grimaced. "Don't go through our fridge, please. You can get stuff from wherever you want anyway. Why is my fridge special?"

"Because it is. Because it's yours." And Fletcher stepped forward and leaned in to kiss Valkyrie. Valkyrie had barely felt his lips brush hers before she pushed him away.

"No," she said. "No, sorry, ah, I can't."

Fletcher frowned. "Why?"

"Because…well, because I'm dating Skulduggery."

"No way."

"_Yes_ way."

Fletcher vanished. Valkyrie didn't know where he'd gone and she didn't care. Fletcher was Fletcher. There was every possibility that he'd be depressed before the week was out.

Valkyrie went back upstairs, turned her music up louder. The first song had since finished and 'Pressure' had just started.

"Tell me where our time went," Valkyrie sang, in perfect sync, "And if it was time well spent.

Just don't let me fall asleep,

Feeling empty again,

'Cause I fear I might break,

And I fear I can't take it,

Tonight I'll lie awake,

Feeling empty,

I can feel the pressure,

It's getting closer now

We're better off, without you

I can feel the pressure,

It's getting closer now,

We're better off,

Without you."

Valkyrie was so absorbed in singing to herself she didn't notice the footsteps behind her or the breeze from her open (previously closed) window, or the arms reaching for her until her until she had no time to react. She still tried to react, however, to show some reflexes, but she tripped over her own feet as she turned on her heel.

The intruder caught her, and Valkyrie, nearly parallel to the ground, found she was looking into the strong, laughing face of Skulduggery Pleasant. He chuckled, and, while she was still bent double, he leaned down and kissed her.

Valkyrie had enjoyed the kiss but she hadn't liked being surprised. When Skulduggery helped her become vertical again, she stood, her hands on her hips.

"Skulduggery Pleasant. What the HELL are you doing?" Valkyrie scowled at her lover/attacker.

"Afternoon business is the best business there is," he answered.

"I'm afraid I don't understand what you mean."

"Oh, you do. Subconsciously. Let me demonstrate, hmm? You still can, this early in pregnancy. You'll catch on to what I mean fast."

It was when Skulduggery pulled her into a new embrace and let his hand drift up her back, floating underneath her t-shirt, that she remembered this was exactly how he'd started in Italy, with the slow-talk. _Ah_, she thought. _I see._ Valkyrie smiled. She kissed Skulduggery, and he grinned beneath her lips. This is what he'd intended. They separated and moved on.

Skulduggery, with one whole, fluid, movement, stole Valkyrie's t-shirt and pulled her hair out of its ponytail. Her raven locks spilled over her almost-bare back. Skulduggery pulled her and her black lace and blue denim clad body close.

"Right," he said. "Time for me to show my awesomeness in another aspect. Which happens to be afternoon business."

"Not before I prove my mettle." Valkyrie quickly unbuttoned Skulduggery's shirt and she gasped.

"Where did those come from?" She was staring at Skulduggery's abs. He had six of them, rock hard. She punched them lightly. "Where?"

Skulduggery shrugged. "They slowly came around in the last few days. I was toned before I died, I thought I'd lost my muscle forever, but here they are again. I'm a true jock now. I was always a weird guy in school but I'm a jock now. Ha." Valkyrie watched as he pulled his shirt off the rest of the way and kissed his own arm muscles, again demonstrating the fact that he was an egotistical bastard. A gorgeous and funny egotistical bastard, though.

Valkyrie twitched when she ran her eyes over her muscled lover again. _This is so unexpected_.

Skulduggery forgot about his muscles and grabbed Valkyrie again. Valkyrie closed her eyes. Her biggest sense operating at that point in time was touch, and she felt Skulduggery's lips move from her mouth to behind her ear, the base of her throat, and then back to her lips again. She felt one of his warm hands moving on her skin, from her neck down, to trace the black lace flowers on her bra…Valkyrie sighed as the familiar euphoric feeling washed over her.

She opened her eyes again as Skulduggery pulled back. He swung her around and walked her backwards, his body aligned with hers, towards her bed, his hands on her hips…

And then Fletcher materialised in the room.

Valkyrie screamed, and Skulduggery cried out in shock and anger. He went to break Fletcher's nose but Valkyrie beat him to it, slapped Fletcher. Fletcher ignored it despite his smarting face, and, eyes wide, ran his eyes over the situation. Valkyrie in her bra and jeans, and Skulduggery, half-nude. In a bedroom. Together. He winced. Skulduggery lunged but Fletcher disappeared.

"Oh, fuck." Skulduggery growled. "That's kind of ruined the moment."


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter Twenty-Eight

No Clue

**Again, M. A bit of discussion here with sexual themes. Be good, children. The idea for this chapter came while I was being very immature and sitting on a weird spring chair at a children's playground centre. So, do something immature. It's very inspirational. Maybe nick a road cone or a street sign or something.**

**I'm on holidays now. More time to write but probably less frequent uploads! I'm sorry! ;) **

Lythia Harpen

**PS: thankyou much to NightVampyre and BlueBottle and anyone who reviewed. Do not think you have gone unnoticed. You're continuing to shape this story and provide inspiration. **

"So, he bloody showed just as I was about to get going with Valkyrie. The little bastard."

"Bloody hell, Skul," Ghastly replied, pitiful as always. "That's a bit…annoying."

"It is indeed. You can't even think of having sex with a decent girl in this town without someone wanting to supervise."

"Although Fletcher had no clue what was happening."

"Valkyrie said that she told him we were dating, and he vanished."

"Bugger and buggeration." Ghastly sighed in unison with his best friend.

"Are you nervous about the wedding this afternoon?" Skulduggery asked. "Who's coming?"

"Well, you and Val, obviously. Fletcher. And Grouse. I invited China, more out of personal safety than anything else. If she heard that she hadn't been invited to something she'd flip her lid, and Tanith and I really don't need that. I invited Wreath and Wreath asked if one of his friends might be able to tag along."

"Who might that be?"

"That Necromancer that killed Dusk. Stormshadow."

"Ah. I know him. Who else?"

"Tanith invited some family, but its going to be quite a small wedding. We don't want anything extravagant. Val's agreed to let us use the estate so that should be good."

"I have faith."

Ghastly sighed again. "That's great to hear. I've got to go, Skulduggery. I'm neck deep in things I still have to do. It's only nine o'clock but I'm already swamped. Tanith's getting dolled up. She stayed with Valkyrie and her other friend at a motel last night."

"Who's her friend?"

"Some chick. They haven't met in years. In fact Lythia hasn't been here in years. She came down with Stormshadow."

"Lythia? Lythia Harpen?"

"Yeah, I think so. Why?"

"Stormshadow mentioned her. She's his sister. He told us to say to her if we met him."

"Ah."

"So she's coming. That's excellent. Well, I'd better let you go and get ready."

"That would be incredibly helpful. Thanks for all your help, Skulduggery."

"No problem."

Ghastly hung up. He rubbed his eyes, and went to continue with everything that he had to do.


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter Twenty-Nine

She's Here

The estate was holding the wedding well. It was one o'clock and all of the few guests had arrived. Solomon Wreath was in quiet but solemn conversation with China. China looked in a forgiving mood, and gave him a hug. Tanith's mother was watching Tanith's father preparing to walk Tanith down the aisle. Fletcher Renn was talking to Lythia Harpen, who was in her normal form today. Everybody knew how she could change her form with the help of a full-length mirror. Ducanti Stormshadow was engaged in conversation with Kenspeckle Grouse, and by the looks of their body language, they were having a quiet argument.

The wedding was very low-key, and that was the way Tanith and Ghastly had wanted it. Extravagance wasn't their style.

Beneath a coiling metal arch, Ghastly and Skulduggery fidgeted, glancing at their watches, waiting for the car containing Valkyrie and Tanith to arrive. Ghastly was dressed in his tuxedo and had created a similar one for Skulduggery. Neither of the men had any idea what Valkyrie was wearing.

"You'll be fine." Skulduggery reassured Ghastly, who was suddenly looking very pale. The two men, and the guests, looked around as the limousine came around the side of the house, driving on the grass. The archway where the vows would be said stood in front of a few chairs, and a red carpet snaked down the middle. It was at the end of this carpet where the car parked.

"She's here," Ghastly mumbled. The 'priest', Belaytor Hone, stepped forward. He was an old friend of Skulduggery's and quite a hard case.

"Skulduggery, your shoelace is coming undone." Skulduggery frowned, retied his shoelace. Then he straightened, and, along with Ghastly, stared at the car.

The tinted windows of the limousine revealed nothing from inside. Tanith's Dad walked up to the car, ready to receive Tanith. The chauffer got out of his side of the car, came around, and opened the door.

Valkyrie leg appeared as she placed a foot on the red carpet. She was wearing teal high heels, a pair Skulduggery had bought her in Italy.

And then Valkyrie clambered out of the car the rest of the way and Ghastly heard Skulduggery suck in a breath. Valkyrie was wearing a sea-green dress. It had many ruffles and layers in the skirt. The outer skirt had been designed to look ragged, but on the points of the 'rags' small pieces of jade hung. The bodice was tight fitting and had a bit of a corset built in. Down the front of the bodice, embroidered flowers were visible. The cut was rather low, the straps nonexistent. A ribbon wound around Valkyrie's waist, separating the floaty skirt from the tightly clinging bodice.

Valkyrie began to walk down the aisle. Her hair was piled on top of her head, curled and plaited. She had a corsage on her wrist. She had false eyelashes on, and her eyes were shadowed with green and blue make up. Her lips had been painted with bright red lipstick.

In all, she was Skulduggery's beauty. And then Ghastly's beauty made herself visible. She stepped from the car, linked arms with her father, and followed in Valkyrie's wake.

Tanith was wearing the Italian wedding dress. Her blonde hair, usually tousled, had been styled and coiled on top of her head also. Two braids ran around either side of her head, forming a likeness of a crown, above which the veil was set. Her face was hidden by the lace veil, but had been made up professionally, as had Valkyrie's, and her perfectly manicured nails shone in the light. Her feet weren't visible beneath her dress, but clasped in her hands was a bouquet of white and blue-green flowers.

"She looks beautiful," Ghastly murmured.

"So does Valkyrie," Skulduggery replied.

Valkyrie reached the arch and stood opposite Skulduggery (who was best man). Her cherry-red lips curved into a smile and Skulduggery's heart began to race. Valkyrie cast her gaze towards Tanith, her false eyelashes curling seductively.

Tanith's father looked like he was about to cry with joy, but Tanith had happiness plastered all over her pretty face. They reached the archway as well.

"Dear all," Hone began, "We're gathered here today to see two true lovers swear eternal dedication to each other." Ghastly and Tanith had written their own vows. "If the bride and groom would like to step up." Tanith and Ghastly obliged, and Ghastly took Tanith's hands in his own. Tanith smiled the lopsided smile she saved just for him. Valkyrie was grinning.

"Would you, Mr Bespoke, take a weapon-wielding lady by the hand and heart and counter her potential ferocity with love and devotion?"

"I would and I do," Ghastly promised.

"Would you, Miss Low, take a tailor and a boxer by the hand and heart and inspire him forever with your own love and devotion?"

"I would and do," Tanith vowed.

Hone smiled. "Rings, please."

Skulduggery had the rings, and he passed them to Ghastly and Tanith. They both smiled, and slid the ring on the other's finger. Hone held up his hands.

"People," he announced. "I declare Ghastly Bespoke and Tanith Low husband and wife!"

Everybody who had attended the wedding clapped as Ghastly threw back Tanith's veil and kissed her. When they separated, they both had smiled on their faces.

And then a thunderclap shattered the peace. Sudden clouds darkened the afternoon and everybody present watched as a black raven flew towards them. All of a sudden, it transformed into a figure clad in black clothing and a silver cloak, which rolled and came up.

Her curly black locks whipped in the spontaneous gusts of wind. She put a hand on her hip and stared straight at Lythia Harpen, who was standing, mouth agape, looking at her unbelievingly.

"Rinestarr Harlequin," Lythia breathed, collecting her wits. "I'm impressed. You actually managed to find me, after all these years."


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter Thirty

That Little Pest

Rinestarr Harlequin's amber eyes glittered as she regarded her opponent with contempt. "Indeed." Her mocking, sharp voice conjured images in Ghastly's head, images of pillaged towns and corpses…and the face of Mevolent.

"Excuse me," Tanith said, stepping forward. She pulled the veil free of her hair. The locks of hair that hadn't been fixed into her hairstyle were tugged by the wind. "I believe you've interrupted my wedding."

Rinestarr Harlequin looked at Tanith, laughed a little. Thunder boomed. Rinestarr snapped her hand towards Tanith. An orb of black, ultraviolet light flew from her hand. It struck Tanith in the stomach and she flew backwards. Ghastly lunged and caught her in his strong arms.

"All right. That's it. Valkyrie?" Tanith looked at the teenager, and Valkyrie nodded. She was always prepared to fight. "Men, if you will?"

Tanith motioned for Ghastly to unhook her overdress. "This was fucking expensive," Tanith said. "I'm not ruining it."

"No." Lythia strode forward. "You need not bare yourself for this opponent. I shall handle this adversary." Lythia stepped to one side, walked to the house, and looked at her reflection in the glass pane of Gordon's back door. She placed her fingertips on the glass and began to mutter incoherently. An aura formed around her, her hair turned from brown to black, she grew taller, her waist grew tiny and her bust bigger. She turned, in her strange bodysuit ensemble, and looked at Rinestarr.

"You shouldn't have come today." Lythia's tone was serious.

"Oh, really? But I'm always so eager to catch up with you, Lythia. And this new look of yours is charming, I must say! I haven't seen it before. But I can still beat you. You know that?" Rinestarr unfastened her cloak, let it fall. She then waved her arms, crossing and uncrossing them, and then interlocked her fingers and pushed her hands outwards. A huge blast of dark light travelled towards Lythia, but the targeted sorceress was a blur as she cartwheeled to the side. She sent an orb of emerald light Rinestarr's way, and then flipped while the evil sorceress was dodging it, landed in front of Rinestarr. Her foot flew out impossibly fast and Rinestarr received a kick to the solar plexus. She hissed, threw a ball of black light, but Lythia back-flipped and it passed above her bending form. When she was in her second form, Lythia was superior.

Realising she couldn't beat Lythia using her skill with ultraviolet light, Rinestarr began to attack physically. Lythia saw the first punch that Rinestarr threw, caught it, but Rinestarr moved in close and hooked her foot behind Lythia's ankle. She jerked her leg in a signature way, and Lythia's legs fell from under her as Rinestarr's foot snagged her ankles. Lythia barrel rolled and came up on one knee, leaped at Rinestarr and knocked her to the ground. While Rinestarr was on her back, Lythia placed a knee on her chest. She gripped Rinestarr's left arm tightly, wrenched it and pushed her knee down at the same time, and the sorceress was forced onto her front, screaming in rage and struggling. Lythia let go of Rinestarr for a second, using both arms to get Rinestarr in a chokehold. An extremely tight chokehold. Rinestarr tried to tear Lythia's arm off, gasping for breath. Lythia squeezed tighter and even that stopped. Rinestarr's attempts to shake Lythia off grew ever more fleeting, and then they stopped altogether.

Lythia dropped the unconscious Rinestarr on the grass, stood up, leaving her there. "Sorry about that," she said, dusting her hands off. "Rinestarr tends to get irritating. We've been enemies for years, and I haven't a clue why. I don't think she's forgiven me for the fact that her crush asked _me_ to the year eleven formal and not her. She's either held that grudge for forty-three years or it's just habit for her now. She served under Mevolent for a while, but she spent most of that time scrapping with me."

"I'd say the latter is more likely," Ducanti Stormshadow said. It was the first thing one of the guests had said since Rinestarr appeared. They had been watching Lythia fight instead. "Rinestarr had many habits. I'm glad you beat her so easily, though, Lythia. I didn't want to have to relive last time."

China Sorrows stepped forward. "What transpired last time?"

Lythia glanced at China briefly, and then stared into space as if remembering. "I didn't have this Adept power then. She had me fucked, really. Rinestarr was superior then. She had just discovered her power with black light, and even when I was down, on the ground, groaning, she just kept pounding me with it. She laughed, while doing so, laughed and held out her hand to deliver the deathblow. Of course…"-she motioned to her brother- "By this time Ducanti had caught a whiff of this, and according to himself, for I was unconscious by this time, enclosed her in a box of shadow and threw her all the way to Houston. Figurative language, from the both of us, of course. I was on life support for several weeks; hanging by a thread, such was the height of her power. It took effort just to breathe."

"You came to me, from memory," Kenspeckle Grouse said gruffly. "It was difficult removing the effects of that black light, but I did well. I must have, for you're standing here today."

"I concur," Lythia said. "Well, now that I've dealt with that little pest, let's carry on."

Tanith nodded. She took Ghastly's hand and they went inside, followed by Skulduggery and Valkyrie.


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter Thirty-One

Intoxicated With the Madness

Don't worry, it's not going to be a Fletchyrie, NightVampyre! It's a Fletchyia instead.

_Ghastly and Tanith have good music taste,_ Valkyrie thought. Ghastly and Tanith and Skulduggery and her were all dancing to 'Dirty Old Town' by the Pogues.The casual wedding had been a great experience.

"Our turn soon," Valkyrie mumbled, into Skulduggery's chest.

"Yes. And you will look even more beautiful than you do now. If that's possible." Skulduggery wound a curl of Valkyrie's hair around his finger. "When should we wed?"

"Soon," Valkyrie replied. "I don't know when."

The people who had attended the wedding were in a small pub, which was closed for the night. Tanith had her unlocking power, however, and they had soon occupied the building and turned on the stereo.

Tanith and Ghastly were still in their fancy dress, and they looked like the happiest couple on earth. There was movement from the tables that the guests were occupying as Fletcher and Lythia got up to dance. Fletcher looked smug with himself, capturing such a beauty. He pushed his blonde hair out of his eyes and grasped Lythia's hand. Valkyrie watched Lythia allow herself to be held close, and mouth the words to the song. Valkyrie flicked her eyes to China and Wreath, who had got up to dance, and then returned her attention to Skulduggery.

"Can I make a suggestion?" Valkyrie asked. "That we put on some rock music?"

"That would be a good idea." Skulduggery detached from Valkyrie and went to talk to Ghastly. Ghastly separated from Tanith to hear Skulduggery speak, and then nodded. The scarred tailor and the detective walked away, and vaulted over the bar to raid the pub's CD collection.

"This is amazing," Tanith whispered, suddenly beside Valkyrie. "I'm married, Valkyrie. Married. And I have a child on the way already. That's been verified, by the way."

Valkyrie smiled. "It's me and Skulduggery's time soon. For both marriage and children. He seems happy to give life a second shot. Oh, look, here they come. Wonder what they've got." Valkyrie walked to Skulduggery just as he was slotting a disk into the stereo.

"What artist, Skulduggery?" Skulduggery held up the CD case. It was _Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness_!

"The Smashing Pumpkins? Excellent choice!" Tanith called. Skulduggery skipped some tracks and the beginnings of '0' (zero) emanated from the speakers. Skulduggery grabbed Valkyrie's hand and began to dance with her to the electric guitars. Valkyrie whispered in his ear and he nodded, and Skulduggery watched as Valkyrie walked towards the stage, picked up a microphone that was still connected up to the stereo and backed up Billy Corgan. She had a surprisingly good singing voice, and she possessed the same type of voice as Corgan when she wanted to.

"My reflection,

Dirty mirror,

There's no connection,

To myself,

I'm your lover,

I'm your ZERO,

I'm the face of your dreams of glass." Valkyrie extremely quickly pulled her hair free from all of its clips and bonding and swung it free so she could successfully head bang.

"So save your prayers," she continued, "For when we're really gonna need 'em,

Throw all your cares and fly,

Wanna go for a ride?" Valkyrie spontaneously threw the mike at Skulduggery. He shrugged and continued the song, his velvet voice never missing a word.

"She's the one for me,

She's all I really need, oh yeah,

She's the one for me..."

Everybody excluding Grouse joined with: "Emptiness is loneliness and loneliness is cleanliness and cleanliness is godliness and god is empty, just like me!"

Skulduggery pulled the mike's cord out of the stereo, leaped up to the stage and put it on top of the speaker. He grabbed Valkyrie's hand and practically dragged her down to the floor, where he initiated a fast-moving dance with her. Tanith was head banging, her tousled blonde hair slowly breaking free of its styling. Billy Corgan's voice could still be heard.

"_Intoxicated, with the madness,_

_I'm in love with, my sadness,_

_Bullshit fakers,_

_Enchanted kingdoms,_

_The fashion victims chew their charcoal teeth._

"_I never let on, _

_That I was on a sinking ship,_

_I never let on that I was down."_

The recorded sound of James Iha and Billy Corgan playing the electric guitar resounded from the speakers at a swift rate, the notes climbing. D'arcy Wretsky's bass guitar added to the effect, as did Jimmy Chamberlain on his drums. The tempo grew to a musical apex and then Corgan came in with vocals again.

"_You blame yourself,_

_For what you can't ignore,_

_You blame yourself for what you denied,_

"_She's the one for me, _

_She's all I really need, oh yeah, _

_She's the one for me, _

_She's my one and only."_

The song ended. Valkyrie whooped and China applauded in contempt, laughing.

"Which CD next?" Skulduggery asked.

"It's not going until I've heard 1979," Valkyrie stated. "Really." She changed from Disc One to Disc Two and skipped to the last few songs.

Music began, and Valkyrie pictured the music video in her head, of the teenager-containing tractor tire being rolling down the hill by their friends.

"_Shakedown, 1979,_

_Cool kids, never have the time,_

_On a live wire,_

_Right up off the street,_

_You and I,_

_Should meet._

_Junebug skipping like a stone,_

_With the_

_Headlights pointed at the dawn,_

_We were sure we'd never see an end_

_To it all."_

Billy Corgan, Valkyrie and Tanith sang that verse.

The pub continued to be filled with the raucous sound of good music and laughter.


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter Thirty-Two

Return the Favour

**ANOTHER M CHAPTER…**

**CHEERS **

**LYTHIA HARPEN**

"OK, fine." China Sorrows agreed. "But I warn you."

Solomon Wreath laughed as he closed the door of China's apartment. "What about?"

"I'm enthusiastic at times. Times like this." China coolly looked at Wreath; he smiled.

"Ah. Well you should be a formidable opponent then." China stepped forward into Wreaths embrace and they began to make out, Wreath's cane discarded by the door. Wreath couldn't believe China had forgiven him.

China pulled back, but only to pull her jacket off. She pulled Wreath's off as well; his torso came into view as she removed his shirt. Wreath smiled at the most beautiful woman in the world, and watched as she took off her sombre blouse herself. China removed her earrings and her skirt, stood there in her lingerie. It was black, seductive. Wreath blinked a few times, and then China approached him. She pushed him back onto the couch, straddled his hips…

But it was a trick; Wreath saw China draw the blade from the left side of her bra and slash for his throat. Wreath threw China off him; she rolled and came up, tapping matching tattoos imprinted on her thighs. Blue light enveloped them both, and Wreath was immobilised for a few seconds.

When the light vanished China was close enough. She lashed out and Wreath felt a burning sensation in his chest: China had stabbed him. It wasn't a mortal wound, however. China's eyes glinted in rage, but her smile was innocent.

"You tricked me," she said sweetly. "It only seems fair that I return the favour."

"Ah, but you forget one thing." Wreath used the same technique that Stormshadow had to stop the bleeding in his chest.

China smiled in contempt. "And that is?"

"The fact that I assumed as much."

China's smile faltered. "Oh."

"So you can't hold me here against my will. So I'm leaving now."

China sighed. "Fine. Go."

Wreath picked up his shirt and jacket and left.


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter Thirty-Three

Never Going To

Valkyrie was making shockingly unhealthy ice cream sundaes to go with her and Skulduggery's Chinese takeaway when Skulduggery urgently called her name.

"Valkyrie! Come quickly." Valkyrie sighed, dusted her hands and walked into the lounge. Skulduggery pointed at the TV screen and Valkyrie gasped in shock when she heard the newsreader's words.

"– A well-known mass murderer, Billy-Ray Sanguine is believed to still be on the loose. After the discovery of his latest victim, police have been appealing for information that may lead to the capture of Sanguine." The picture on the screen behind the newsreader was an artists sketch. It was a good likeness, however.

Skulduggery looked at Valkyrie tentatively. "Should we do something?"

"We have to."

"We have no idea where he is."

"You don't. Guild probably does."

"Oh God, please tell me where not going to Guild."

"We kind of have to, Skulduggery."

Skulduggery stood. "No, we don't. You might have forgiven him because you're as innocent as anything, but I truly dislike him."

Valkyrie bristled at the venom in Skulduggery's voice. "You were the one that accused him of treachery when you had no grounds!"

"Valkyrie, I am never going to Guild."

"Well, maybe you don't like him, but I don't like China and you still choose to go to her!"

Skulduggery's voice rose in his anger. "That's your problem. If I recall in the first place, it was _you_ begging me to let you tag along, when you first got attacked! Had you forgotten?"

Valkyrie's rage burned inside her. _How dare he._ She forced herself to remain calm. "Well what else would you suggest?"

"I would suggest finding him by ourselves with the help of our close friend, the Internet."

"Fine."

Valkyrie walked back into the kitchen, her anger simmering and thoughts and accusations whirling inside her head.

She continued with the task at hand, determined to forget what had just occurred.


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter Thirty-Four

How Pretty

Fletcher had succeeded in asking Lythia on a date, and that was how he and Lythia ended up at the beach, surfing. She was surprisingly good. Fletcher tried to beat her tricks, but he wasn't concentrating enough.

He was too busy noticing how pretty Lythia was.

A ring of fire danced along her brown hair always, marking out the fact that it was beautiful and well-kept. Well, except for now. Her hair was plastered to her head, but it was still gorgeous. It became black instead of brown when wet, and it highlighted her sparkling blue eyes perfectly.

Fletcher couldn't help but notice, as Lythia jumped and landed on the crest of a wave, her black-clad body executing the move perfectly, the fact that she wasn't stick thin. Fletcher hated anorexic chicks. He preferred them made like Lythia, curvy and busty.

Lythia was both of these things…he was admiring her substantial cleavage when a wave caught him by surprise and he wiped out.

Fletcher's feet hit the bottom as he tumbled head over heels, and he regained his footing. Sticking his head out of the water, he spat water and scowled.

"You OK?" Lythia called. Her voice, to Fletcher, was birdsong. Lythia gripped the edge of her surfboard with her left hand, and jumped off it. She waded towards him. Fletcher stood. They both tucked their boards under their arms and began to walk to shore.

"I'm fine," he said. "Do you want to keep surfing, or go for something to eat?"

Lythia tilted her head to the side as she thought. Her collarbones entranced Fletcher, as they were perfectly etched under her skin, but he dragged his eyes back up to her face as she spoke.

"Well, I'm kind of exhausted. I'll go get something to eat with you." She smiled once she had finished talking, her rosebud lips curving.

Fletcher nodded; wondering how any girl could get this perfect. Granted, she wouldn't be called perfect by some of his friends (They preferred taller chicks, and they liked their girls skinny), she was perfect to Fletcher. The scar on her right knee didn't deter him, nor did her lack of height. She was ideal, his Aphrodite.

"OK. I feel like just walking down like this though." Lythia indicated her black swimsuit, which Fletcher also thought flattered her…

"OK. Yeah, me too. I can't be bothered changing." Fletcher mirrored Lythia's smile and took her hand, joy whirling in his head. By the Gods, he was lucky.

Fletcher and Lythia put their surfboards back in the shed, and it was there that Fletcher was overtaken by a bold instinct and kissed Lythia. His lips covered hers and Lythia didn't object; on the contrary she turned their experience from normal kissing…to French kissing.

Fletcher was glad Lythia knew how to kiss properly: so many girls didn't.

"OK," Lythia said, when she broke off the kiss. "That was cool."

"I know, right?" Fletcher's reply was full of pride. "Let's go, eh? We can come back to the beach afterwards, if you like."

Lythia nodded, her eyes gleaming. "I'd like that."

They walked off, hand in hand, towels covering their bodies, hair dripping.


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter Thirty-Five

Enigma

"OK, this is where Sanguine was last seen." Skulduggery tapped a finger to the virtual map on the computer screen.

"Right," Valkyrie declared. "We should track him down as soon as possible. I want to have him behind bars before Christmas."

"I agree whole-heartedly. I'll enlist Fletcher's services so that we can just teleport there."

"Cool."

Skulduggery closed a tab and his Bebo profile came up. Valkyrie raised an eyebrow.

"What's this? You have Bebo?" Quiet amusement laced her voice.

"Yes, I have Bebo, although I had to lie about my age because they only go as early as 1906." Skulduggery met Valkyrie's gaze; she looked back at the screen.

"You haven't filled in your 'Me, Myself and I'." Valkyrie clicked 'edit profile'. "I would've thought that a guy with as big an ego as you would love to talk about himself. Go."

"Fine, then." Skulduggery began to type. Valkyrie watched his words appear and then frowned.

"I think that the whole 'nobody before 1906' thing is a bit ageist." Valkyrie said. Then she laughed and threw a conveniently placed stack of Post-it notes at Skulduggery.

"Oi."

"Sorry. Why don't you actually reveal something about yourself?"

"I am an enigma."

"No, you're not."

"Yes, I am."

"No, you're not. The whole point of this thing is so that people can get to know you."

Skulduggery sighed. "I always knew you'd force me into something particularly awful. It was fate, I guess. All right, here you go." Skulduggery typed, and Valkyrie looked as his sentence came up.

_I have a good singing voice, yet I hate singing._

Valkyrie rolled her eyes. "Loopholes…"

"Exactly. This experience has taught me nothing but how to manipulate the system. Congratulations, Valkyrie!" Skulduggery sarcastically applauded her. "I'm going to leave my profile picture as the skeleton, though."

"You do that." Valkyrie snatched the mouse and scrolled down. "Ah, comments. There's one from Flaring Rhythm. Oh, look! It's Lythia Harpen."

"Ha." Skulduggery hit Ctrl + Alt + Delete and the Internet closed, replaced by the Task Manager.

"Skulduggery!"

"Ha ha."

"I hate you."

"I know."


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter Thirty-Six

Group Chat

_**I apologise in advance to Flaring Rhythm; this was originally her idea…but it was so good I had to use it…I'm hoping you will take it as a compliment, Flaring!**_

_**The nor'westerly wind is causing much irritation in the place where I live. Anybody want to swap weather?**_

_**Lythia Harpen**_

_**FletcherTheLegend:**_OK Lythia, sleeping does count as a weekend activity. You win.

_**I_Beat_Rinestarr**__: _You take defeat well! ^ ^

_**FletcherTheLegend:**_ Ah, I guess so. Skulduggery's the one with the ego, not me!

_**SkeletalMemoirs**_ has logged in

_**SkeletalMemoirs**_: What's this I hear?

_**FletcherTheLegend:**_ Oh, go on Skulduggery, you know it's true. *Sticks tongue out*

_**SkeletalMemoirs: **_Do you realise that anybody who calls himself a 'legend' is sure to have an ego the size of a bus?

_**I_Beat_Rinestarr**__: _*shakes head*

_**TheEndOfSanguine**_ has logged in

_**TheEndOfSanguine: **_Hi Lythia! What's new?

_**I_Beat_Rinestarr:**_ Not a lot, Fletcher's pointing out Skulduggery's ego. Where's Val, Tanith?

_**Gordon'sRelation **_has logged in

_**Gordon'sRelation:**_ I'm here! Hi everybody!

_**I_Beat_Rinestarr**__: _Hey Valkyrie!

_**FletcherTheLegend:**_ Hi

_**SkeletalMemoirs**_: Valkyrie, my lovely. Hello!

_**Gordon'sRelation: **_3

_**TheEndOfSanguine:**_ It is true, Skul.

_**Tailor/BoxerHybrid**_ has logged in

_**Tailor/BoxerHybrid:**_ Greetings to Tanith, my beautiful wife. Your stuff is being shipped over now; you'll be able to move in soon. Skulduggery, you know it to be true…

_**SkeletalMemoirs: **_*sighs* I'll admit it just this once…

_**FletcherTheLegend:**_ I'll remember that! Haha!

_**SkeletalMemoirs:**_ *cracks knuckles*

_**TheEndOfSanguine: **_INTERVENTION!

_**Tailor/BoxerHybrid:**_ *sighs*

_**I_Beat_Rinestarr:**_ Fletcher, stop baiting Skulduggery.

_**Gordon'sRelation:**_ I agree whole-heartedly. Leave my fiance alone.

_**TheEndOfSanguine:**_ Where's Stormshadow?

_**I_Beat_Rinestarr: **_He's around…

_**InfamousNecromancer **_has logged in

_**InfamousNecromancer:**_ Right as always…hi. Is it just coincidence we all happen to be on here at the same time?

_**FletcherTheLegend:**_ Um…

_**Gordon'sRelation:**_ Let's call it that.

_**InfamousNecromancer:**_ Anybody heard anything to do with Sanguine?

_**SkeletalMemoirs: **_Val and I are heading out to England to bring him in tomorrow.

_**InfamousNecromancer:**_ If you need help, I'm with the Irish Sanctuary now. I can get you resources when and if you need them

_**SkeletalMemoirs: **_ I'll remember that. Thanks.

_**InfamousNecromancer:**_ No problem.

_**TheEndOfSanguine: **_I'm coming to England, Valkyrie, Skulduggery.

_**SkeletalMemoirs:**_ Fine, if you want to.

_**Gordon'sRelation:**_ YAY *does Snoopy happy dance*

_**Tailor/BoxerHybrid:**_ Count me in, too.

_**FletcherTheLegend:**_ What about me?

_**SkeletalMemoirs:**_ What _**about**_ you?

_**FletcherTheLegend:**_ Well, can I come?

_**Tailor/BoxerHybrid:**_ I have a sneaking suspicion Skulduggery's going to decline…

_**Gordon'sRelation: **_No, let him come.

_**SkeletalMemoirs:**_ WHAT?

_**Tailor/BoxerHybrid: **_WHAT?

_**TheEndOfSanguine:**_ WHAT?

_**InfamousNecromancer:**_ WHAT?

_**I_Beat_Rinestarr:**_ WHAT?

_**Gordon'sRelation:**_ OK, must you repeat yourselves? *laughs* I don't want to listen to his protests for half a day…half a week…half a month…

_**SkeletalMemoirs:**_ Ah. Right that is.

_**InfamousNecromancer:**_ Maybe even half a year.

_**FletcherTheLegend:**_ HEY!

_**SkeletalMemoirs: **_*laughs hysterically*

_**Gordon'sRelation:**_ *laughs more hysterically*

_**I_Beat_Rinestarr:**_ Want to meet at the beach in ten minutes, Fletcher?

_**FletcherTheLegend: **_OK…bye, people!

_**I_Beat_Rinestarr:**_ Goodbye, all!

_**FletcherTheLegend**_ has logged out

_**I_Beat_Rinestarr**_ has logged out

_**TheEndOfSanguine **_has logged out

_**Gordon'sRelation:**_ Hey, where'd Tanith go? She's not stalking them, is she?

_**Tailor/BoxerHybrid:**_ I wouldn't have a clue.

_**BeautifulLibrarian **_has logged in

_**BeautifulLibrarian:**_ Hi, what's new?

_**InfamousNecromancer: **_China! Have a cyber-kiss x

_**BeautifulLibrarian:**_ xxx three for you, Storm!

_**SkeletalMemoirs:**_ *raises eyebrow* you have a habit of dating Necromancers, China.

_**BeautifulLibrarian:**_ *shrugs* well, Stormshadow doesn't nick my books.

_**InfamousNecromancer:**_ And I'm cooler.

_**SkeletalMemoirs:**_ Fair enough.

_**BeautifulLibrarian:**_ Hi, Valkyrie.

_**Gordon'sRelation:**_ Hi. How was today for you?

_**BeautifulLibrarian:**_ Fine.

_**SkeletalMemoirs:**_ I got a bee sting today.

_**Tailor/BoxerHybrid: **_OK... *claps extremely slowly to exaggerate puzzlement*

_**InfamousNecromancer:**_ It's perfectly normal occurrence, isn't it…?

_**Gordon'sRelation:**_ Don't mock him! He hasn't had a bee sting in over a century. Has it swollen, Skulduggery?

_**SkeletalMemoirs:**_ Yes, unfortunately.

_**Tailor/BoxerHybrid:**_ I wonder what Grouse would suggest?

_**TheEndOfSanguine **_has logged in

_**TheEndOfSanguine:**_ I'm back. What have I missed?

_**Gordon'sRelation:**_ Skulduggery got a bee sting today. Where did you go?

_**TheEndOfSanguine:**_ I went to reheat some pasta. I'm hungry.

_**BeautifulLibrarian:**_ That's made me hungry in turn. Well done, Tanith.

_**TheEndOfSanguine:**_ You're welcome.

_**BeautifulLibrarian:**_ I am going to go and get something to eat. Goodbye for the present.

_**InfamousNecromancer: **_If you're hungry I'm taking you to a restaurant. I'll be around in five.

_**InfamourNecromancer **_has logged out

_**BeautifulLibrarian**_ has logged out

Tex-Mex has logged in

_**Tex-Mex:**_ How you doin', all?

_**SkeletalMemoirs:**_ *sighs* Sanguine, you idiot. How did you get on here?

_**Tex-Mex:**_ Ah, I 'ave my ways, Mr Bones.

_**SkeletalMemoirs:**_ I'm a normal human now, Sanguine.

_**Tex-Mex:**_ *sighs* You'll always be Mr Bones to me.

_**Tailor/BoxerHybrid:**_ Skulduggery is now a normal human that punches just as well as his skeleton predecessor.

_**Gordon'sRelation:**_ I suggest you bugger off before we track the computer you're on.

_**Tex-Mex:**_ Well, ther's those wonderful li'l things called Internet Cafés…But y'all wouldn't be so quaint, I reckon.

_**TheEndOfSanguine:**_ I'm going to hunt you down, Sanguine. Hence my username.

_**Tex-Mex:**_ I'm sure there's no way you're gonna get nowhere close to me. Now I'll be seein' y'all sometime.

_**Tex-Mex **_has logged out

_**SkeletalMemoirs:**_ Bugger and buggeration.

_**Gordon'sRelation:**_ We must remember he's a coward.

_**TheEndOfSanguine: **_Oh, yes. SUCH a coward.

_**Tailor/BoxerHybrid:**_ Didn't you kill Sanguine, Val?

_**SkeletalMemoirs:**_ She thought so until we saw Sanguine on the news.

_**Tailor/Boxer Hybrid:**_ Oh.

_**Gordon'sRelation:**_ Yeah. Bummer.

_**SkeletalMemoirs:**_ I sense this conversation is drawing to a close.

_**TheEndOfSanguine:**_ Yeah. Kinda.

_**Tailor/BoxerHybrid:**_ I have a jacket to finish. Come over if you like, Tanith.

_**TheEndOfSanguine:**_ OK.

_**Tailor/BoxerHybrid**_ has logged out

_**TheEndOfSanguine**_ has logged out

_**Skeletal Memoirs:**_ Everybody seems to be pairing up tonight…I can come over to your house if you'd like that.

_**Gordon'sRelation:**_ *laughs evilly* You know I always love your company…

_**SkeletalMemoirs:**_ OK. I'll come over soon.

_**Gordon'sRelation:**_ Cool.

_**SkeletalMemoirs:**_ Oh, and, Valkyrie?

_**Gordon'sRelation:**_ Yes?

_**SkeletalMemoirs:**_ I love you.

_**Gordon'sRelation:**_ I know. Now get your arse over. I'm getting bored.

_**SkeletalMemoirs:**_ *laughs* How charming.

_**Gordon'sRelation:**_ I know. And I shouldn't have to tell you that I love you…you know. 3

_**SkeletalMemoirs:**_ OK xxx

_**Gordon'sRelation:**_ See you soon xxx

_**Gordon'sRelation**_ has logged out

_**SkeletalMemoirs**_ has logged out

GROUP CHAT CLOSED 


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Expression of Concern

"Yup. OK. Yup, that's cool. We'll be there, Val. Bye!" Tanith put down the phone and met Ghastly's gaze. She was at Ghastly's house, and they were preparing to leave for England to capture Sanguine.

"It's all good. Val says Fletcher has agreed to get us there."

"OK."

Tanith walked past, to go upstairs, but Ghastly reached out and held her, from behind. Tanith smiled at the strong, warm arms wrapped around her waist. Ghastly's chin was resting gently on the top of her head.

"I'm worried, Tanith." Tanith couldn't see his face but she knew what his expression of concern looked like.

"About what?"

"Sanguine."

"I've beat him before."

Tanith felt Ghastly's right hand move from her waist, to cover the telltale outward curve of her lower belly. Tanith let her head fall back onto his shoulder. Now she understood.

"Ah."

"Exactly. I'm afraid that if you go into open combat with him, he'll do something that will make you lose our child."

"Your concern is valid…"

"I can't let that become reality, Tanith."

Tanith inhaled and exhaled slowly. "What do you think we should do? You know I want to fight him, but I won't if he knows about my pregnancy…But I can't not go to England just because I'm carrying a child. Think about it. Valkyrie's pregnant as well…you'd lose two people of the team when you need as many as you can get."

"Yes…I know. Would you feel better if the White Cleaver came with us?"

The words hung in the air, for longer than strictly fair. "Well…"

"I've no love for him myself, but he's a good fighter. He can easily beat Sanguine, without the help of Skulduggery, me, yourself, Valkyrie, Lythia, and Fletcher."

"I think we should save The White Cleaver's services for another time."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"OK. In any aspect, I thought four fighters were enough anyway. It was just a suggestion."

"_Six _fighters. Valkyrie and me aren't crippled: we'll do what we safely can."

Ghastly's sigh could be felt by Tanith as it tousled her hair slightly. "I guess so."

"Yes. But if Sanguine somehow knows I'm pregnant…I'll avoid him. He'll be out to make my day miserable."

"Agreed."

Ghastly's hand dropped from Tanith's belly and they separated. Before Tanith went upstairs she gave Ghastly a kiss on the cheek.


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Inconsequential

_**A short chapter, yes, but I am so eager to get to the fight scenes.**_

_**Lythia Harpen**_

Lythia stepped back from the mirror, satisfied. It had taken no trouble to change to her second form.

Fletcher watched on. "The other guys are coming in ten minutes. Maybe you should put something on over that, something more inconsequential."

"Perhaps." Lythia looked at Fletcher. "What would you suggest?"

He shrugged. "I'm sure Val would let you borrow something. Or Tanith."

"I'll go to Val's first. You'll need to Teleport me there."

Fletcher proffered his hand and Lythia held it. There was a lurch, a second or two of swirling darkness and then they were in Valkyrie's house. Lythia began to climb the stairs. Valkyrie's bedroom door was closed. Lythia went to open it.

"Wait," Fletcher called. He bounded up the rest of the stairs, and pressed his ear to the door. He nodded.

"It's fine," he said quietly. "Just Val in there this time."

Lythia frowned questioningly, and Fletcher explained. "Last time it was her and Skulduggery…"

"Ah."

Fletcher knocked on the door and Valkyrie opened it.

"Oh, hi guys." Valkyrie pulled the door open the rest of the way. "Skulduggery has had me reading back over Sanguine's phone records."

"Right." Lythia dawdled, and Fletcher took over.

"As you can see," he began, "Lythia is in her second form. If we're going to walk the streets of England without attracting attention, she's going to need normal clothing as a disguise."

"I get your meaning. Yeah, that's fine." She indicated her wardrobe. "Help yourself."

Lythia nodded, walked to the wardrobe. She picked out a pair of black flares and a long-sleeved blouse, coloured a dark blue.

"Cheers. I can take them off when we get close to Sanguine." Lythia said, pulling the clothes on. Valkyrie shrugged, and then stood.

"I'm going to wait for Skulduggery. You should probably get back to the meeting place."

"That we should," Fletcher answered. "See you soon."

Lythia took Fletcher's hand again and they Teleported.


	39. Chapter 39

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Interesting News

_**Reviews help me to improve my writing…therefore thank you to reviewers for giving me this idea. For those of you that think 15 is too young for Valkyrie to be marrying and falling pregnant, I've found a solution. **_

_**Cheers for the reviews, keep 'em coming!**_

_**Lythia Harpen**_

Valkyrie sighed. The dates and numbers of Sanguine's phone records were all just a blur, as her concentration slipped. When was Skulduggery going to get here?

She put her head on her folded arms and thought about having a nap on her desk. Just as she was drifting off, however, she heard the Bentley's engine.

Valkyrie inhaled and exhaled loudly and then got up, wincing as she put weight on her legs, which had pins and needles.

She picked up the records and clumped downstairs just as Skulduggery knocked on the door.

"Hi, Skulduggery," she said, as she opened the door. Skulduggery gave her a lopsided kiss on the lips and ushered her outside.

"I have some interesting news," he said as they walked out to the Bentley. "Grouse has made a discovery."

"Oh?" Valkyrie raised an eyebrow.

"You know when you and Wreath changed me back this way?" Skulduggery indicated his jet-black hair and fleshy form.

"Yes?"

"Well…apparently there was some sort of warp. When the darkness knocked you and Wreath out. Or so he discovered. According to him, it means you're actually no longer 15."

"What?"

"It's true."

"So how old am I? How many years did it accelerate me?"

"7 years."

"Ah."

"Of course, it doesn't show physically on you, because you use magic and it's slowed your ageing, but I thought you might like to know."

"So I'm actually…"

"Twenty-two."

"Interesting."

"Isn't it? Of course, years don't mean much in this world."

"I know. But still…interesting. How did Grouse find out?"

"I…I don't know. He didn't tell me. But he said it had something to do with the discussion he and Stormshadow had at Tanith and Ghastly's wedding."

"Right. Oh well, it's an interesting turn of events, but I suppose it works to our advantage."

"I agree. 15 years old is too young to be having a kid and getting married…but twenty-two is just fine."

"I'm glad. Now let's go. Fletcher's waiting on us, I think."

"OK."


	40. Chapter 40

Chapter Forty

Come Quietly?

_**By the Gods, I'm up to Chapter Forty already! **_

_**I am up to the bit with Argus in the second Skulduggery Pleasant book…I'm reading over the series for the millionth time. I'm excited for Dark Days. And the whole business with Derek Landy coming to my country, New Zealand, well…that's just spectacular.**_

NightVampyre, I'm glad you liked the way I made those last few chapters, your praise means a lot! ^^

_**HappyLandFill, it was your review that spurred me on to write Chapter Thirty-Nine the way I did and create that circumstance. FanFiction friends forever! Haha. **_

I have a question for everybody. Which is your favourite chapter so far? Between Chapter One – Chapter Thirty-Nine?

Lythia Harpen

"I was wrong," came the drawl. "You guys did a right good job of findin' me. Have you enjoyed bein' normal, Skulduggery? 'Cause it really don't suit you."

Fletcher turned and noticed the way that Skulduggery, Valkyrie, Ghastly and Tanith all had hatred on their faces. This must be Sanguine. The blonde-haired man was wearing a brown suit and wore sunglasses and had a lazy grin plastered all over his 'handsome' face.

He watched as Lythia pulled off the clothing she had borrowed from Valkyrie, now that they were safely down by a lake, unnoticeable. Skulduggery had brought a cloaking sphere and it was in use. No tourists or anything could see them. They were all alone.

"Well, well, this is a new one," Sanguine laughed, as he looked Lythia over. "Where did this pretty li'l angel come from?"

"She's my girlfriend, so you can lose that idea." Fletcher snarled. He placed his front foot forward and settled into a combat stance. Lythia had taught him how to fight competently.

"Will you come quietly, Mr Sanguine?" Skulduggery asked the usual question.

"And how would that be of any fun for me?" Sanguine answered. "Or you, for that matter."

"There are six of us," Valkyrie threatened, "And one of you."

"No, no, no, there's three of me." Sanguine smiled, and then called: "You can come out now, my friends."

There was a rustle and a figure dropped from a nearby tree. She smiled and it was revealed that Rinestarr Harlequin once more stood in front of them. She grinned evilly and Lythia hissed in distaste.

There was a slight ripple in the air, like water in a pond, and another person emerged from nowhere.

The man had pure white hair, although he looked young. His clothes were tight-fitting and showed that he was a muscle man. Maybe even as muscled as Ghastly. He stood taller than all of them (except Ghastly and Skulduggery, to which he was equal) and he appeared casual.

"Oh, but of course." Skulduggery replied. "You can't take us down alone. How very predictable of you to rely on others."

Sanguine ignored Skulduggery's last statement. "I think you've already met Miss Harlequin, she mentioned it. But you ain't seen this fella before. Let me introduce to you Mercury Roan."

"It's a pleasure." Mercury's voice was deep. "I've heard so much about all you guys."

"Right, so you know about our success rate?" Skulduggery mused.

Mercury laughed, waved his arm and Skulduggery was pitched backwards by a gust of air.

"Oi!" Valkyrie scowled. "You don't even know us yet!"

Mercury frowned, and hurled what appeared to be a fork of lightning at Valkyrie. Lythia sprang forward and used her own body as a shield. The lightning hit her instead.

"Lythia!" Valkyrie screamed, but the sorceress sat up, and although she looked annoyed and shaken, appeared to be OK.

Valkyrie glared at Mercury. The sorcerer laughed again.

"No," Lythia answered, her voice strong. "It's OK…I just couldn't let a bastard harm a friend."

Mercury shook his head. "Lythia. I have a bone to pick with you. I challenge you to a one-on-one fight for defeating my sister."


	41. Chapter 41

Chapter Forty-One

Evenly Matched

Lythia gave a weak chuckle. "Sure."

Valkyrie stooped and helped Lythia to her feet.

"Well," Sanguine muttered. "This is a new one on me. Don't reckon I'm gettin' paid for this."

"Are we using physical weapons or magic?" Lythia asked, through gritted teeth.

"Oh, we can start off physical, can't we?" Mercury held out a hand to Rinestarr and his sister placed a long sheathed sword in his outstretched palm.

Tanith threw her sword, in its scabbard, to Lythia and Lythia caught it. She drew it and watched it catch the light.

"Right."

Mercury's lip curled into a sneer, and then he pulled his sword from its sheath and lunged. Lythia blocked his swipe with the scabbard and retaliated with a slash of her own. The two blades met and Lythia smiled as sparks flew. She jumped back and swung, and once again Mercury's blade met her own. Her second form made her superior, but Mercury was fast as well.

Mercury laughed and began a series of attacks, his onslaught matched perfectly by Lythia's skill. They stepped and parried and blocked and jumped and dodged, in an exquisite show of skill and practiced swordplay. Lythia grinned as she dove under the swing of Mercury's blade, and even while she was crouched, brought the blade up to meet Mercury's. Her arm was bent over her head, but it held. Mercury withdrew and Lythia righted herself. Mercury roared and came at her again.

Lythia took the sword in a two-handed grip and evaded Mercury's blade with a step, then sent the steel on a fast trip to decapitate Mercury, but the blade was stopped by her enemy's piece of metal. She cursed and feinted, then stabbed, hoping to take his eye out. He saw the trick and blocked the stab, stepped to the side and whirled the blade around to meet Lythia's.

Both Lythia and Mercury had confidence and stamina and determination. But such was the finesse of both sword-wielders that neither could gain an advantage. They were evenly matched.

"All right. All right. Stop." Skulduggery stepped forward, his hands outstretched. "Neither of you are seeming to get anywhere here."

"Fine," Lythia said. She sheathed Tanith's sword and handed it back to its owner. "Time to bring magic into this."

"I agree whole-heartedly." Mercury passed his blade to his sister and winked. "But we can also use physical attacks. Punches and the like. Yes?"

"Yes," Lythia agreed, albeit reluctantly. "We can."

They looked each other over. Then, suddenly, Lythia commenced the fight.

"For Aslan!!!!!!!!" she cried.

Mercury paused, puzzled. "What?"

Lythia took advantage of his confusion and punched Mercury's nose. Mercury fell his knees and cursed, both hands covering his nose. Lythia stood over him.

"I watched 'The Lion, the Witch, and The Wardrobe' with Fletcher yesterday." Lythia replied, amused. "It had a lot of good cliché lines. Why not use a few?"

Mercury grunted, took one hand from his face, and hammer punched the back of Lythia's knee. Her leg involuntarily buckled and she cursed. Mercury, still on his knees, sent an elbow into the side of Lythia's head. Lythia recovered, however, launched herself up and over Mercury's stooped form, placed her hands on the ground, and kicked both legs out backwards like a donkey. Her feet hit something, although she couldn't tell what, and when Lythia turned she saw Mercury sprawled on his front, cursing, and wiping a split lip. She walked up and got him in a headlock, pulled him upright and wondered what to do next.

And then Mercury showed off an aspect of his Adept discipline. Mercury's neck muscles felt limp and relaxed to Lythia and she frowned, and then she noticed that Mercury was going soft, as if melting. She let go, revolted, and Mercury went back to normal and solidified. He bared his teeth in a grin.

"Ugh!" Lythia said. "Get some normal magic!" As if to prove what normal magic was, she conjured a ball of emerald light and sent it Mercury's way. However, the orb did not strike him, but rather passed right through him and left a hole. As Lythia watched, his torso regrouped.

"This _is_ real magic." Mercury's arm stretched and the punch got Lythia square in the chest. She rocketed backwards.

"I've had enough of this lark," Mercury continued. "Are you going to submit, Lythia?"

Lythia coughed, but then spoke. "Never."

"Then we have a draw. Do you wish to partake in this draw?"

"Whatever."

Mercury smiled, then launched himself at Lythia again. "We're still fighting, just not one-on-one. I hope you had realised that."


	42. Chapter 42

Chapter Forty-Two

Into Combat

_**Certain use of colourful vocabulary means that this chapter is M.**_

_**Cheers**_

Lythia Harpen

Now that the duel between Mercury and Lythia was over, everybody else went into combat. Skulduggery nodded to Ghastly, and they approached Sanguine, advancing on him from both sides. Sanguine grinned and then tunnelled. He was invisible for a time, and then he came up behind Skulduggery and swung a punch into the side of Skulduggery's head. But then Ghastly was there, behind Sanguine, getting him in a headlock. Sanguine went under the ground, taking the tailor with him. Skulduggery sighed and waited for them to come back up.

While waiting for their adversary to return, Skulduggery observed the scene around him. Lythia and Valkyrie were fighting Rinestarr Harlequin, while Tanith and Fletcher were locked in combat with Mercury Roan.

As Skulduggery watched, Fletcher punched Mercury in the solar plexus. Mercury's power that he had disgusted Lythia with had timed out, and so he was now very solid. He cursed as Fletcher sent another punch his way. Mercury caught it, drew back his own fist, and sent Fletcher flying backwards, but then Tanith was there, her foot flying out. It struck Mercury in the jaw. Tanith landed on one knee. Fletcher, who had recovered from the blow he had been dealt, placed a hand on Tanith's back and leap-frogged over her crouching form. Mercury cursed as Fletcher crashed into him, knocked him to the ground, and elbowed him in the nose. They rolled, on the grass, each trying to stay on top. Fletcher fell under Mercury for a second, but then he got his feet under the evil sorcerer and pushed. Mercury was thrown off him.

Skulduggery heard the familiar rumbling and knew Sanguine was coming back to the surface.

Skulduggery watched as Sanguine, with Ghastly holding him around the neck, exploded upward in a hail of dirt and cursed. Skulduggery began to approach Sanguine and Ghastly in case his friend needed help. However, Ghastly waved him away. "I've got this," he spat.

The two struggling figures were swearing, insulting each other, spitting dirt, and fighting for control. Sanguine swung a fist in a general backwards direction, trying to break out of the headlock Ghastly once again had him in. His clenched fist hit Ghastly in the nose and Skulduggery heard Ghastly curse. His friend dropped Sanguine and Sanguine sank back into the ground.

"What's wrong?" Skulduggery quickly walked over to the tailor, who was on his knees and obviously in pain. A steady stream of swear words came from Ghastly, almost as fast as the blood flowing from his nose.

"He broke my fucken nose." Ghastly's words were brittle, spoken through clenched teeth.

"Oh bugger."

"Shit, shit, shit."

"Ouch."

"Shit."

"Do you need medical attention?"

Ghastly got up and shook his head.

Skulduggery sighed. Ghastly was so stubborn. "Fletcher!" he called.

"What?" Fletcher placed a foot on Mercury's chest in an attempt keep him down while he looked in Skulduggery's direction. Lythia's training had proved to be adequate: Fletcher and Tanith had defeated Mercury. Tanith walked up to Mercury, knelt, nodded to Fletcher, and very carefully aimed a punch.

Mercury's opposition to Fletcher's foot ceased as he slipped into unconsciousness. Tanith looked like she was sharing her husband's broken nose as she walked to him. Ghastly was tough, however, and he had stopped cursing and was now just standing with one hand over his nose. He slipped the other arm around Tanith and spoke to her in quiet tones.

"Would you mind Teleporting Ghastly to the Hibernian quickly? I've seen him deal with a broken nose before; it doesn't take him long. He uses a spell."

"Yeah, sure."

"Actually, I should be fine for now." Ghastly said, detaching from Tanith and wandering off a little. "I can wait. I'm fine."

Skulduggery looked at him. "A broken nose can cause untold discomfort."

"Nothing like my mother hasn't experienced."

Skulduggery shrugged. "Your call."

Ghastly shrugged as well. Then Skulduggery remembered that there had been another fight going on. He looked over, but even that had ceased. Rinestarr was once again knocked out on the grass. Lythia smiled and waved. She was sitting on Rinestarr's chest while she checked her cell phone messages. Valkyrie was in the tree that Rinestarr had dropped from, climbing higher in search of a birds nest she had spotted.

"Wow. I never realised this was such a casual affair for you guys!" Skulduggery shouted.

Valkyrie rolled her eyes, then began to climb back out of the tree. "_I_ thought it was casual," she called.

Skulduggery sighed yet again.

"Look out!" Fletcher cried. Skulduggery hadn't even heard or seen Sanguine come back up. The American dived at Ghastly, taking him off his feet, but thankfully missing Ghastly's broken nose. Ghastly kicked him away and regained his footing. Sanguine got up and re-appraised his opponent, and advanced, but everybody saw Ghastly punch Sanguine so hard that he was sent staggering backwards. Once he came to a stop, Sanguine fell to his knees, blood trickling from his nose. And then Skulduggery was there, twisting Sanguine's arm up behind him into a lock. Ghastly cracked his knuckles, shaking his hand to loosen the tense muscles.

"Right, that's got that sorted." Skulduggery dragged Sanguine to his feet. "Now how are we going to keep you in our custody, do you think, Mr Sanguine?"

"You ain't."

"We are."

Skulduggery kept Sanguine in the arm-lock as Fletcher walked towards the two. The American was cursing but he didn't want to have his arm broken, so he wasn't struggling.

"Let's go."

Lythia gave Fletcher a kiss on the cheek, and held his hand. Tanith dragged Mercury over and made sure she was holding Fletcher's arm as well as the captive. Valkyrie made sure she was holding both Rinestarr and Fletcher, and then Ghastly grabbed Fletcher's shoulder with his right hand. He kept his left hand firmly covering his broken nose. Skulduggery made Sanguine stand beside Fletcher and then made his foot go in contact with Fletcher's ankle.

Fletcher laughed at all the people surrounding him. "I'll try and get us at least to the English Sanctuary. I'll come back for the Cloaking Sphere."

And then they all vanished.


	43. Chapter 43

Chapter Forty-Three

A Fine Christmas Present

_**My country is in this chapter. YAY! Even as I write this chapter, I realise that tomorrow is Christmas Eve. Is anybody else excited? I know of at least four distant relatives who are coming home to celebrate. YAY!**_

_**Lythia Harpen**_

"I'm in the business of misery, let's take it from the top,

She's got a body like an hourglass; it's tickin' like a clock,

It's a matter of time before we all run out,

When I thought he was mine she caught him by the mouth,

I waited eight long months; she finally set him free,

I told him I couldn't lie; he was the only one for me,

Two weeks and we'd caught on fire,

She's got it out for me, but I wear the biggest smile."

Tanith and Valkyrie were quietly singing along to 'Misery Business' by Paramore as they flicked through bridal magazines. They were sprawled on Valkyrie's parents' bed, only because it was big enough for both of them to lie on.

"A wedding in New Zealand, huh?" Tanith caught Valkyrie's eye.

"Yeah. Skulduggery's always wanted to go there. The travel agent suggested a place called Lake Tekapo. We Googled it and it looks like a lovely wedding spot. It's a nice lake, blue on a fine day, and it has a small church."

"Nice! We should have a great time. When are you guys getting married? A couple of weeks?"

"Yeah. I'm getting married before the baby means I can't fit into a wedding dress. My parents come next week, just after New Years, did I tell you?"

"No."

Valkyrie paused and bit her lip as she thought about the evident, approaching confrontation. She didn't know how she was going to tell her parents. She didn't know how they'd take the news that she was engaged to be married, pregnant, in love with a man who was over four centuries old, and that she was twenty-two, not fifteen. Not to mention the fact that she had been living a secret double life behind their backs for over three years. It was going to be a hard job.

"I'm going to have to tell my mother and father everything. But it's going to be difficult." Valkyrie sighed and rubbed her eyes. "It's the only foreseeable way to unravel this web of problems I've gotten myself into by loving Skulduggery."

Tanith paused while turning a page and regarded Valkyrie with a concerned eye. "Well, do your best…They'll have to accept it, or else risk losing their only daughter's affection."

A painful lump grew in Valkyrie's throat and she swallowed before it made her cry. "I know. If it goes totally wrong, at least there's Skulduggery. By the way, you can expect a call after then. I'll tell you how it goes."

Tanith nodded. "Oh, this style is nice." She showed Valkyrie the wedding dress depicted in the magazine.

"Mm," Valkyrie muttered. "I want a sort of Greek-style dress though. Only because I look nice in them."

"OK." There was a pause. And then: "What do you want for Christmas? It's only four days away."

Valkyrie thought. "I asked Skulduggery for Paramore's new CD. He said something about 'That's not enough, I'm getting you other stuff as well' but…I don't know. Why do you ask?"

"Because I need to get you something, der."

"Oh. Yeah, I need to get you guys stuff as well. Technically, I'm eighteen now. So that means, I have access to Gordon's fortune now."

"Wow."

"I know."

"That's amazing."

"I know."

"So what do you want?"

"I dunno."

"That's incredibly helpful, Valkyrie."

"Oh, I know."

"I'll find something."

"I know you will."

"If you need ideas for me, though, there's an interesting autobiography on the life of Gordon Edgley that just came out."

Valkyrie laughed. "Tanith, you do realise _I _can detail his life in full for you?"

Tanith's face went a little pink. "Well…"

"It's OK. I'll get it for you. It will make a fine Christmas present."

"Cool."

"By the way, how's Ghastly?"

"Kenspeckle fixed his broken nose within ten minutes."

"Great."


	44. Chapter 44

Chapter Forty-Four

Christmas Morning

_**This is a long, long chapter in my opinion…but I'm satisfied. It's Christmas tomorrow, I realise, as I write this. YAY!**_

_**Lythia Harpen**_

Valkyrie Cain was forcibly woken on Christmas morning by a swift sharp slap to her left buttock. She rolled her eyes and got up her elbows, blinking a lot. Skulduggery's side of the bed was empty. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and ran a hand down her face, blearily returning to the land of the living.

"Skulduggery, you little player…What time is it?" she complained.

"Nine-ish."

"Fine. Yes, yes, I'm getting up." Valkyrie got up and grabbed her black silk bathrobe. She wrapped it around herself and tied the cord around her middle. She arched an eyebrow at Skulduggery, who was standing, humming, in the doorway. He was sloppily dressed in torn, faded jeans and a t-shirt, but he was still the most handsome man Valkyrie had ever seen. She walked towards him and he kissed her on the cheek.

"Your Christmas present is outside." Skulduggery covered Valkyrie's eyes with his hands. Valkyrie sighed, but willingly let him block her vision. His fingers were warm, unlike the skeletal ones that she had known before. He guided her down the stairs (very slowly), down a few hallways and kicked open a door with his foot.

She couldn't see a whole lot through Skulduggery's fingers, but she knew they were outside. The morning breeze tousled her bed hair even more.

"Ta-da." Skulduggery's hands withdrew. She gasped.

"Skulduggery! What madness is THIS?" Valkyrie stood uncannily still, gaping. "You bought me a CAR for Christmas?"

Skulduggery laughed; his blue eyes glittered in mirth. "Yes, I did. And if you look in the glove box you'll find another present."

Valkyrie's eyebrows met, and her eyes widened, in incredulous amazement. Her car – yes, _her_ car – was a sleek, black convertible. Valkyrie noticed the Porsche badge on the bonnet. She looked dumbly at the key that had seemed to materialise into the palm of her hand, and then followed Skulduggery's instruction, unlocking the car with a _beep_ and opening the passenger door. She opened the glove box and pulled out a CD. On the front, a butterfly was depicted.

"'_Brand New Eyes_,'" Valkyrie said. "Excellent." She looked over the car again. "This car is amazing! Thank you very much, Skulduggery. You spoil me too much."

"You're very welcome, Valkyrie. I chose the darkest, sexiest car there was to match its owner."

"I don't think I should be alone with you, Skulduggery…" Valkyrie grinned and settled in the passenger seat, placing one slim, bare foot on the dashboard. She gave him her most vivacious look. "Ha ha. This is going to turn me dirty, this is."

Skulduggery laughed. Valkyrie extracted herself from the car and looked the vehicle over. "I hope you realise I can't even drive? If my attempt at driving that time in the van, with the Grotesquery, is anything to go by…"

"Which is why I have organised your driving test to take place in two weeks time. I'm going to teach you how to drive before that test. It's a mage one, so you can get a full license from one test. Isn't that wonderful?"

"It is indeed."

"Oh, and one more thing?"

"Yes?"

"Happy Christmas, Valkyrie."

Valkyrie smiled and walked over, kissed him.

"You too, Skulduggery."

They walked back into Gordon's house. Even now that she officially owned it, it was still Gordon's to Valkyrie.

"I should really put those croissants on. Oh, and our strawberries and champagne await." Valkyrie put the pastries in the oven and quartered the strawberries. Then Skulduggery popped the cork of the champagne. It fizzed and overflowed, and Valkyrie shrieked as Skulduggery aimed it at her and alcohol-laced foam washed over her.

"SKULDUGGERY!" Valkyrie laughed, snatched the bottle from him, but the bubbling had ceased. She looked at the bottle in disappointment, shrugged and drank from it, then regarded the drenched silk of her bathrobe with a weary eye. She moaned when she saw the kitchen floor, covered in champagne.

"Skulduggery…" she repeated.

Skulduggery laughed and pushed his jet-black hair back a little.

"It was an accident," he said innocently, but the twinkle in his eye betrayed him. "Honest! I'll mop the floor later."

Valkyrie laughed again. She abandoned the strawberries and walked out of the kitchen, intending to go upstairs to change. Skulduggery grabbed her from behind and kissed her shoulder. A grin on her face, Valkyrie tore herself playfully from his grip, and, laughing, ran up the stairs. Skulduggery was right behind her. Valkyrie sprinted into the bathroom, jumped in the shower, but Skulduggery wasn't far away and he got in the shower as well and turned it on. Valkyrie shrieked as ice-cold water struck her head and neck. Skulduggery laughed. Valkyrie bit her tongue and then suddenly the water turned warm; she grinned and kissed her lover. Skulduggery's hands found her own and she suddenly didn't care about being wet. Skulduggery was here, and he was hers.

Valkyrie grinned as Skulduggery turned the water off. She shook her hair like a dog, water droplets flinging everywhere.

"Well, that was refreshing." Skulduggery blinked twice; his hair was plastered to his scalp. Valkyrie's hair hung in clumps down her back like dreadlocks.

Skulduggery stepped out of the shower, leaving a trail of water. "Stay here," he ordered. He disappeared into the bedroom. A few minutes he came back in: he was dressed in one of his suits made by Ghastly. Valkyrie got out of the shower and Skulduggery escorted her out of the bathroom.

"I'll see you downstairs soon," he said, retreating to the lower storey.

Valkyrie laughed quietly and shook her head as she sought out some clothing and a towel.

_He continues to amuse me_, she thought.

When Valkyrie walked back downstairs, Skulduggery had turned the Christmas tree lights on. Valkyrie smiled as she remembered putting the tree up. It had been a hilarious experience with Skulduggery involved. She still hadn't got the image of him covered in tinsel posing as the tree out of her head. Valkyrie leaned against the doorframe. She jumped a foot in the air as somebody knocked on the door. She went to answer it and, as she opened the door, mirrored Tanith's grin.

"Happy Christmas!" Tanith gave Valkyrie a hug and moved further into the house.

"Hi," Ghastly said. He greeted Valkyrie with a nod and a handshake, shook hands with Skulduggery, and followed his wife indoors.

"Ah, let the Christmas stuff begin." Skulduggery returned from the kitchen and put the croissants and strawberries on the table. He poured champagne for everyone and then picked up a croissant and began to tear it apart.

Tanith followed Skulduggery's lead, and then whispered in Valkyrie's ear. "Whose is the awesome car outside?"

Valkyrie allowed herself a small grin. "It's my car."

"What? No."

"Yes. It's Skulduggery's Christmas present to me."

"He bought you a CAR?"

"I know, I couldn't believe it either. What did Ghastly get you? And you him?"

"Ghastly gave me an entire new suit of leathers. They're black and they're so gorgeous. I haven't let Ghastly see me in them yet, probably for good reason."

"Great!"

"I know. I got him a helmet so he can ride the bike if he wants to. You should have seen his grin!"

"That is so cool."

"And what did you get Skulduggery?"

"I…haven't given it to him yet."

"What did you get him?"

"Something to replace his revolver."

"A gun? How did you get your hands on a gun?"

Valkyrie told her about the age warp. "I'm actually twenty-two now, according to the magic world. They've made me new ID and everything. So I can actually legally buy a gun. I now have everything a normal twenty-two year old would have."

"That's weird, but good."

"I agree."

Valkyrie switched her attention to Skulduggery, who was offering Ghastly a croissant. "Skulduggery."

"Yes?" Skulduggery dusted off his hands and raised an eyebrow.

"I have an important present for you as well." Valkyrie got up, walked over to the Christmas tree, and picked up a present from beneath. "Here."

Skulduggery smiled, took it from her. It didn't take him long to unwrap it.

The look on his face pleased Valkyrie: shocked, pleased, and slightly puzzled. She laughed.

"Wow." Skulduggery ran his hands across the cold steel and whistled appreciatively. "A Desert Eagle pistol. Very nice." He passed it to Ghastly, who examined it with a look of admiration on his face.

Ghastly looked up. "Did you get it imported?"

"I did," Valkyrie answered. "I have Gordon's royalties and everything now, so…"

"Well, that's a suitable present for Skulduggery, I must say." Ghastly chuckled and passed it back to Skulduggery.

Valkyrie went back to the tree and threw an oblong-shaped present Tanith's way. Her superior reflexes took over and she caught it. She turned it over, shrugged, and began to open it. She grinned when she saw the title of the thick book she now held in her hands: _The Life and Times of Gordon Edgley_.

"Cheers, Val, Skulduggery." Valkyrie wasn't done throwing presents, however. Ghastly received his, and Tanith watched with interest as he revealed what he had been given.

"Resolute thread!" Ghastly said, an eyebrow raised. He examined it. "I've been looking for some of this stuff for an age. Seriously. I've been looking for over a century. Where did you get it? It must have cost you a fortune."

Skulduggery shrugged. "It wasn't beyond my capabilities. A small present, but I thought you might appreciate that."

"Thanks. It will be put to good use, I tell you." Ghastly toyed with the spool, a smile playing along his lips.

"Valkyrie." Tanith threw Valkyrie a parcel. Valkyrie caught it and untied the ribbon. She stared, open-mouthed, as a dagger, in a hilt, came into view. In the pommel was a small ruby.

"Wow…" Valkyrie turned the weapon over and pulled it out of its sheath. The blade glinted wickedly as she reflected the light off it.

"Thought you might appreciate a physical weapon."

Valkyrie nodded. "Thanks, both of you." Ghastly shrugged as he reached for a strawberry.

"Skulduggery. Last but not least." Tanith again threw a present his way.

"Ah. Awesome." Skulduggery showed everybody the car wax. It was the kind that Valkyrie knew was very, very expensive and very, very good. She winced as the memory of Sanguine saying those exact words came to mind. Skulduggery smiled. "The Bentley's been needing a brush-up for ages."

"Well, I hope that's OK then." Tanith leaned back, and Ghastly put his arms around her. "Merry Christmas, everybody."

Valkyrie grinned at Skulduggery over the rim of her champagne flute as she sipped, and Skulduggery winked back.

This is the best Christmas ever, she thought. 


	45. Chapter 45

Chapter Forty-Five

Like a Professional

_**Strictly M, no kiddies, seriously. Heavy graphic stuff here. I had this suggested in a PM. Hopefully I haven't made a total mess of it. **_

_**Flaring Rhythm, your comment on my Bebo page is much appreciated! Devotion is cool (especially when it is devotion to my FanFiction story *evil laugh*). Many smiles and evil laughs to you from The One Who Should Really Be In The Barmy Army (Or At Least An Asylum).**_

_**Cheers **_

_**Lythia Harpen**_

It was evening. Christmas Day had almost drawn to a close. Gordon's house was empty except for Valkyrie and Skulduggery. 'Snoopy's Christmas' was playing on the radio, and Valkyrie was grinning and listening to Skulduggery singing along. Except, he was changing it to 'Skulduggery's Christmas' and was singing about his fight with Baron Vangeous. His smooth, beautiful, velvet voice never missed a line. He was talented.

"Well," Skulduggery announced suddenly. He got up and turned the radio down. "I hope you enjoyed Christmas with me, Valkyrie."

"I did. It was amazing."

"But however, there is still one small business to attend to…"

"And that is?"

"That car of yours must be christened…"

Valkyrie's grin broke out. "Ah, yes. I had almost forgotten."

Skulduggery twiddled with the tuning on the radio until a waltzy tune came on. He offered his hand to Valkyrie and she took it. Together they went outside, walked to the car. Valkyrie was about to speak but then Skulduggery took over, pinning her against the side door and kissing her long and deep. When he withdrew she found the door handle, but Skulduggery stopped her from opening the door. He nuzzled her neck while he unbuttoned her blouse.

And then, suddenly, they were in the car, despite the fact that Valkyrie didn't remember getting in. She had only her lingerie on, while Skulduggery still had his trousers. Skulduggery's perfect torso was in perfect reveal, however, the dim light from outside carving shadows around his muscles.

Valkyrie was a little surprised when Skulduggery flipped her onto her front, but she allowed it. She shivered as Skulduggery unclasped her bra and electricity danced as he dropped kisses along the full length of her spine. She trembled as she felt his tongue join the invisible dots where his lips had been.

Valkyrie turned herself back over using her elbows and looped her arms out of the lacy garment. She closed her eyes and felt Skulduggery's breath play along her lips before he kissed her again. She distinctly felt the hand on her left breast, so she reached out and gripped Skulduggery's torso. The hand withdrew as he pulled her closer and deepened the kiss. His flesh was burning hot as it came into contact with her own. Skulduggery kissed with ferocity that was welcome to Valkyrie. She was suddenly aware of his tongue in her mouth. At the same time, a hand slid the full length of her leg, to flick the scant piece of material at her hips. She hissed at the feeling rushing through her entire body, and, involuntarily, a guttural sound came from her throat. Skulduggery withdrew and brushed her hair back before planting kisses on her mouth, her throat, her chest, her navel…all of a sudden she realised that he intended to make her his. There would be nobody else.

Valkyrie's last rational, coherent thought was that Skulduggery made love like a professional.


	46. Chapter 46

Chapter Forty-Six

A Dare

"Well…this is cool." Lythia said. Her feet were bare, her legs hanging over the edge.

"Yeah." Fletcher watched the light from the moon dance across the sea. He and Lythia were at the pier. It wasn't the rocky one where the pack of Infected had died; it was another one. This beach was sandy and not dangerous at all. Further out to sea, a few sailboats bobbed on the gentle swell. The moment was as casual as the clothing the pair was wearing.

"I have to go back to New Zealand sometime soon, Fletcher."

He turned to her, his world suddenly punctured. "Why?"

"I have to launch my novel."

"Do you have to?"

"I'm a writer by heart, and New Zealand is my homeland."

"Can I come with you?"

"I didn't say you couldn't."

"Then I will."

"Good."

Lythia shuffled a little closer to Fletcher and rested her head on his shoulder. Fletcher snaked an arm around her waist and held her tight. And then it dawned on him. Why was he so unwilling to leave her? Well, he knew the answer to that one now.

"Lythia."

Her head moved slightly upwards. "Yes?"

Fletcher took a deep breath. "I love you."

Lythia's body seemed to grow even warmer when she answered. "I love you as well."

Fletcher smiled to himself. "Well, that's that revelation done with."

Lythia laughed. "I'll agree to that one."

All of a sudden, she grabbed the front of Fletcher's shirt and jumped into the sea. Fletcher yelped as he hit the water and went under. The water was warm, but the salt stung his eyes.

"Let's go for a spontaneous swim!" Lythia called, once he had come back up.

"That as a _question_ would have been appreciated," Fletcher replied, with a laugh. "But seeing as I'm soaked now anyway, we might as well." He grabbed Lythia's ankle playfully and she pretended to drown. Fletcher laughed again and Lythia grinned. She winked and swam the short distance back to shore, followed by Fletcher. She sat on the beach, Fletcher beside her, and began to sing 1979 by the Smashing Pumpkins. She had enjoyed listening to it at Ghastly and Tanith's wedding; it was one of her favourite songs.

"Shakedown, 1979,

Cool kids never have the time,

On a live wire, right up off the street,

You and I,

Should meet,

Junebug skipping like a stone,

With the headlights pointed at the dawn,

We were sure we'd never see an end,

To it all,

And I don't even care

To shake these zipper blues,

And we don't know,

Just where our bones will rest,

To dust, I guess,

Forgotten and absorbed, to the earth, below."

"You have a good singing voice," Fletcher said. Fletcher leaned in to kiss her then laughed as she launched herself at him. They rolled over and over on the sand. When Fletcher gained the top position briefly, he stuck out a knee and they stopped. He grabbed Lythia's face in both hands and kissed her, trying to communicate all his love through the simple lip-on-lip contact.

"It's not possible to communicate all your love through that simple lip-on-lip contact." Lythia said.

_Dammit_, thought Fletcher. He didn't even wonder how she had guessed his intentions.

Lythia wasn't finished speaking, however. "You've got to step out of your comfort zone to do that." With those words, she pulled off her sodden t-shirt and looked Fletcher straight in the eye, turning a simple glance into a dare.


	47. Chapter 47

Chapter Forty-Seven

"BUT OPTIMUS PRIME JUST GOT KILLED!!!!!"

_**Why does nobody seem to have a good word to say about the second Transformers movie? I will admit that the first movie was better, but I quite enjoyed Revenge of the Fallen…**_

_**If you haven't seen the second Transformers movie and want to, don't read this as you will think I have spoiled it. Your decision.**_

_**Lythia Harpen **_

_**PS. Brownie points and name mentions for anyone who reviews this chapter! **___

Optimus Prime was blasted backwards by a gunshot from Megatron. He hit the ground and spat some pieces of metal from his mouth.

"Is the survival of our race not worth one human life?" Megatron boomed.

"Up! Get up!" Sam Witwicky cried, but his voice sounded small and insignificant.

"You'll never stop at one," Optimus Prime answered, getting to his feet. "I'll take you all on!" Ghastly and Tanith watched on as his hands turned into twin blades. They watched him fight three Decepticons at once. He kicked and elbowed various Decepticons, and dealt out some punches as well. Tanith gave a little gasp of admiration as Optimus cut Starscream's arm off and kicked him away, then jumped onto a second Decepticon's back. His blades turned into hooks and they saw Optimus tear the Decepticon's face in two, in slow motion. "Piece of tin," Optimus spat, jumping off the dead robot's back and kicking it away. He dropped to one knee and looked around. "Sam, where are you?"  
Tanith shrieked as Megatron grabbed Optimus's shoulder and drove his arm-sword all the way through Optimus Prime's robotic torso, in an almost perfect likeness to what the White Cleaver had done to her. He was lifted off the ground by Megatron's sword.

"No!" gasped Optimus.

"You're so weak!" Megatron announced.

The blue and red Autobot scrabbled at the blade as if trying to get it out, but it was too late. His Spark exploded in a red and orange plume of flame, and Megatron pulled the blade out.

In slow motion, Optimus Prime fell to the ground as Sam Witwicky, Ghastly, Tanith, (and whoever else was watching the same part of the same movie at this moment all over the world) watched on. He hit the ground and bounced a little, before he settled on the ground. He looked at Sam.

He fell the final little bit. "Sam…run. Run…" And then his eye lights went out and he died.

"Nooooooooo!" Tanith shouted. She threw a cushion at the TV screen.

Back on Cybertron, they saw The Fallen get up and say, "The last Prime is dead."

"What a wanker," Ghastly said. He saw Sam run and barely heard Ironhide yell, "Autobots! Attack!" Ironhide and Ratchet and Sideswipe began shooting at the Decepticons (Ironhide saying, "Bumblebee, get them out of here!"), but the evil robots had done what they had to. They transformed and got away even as Sam got into the car that was Bumblebee.

"NOOOO!" Tanith repeated.

"He just got SERVED!" Ghastly chuckled.

"HOW CAN YOU FIND THIS FUNNYYYYYYYYYYY?" Tanith yelled. She picked up another cushion and threw it at Ghastly. "This is NOT FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!"

"It's just a movie, Tanith…" Ghastly raised his eyebrows.

"BUT OPTIMUS PRIME JUST GOT KILLED!!!!!!!!!! THAT IS NOT FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"All right, all right."

It turned out okay in the end though, when, through explicit means and a lot of searching (and a near-death experience) Sam shoved the Matrix into Optimus Prime's spark and the robot came back alive. He got a whole lot of new gear from Jetfire, the ancient Decepticon-turned-Autobot. Jetfire committed suicide by pulling out his spark, but not before ordering Optimus to take his parts. An Autobot joined Optimus and the deceased Jetfire with a cable and a whole lot of new parts flew onto Optimus.

"They even gave him a cute little metal goatee! He looks UBER awesome now." Tanith said, when she saw Optimus kitted out in all his new gear, which included giant cannons on his shoulders.

"Let's roll." Optimus Prime said, blasting off with his new jet engines in search of The Fallen. Tanith couldn't help grinning; the act looked so heroic.

The Fallen was making a mini-speech about "I claim your sun" and turning on his doomsday-sun-eating machine when Optimus knocked him off the top of the pyramid. They both fell, and, as they were falling, Optimus used one of his abundant new guns to shoot and break the machine.

"Ha ha." Tanith goaded.

Optimus and The Fallen, after tumbling down the side of the pyramid, hit the pillars near ground level and rolled. Optimus got up and The Fallen said, "Die like your brothers!" and lunged. Optimus shot him back.

"They were your brothers too!" Optimus answered, as he grabbed The Fallen from behind and punched him in the head. The Fallen got out of Optimus's grip and shot him backwards, then Megatron jumped on Optimus Prime's back. Optimus attempted to blast off at the same time and they spiralled and hit a wall. Megatron grew a sword and slashed at Optimus. Optimus was sent stumbling back and Megatron shot him with a gun. Optimus went back further still but then grabbed the edges of two buildings and steadied himself. Optimus grabbed Megatron, despite the fact that the Decepticon was flailing like crazy. He bent Megatron's arm back towards its owner and when Megatron tried to shoot Optimus, the shot came back towards him and sheared half his face off. Megatron made a highly amusing sound of pain, staggered, and Optimus tore his arm off. Megatron fell back and Optimus Prime used his two giant shoulder cannons to shoot him all the way through a building. Megatron tumbled to a stop, and cried, "Starscream!" but it was a weak cry that went high-pitched at the end.  
"Oh, burned!" Ghastly said, laughing.

Next The Fallen came at Optimus, but Optimus owned. First he shot The Fallen with an in-built machine gun, then cut the bottom of his face off with his blade. In retaliation, The Fallen grabbed Optimus Prime's arm and yanked it. Then he put one robotic hand on Optimus's face and pulled one of his shoulder cannons off. Optimus pushed him away and The Fallen conjured up his magic staff/stick thing and tried to attack.

"You picked the wrong planet." Optimus grabbed the staff with both hands, drove it into The Fallen's back and wrenched, sending The Fallen crashing into the side of a building. Optimus then bent the staff around The Fallen's head.

"Give me your face." Optimus said. He pulled the bent piece of metal towards him and The Fallen's face came off. The Fallen screamed, his under-face revealed, then staggered and held himself upright in a doorway. Optimus Prime came up behind him and punched all the way through The Fallen's torso. The Fallen's spark exploded and Optimus reclaimed his arm. The Fallen slowly slid to the ground as Optimus Prime said: "I rise. You fall."

"YAY!" Tanith said.

Ghastly sighed.


	48. Chapter 48

Chapter Forty-Eight

Wouldn't Understand

_**HAHAHAHA, I love making Remus Crux look like an idiot…well, even more of an idiot. HA. **_

I hope everybody had a good Christmas and New Year. Flaring Rhythm, I await your Bebo message so that we can ramble about Skulduggery. QUICK before I go mad! Nobody I know (apart from you) shares the same devotion as I do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_**Lythia Harpen**_

Remus Crux stood nervously in front of the Grand Mage.

"You're fired," said Thurid Guild.

"What?!" Crux's shock was easy to see.

"You're fired," repeated Guild. He crossed to his desk and sat down, rifling through some papers.

"But…why?" Crux protested. His swanky demeanour faded as he realised he actually _had_ been fired.

"You arrested the girl known as Valkyrie Cain without authorisation. You attacked China Sorrows at Aranmore Farm. You also attacked a civilian whilst capturing Miss Cain. I cannot have a potential violent criminal in my sanction."

Crux's bottom lip quivered slightly as the humiliation of the situation swamped him.

Then he spoke. "You're a prick." The insult was pathetic. Guild's eyebrow arched, but he said nothing.

Fighting a sob, Crux turned on his heel and, as he left, waved his hand. Everything in the Grand Mage's office overturned. With a roar, Guild sprang upright. "Cleavers!"

The door opened and there stood two Cleavers. One of them had a pair of shackles; the other was holding his scythe. They both looked very intimidating. They stepped forward and Crux sighed. He forced a contemptuous look on his face despite the feeling that he was going to cry.

The cold steel closed over his wrists and he was pushed onward by the lead Cleaver. They moved quickly down the corridor, and Crux looked up to see a man in a dark green suit approach. Though Crux hadn't seen him before, the way he walked and the confidence emanating from him was unmistakable. He was human now, though, with jet-black hair, a narrow, straight nose, and bright, sparkling blue eyes. Those eyes widened in surprise and the jaw of Skulduggery Pleasant fell open in disbelief. His hands on his hips, he regarded Crux in silent amusement.

"Crux?" The 'Skeleton' Detective looked like he was trying not to laugh.

"Of course it's bloody me." The Cleavers stopped at a wave from Skulduggery and Crux bared his teeth in a snarl. "Why are you here?"

"Why are you shackled and on your way to the holding cells?" Crux didn't answer.

Skulduggery shrugged. "I have a bone to pick with you, but it shall have to wait. I'm here to personally invite Staven Weeper to my wedding…I guess we owe it to him for locking him in his own cell twice…"

Crux frowned, puzzled. "Wedding…?"

"Yes, wedding."

"Who's the bride?" Skulduggery looked at him and laughed.

"What, you didn't hear? I proposed to Valkyrie in Italy. Either you have no social life or nobody tells you anything. _Everybody_ knows that now."

"Valkyrie…Valkyrie Cain?"

"Yes."

"But…she's 15."

"No, she's not."

"Yes, she is."

"No, she's not. How do you think I got back like this? She used Necromancy. It knocked her out. There was an age warp. She gained seven years. God, why am I even explaining this to you? I should've known you wouldn't understand."

Crux scowled and Skulduggery waved a goodbye. He stepped past him and the Cleavers ushered Crux onwards again.


	49. Chapter 49

Chapter Forty-Nine

Flaring Rhythm

_**Couldn't resist, mate. Had to put you in here. : P**_

_**I watched Private Eye last night. You know, the movie with Johnny Depp, set in 1930's Chicago. BRILLIANT movie. But then again, anything with him in it seems to be. And may I mention while I'm at it that he is quite the cute guy…**_

_**Haha. Here's the chapter where you meet me, Flaring! : P Many waves across various oceans from The Kiwi One.**_

Lythia Harpen

Lythia Harpen was in a bookshop in the middle of Dublin, working. Her part-time job meant she could have a bit of extra money, and she had an affinity for bookshops. She smiled when she thought about the fact that _her_ novel would be in a bookshop very, very soon. While she was in Dublin, she might as well work, though.

Lythia was carrying a huge stack of Gordon Edgley's _The Vanishing Night_ to be restocked. She clipped a stand on the way to her goal and a few books dropped.

"Crap." Lythia tried to lean down and grab them, but she was still holding the other books and so it was impossible. "Crap," she repeated.

"Don't worry, I've got it, fellow mage." A random girl walked up, picked the fallen books up, and replaced them on top of the stack of books in Lythia's arms.

"OK. I thought random acts of kindness were rare these days." Lythia smiled at the girl with bright orange hair. The girl was dressed in jeans, a neon yellow singlet top and a pair of battered blue flats. She had several bracelets on. "But thanks. You're a mage?"

"You're welcome." The girl paused. "And yes. I'm assuming you are as well. I just know. My name is Flaring Rhythm."

Lythia dipped her head. "Nice to meet you."

There was a pause, but Lythia could tell this was somehow the start of some kind of friendship.

She continued on to the shelf and manoeuvred the books into place. Her hands dropped by her sides and she turned to face the newcomer again.

Flaring tapped her hand on her leg and hummed to herself. "You know, I'm having a party tonight. Want to come?"

"OK…sure. My name's Lythia Harpen, by the way."

"Ah. Nice one. Have you heard? Skulduggery's back. I am so excited. I so want to meet him sometime."

Lythia tilted her head to the side in amusement. "Ah. Well…I could invite him to your party as well, if you'd like. Him and Valkyrie would probably like to come…maybe Tanith and Ghastly would too…hmm…"

Flaring Rhythm gaped. "You know Skulduggery? And Valkyrie Cain? Tanith Low? Ghastly Bespoke?"

Lythia's grin broke out. "Yeah. I've known them for a while actually. I was part of the team that took down Billy-Ray Sanguine, Mercury Roan and Rinestarr Harlequin not too long ago."

Flaring's eyes went even wider. "That was _you_? I heard about that."

Lythia nodded. "Yup. Would you like me to invite everybody?"

"I would absolutely love that. Do you know Fletcher Renn?"

"I do. I'm dating him."

"WHAT?"

"Yup."

"I know him. He's a friend of my older brother. He visited him not too long ago, actually. He was annoying. I locked him in the wardrobe. He Teleported out, though. And then I got my hand stuck in the toaster."

Lythia laughed.

"He's really annoying," Flaring continued. "How do you stand him?"

Lythia shrugged. "He's gotten better lately. I taught him some stuff and he's not so cocky."

Flaring rolled her eyes. "I don't think he would stop being cocky to _me_."

"I doubt it."

They laughed in unison, and Lythia warily regarded the front desk. "I'm not supposed to talk to the customers while working," she said. "But I get off in exactly twelve minutes. Why don't we meet somewhere, get a drink, and talk? It's weird because I only just made your acquaintance, but…"

Flaring shook her head and the light played along her orange hair. "No, it's all good. I'll come back then." With that, she gave Lythia a wave and walked out of the shop.

_YAY. Decent people still exist,_ Lythia thought to herself. She saw her boss emerge from the back room, and hurried to get back to work.


	50. Chapter 50

Chapter Fifty

Drunk, Adolescent, Young

Skulduggery stuck his head out of Gordon Edgley's kitchen and called up the stairs, "Val! We're going somewhere. Get prepared."

Valkyrie's footsteps were light coming down the stairs. "Where to?"

"Lythia just rang. A chick she met at her work asked her to a party. Then Lythia mentioned she knows us, and, we being the celebrities we are, were extended an invitation as well. Tanith and Ghastly are going too, apparently."

"Then I'm going. Who's the chick that invited us all?"

"Lythia said her name was Flaring Rhythm," Skulduggery came out from the kitchen.

Valkyrie nodded and went upstairs to change. Opening the wardrobe, she went to get something out, then frowned.

"What kind of party is it?" Valkyrie called downstairs to Skulduggery.

"Lythia said Flaring sounded like she was carefree and really didn't give a rats arse about anything mundane in the world."

"OK. Casual then." Valkyrie pulled out a pair of black flares, then changed her mind. She pulled on her black leggings and put her bright green short shorts over that. Then she pulled on a Snoopy t-shirt. She pulled a neon orange belt tight around her waist and pulled her hair into a sloppy ponytail. Crossing to the dresser, she jabbed silver hoops in her ears and put on her skull necklace.

"OK, I'm going wack out tonight, Skulduggery." After shoving her feet into some flip-flops, or, 'jandals' as Lythia called them, she descended the stairs and did her best to ignore Skulduggery's raised eyebrows.

"What?" she asked.

"Nothing." Skulduggery removed himself from the kitchen. He threw the Bentley keys in the air and caught them again. They jangled as they hit his palm. "Let's go."

The light was fading as they drove into Haggard. Valkyrie looked up as Skulduggery pulled up on the side of a street.

"This isn't where she lives," Skulduggery explained. "We'll walk from here. I don't want any pissed people hijacking the Bentley."

Skulduggery and Valkyrie ambled down the street and around the corner. Immediately they saw Flaring Rhythm's house. There were heaps of people milling around outside, and, silhouetted against the window, there were dozens more. Sorcerers and mages, mostly teenagers, filled the house and the front yard. These mages were performing a variety of recreational activities, from making out to throwing lit fireworks into the road. Valkyrie heard a bottle break, and somewhere else, the loud and deep cheer of drunk, adolescent, young men.

"OK, this party's already off to a good start." Skulduggery said cautiously. Valkyrie nodded. Then she continued to walk, Skulduggery following behind.

"I wonder where Flaring's parents are." Skulduggery swept his gaze up and down the street.

"Maybe they let her throw this party."

"Maybe."

They continued on towards the house. As Valkyrie got closer, she felt the music vibrating the ground at her feet. One giant speaker was wired through a window, blasting out familiar songs by Paramore, Guns 'N Roses, The Pogues, The Smashing Pumpkins, Linkin Park and Green Day.

"Good music taste," Valkyrie announced. "Of either Flaring herself or her parents, or somebody here."

As they reached the yard, a group of drunken teenage boys noticed Valkyrie. They staggered over.

"Whatsyurname?" one of them asked. His eyes were glazed and he fought to remain upright.

"My name is Valkyrie Cain," Valkyrie replied evenly. She felt Skulduggery tense beside her, but Valkyrie was in control.

"Yur a fine specimen," another said. His words were slurred and ran together. His eyes dropped to her breasts and Valkyrie crossed her arms, hiding her cleavage from view. That was reserved for Skulduggery only.

Then, Valkyrie held up her right hand so they could see the ring on her finger. "Engaged. Sorry."

Two others of the pack looked at each other. Then the original speaker said:

"What does that matter?"

Skulduggery sighed, then stepped into their field of vision. "She's engaged to _me_."

The whole group laughed. "Oh, whoops." They turned and staggered off elsewhere.

Valkyrie raised an eyebrow, but Skulduggery pointed. There, waving, was Lythia. Beside her was Fletcher, his hand firmly around a can of beer. Valkyrie acknowledged the wave with a nod and made her way over. Skulduggery got her attention and pointed to Ghastly and Tanith, who were standing a way off, and Valkyrie nodded. They separated.

"Hi, guys. You met Flaring yet?" Lythia asked. Valkyrie shook her head no. Lythia was about to say something else when a girl with bright orange hair tapped her on the shoulder. Her excitable demeanour seeped through to Valkyrie at once and Valkyrie smiled.

"Hi, I'm Flaring." The girl glanced at Lythia and asked, "Did Skulduggery arrive?"

"Come with me," Valkyrie said. Flaring high fived Lythia and then followed Valkyrie.

"So, I'm guessing you're Valkyrie Cain, huh?" Flaring pushed her orange hair out of her eyes. "It is such a pleasure to finally meet you."

Valkyrie smiled warmly. "I didn't know Skulduggery and I were that socially desired."

Flaring laughed. "Skulduggery would say it was a burden."

"He would indeed."

The pair approached Ghastly and Tanith and Skulduggery and Flaring grew substantially more excited.

"Hi." Skulduggery looked at Valkyrie, waiting for the introduction.

"Skulduggery, Ghastly, Tanith, this is Flaring Rhythm." Flaring shook hands with all of them, her eyes bright.

"Wow. Skulduggery Pleasant, in the flesh. Literally this time." Flaring shook her head in wonder and then turned her attention to Ghastly and Tanith. "You guys rock. All of you. Cheers for coming. I'll be seeing you around. Cheers from the one with the pet Mexican red-kneed spider." She turned and walked away, dodging the crowds of people.

"Well, this little to-do is interesting," Tanith said. "Is there somewhere I can get a drink?"

Ghastly pointed. "Over there. Come on." He slipped away with Tanith to get drinks and they returned very soon with shots for all. Valkyrie smiled as she tossed her head back, not even flinching as the whiskey went down her throat. She returned her head to normal and saw Skulduggery looking at his empty shot glass. As she observed, he tapped the side of it and muttered, "Hmm…Whiskey is unusually colourless and tasteless."

Valkyrie laughed.


	51. Chapter 51

Chapter Fifty-One

Promoted

While Skulduggery and all the rest of the gang were having fun while getting extremely trolleyed, Ducanti Stormshadow was hanging up the phone, despite the fact that the woman on the other end was verbally insulting him within an inch of his life. _Bloody hell_, Stormshadow thought. _There is _no_ painless way to break up with China Sorrows._

Shrugging, he got up from the couch, stretched, and pulled on his coat. Leaving the motel, he decided to go back to the Sanctuary and get a few more hours of work in. He locked the room and went down in the elevator, hailing a taxi and asking to be dropped off three blocks down from the Waxworks Museum. He walked the rest of the way, entered through the back doors, talked to the wax Phil Lyntott and the Administrator, and stepped into the Sanctuary.

The Cleavers stood uncannily still as Stormshadow walked past them. He was nearing his office when Thurid Guild walked out from an adjoining room, holding a sheaf of papers in his right hand.

He looked up and saw Stormshadow. "Ah," the Grand Mage said. "Just the man I was hoping to meet. Stormshadow, you've been promoted."

Stormshadow blinked. "What?"

"I fired Remus Crux this afternoon, for reasons both complex and fair. Thus, the Sanctuary has no Prime Detective, and, while I have brought Skulduggery Pleasant back into my employ, I do not trust him enough to have this job as of yet."

Raising his eyebrows, Stormshadow appraised the idea. It seemed all right to him.

"OK. I accept the job."

"Good. Oh, and by the way. Do you wish to have a partner? Remus Crux, being the idiot he is, declined to have a partner, but partners are helpful, as the Prime Detective has a lot of work."

"If you think it would be best for me."

"All right then. She is currently here, I think."

Stormshadow blinked. _She?_

Guild gestured and Stormshadow followed him as he led the way back to his office. Upon entry, a black-haired woman looked up. She had violet coloured eyes.

_Adept_, was Stormshadow's first thought. This lady, his partner, was of average height, slim, and looked strong. Dressed entirely in black, she looked slightly intimidating. But when she smiled, it betrayed her image. She was friendly.

"Ducanti Stormshadow, this is Anhinga Volt." The woman smiled again, revealing perfectly even white teeth. But, the pale tint of her skin was unmistakable. This woman had been captured recently, kept out of the sun, and only just been liberated. As Stormshadow watched, she shifted her arm, and it was revealed that her wrists were scarred, and, in some places still healing, from shackles.

"It is a pleasure." Volt had a lot of Scottish in her accent, and something from the Far East. The eyelashes curling above her purple eyes gave her an exotic, mysterious look, and the finely chiselled bones of her face gave her face a haunted, shadowed appearance.

Stormshadow nodded, looked at Guild for an explanation.

The Grand Mage obliged. "Volt, Stormshadow here is a Necromancer. But I trust him, and his discipline is nothing against his character. He recently killed a vampire in Italy, and then came to us. And, Stormshadow, Volt has only just been rescued from the private prisons of the Diablerie. She was captured by Billy-Ray Sanguine after battling him after the Liffey Bridge incident." Anhinga Volt appeared to smile as she remembered the scene.

"I saw him flee from Skulduggery and the rest." Her Scottish accent gave her character. "I couldn't just let him walk away, so I challenged him. He won. I woke up in a cell. I'd been there over a month before I was found."

"Luckily Billy-Ray Sanguine is weak-willed when it comes to interrogation," Guild said affably. "He soon relented and told us where he had locked his captured opponents. We found many Sanctuary agents."

"But surely it is not like Sanguine to just have one secret prison," Stormshadow protested lightly. "He must have more elsewhere."

Guild's head tilted slightly to the side. "I shall make that your first assignment. Interrogate him."

Stormshadow had a thought. "Is he in the Gaol?"

"He is."

"OK. We'll get right to it."

"Good."

Stormshadow inclined his head, and Volt stood. She remained close to Stormshadow's side as they walked down the hallways.

"Have you encountered Billy-Ray Sanguine before?" Volt asked.

"I've heard of him, but I never fought him," Stormshadow asked. "My sister did though."

"Right."

"Are you an Adept?"

Volt looked his way, her footsteps barely audible. "Yes. How did you know?"

"I guessed by your violet eyes."

These violet eyes raised to Stormshadow's own as they continued to walk. "You have a perceptive mind, Stormshadow."

"I guess so. What can you do?"

"Well…obviously I can change the colour of my eyes. The colour depends on my mood, but it helps when I'm trying to go unnoticed. I can also turn certain flowers into gold. Another aspect of my Adept discipline is the way I can bend people's wills."

Stormshadow frowned. "What do you mean by that?"

"Well, when I was captured, for example. I goaded one of the men because he was a bad jailer to me and I escaped twice, before being discovered. He became angry and probably would have performed murder had I not used my skills and changed his mind."

Stormshadow half-laughed, half-sighed. "Nasty."

"Yes."

By the end of this short conversation, they had reached the Gaol.

"We are here to interrogate the prisoner known as Billy-Ray Sanguine." The four Cleavers guarding the door nodded, and one of them swiftly unlocked the door. Two entered the Gaol, to loud jeering from the prisoners, which they ignored. The Cleavers' movements were fluid and lithe as they walked to a cage and retrieved a blonde-haired American from his cage.

"Volt," Sanguine drawled, as he was escorted to them. "So nice to see you again."

Volt raised her hand as if to strike him and he flinched. She exhaled heavily and lowered her arm.

"Do not say anything unless asked," Volt hissed.

Sanguine rolled his eyes. Stormshadow and Volt turned on their heels and exited the Gaol. Two of the Cleavers stayed to guard the Gaol while the ones holding Sanguine followed them to the interrogation rooms.


	52. Chapter 52

Chapter Fifty-Two

Break Up the Party

FLARING…I AM SO STOKED TO BE ABLE TO RAMBLE TO YOU ABOUT SKULDUGGERY. It is truly necessary.

'_**s from the one that runs around in a grass skirt chasing kiwis.**_

_**Lythia Harpen**_

Valkyrie threw another can of beer at Skulduggery and he missed it with one hand then caught it with the other, then tripped and barrel rolled, clutching it to his chest. Valkyrie laughed hysterically and stumbled over to help him up. The Boxing Day party was fun, all right.

He took her outstretched hands and tried to get up with her help, but ended up pulling her over as well. They lay on the ground and laughed. 'Ignorance' by Paramore was playing and Flaring's party was in full swing.

And then things went awfully wrong.

There was the sound of a siren and a number of police cars came around the corner. Immediately people started scattering. Skulduggery laughed but then cursed and regained his footing. Several mortal police officers were already swarming around, cuffing anybody they saw fit. Another Boy in Blue turned the music off and asked to speak with the owner of the house.

"Skulduggery!" Valkyrie was being dragged to her feet by a police officer. She twisted her arms out of the man's grip and sprinted. She grabbed Skulduggery's arm and they ran. She heard the policeman that had tried to cuff her curse and start after them. Skulduggery and Valkyrie jumped over the fence, although not using their powers. Then they ran back to the Bentley, losing their pursuer in the process.

"Well, that was interesting." Valkyrie pushed her hair out of our face, and then had an ugly thought. "Oh, God. Did Flaring or Lythia or anything get arrested?"

"I don't think so. It's kind of a shame the cops had to break up the party." Skulduggery banged his head twice on the steering wheel and fitted the key into the ignition. Frowning, wondering if he was OK to drive, Valkyrie turned as somebody knocked on her window. It was Tanith. Valkyrie's friend was attempting to pull half her hair out and she was shrieking. Valkyrie had never seen her so distraught.

"What's wrong?" Valkyrie asked as Tanith opened the back door and slid into the Bentley. Tanith didn't answer for a while.

"Ghastly got arrested," she finally answered.

"What?" Skulduggery and Valkyrie said in unison, both with eyebrows raised.

"The cops thought he looked intimidating. So they arrested him. Ghastly, being Ghastly, simply allowed it to happen."

"Oh, no." Valkyrie turned to Skulduggery who was sitting there with a look of horror on his face. Lythia mirrored this look as she approached the car as well. The back door opened and Lythia swore.

"I saw what happened," she gasped. "He's just going to be in a cell overnight. It'll be fine, Tanith, really." With that, Lythia put her arms around Tanith and tried to console her. Valkyrie averted her eyes, looked the other way.


	53. Chapter 53

Chapter Fifty-Three

Facepalm

"What are you doing here, may I ask? Y'all are just sittin' here, lookin' stupid." Sanguine sighed and folded his arms, kicking his feet up on top of the desk.

Anhinga Volt smiled and didn't respond. Stormshadow was still reading Sanguine's file.

And then Volt spoke. "What do you think we are here for, Billy-Ray?" The softness of Volt's tone made the question sound dangerous.

"I don't know."

"Yes, you do."

"I'm confused."

"A good actor, are you?"

"I like drama."

"Don't guys get mocked for that?"

"That's gettin' a bit mean."

"You're getting off-subject."

"What is _on_-subject anyway?"

"You mean you don't know? That is utterly idiotic."

"Volt, Volt, Volt. Answer me truthful-like. Why the hell am I here, darlin'? Y'all better tell me what you're doing here, or there is _definitely _nothing I can tell you. Not that I would."

"Where have you hidden away more of your captured opponents?" Volt smiled at Sanguine, and Stormshadow looked up in time to see her eyes change from purple to bright yellow and then to an electric orange.

"Now how the hell would I know?" Sanguine drawled. His grin betrayed the fact that he was actually lying.

Volt sighed, and closed her eyes. Her brow furrowed, and in a sudden outburst, Sanguine said, "." He then swore and hit his own face in a 'facepalm' motion.

"Thank you, Billy-Ray." Volt lowered her head and wrote that down.

Stormshadow half-smiled. "Well, that was easy."

"Indeed."

They rose and exited the cell. When they left, they ran into the newly human Skulduggery, who was talking to a broad-shouldered, bald man with pale blue eyes.

"No way…" Volt breathed. "Bliss???"

He looked up, startled, and Skulduggery froze in mid-sentence as he, unusually, gaped, and gave a rare smile. They were all shocked, as he was actually showing some emotion for a change.

"Volt?" The single word made Volt snap and she launched herself at Mr Bliss, giving him a hug that Stormshadow knew would crush a normal man.

"But…how?" Volt asked, once she had both feet on the ground again.

"Before I went to Aranmore, myself and several other sorcerers decided to test an object we had been working on for some time. It is an Echo Stone, but it is placed within such another object that the person who is imprinted onto the stone is not just an apparition, but a solid being. In this case, myself."

He took out a small box, within which Stormshadow knew the object lay. "I carry it on my person at all times," Mr Bliss continued. "As long as it is not disassembled, I shall stay this way."

Volt nodded slowly and she clamped both hands over her mouth excitedly. "This cannot be happening."

Bliss smiled again, not taking his eyes from hers, which were now an extremely bright gold. "It is. And so now I must rejoin my fiance, it seems."

Skulduggery gave Mr Bliss a thunderstruck look, his mouth hanging open. He closed it to a reasonable degree and said, "you have a fiance???"

"Indeed," said Mr Bliss, his pale eyes settling on him. "I reserve most of my emotion for when I am with Anhinga. It is good to hear she is liberated."

Skulduggery's mouth fell open again. Volt glanced up at Stormshadow, bouncing on the balls of her feet. Her eyes were a lime green now.

"Can I meet you later?" Stormshadow nodded yes and Volt sloped off with Bliss, no doubt to catch up. Skulduggery and Stormshdow wandered aimlessly to Sanguine's cell door and exchanged puzzled looks.


	54. Chapter 54

Chapter Fifty-Four

Over-excited

"Alright, Skulduggery, get motivated. Tanith's coming over in an hour."

Valkyrie, blissfully hangover-free, attempted to shake Skulduggery awake. He mumbled something like, "geroff me," and didn't wake up.

Valkyrie sighed. Skulduggery and Ghastly had been drinking last night. She and Tanith hadn't been, because they were pregnant. The whiskey Valkyrie had drunk last night was a type of mage whiskey, that, while having the fire and taste of whiskey, was completely null of alcohol. Therefore, it was ideal for Tanith and Valkyrie. And so that was what they had been drinking (still sparingly, of course), while Skulduggery and Ghastly went for the harder stuff.

"Come on Skulduggery!" Valkyrie again attempted to shake her fiance back to earth. He groaned and slowly came back to life. Resting himself on one elbow, he groaned again and stared bleary-eyed up at Valkyrie.

"What? I'm not as think as you hung-over I am." Valkyrie laughed and walked out of the bedroom, humming "I am one," by the Smashing Pumpkins as she went.

"Tanith's coming over in fifteen minutes," she called back. She heard him curse, but knew he would be getting up.

Walking down the stairs, a song came into Valkyrie's head. She hadn't listened to it in an age. She sang it as she walked out to the kitchen.

"Now come one, come all to this tragic affair,

Wipe off that make-up, what's in is despair,

So throw on the black dress, mixed in with the lot,

You might wake up and notice you're someone you're not,

If you look in the mirror and don't like what you see,

You can find out first hand what it's like to be me,

So gather round piggies and kiss this goodbye,

I'll encourage your smiles, I'll expect you won't cry!"

"Oh, that's a charming little piece of song." Skulduggery clumped down the stairs, rubbing his eyes. "Do you actually listen to that depressing stuff?"

"It's not depressing," retorted Valkyrie. "It's _emotive_."

Skulduggery rolled his eyes, a smile on his face. He slapped Valkyrie's arse on the way to the cupboard, eliciting a "hey!" from her. He gave a smile and put the jug on.

Valkyrie made herself some breakfast, put the dishwasher on, and waited for Tanith. Soon they heard the roar of the motorbike, and there was a knock on the front door. Valkyrie went to answer it while Skulduggery finished the last of his coffee.

"Hi, guys." Tanith gave Valkyrie a weak smile and stepped into the house. "According to the cops, it's nothing on his record."

"That's good, at least." Valkyrie stuck her head into the kitchen. "Skulduggery? You ready to go?"

"Yes, ma'am." There was a clatter and he walked out into the hallway.

"Come on." Valkyrie locked up the house and threw Skulduggery the key to her car. "You're driving the Black Devil. I can't yet."

Skulduggery gave a deft nod and beeped the locks. They all got in and with a crunch of gravel, Skulduggery turned the car and drove out.

The drive to the mortal police station took about twenty minutes from Gordon's estate. Valkyrie insisted on putting Twilight to Starlight into the CD player, the second disc of Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness. Valkyrie tapped the dashboard along to "Where boys fear to tread' as Skulduggery made his way into Haggard.

They pulled up outside the station, and Tanith seemed to materialise outside of the car, such was her eagerness to get Ghastly back. There was a slight popping sound and Fletcher _actually_ materialised. Lythia was holding his arm.

"Hi, people." Lythia said. "Pity Fletch had to go home earlier last night, or he could have Teleported me home. We here to get Ghastly?"

"Apparently," answered Skulduggery, earning a slight glare from Tanith that vanished as soon as it came.

Once again together, they walked inside. Tanith left the others in the waiting area and went to converse with the lone police officer. "Yeah, okay," he soon said, producing a set of keys.

Ghastly was soon being hugged as he was let out of his overnight cell.

"You okay?" Tanith asked.

Ghastly shrugged. "I've been worse. Hey, isn't that Flaring?"

Flaring Rhythm had suddenly appeared and was now talking to the police officer. All of a sudden, she caught Tanith's eye and winked, before leaping behind the policeman, grabbing his handcuffs, and cuffing him. The police officer cried out, but Flaring quickly knocked him out.

"What the hell was that for?" Tanith said, half-laughing, her eyes wide and her mouth agape, as the officer pitched forward and lay still. Ghastly wasn't much different. Flaring went to jump on the police officer, but Tanith caught her.

"Oh, you know," Flaring answered, with a shrug and a smile. "I'm over-excited. Is Lythia here?"

"I think so."

"Great."

And they walked back into the main building together as if nothing had happened.


	55. Chapter 55

Chapter Fifty-Five

Sullen and Worried

_Hey guys, guys…couldn't resist doing an ultimately sentimental scene. And neither could I resist making a reference to The Rocky Horror Show. Never will I get out of my head the image of my Hard Materials Technology teacher in a skirt and heels, dancing to 'Time Warp' in an imitation of The Rocky Horror Show at the teacher's cometic concert last year…oh dear…however, life is so, so sweet…_

Flaring, thanks for the extremely long and pleasantly pointless conversation on MSN, in which we skimmed various subjects and generally rambled. I truly loved talking to you and hope to do so again very soon. Hmm…just looking at world time on my phone…try to be on MSN at…8.00 am tomorrow and I'll try to be on around 8.00pm…we in NZ are twelve ours ahead of you. We'll be able to talk…if you're not at school, shite, I think you are…maybe we could work something out. Soon.

Anyway, thanks to all my readers, and please keep the reviews coming if you want more updates!

Cheers,

Lythia Harpen

After New Years (another party at Flaring's house), Valkyrie grew sullen and worried. Skulduggery kept asking her what was wrong, and Valkyrie just kept shaking her head.

One day, when she was sitting on the roof of Gordon's house, she thought in earnest. Yes, her parents were going to be shocked, but she thought they might be okay with it…

She leaned back so she was lying flat on the roof, gazing up at the starry sky. She spotted several constellations, and then she heard footsteps on the roof. She sat up and looked around as Skulduggery approached. He sat down awkwardly beside her, but soon arranged himself comfortably. Valkyrie let him hold her close, closing her eyes.

"Valkyrie. You've been avoiding my question all week. What is the matter?"

She sighed, opened her eyes. She didn't reply.

"No, that's what you did every other time," Skulduggery persisted. "I need to know. Seriously. If you're going to marry, you need to learn of communication."

"I know of communication," Valkyrie shot back. "It's just…I can't predict what you're going to say. You'll most likely feel bad."

"So?"

"Fine. My parents get back tomorrow. I have to tell them everything, including magic, the secret life I've been living for three years, you, having a kid with you, engaged to marry you. That is not easy, Skulduggery. If all goes wrong…I'll lose my parents affection forever."

Skulduggery sat still and quiet for so long that Valkyrie began to wonder what was going on inside his head. He drew her closer, if that were even possible, and she heard his velvet voice. His words were spoken with caution, but reassurance.

"Valkyrie. You're their kid." He paused, and Valkyrie swallowed hard. "There is…there is nothing more…binding than having a child." He paused again. "The love is much deeper than any other. So deep that all but the most extreme circumstances can sever that. It's –"

Skulduggery's voice broke suddenly; Valkyrie turned and was shocked to see a lone tear rolling down his cheek. His blue eyes were brighter than before, tragically so. She broke their embrace to brush it away.

"Skulduggery…?" Valkyrie asked gently. "You're thinking of them, aren't you?"

His head dipped, and he drew his knees up to his chest and placed his chin on them, staring at Orion's belt.

"I let them get away too easily," he said, in a low voice. "I should have watched over them more. Serpine managed to kill them too easily…my wife, and she knew what was happening only at the last second. And my daughter. My sweet, gorgeous, loving daughter, barely past seven…that innocent face, losing its life almost instantly, all because of me…the guilt has stayed to this very day, Valkyrie. I cannot even fathom what my life would be like with them still around. It might be happier, or yet more sad. Serpine killed them, and he killed me, and while I returned, there is a part of me that stayed dead. A part of my heart, I think."

Valkyrie stared at him, open-mouthed. Skulduggery had never had such an outpouring of emotion before, at least since she had known him.

"So when I say, just tell your parents, I mean it. They cannot prejudice me, for I believe I am a worthy life partner for you, and if they value your love, they will accept that. Above all, they will always love you. Never forget that. I have been there. I have known. The deadened part of my core is a tribute to it."

Valkyrie continued to stare. There was silence for a while.

"Well," said Skulduggery, getting up. "Sorry to plague you with these heavy thoughts. Why don't we go in and see what late-night movies there are on?"

Stiff-necked, Valkyrie nodded. He helped her to her feet, like a true gentleman, and they walked to the edge of the roof.

"After you," he whispered.

She smiled, jumped off the roof and flexed her fingers to ease her descent. She landed lightly and turned to wait for Skulduggery. He leaped from the roof and displaced the air beneath him as well. He held her close as they walked inside.

Soon after, they could be seen in front of the television, curled up on the couch together, picking at caramel popcorn and laughing hysterically at the events happening on _The Rocky Horror Show_.


	56. Chapter 56

Chapter Fifty-Six

Tell You Everything

For Valkyrie Cain, doomsday came not in the form of world-endings or death, but in the sound of car doors slamming outside her family home, and the call that echoed up the stairs.

"Stephanie! We're home!"

The reflection was back in the mirror; it was the real Valkyrie that wrung her hands and bit her lip. Her grandmother had dropped her off here half an hour ago.

Deciding she would have to face them with a cheery façade, Valkyrie left the bedroom and tread softly when descending the stairs.

"Hey, mum, dad," she said, smiling at her parents. Her grin faltered when her mother gave her "the look".

Melissa Edgley had her hands on her hips and a staunch expression.

"Has something serious happened? I saw right through that smile, honey," her mother said, picked up her bags again and dropping them in the hallway. "Australia was awesome, but what's been happening, darl?"

"It's been happening for over three years now," Valkyrie answered quietly.

"What has?" Valkyrie's mother yawned and rubbed her eyes, and beckoned Valkyrie's father into the house. "Come on, Steph, tell us what's on your mind and then we'll all get some sleep."

"You have jet-lag, mum. It's ten o'clock in the morning, not the night." Valkyrie paused, wondering how to put it.

Her mother stared. Valkyrie was trying to unravel her tied tongue.

"OK," she decided on. "OK. Well, you remember Skulduggery Pleasant, right? The guy you first saw at Uncle Gordon's funeral? With the hat and the overcoat?"

"Yeah, I remember him," Valkyrie's dad said, leaning on the doorframe. "Beryl's little outbursts tend to stick in your memory."

"Well…I'm his apprentice."

"What?"

"Apprentice."

"So you mean…"

"Yeah. I first asked to accompany him on his mysterious adventures after he saved my life, that first night when I stayed at Gordon's estate."

"I thought you looked bedraggled…" chided Valkyrie's mum.

"You had no idea."

And so Valkyrie launched into an explanation of Skulduggery's rescue, and the first little adventure they'd had, and her new name. She went on to detail her vigorous training, her new name, and also Tanith Low and Ghastly Bespoke and China Sorrows. She mentioned the Elders and explained the defeat of Serpine in detail. She also told them about Baron Vengeous and the vampire Dusk and the Grotesquery. After retelling the story of the Diablerie and The Faceless Ones, she told them the lengths she had gone to get Skulduggery back. Once she had finished speaking, there was a stunned silence.

"Well…" Valkyrie's father said. He was as white as a ghost. "It fits, for sure…I mean, my grandfather and Gordon were both right, weren't they? There is a subculture."

"I…don't believe it." Valkyrie's mother had both hands over her mouth, and they muffled her words.

"But…that's not all," Valkyrie took a deep breath. "I…am now Skulduggery's fiance. And we have to marry soon if we don't want a bastard child."

Valkyrie's mother's eyebrows contracted. "You mean, you're pregnant?"

"Yes," came the reply.

"OK." Her eyebrows went back to normal. "Well, then that's settled. Just checking."

Valkyrie stared at her parents in quiet amazement. "What? No objections?"

"We trust your judgement," broke in Valkyrie's father. "And no matter what, you're still our daughter."

"One thing though…" Valkyrie's mother said. "I thought you always said you weren't going to have a baby until you were at least twenty…?"

"Oh," Valkyrie answered. "Yeah. That." And she quickly explained the age warp.

Her parents shrugged in such unison it was uncanny. "OK."

Valkyrie could not believe what had just happened. Grinning, she hugged her mother and then her father.

"Thanks, mum and dad. That's made everything so much less complicated. I'm going to get Skulduggery to pick me up, and drop me back off at Gordon's. Oh," her parents were glancing at each other with raised eyebrows, "Me and Skulduggery set up home there. I have a car and everything. It's been an interesting time, while you've been holidaying. I've met so many new people; it's been great. Lythia and Flaring and Ducanti…awesome."

"Well, Steph, if you're happy that's all that matters," said Valkyrie's mother with finality. "That's all that matters."

Valkyrie nodded. "I am happy. And you've just ensured that remains the same. You're the best parents any girl could want." She choked both of them in a hug, and then went to ring Skulduggery.


	57. Chapter 57

Chapter Fifty-Seven

The Vampire's Assistant

I found the official Lythia Harpen top today in a shop we have here in NZ called Pagani. Waistcoat styled at the top, except it comes down past the hips, kind of as long as Valkyrie's second coat…and a zip down the front, from the top of it to the navel, and a belt-style clasp a bit below that…awesome. I unfortunately could not conjure sixty bucks from thin air though. However, I shall hopefully have that soon…

_**Apologies to my readers. In chapter fifty-three, "Facepalm," Sanguine's forced reply was supposed to be, "twenty-miles-from-Bancrook-Castle-to-the-east." Unfortunately this did not appear…**_

_**This chapter is dedicated to Flaring Rhythm, one of my most…uh…dedicated readers! =]**_

_**Lythia Harpen**_

"Hey Ghastly. We're going to Fletcher's birthday." So said Valkyrie to Ghastly. Ghastly looked up from the coat that he was working on. He had spent half the day helping get Tanith permanently instated at his home, and now he was listening to familiar jazz songs, relaxing. Valkyrie and Skulduggery had just arrived. They were all going to see The Vampire's Assistant, on Valkyrie's request, and then they were going to go for a meal somewhere. Valkyrie was happy because she had talked to her parents, who had got back this morning, and they had been OK with everything. A little worried perhaps, but that was to be expected.

"Really?" Ghastly reached for his pinking shears and finished an edge. Satisfied, he tested the shoulder seams, and, crossing to the other side of the room, slipped it onto a mannequin so he could work on it more easily.

"Yup. The 10th." Valkyrie answered cheerily. "And he's invited Flaring Rhythm as well, and she's bringing some friends of hers, a couple of girls called Shakra Flame and Druna Malgood. And some school friends of his. And then there's us. So, pretty much, it's going to be a bunch of highly immature people."

"You're counting us in there?" Ghastly asked, pausing with a needle half-threaded and raising an eyebrow. "Surely Skulduggery and Tanith and I aren't immature?"

"Well…" Valkyrie replied. "Tanith could be seen as immature…at times…so could Skulduggery…but you're fully mature. Feel honoured."

Ghastly laughed at that.

"There's more," Valkyrie continued. "Fletcher and Lythia broke up last night. But they're determined to stay friends. Lythia's coming to the do as well."

"Nice to hear it," said Ghastly truthfully. "Are we ready to go? I've been ready to go for the last half hour."

"I think Tanith's just finishing up now. Actually, that reminds me, I need fresh lip liner." Valkyrie scurried from the room and Ghastly dusted off his hands, looked at the half-finished coat with contentment, and went out to the hall. Skulduggery was amusing himself by repeatedly pushing the air and knocking a buzzing fly off course. He looked up when Ghastly came in, muttering to himself.

"She ready yet? I always manage to forget how long women take to prepare," said Skulduggery, a trace of amusement in his voice. "For guys like us, it's chuck clothing on and we're ready to go."

"I've noticed that a lot since Tanith moved in. She does well as a wife, though. Brilliant cook. And there's never a dull moment…I suppose Valkyrie was right before…"

"What was she saying?" inquired Skulduggery.

"Oh, nothing urgent." Ghastly checked his watch and scowled. "I hope they finish up soon, we really have to go."

Right on cue, Tanith and Valkyrie entered the room. Ghastly took in Tanith's clothing: black flares, a belt with a Rolling Stones buckle, a tight-fitting black criss-cross top that showed off her muscled arms, and chandelier earrings. On her feet she wore black flats. Ghastly gave a nod, threw the car keys to Tanith, and pulled on his coat. Skulduggery got to his feet and took Valkyrie's hand. Valkyrie was wearing a tartan miniskirt and leggings, a pair of black high heels, and a nice black top that had ruffles down the front. Although she was nearly a month pregnant, she didn't yet have a distinctive baby bump like Tanith. Ghastly suspected this was highly to do with her stature and, as Skulduggery put it, her "ability to look gorgeous no matter what." Ghastly noticed the Jim Beam logo on Valkyrie's top and forced down a laugh. She had backcombed her hair, giving her an intentionally wild look, and her eyes were prominent because of the mascara and eyeliner she had on.

As Ghastly nodded vaguely at the door, and Valkyrie and Skulduggery passed him, he distinctly heard Valkyrie say: "well, if I can't drink it I might as well wear it."

_Fair enough_, thought Ghastly to himself. He locked the door and walked out to the car. Tanith was already behind the wheel, one hand in her tousled blonde hair, humming to herself. Valkyrie and Skulduggery were in the back.

Ghastly got in the passenger seat and Tanith started the car. As soon as the car started, the stereo began to play.

"Wait! I brought this with me." Ghastly heard Valkyrie searching for something. Tanith, one eye on the road, took the CD from Valkyrie.

"Ah! My Chemical Romance. I haven't listened to this stuff in an age."

"Me either," came Valkyrie's reply.

Skulduggery sighed in the back; evidently it wasn't one of his favourite bands.

"It's not that bad," Tanith said.

"It's a little too depressing for me."

In unison, Tanith and Valkyrie said, "It's not depressing! It's _emotive._"

Tanith caught Valkyrie's eye in the rear view mirror and laughed. Skulduggery sighed again and Ghastly raised his eyebrows.

In fifteen minutes, they had arrived at the mall. Tanith parked in one of the parking buildings and they all got out. They walked for a short time, took the elevator up to the movie theatre, and went to buy tickets.

"OK…" Skulduggery turned, taking everybody's money. He turned back to the lady behind the counter. "Four tickets to The Vampire's Assistant, please."

The lady took their money and printed the tickets without another word. She gave them a half-smile and they walked away.

"OK," repeated Skulduggery. "We have quarter of an hour. What do you want to do?"

"I want to buy more hair extensions," Valkyrie answered. "Let's go downstairs, there's a cool shop down there."

Skulduggery nodded, and neither Ghastly nor Tanith objected, so they went down the escalators to the level below. Ghastly was attracting stares from passers-by.

"So nice to have the eyes on someone else," Ghastly heard Skulduggery mutter. He laughed, and then they'd reached the shop Valkyrie wanted.

"OK, we'll be back soon." Valkyrie and Tanith walked into the shop.

Ten minutes later, they reappeared. Valkyrie now had green, red and purple streaks at the front of her dark hair.

"It's OK," Valkyrie laughed, taking in Skulduggery's horrorstruck look, "they're just clip-ins."

Ghastly laughed again, not unkindly. Skulduggery laughed as well, taking Valkyrie's hand and leading the way back up to the theatre.

"Hahaha, suckers," Ghastly laughed. There was now a huge queue of people at the ticket desk, and they half-expected to see steam billow from the ears of the woman behind the counter.

They bought popcorn and other stuff and then surrendered their tickets and went to cinema 8.

"Awesome, we're in the very back row," Tanith murmured.

They settled themselves and watched the poor sods that were now battling the crowd to get to their seats. Even the 6.30 movie was packed.

Before long, they were forced to endure several ads of which they took no notice whatsoever. And then ("Finally!" muttered Valkyrie) the movie began.


	58. Chapter 58

Chapter Fifty-Eight

Lovegame

You can call me a wuss, but I just finished Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince with a tear in my eye. NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not D…wait, not telling. I'm not being a spoiler for anybody who has yet to read it. But the funeral was very sad…

_**!!!Tuna!!! I have!!! Tuna!!! **___

_**Oh, and there is severe M Valduggery here. On the request of a Valduggery enthusiast who I dearly want to meet some day.**__** With a tuna fish sandwich in my hand I feel a lot more inclined to aquiesce to their request.**___

_**Lythia Harpen**_

"That was EPIC."

"I agree whole-heartedly."

"Did you notice that Darren seemed to have…well, incredibly good looks…"

"I did. I liked Steve more though."

"What? He's evil."

"Meh. Anyway, I love the whole idea of flitting. And, haha, the whole 'super-spit' thing was well-done."

"Mr Crepsley is awesome. I hate Mr Tiny."

"Yes and yes. Is it possible for Mr Tiny to have more chins?"

"I wouldn't have thought so."

Skulduggery listened to Tanith and Valkyrie's animated conversation as they walked back to the car. He had, admittedly, quite enjoyed the movie, although it was more for young adults than 400+ ex-skeletons.

Ghastly had said nothing, but had been shaking his head quite a lot.

"Well," Skulduggery said, hearing his own voice cut through the women's conversation. "Where should we go to eat?"

"Oh, there's a bar over there." Tanith pointed, and, indeed, a well-lit pub was perched on the corner of the street.

"Excellent."

They entered the bar. Tanith was now visibly getting more energetic.

"Maybe we shouldn't have given her those two 'Mother' energy drinks…there's 52 grams of sugar in each…" Ghastly said to Skulduggery in a low voice, watching Tanith attempt to pick up a bench and failing to notice it was set into the floor. Skulduggery laughed and Ghastly went to calm her down. Meanwhile, Skulduggery walked up behind Valkyrie and slunk both his arms around her waist. He felt her grab his hands hurriedly, as if worried a complete stranger had latched onto her, but then she relaxed as her touch skimmed over the familiar scars on his hands and she recognised him.

"Skulduggery," she murmured.

"When we get back to Gordon's…" he whispered, tightening his grip, trying to make sure she understood…

"Shh," she replied, turning and placing one finger on his lips. "I know."

He smiled, then kissed the top of her head and detached himself so he could buy her a drink.

The night passed in a blur of noise and music and laughter and general amusement. For Skulduggery none of it mattered though…he was just waiting for the time that he and Valkyrie would have alone.

At last, (Skulduggery having barely eaten anything), Skulduggery and Valkyrie and Ghastly and Tanith decided to retire for the night. Valkyrie and Tanith hugged, and Skulduggery hailed a taxi while Tanith unlocked Ghastly's car.

And then they were in the back of a taxi. Skulduggery remained close to Valkyrie for the whole trip, and she was of equal mind; while he stroked her hair, she whispered words of affection so low that the driver could not hear. But Skulduggery could, so he smiled, and kept caressing her dark locks.

"Will the kid be okay?" she asked.

"Yes, it'll be fine."

Before long, the taxi ride had ended, and Skulduggery paid the driver. Valkyrie watched the car roll out of the huge iron gates, then grinned at Skulduggery and unlocked the front door.

"I'm going up to change," she said, winking. She climbed the stairs and Skulduggery went to sort out the pile of mail that had accumulated over the last few days. Once finished, he went upstairs.

Valkyrie was listening to Lady GaGa and was half-undressed when he caught up. Grinning, he closed the bedroom door and alerted Valkyrie to his presence by saying, "let me help you with that."

Valkyrie turned, smiled, just as the song ended and clicked onto the next. Lady GaGa began singing straight away:

_Let's have some fun, this beat is sick, _

I wanna take a ride on your disco stick.

_Let's have some fun this beat is sick, _

_I wanna take a ride on your disco stick _

Skulduggery grabbed Valkyrie's waist because she was dancing to this particular song; he laughed and danced as well, because whatever she wanted was no blight on his dignity.

_I wanna kiss you _

But if I do then I might miss you babe (Valkyrie dodged under a kiss from Skulduggery, laughing)

It's complicated and stupid, got my arse squeezed by sexy Cupid (Skulduggery appeared at this moment to be Cupid)

Guess he wants to play, wants to play, a lovegame, a lovegame

Valkyrie turned and continued dancing, except now her arms were around Skulduggery's neck and were hips were swaying in exact time to his.

_Hold me and love me, just want to touch you for a minute, _

_Maybe three seconds is enough for my heart to quit it _("I doubt it," muttered Skulduggery underneath Valkyrie's lips)

_Let's have some fun, this beat is sick, _

_I wanna take a ride on your disco stick, _

_Don't think too much, just bust that kick, _

_I wanna take a ride on your disco stick_

Valkyrie now had her feet of the ground, her legs encircling Skulduggery's waist, held aloft by his strength. But then again, she was light enough. One of Skulduggery's hands was supporting her, the other was firmly embedded in her hair, directing her mouth onto his and creating a severely passionate kiss.

_Let's play a lovegame, play a lovegame,_

_Do you want love or you want fame,_

_Are you in the game?_

_Dans the lovegame_

_Let's play a lovegame, play a lovegame,_

_Do you want love or you want fame_

_Are you in the game?_

_Dans the lovegame_

While Lady GaGa sang the chorus, Skulduggery had walked to the bed and set Valkyrie on it, and was now drawing off his shirt.

I'm on a mission

_And it involves some heavy touching, yeah_

_You've indicated your interest, I'm educated in sex, yes_

_And now I want it bad, want it bad, _

_A lovegame, a lovegame_

But on a surprise note, once Skulduggery had take off his shirt Valkyrie gained the upper hand; forcing him down where she had lain before, she straddled his hips and set about giving him the best make-out he could remember.

_Hold me and love me, just want to touch you for a minute _(Skulduggery closed his arms around Valkyrie's waist and pulled her onto him)

_Maybe three seconds is enough for my heart to quit it,_

_Let's have some fun, this beat is sick,_

_I wanna take a ride on your disco stick,_

_Don't think too much just bust that kick,_

_I wanna take a ride on your disco stick_

Let's play a lovegame, play a lovegame

_Do you want love, or you want fame_

_Are you in the game?_

_Dans the lovegame_

_Let's play a lovegame, play a lovegame,_

_Do you want love, or you want fame,_

_Dans the lovegame_

As they succumbed to wild instinct, they didn't notice…

But GaGa did…

_I can see you staring there from across the block, _

_With a smile on your mouth and a hand on your !huh!…_


	59. Chapter 59

Chapter Fifty-Nine

_**I am writing all of this with the ends of two teaspoons, simply because I can, and it's amusing to me. The speed of my writing is somewhat, sorry, a whole lot diminished, but the sheer brilliance of literature *coughs, mutters something like, "sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit"* remains intact.**_

_**OK, I'm over that now.**_

_**Flaring threatened to kill me with a spoon if I didn't update but I'd get her with a tray first! Mwahahahaha. JK, Flaring. ;)**_

_**Lythia Harpen**_

"It's my playlist! Don't dis it!"

"I'm not dissing your playlist, I'm just wondering incredulously why you like Lady GaGa. And Katy Perry."

"It's perfectly normal."

"Right, Fletcher, that's not normal that you say it's normal."

"I believe it is MY birthday, Flaring. Be quiet or I shall shut you in the wardrobe this time. And you can't Teleport out like I can."

Lythia Harpen walked in on Flaring and Fletcher having a heated argument, but she wasn't surprised, for this was not uncommon. Druna and Shakra followed her. She liked Flaring's friends. They were good sorts, and she could see why Flaring enjoyed being in their company. Now, as they all watched Flaring and Fletcher argue, with amusement, Lythia wondered how they had met. School, most likely.

"OK, break it up," said Druna. "It's supposed to be a celebration, although I can't imagine why."

"I'm eighteen," Fletcher answered, stung. "That's why."

"Oh, that's right," said Druna, feigning embarrassment. Lythia smiled.

"It's OK, Fletcher, we're just having you on," Shakra broke in.

"That's all we ever do," chided Flaring, winking at Lythia.

"OK, Skulduggery's supposed to get here soon with Valkyrie, Tanith and Ghastly. He said they'd be arriving a little later. Can't imagine the reason. He muttered something about teenagers."

"Ha, ha. Fletcher, who else is coming?"

"Couple of my school friends."

"You have school friends?"

"Surprisingly, yes."

"How many are coming?"

"Four."

Druna and Shakra and Flaring and Lythia looked at each other and grinned. Once Skulduggery, Fletcher's new girlfriend, and everybody else came, it would be seven guys and seven girls. Even numbers.

It didn't take long before the front door bell rang. Fletcher opened the door and there were four guys on the doorstep. They did that whole guy back-hitting thing, their loud voices projecting into the hall.

The first guy Lythia saw come in was skinny, casually dressed in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, which had a Travelocity Roaming Gnome on it. His hair was blonde and his eyes were a hazel brown, and he was extremely good-looking.

Once he had nodded his greeting to everyone, spoke directly to Shakra. "Hi, gorgeous." Shakra blushed and tilted her head forward so that her hair fell over her face.

"Hey," she replied. She looked back up; he was grinning.

"My name's Orion. Orion Slash."

"Nice. Shakra Flame."

"Nice to meet you."

The second guy had medium length black hair with blonde streaks. He was clad all in black leather, except for his t-shirt, which had Marilyn Manson's portrait on it. His eyes were an electric blue and he stood quite tall. The first thing his eyes landed on in the room was Flaring, and Lythia felt a pang of envy...Goths were nearly always gorgeous, and this guy was no exception. "Hi," he said casually. "I'm Architaneous Brink."

Flaring gave a small chuckle, and held out her hand for him to shake. Grinning, he grabbed it and kissed it instead of shaking it. Flaring gave an uncharacteristic giggle.

A third guy walked in, with blonde hair and green eyes. He was dressed in jeans and an open-necked shirt. He was shorter than Fletcher was, but still tall enough. Druna's eyes lit up when he gave her a smile. He introduced himself as Ramone Armstrong before striking up a conversation with Druna.

Flaring and Lythia and Shakra and Druna exchanged grins: Architaneous joined in, now hovering on Flaring's elbow. But then the fourth guy walked in and all of them stared open-mouthed.

"No way…Orlando Bloom?" Flaring gasped.

The new guy looked at them all. "Nah. My name's Cobra Hell. I'm Orlando's cousin though." His eyes drifted to Lythia. She felt her heart turn over. He was the spitting image of the actor, good looks and all. He had long, brown-black hair, tied back in a ponytail, deep brown eyes, and an extremely attractive grin. The shadow of a moustache and whiskers was there, in exactly the same style as his cousin Orlando always had.

He wore clothes that befitted his physical stature: a tight-fitting tank top and black jeans showed that he had the same amount of muscle and the same finely tuned body.

_Wow_, Lythia thought to herself.

"So, are we all here?" Ramone asked.

Fletcher walked in, a girl at his elbow. Lythia's eyes narrowed. She knew the girl. She was the classic school w***e, always snatching boys from unsuspecting girls. And enemy from her high school.

"Amber Longwood." The venom in her voice was easily audible.

"Lythia Harpen." The girl grinned, grabbed Fletcher and kissed him right in front of Lythia. Lythia felt a hot flush creep up from her neck. Why?

_Oh god_, Lythia thought. _I'm getting jealous. I'm still in love with him. She's asked him out, but I'm still in love with him. Shit._

Shrugging, she turned to Cobra. He looked puzzled.

"Do you wanna hang out tonight?" Lythia asked.

"Sure." His puzzlement cleared and he looked happy instead.

And so she did hang out with him all night. They drank and talked and laughed and generally had fun. Skulduggery and Valkyrie and Ghastly and Tanith came in no time, adding to the festivities. It was past midnight when Fletcher pulled out an old whiskey bottle and announced, "right then! We're playing spin the bottle!"

"OK, but we're not doing gay or lesbian kisses, OK?" Shakra yelled. There was a raucous call of agreement. Skulduggery said that this was a teenage thing, so he, Valkyrie, Ghastly and Tanith sat out. Lythia frowned, but decided they couldn't be forced.

"I'm going first," Flaring called, seizing the whiskey bottle. "As payment for you stealing my tea cakes and Lythia's tuna sandwich." She stuck her tongue out at the blonde 18-year-old and gave the bottle a good spin.

They waited with bated breath. The bottle turned and came to a stop on Cobra. Shrugging, They briefly kissed, and it was Cobra's turn, because he was to Flaring's left.

Lythia hoped it would land on her, and she could hardly believe it when it did. She flicked her gaze up to Cobra. He was grinning. They stood and walked to the middle, and Cobra grabbed Lythia's head in both hands. They kissed, tongue and all, and only stopped when Druna yelled, "OK, OK, where's the censor?"

Laughing, they sat back down. It was Architaneous's spin now. He twisted his wrist and the bottle stopped on Fletcher.

"No! You have another spin." Nodding, Architaneous did, and the bottle ended up pointing to Flaring. She smiled, and they shared a kiss almost as serious as Lythia and Cobra's.

Druna spun then, and the bottle landed on Orion. They kissed, then withdrew.

And then, woe betide, it was Amber's turn. She spun the bottle and the neck of it came to point at Ramone. They briefly joined lips and then it was Fletcher's go.

Only Fletcher heard Lythia's sharp intake of breath. The bottle had stopped on her, and suddenly, all noise was plugged out. Lythia and Fletcher stood. She cast her eyes down for a moment, then brought them back up when he reached her. Lythia closed her eyes as they kissed, and everything was back as it had been. She wrapped her arms around her torso, and he had one hand wrapped around her waist, the other buried in her dark hair. Small explosions danced along Lythia's spine, in her head there was the sound of cackling laughter, because Fletcher hadn't stopped loving her either. Shame on Amber.

She heard his small grunt of satisfaction and she opened her eyes and pulled away. Her lips were tingling, and she grinned when she saw the incredulous expression on everybody's faces.

"What? Can't a couple kiss properly without it being weird?" Fletcher shot back.

Everybody relaxed, except for Amber, who had leapt to her feet and now seemed to be undergoing serious transformation. Her eyes darkened, her hair went from blonde to black, her thighs melded into a bird's body, her legs turned to the legs and talons of a bird, a tail extended behind her, and wings unfurled from her back. Her clothing faded, but her hair was long enough to cover her breasts (_thank god_, thought Lythia, _because that would have been SO wrong_).

_A Siren,_ thought Lythia. This wasn't the warning siren; this was the creature called a Siren. The creatures that had the lower body of a bird, but the upper body of a human. And wings. No wonder she had ensnared Fletcher. She had sung to him. But now, Lythia had brought him back to his senses, and for the first time, Amber had failed.

"What sickening spectacle do I see before me?" Amber hissed. Literally, hissed; her voice sounded like she was a Parselmouth.

"You saw me kissing my boyfriend!" Lythia shouted at her. With a roar (or, more of a "gah!") Amber sprang forward, but Cobra held out his hands, and she froze in mid-air. Ropes appeared and wrapped themselves around, and Amber fell, trussed, to the floor.

"You're now officially gatecrashing," Cobra snarled. "Leave."

_If I didn't have Fletcher, I'd be kissing him because he's so dashing_, thought Lythia. _Just like Orlando's characters._

Architaneous sprang to his feet, and manipulated the air; Amber shot out the door. Orion sent her things out to follow her, Cobra clicked his fingers, (probably releasing the ropes) and with a wave of his hand, Ramone shut the door.

"Well, that's that dealt with then. Thanks, guys." Fletcher had his eyebrows raised.

"It's nothing, bro," said Architaneous. "Happy birthday."


	60. Chapter 60

Chapter Sixty

In The Field

Whilst Fletcher was celebrating his birthday, Mr Bliss was busy trying to get his fiance back.

She'd been captured in the field, but he'd tracked her down, and he was now advancing on the man, who had a wide grin. He was holding Volt on her feet. They were on a ridge-like cliff, and below them, to the left, was a lake. It was deep and green. It was quite a distance from the top of the cliff to the lake.

"You should not have taken my fiance hostage," Mr Bliss said menacingly. "I shall take her from you, or else kill you."

Shrugging, the leering man tossed the wide-eyed and trussed Volt over the edge and into the lake. With a soundless cry, Mr Bliss aligned his body and dived in after her.

The cold hit him like a freight train, but he was unable to give that thought. If she had been able to, Volt would have saved herself, but with the ropes binding her limbs, she had no choice in the matter.

It took fourteen powerful strokes for Mr Bliss to reach Volt, by which time she had already sunk at least five feet underwater. He saw the frustration on her face, mixed with panic and a little fear. The water was clear, and Mr Bliss had a clear view as he drew in a breath and then slipped underwater.

He let the air seep from his lungs as he swam straight down; once he reached Volt he torqued his body, wrapped an arm around her and diverted his path to the surface, not even breaking his momentum. The water pressure made it incredibly difficult, but Bliss didn't have legendary strength for nothing.

They broke through the surface of the water, and Volt was able to breathe. Bliss pulled a dagger from Volt's left boot (which he had known would be there) and cut her free of the ropes. Volt clung to Mr Bliss gratefully. Too exhausted now to move, she simply let Mr Bliss tow her to shore.

When they were only waist-deep in the lake water, Volt and Bliss walked onto land. Volt sank to her knees on the small pebbled beach, taking deep breaths and flexing her fingers to restore circulation into her arms. Meanwhile, Bliss, sopping wet but not even tired, had spotted the man that had captured Volt standing about ten metres away, looking at the two with disdain.

Mr Bliss let anger contort his face. The one person he cared about had been captured, trussed and thrown into a lake. The man began to make his way down to the waterside just as Mr Bliss began to stride towards him, rage beginning to take hold.

When they were finally only an arms breadth apart, Mr Bliss raised a fist and put all of his strength into a punch. The man stumbled, and Bliss punched him again, with the other fist. Again and again he hit the man.

"She – is – my – fiance – and – you – treated – her – badly –" The blows fell heavy and forcefully and when the anger was finally seeping out of Mr Bliss, the man's face was probably bloody and more than a little bruised.

"Hold it!" yelled the man. He pulled off a mask, and there stood…Remus Crux.

"Crux?"

"Yes, you ass."

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Practical joke. Heh heh. Um, can't you see the funny side?" The chinless man was cowering as Bliss towered further and further over him. Bliss's blue eyes were full of fire. But then, he relaxed. Shrugged.

"It does not matter...I've needed a good chance to beat you up for a while." He smiled as Crux trembled

Then, he carried on.


	61. Chapter 61

Chapter Sixty-One

"Holy Shit…That Was a Big Bumblebee!"

Skulduggery Pleasant and Ghastly Bespoke stood together again, Lake Tekapo to their backs, waiting for the ladies to arrive.

"This wedding isn't traditional, by any means," Skulduggery whispered from the corner of his mouth.

"I had guessed," Ghastly whispered back.

There were about fifty people in the audience, mostly friends of Skulduggery and Valkyrie's family.

It was January the 20th. The day when Skulduggery Pleasant would marry his love, Valkyrie Cain.

A faint throbbing sound pierced the air. The guests stopped talking, confused, but Skulduggery grinned.

Soon after that, a helicopter flew in from their right and landed a short distance away. The pilot quickly disembarked. He put a small set of stairs up to the door of the helicopter and rolled out a red carpet. The rotors slowed and eventually stopped, and that was when Tanith Low stepped out.

Skulduggery heard Ghastly's sharp intake of breath and looked over; Ghastly averted his eyes from Tanith.

To put it plainly, she looked beautiful. The dress she wore was a light lilac colour, which contrasted well with her blonde hair. But it wasn't the colour of this that had affected Ghastly so. The dress had intricate folds, and was in the style of a Greek toga, and it clung to every curve of Tanith's body. She grinned as she walked slowly onto the red carpet, dragging out every step. The hem of the dress trailed on the crimson carpet.

But if Tanith was pretty, then what would Valkyrie look like?

Skulduggery couldn't help but stare when Valkyrie did came into view.

_Wow_.

A Greek-styled dress like Tanith's, but stark white. Clusters of roses graced her wrist and the neckline, which revealed just enough of her breasts. The material clung to her figure and revealed her womanly curves. And the dress dragged for a few metres behind, the train itself covered in lace and white roses.

A diamond tiara was set into Valkyrie's hair, and the white veil came down to her collarbones. Desmond Edgley had his arm looped through his daughter's own.

In the front row, Valkyrie's mother was sobbing with obvious joy. China Sorrows sniffed once, but out of disdain or happiness, Skulduggery never found out. Kenspeckle Grouse had tears in his eyes, Lythia squeezed Fletcher's hand, and Finbar Wrong was grinning like a loony.

Skulduggery felt above Cloud Nine. Valkyrie walked the last few steps and took her place beside him. Beneath the veil, he could see her eyes, which had been outlined in black so heavily that it made them both mysterious and beautiful. Chandelier earrings, set with diamonds, hung from her ears.

She smiled, and he did back, trying to ignore the way things had suddenly become much hotter with her around.

"Greetings to all," Belaytor Hone began. He had a slight smile on his face. "Here we have the two lovers. Skulduggery Pleasant and Valkyrie Cain.

"Through tough times and boring times, Skulduggery has been a caring teacher to Valkyrie. And in tough times and boring times, Valkyrie has been a devoted student.

"But here they stand today, equals, Valkyrie having risen by the bonds of their love, even as Skulduggery bowed to her. They have shared blood, sweat, and tears together. They have fought every kind of monster imaginable, including heartbreaking separation. They have bled for each other and risked their lives for each other. I ask now. Does anybody object? Because there's a Sea Hag in the lake to get anybody who does…"

The guests looked taken aback, but Hone laughed. "Kidding. So, no objections? Good. Because they wouldn't make a difference anyway."

Everyone laughed.

With that, Hone gestured. Skulduggery joined hands with Valkyrie. He flung back her veil and gazed deep into those dark eyes. She gave him a wry smile and a wink, knowing what was coming next.

"Skulduggery Pleasant," Hone said. "Do you take Valkyrie Cain, who never listened to you when she was younger, constantly got you into trouble and never stopped asking questions, to be your partner in crime and in world-saving for as long as it takes for one of the evil villain's shots to get through?"

Everybody in the vicinity laughed, even some eavesdropping American boys who were sitting on the roof of the nearby church, perving.

Though nearly choking with laughter, Skulduggery managed to get out an "I do."

Hone grinned, then turned to Valkyrie. "Valkyrie Cain. Do you take the ex-skeletal Skulduggery Pleasant, who constantly dragged you into danger – " (there was a "hmph" from Grouse) " – blathered on endlessly about the Bentley, and never failed to remind you when _he_ saved you, to be your rescuer and your accomplice in many possibly dangerous and illegal endeavours until his ego finally bores you to Eternal Sleep?"

There was another raucous explosion of laughter. Tanith was nearly on her knees when Valkyrie said the fateful words – "I do indeed."

"Ooh, a bizarre twist to the "I do" with the use of the word "indeed" in there," Tanith whispered to Valkyrie. Valkyrie laughed again, as Ghastly passed the little black velvet box to Hone.

Then, all of a sudden, Tanith let out a scream. Everyone went " What? What?" for a few seconds and then Tanith laughed, although her eyes were still wide.

Ghastly said "what?" one more time, and she said, "Holy shit…that was a big bumblebee!"

A few seconds of stunned silence preceded another gale of laughter. Hone, chuckling, gave the rings to Skulduggery and Valkyrie, who slipped them onto the opposite fingers and grinned.

"People here, we have only one more thing left to do!" Hone shouted. The laughter died down. He leaned in to Skulduggery and whispered. "Cue kiss!"

Skulduggery grinned, and then leaned down and joined his lips with hers. Valkyrie deepened the kiss and he buried his hands in her hair. There was the sound of clapping and they broke apart to see everybody on their feet. Valkyrie was seized by Flaring, Druna and Shakra (who everybody had gotten to know quite well), hoisted onto various shoulders, and carried away and down the road. Ghastly gave Skulduggery a light hit on his back and then walked away with Tanith. Skulduggery laughed when he saw one of the American boys walking towards China.

Once he and all the guests were safely inside the bar a few minutes later, Skulduggery went off to get his wife back. Valkyrie found him instead, having distracted Flaring with a stuffed seagull on the wall.

"Hey," Valkyrie grinned. "Oh, it's so good to finally be able to say husband."


	62. Chapter 62

Chapter Sixty-Two

Commodore Pleasant

Valkyrie, having eaten, tapped the side of her glass with a spoon, then stood.

"OK," she addressed everybody in the room, all of whom had fallen silent at the chinking sounds. She grabbed Skulduggery's hand and smiled. "Um. Okay. Well, I met Skulduggery a few years back. For those of you who remembered him as a skeleton" – Tanith and Ghastly exchanged grins – "you'll know that he is exactly the same as a human. He's still kind, loving, extremely annoying, and amusing. I hope everybody remembers the extreme measures I went to get him back, and realises that I fell in love not only with a skeleton, but also with a good man. He was still a man when he was a skeleton. And he's chosen me, which I have to say was a very good decision." She grinned down at Skulduggery, who was grinning as well. "So, thanks for coming to help celebrate our love. Enjoy yourself tonight as we unwind and begin our life together!"

Skulduggery stood then. "I did tell her not to make a solemn speech about me…guess she's still the same kid I met!"

Everyone laughed, including Valkyrie. Kissing him on the cheek, she sat down again, so Ghastly could speak. The scarred tailor got to his feet and chuckled, obviously thinking of his speech.

"OK. Well, I'm going to tell you a story," said Ghastly, half-laughing. "I met Skulduggery on a pirate ship. For those who don't know, Skulduggery and me are real old. I'm assuming Valkyrie told anybody that didn't know, about the magic in this world. That's how we've lived so long anyway.

"Back to the story. If anybody can imagine Skulduggery in breeches and a blue, gold-embroidered coat, with a defective lead-throwing gun, buckled shoes, white rolled hair and a triangular hat, then do so. If not, imagine it. That's how we met. He was Commodore Pleasant. I was Ghastly the pirate."

Everybody howled with laughter. Skulduggery laughed the most. Valkyrie didn't doubt this story was true.

"Our pirate ship blew the Jesus out of Commodore Pleasant's ship. Or that's what we intended, at least. It was at this time that I was becoming bored of piracy and Skulduggery was getting bored of the whole "being good" thing. When the pirates boarded Commodore Pleasant's ship, I hung back. I wasn't first mate, so I wouldn't be remembered very much. Skulduggery swung over on a rope, we had a sword fight, then he asked me why I was fighting him, and then he said he wanted to be a pirate, so he'd have to steal this ship first. I said I was bored of piracy.

"That was when we threw away our swords and laughed. He threw me his coat, I threw him my hat, and we hijacked the pirate ship and sailed off on our own. The pirates and the British soldiers weren't happy when they realised there was only one ship left, but Skulduggery and I were laughing our guts out.

"So that's how we met. To this day, we still do things that are both highly amusing and leave other people irritated. But we have fun doing it still.

"When I first met Valkyrie, I never guessed I would one day be the best man at her and Skulduggery's wedding. But I am, so I'd like to propose a toast to Skulduggery and Valkyrie. May they stay crazy."

Everybody laughed, raised their glasses, and murmured, "Skulduggery and Valkyrie."

With a last smile, Ghastly retook his seat. Clapping followed his speech, but stopped when Tanith stood.

"Alright, everybody, first and foremost, I'd like to say that I'm glad China made her library," Tanith announced. The majority of people frowned, puzzled. But Tanith continued.

"If she hadn't, I wouldn't have been in there when Valkyrie was. Her and I will see the significance of a yellow lump of rock that we met by. But anyway. Valkyrie has saved my life on many occasions. I have also been a basis for comparison when Valkyrie is telling Skulduggery better ways that he can unlock a locked door.

"I remember about two months ago, Val and I were in a shop and a small child came up to us and asked whether we were "those awesome fighting girls that kill baddies". I guess that's what you could call us. So, I want to give a toast to all of our fans. Because I can. Ha ha."

The toast went down well. Tanith and Ghastly and Skulduggery and Valkyrie got to their feet, Valkyrie saying, "right, couples on the floor now!"

Fletcher and Lythia were the first to oblige; joining them as the music began.

It was good that the wedding wasn't traditional, else Skulduggery and Valkyrie would have been crucified for choosing "It's The End of the World As We Know it (And I Feel Fine)" by R.E.M as their first song.

"That's great, it starts with an earthquake,

Birds and snakes, an aeroplane,

And Lenny Bruce is not afraid…"

One of the American boys had gatecrashed to hang around with China, but nobody minded. They came to the floor, dancing in the same fast, waltzy way. Skulduggery was whirling a grinning Valkyrie faster every second.

"Eye of a hurricane,

Listen to yourself churn,

World serves its own needs,

Dummy serve your own needs,

Feed it off an aux speak,

Grunt, no strength,

The ladder start to clatter

With fear fight down height,

Wire in a fire,

Representing seven games,

And a government for hire

At a combat site…"

Desmond and Melissa Edgley were now on the dance floor. Finbar and his wife Sharon were in a world of their own. Kenspeckle Grouse and Clarabelle, Staven Weeper and one of Valkyrie's cousins (on her mother's side), Stormshadow dancing with Flaring. Mr Bliss and Anhinga Volt were dancing, so were Druna and Cobra, and Architaneous and Shakra. Ramone and Orion both were dancing with more of Valkyrie's cousins.

And so was everybody else. The list just went on.

"Left of west and

Coming in a hurry

With the Furies

Breathing down your neck,

Team by team,

Reporters, baffled, trumped,

Tethered, cropped,

Look at that low playing,

Fine, then,

Uh oh overflow,

Population, common food,

But it'll do to save yourself,

Serve yourself,

World serves its own needs,

Listen to your heart bleed,

Dummy with the rapture and the revered

And the right, right

You vitriolic, patriotic,

Slam fight bright light

Feeling pretty psyched…"

Everybody sang the chorus, and for those who hadn't seen the significance of this song, the penny suddenly dropped.

"It's the end of the world as we know it,

It's the end of the world as we know it,

It's the end of the world as we know it,

And I feel fine…"

Couples collided, people laughed, and that went on for another three minutes before the song ended to great applause. Valkyrie and Skulduggery kissed, starting a snowball affect. Ghastly kissed Tanith, Fletcher kissed Lythia, the American boy kissed China. However, many people skipped out on the lip-to-lip contact and merely laughed.


	63. Chapter 63

Chapter Sixty-Three

I Made A List…

**Captain Jack Sparrow visited last night! Honest to God! Actually, it was somebody dressed up as Jack, but close enough, right? We all had fun dancing with Captain Jack to "Killing in the Name Of", "The Boys Light Up", "Oh My", "Psycho Killer", and many other awesome songs besides. After changing my Facebook status to "headbanging with Jack Sparrow! ;)" I realised that it was UBER that I got this close to meeting Johnny Depp…**

_**Now if the real Captain Jack could come over to party, that would be EPIC…**_

_**Time for a little "ME" chapter, how does that sound? I'm drinking tea, laughing maniacally, and thinking about today's PE lesson and tomorrow's Drama lesson. And my fencing classes, which start tomorrow as well! Haha!**_

_**This chapter is dedicated to my boyf.**_

_**Lythia Harpen**_

_**PS He gave me a skull ring as well! Ha!**_

PPS The list in this chapter is an actual list that I made and will be extended over time! ;)

Lythia, having seen Skulduggery and Valkyrie off on their honeymoon with everybody else, laughed and turned to Fletcher.

"I made a list not too long ago," she said, "It started when I was just getting to know you, and it's still going."

"Do you have it?" Fletcher answered. "Here?"

"Why else would I have mentioned it?" Lythia grinned. Motioning for him to join her, she used her powers to create a set of stairs from green energy. She scrambled up them, and sat down on the roof of The Church of the Good Shepherd.

"Okay," Lythia pulled out a small red thing, clicked her fingers over it, and it sprang outwards into a 285 hardcover lecture book.

"Right," Lythia opened the book. "I, Lythia Harpen, must not:

"-Bang my head excessively on the desk when I run out of Valduggery ideas.

-Torture Crux when he tells me he doesn't have tuna in his cupboard.

-Be offended by my brothers' remarks when my muffins come out of a fan bake oven oddly shaped.

-Force Fletcher's hand into the toaster (Fletcher laughed).

-Start a petition against Amber's race (the Sirens).

-Complain when I get "I of the Mourning" stuck in my head.

-Nor "The Everlasting Gaze".

-Bang my head on the wall of the gym chanting "Gish! Machina! Pisces!"

-Wear excessive eyeliner at school and say I'm imitating a drunk Mick Jagger or Kiss on a high.

-Write "Flaring Rhythm is uber" on any available surface in permanent marker.

-Let Fletcher jump off the Auckland Sky Tower without a bungy cord (Fletcher said, "HEY!").

-Clap my hands over my ears and scream whenever someone says the words, "Tonal Scale".

-Pretend to have a fascination with burning splints.

-Yawn accidentally on purpose.

-Light loads of matches and claim to be a pyromaniac.

-Succumb to the curse of English Handbook hole-punching.

-Tell people over and over that Billy Corgan is awesome (keep that to myself, haha).

-Avoid swimming.

-Do the Hitler salute whenever my science teacher gives me an instruction.

-Chant the words "Cirque Du Freak" within earshot of uneccentric people.

-Wave to horses.

-Chew my skull necklace and sing "Bones! Bones! Bones!" at a funeral.

-Drink tea after 12.00am.

-Mimic Charlotte's reaction to the 'yellow car' hitting game.

-Curse the family computer.

-Leave R Patty's poster un-darted."

Fletcher howled with laughter. "That's good. I'm making a list soon. Sorry, but it's a good idea!"

Lythia shrugged. "Go for it!"


	64. Chapter 64

Chapter Sixty-Four

Sneak Preview!

_**This is a short chapter, but you'll find out why soon! XD**_

_**Lythia Harpen**_

Valkyrie Cain screamed as she fell from an incredibly great height, towards the concrete and buildings below. Faster and faster she fell, watching the sky whip past.

She heard Skulduggery yell, "whooooooooooooohooooo!" behind her, as they reached the end of the bungy cord and jerked to a stop, then rebounded back up.

"Oh my god!" she cried, adrenaline rushing through her veins at an incredible pace. "That was amazingly frightening!"

Skulduggery was laughing hysterically, his arms still around her waist. They were tandem bungy jumping, and so they were harnessed tightly together. For their honeymoon, they were going from the top to the bottom of New Zealand. Lythia had recommended a whole lot of recreational activities for them to do. The first of these, which they were currently executing, was bungy jumping off the top of the Auckland Sky Tower.

"Wow," Skulduggery gasped. "That was cool! Let's try that again!"

"God, no," Valkyrie answered heavily, as they were hauled slowly upwards again. "It was scary enough being thrown off a tower by Scapegrace!"

OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, here we go…! *Cue stunned music*

For those fans of Darren Shan, here is an EXCLUSIVE sneak preview of my Darren Shan FanFiction, "In Trouble Deep, But Still Laughing," that is soon to be brought into existence! Enjoy, and for those that are subscribed to my author alert, you'll receive an e-mail declaring that I've posted this story soon! XD

Lythia Harpen

PS For those that have only read the first few books…watch out for spoilers! Read at your own risk! XD

Things were on our side after that, for Orion and me. Mr Crepsley left Vampire Mountain shortly after that with Darren, so Orion never had to face his anger, and nor did I. Apart from Mr Tiny's visit, nothing managed to worry us.

Four days after my blooding, Orion was confident. "I think its safe to convert you into a full vampire now."

I gaped at him. We were in one of the Halls of Sport, whacking at each other with staffs on the thin elevated planks. "Really?"

"Yes. Really." He jabbed at me with his staff. I blocked it, and got him around the ankles. He toppled off the bars, and I twirled the staff in a victory gesture.

"You know," he frowned. "It's scary how similar you are to Arra Sails."

"Who was she? Was she the one who…" I stopped. Now I remembered. I knew that she had been killed in a fight with some Vampaneze a few years ago. I flipped off the bars, landed in a crouch and helped Orion to his feet.

"Yes. But it's funny. You're unbeatable on those bars," Orion commented. "That's the eleventh time you've beaten me now. Charna's guts, you even look like her." He ran his eyes over me and I tried not to look bothered, although I was.

"Well, I'm me," I replied evenly. "Rolissa Inkton. Maybe it's just coincidence."

"Probably."

He smiled at me warmly, and I returned the grin. Together, we walked back to our cell.

Once there, he pulled over the makeshift door we'd made (a long piece of fabric similar to a curtain) and turned to face me. I did my own cuts this time, grimacing as my strong vampiric nails broke easily through the skin. Outstretching my hands, I placed my fingertips onto his.

"Not long now…" I whispered. More of Orion's blood was travelling up my right arm.

We stayed like that for a few minutes, until the warmth of vampire blood had taken over completely. Then I shouted "now!" and pulled back. I stumbled back several paces, dropped to my knees, and shook.

Tentatively, I lowered my mouth to my fingers and licked them. I cried out, amazed, as the parted skin wove back together, leaving the familiar scars behind.

"By the teeth of the gods…" I whispered.

"It is done." Orion walked over and outstretched his hands. I took them and he pulled me gently to my feet. "You're a vampire."

"Wow…" I reached out with my mind, and found I could feel Orion's presence. Turning to the wall, I dug my nails into the wall and began to climb. I could do it much easier now.

"Wow." I repeated.

"Wow indeed." Orion took my arm after I'd jumped down. "Do you want to flit?"

"Oh god," I answered excitedly. "That's what I've been looking forward to the most."

He grinned at me, took my hand, and led me through the corridors and Halls. Reaching a tunnel that finished at open air, which Orion himself had discovered, we looked down from where we were. There was a plateau stretching below us, a plateau full of trees and bush and brambles. The moon was reflected in a far-off lake, which was a sheet of iridescent black.

"Wow, that's pretty," I gasped. "Wow."

Orion opened his mouth as if to say something, but then closed it again. I frowned slightly, seeing his blush rise even in the opaque moonlight. Shrugging, he instructed me on how to flit.

"OK," he told me, after explaining the basic technique of flitting. "I want you to try flitting to that lake and back."

"All right," I answered. Taking a deep breath, I concentrated on the lake, took a few first steps, and then, suddenly, I was at flitting speed. The landscape blurred past and when I stopped, I was within a stride of the lake. I could have leapt and gotten myself totally wet.

"Oh, my, god." I said to myself slowly and incredulously.

"Who's there?"

I heard someone behind me, so I turned. And found myself face to face with Larten Crepsley!

I acted innocent. "Mr Crepsley?"

He looked at me. And then, he said, very slowly: "Rolissa…how are you able to flit?"

I replied with an "…" That caused Mr Crepsley to fold his arms.

"I am waiting for a coherent answer," he told me.

"Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum…"

"Who was it that blooded you?"

I wasn't surprised that he had guessed. "Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum…Orion."

"Your room-mate?"

"Yeah."

"When I get my hands on him…"

"It was me, really."

"Of course."

"I persuaded him."

"I shall not mention this again. However, do not be surprised to know that I am incredibly angry at Orion."

I flapped my arms. "Don't be angry at Orion! Be angry at meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

"Then I shall do that."

"Or you could just not be angry at all…"

He gave a facetious laugh. "Ha ha ha…no."

I rolled my eyes. "Forgive stupid teenagers!"

Another voice sounded. "Who's talking about teenagers?"

It was Darren. "Hi!" I said cheerfully.

"Hey," he answered. Then he frowned. "Are you Rolissa Inkton?"

"Yeah…" I frowned. "Why?"

"Oh, nothing…" He put on an airy expression and whistled.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"WHAT?"

"I said its noth –"

Pissed off, I launched myself at Darren and knocked him to the ground, trying valiantly to get my hands around his throat. I _absolutely hated it_ when people didn't tell me things. Mr Crepsley was yelling at both, but we kept rolling over and over, hitting at each other, slapping and kicking like seven-year-olds.

"STOP!" Mr Crepsley finally got our attention. I let go of the front of Darren's shirt, he extricated his arm from around my neck, and we glared at each other.

"Darren," Mr Crepsley shot at Darren. "Tell her."

He frowned. "But…"

"She is obviously touchy about this subject. Do not deny her the truth any longer."

I was glaring at Mr Crepsley now; the amusement in his expression only infuriated me further.

"OK," Darren finally surrendered. "OK. Well…You're sure you're Rolissa?"

"No." I snapped sarcastically. "No shit, Darren."

"All right…well, Orion Mayleth wants to mate with you."

"WHAT?"

"He wants to be your mate."

"WHAT?"

"He loves you."

"WHAT?"

"He's too nervous to ask though."

"WHAT?"

"He thinks you'll say no."

"WHAT?"

"Would you stop saying 'WHAT?' already???"

"NO!"

"Well that's a welcome change."

"WHAT?"

"What did I just ask you to do?"

"WHAT?"

"Oh, for Charna's sake…"

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?"

"Oh. Is that somehow the end of your 'WHAT?ing' tirade?"

"Are you serious?"

Darren sighed in relief. "Yes, I'm serious."

Oooooh…THAT'S ALL FOR NOW, FOLKS! Hope you enjoyed! Haha, this will give you something to look forward to, haha! XD


	65. Chapter 65

Chapter Sixty-Five

Drama

So, in the time of a Darren Shan fascination, with my ankles and other areas of leg sore after my first fencing lesson, and after having an excellent drama class a few hours before, and talking to Flaring Rhythm and Micky Alaa not too long past, I had the idea for this drabble.

It's a cometic drabble, this time, but don't worry. It's going to be a Valduggery drabble next!

Lythia Harpen

Unfortunately Lythia and Flaring had to go to school the day after Skulduggery and Valkyrie's wedding. Lythia had a bit of a sore head, and Flaring had an upset stomach, and both were experiencing sporadic dizzy spells, but otherwise, their hangovers weren't too bad.

Micky Alaa, a school friend of Lythia's, was glad to see them again. Flaring had woken up with a seagull drawn in Vivid on her face. They had a random experience on the way to drama, which went something like this:

Flaring: I expect you had something to do with that?

Lythia: Not at all, Flaring.

Flaring: I could call you Jordan…

Lythia: I could call YOU Olivia…

Flaring: Oh, by my giddy aunt, you would never.

Lythia: Hahaha.

Flaring: But I can't simply believe that you _DIDN'T _do this.

Lythia: I don't know who drew the seagull on your face, but I think it suits you.

Flaring: *looks at reflection in phone screen* Ooh, maybe they'll think I got a tattoo!

Lythia: Exactly!

Flaring: Well, we have drama, soo…we can say we were eating tuna and an artistic seagull wanted to use us as canvas.

Lythia: Well, you as a canvas.

Flaring: Exachary.

Lythia: Wut?

Flaring: Exachary. My word. *Laughs*

Lythia: Okaaaay…

Flaring: Oh, look, Fletcher just Teleported. *Runs up to Fletcher, hits him with her bag* Hi, Fletcher!

Fletcher: Ow. Hi.

Lythia: Hi.

Fletcher: Where's Paramore playing from? I can hear music.

Lythia: My pocket. Sorry.

Flaring: Lythia, are you going to Paramore?

Lythia: Their concert? Yep.

Flaring: Awesomeness.

Fletcher: Lythia, you need to get more tuna ASAP.

Lythia: Nooooo! Don't get me talking about tuna! Oh, hi, Micky. Haha…PLUM!

Micky: Hi, peoples.

Flaring: Hi!

Micky: I fail to be worried by this so-called "End of the world" that's supposedly supposed to happen in 2012.

Flaring: Same. I've plenty of time to practise being mad. I'm going to be God's court jester. *Mr Crepsley jumps from overhead tree, knocks Flaring out with his breath, cackles and jumps back into the overhanging tree*

Lythia: Ohgoddygodgod. LARTEN! NOT AGAAAAIN!

Mr Crepsley: Sorry.

Fletcher: That never fails to amuse me. *Laughs*

Micky: What is the motive for that, Larten?!

Mr Crepsley: Nothing. It is just funny. Darren, Rolissa, Orion, where are you?

Darren: Here. And Rolissa and Orion are here too, but they're too busy making out to notice what just occurred.

Mr Crepsley: *sighs* Darn, back to basics, I guess.

Flaring: *stirs back to life* Not agaaaain!

Lythia: That's what I said.

Fletcher: Aren't you a Vampire Prince?

Darren: Yeah.

Fletcher: Do you do much?

Darren: Not really.

Mr Crepsley: He spends his time annoying me. Good times, good times.

Flaring: I still cannot believe you did that, Larten. I shall have to throw fish at you. Lythia, where's your can of tuna?

Mr Crepsley: Haha, not likely. *Runs off and flits to other side of the courtyard* See?

Flaring: Oh, ha ha.

Lythia: Has anybody seen my skull ring? It's gone off my finger all of a sudden.

Mr Crepsley: *shows them the ring, waves it gloatingly* Ha ha. Vampire power.

Lythia: Swear to god…

Fletcher: Don't be mean!

Micky: I concur.

Mr Crepsley: *hands ring back* Do not be such a spoilsport.

Lythia: *sighs*

Fletcher: Well, I'd better get going. We've got a vampire problem – oh, the other type, Larten, no offence – in Kent. I have to go sort it out.

Flaring: Adios, amigo. *Does 'peace' sign*

Micky: Bye.

Darren: Mr Crepsley, I still haven't heard a word from Rolissa or Orion.

Mr Crepsley: That is because they are no longer here. They have flitted to the local mall. Did you not notice?

Darren: No. *looks around* Although I need to buy Shancus a birthday present. Should we go?

Mr Crepsley: You can. I cannot. I'm relieving a teacher next period.

Fletcher: I'm glad I'm going, then! *Teleports*

Flaring: But Laaartennn…!

Mr Crepsley: That's 'Mr Crepsley' to you. In fact, I think… *looks in folder* I am teaching your drama class.

Lythia: Nooooooooo!

Micky: *With mock agony* Saaaaave us! Run to the hills! *Turns and runs to drama instead*

Lythia: J'adore l'anglais.

Flaring: We have that in the morning tomorrow.

Lythia: Oh, good.

Mr Crepsley: I'll see you two in class in ten minutes or less or I'll give you detention! *Grins evilly* Mwahahahaha!

Flaring: *mutters*

Lythia: *mutters back*

Flaring: Well all right, we're going. *Walks with Lythia towards drama*

Lythia: This is going to be fun. *Cackles evilly*

Flaring: Oh, I'm sure.

Lythia: Well, our classmates' reaction to his face will be! *Laughs*

Mr Crepsley: I HEARD THAT!


	66. Chapter 66

Chapter Sixty-Six

Rotorua

Valkyrie gripped her glass of Mage's champagne more closely and shifted in the thermal hot pool. One that was safe enough for pregnant people like her. And so was the champagne. It was a kind of champagne that was called champagne although it had absolutely no alcohol. They were in Rotorua, which according to Lythia was a popular tourist spot.

She smiled when Skulduggery put an arm around her waist, leaving his hand to rest on her slight baby bump. He held it protectively, even when she titled her head back and kissed him.

"I love you, Skulduggery," she said sweetly.

"I love you too, Valkyrie."

They kissed again, and then Valkyrie shifted slightly, sipping her drink. Skulduggery cleared his throat and rested his head on hers.

"You know what we need?" Skulduggery broke the calm silence. "Music." Reaching behind him, slopping a whole lot of water out of the pool, Skulduggery dried his hands on Valkyrie's towel and fished around in her bag for her phone. Locating it, he pulled it out, searched the files.

"Is this one OK?" He selected a Toto song.

"Oh my God. "Africa". Perfect!"

The sound of pipes and other instruments began to play. Valkyrie sighed and leaned back. Skulduggery found her waist again and settled comfortably.

"I hear the drums echoing tonight,

But she hears only whispers of some quiet conversation,

She's coming in 12.30 flight,

The moonlit wings reflect the stars that guide me towards salvation

I stopped an old man along the way,

Hoping to hear some long forgotten words or ancient melodies,

He turned to me as if to say,

Hurry boy, it's waiting there for you…"

Valkyrie put her arms around Skulduggery and closed her eyes, feeling safe near him.

"Gonna take a lot to drag me away from you

There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do,

I bless the rains down in Africa

Gonna take some time to do the things we never had,

Ooh ooh…"

Skulduggery sighed, his heart filled half with burning love, half with melancholy sadness. He and his wife used to sing along to this song to the radio.

_But Valkyrie's_ my wife now, he thought to himself. _And I'm so in love with her. I just hope my old wife's spirit doesn't haunt me._


	67. Chapter 67

Chapter Sixty-Seven

Flaring and Lythia Discuss Random Stuff

These are real MSN conversations between Flaring Rhythm and me! Yes, people, this is an official Maddness Inc Conversation. But I'm sorry to say Fletcher ran off with our 'minutes' sheet.

_**Lythia Harpen**_

FLARING AND LYTHIA DISCUSS RANDOM STUFF!

**(LYTHIA!)** says:

ITS SEVENAM HERE, I GOT UP SPECIALLY TO TALK TO YOU! MUST MAKE YOU FEEL PRETTY SPECIAL, HUH?

Musically delicious goatee ron ? **(FLARING!)** says:

im so touched :')

says:

Ahhahahahahaha.

Meeting my boyf today

and i got info for Derek's down under tour *victory dance, smacks Fletcher around the head for reading over my shoulder*

Musically delicious goatee ron ? says:

oh! what age are you by the way, and what the hell language are you speaking? because i dont know these things...

says:

Derek Landy is coming to New Zealand!!! AAAAAAAAAAH! I'm 1***(A/N: Just wanted to censor that, I'm weird**), you?

Musically delicious goatee ron ? says:

1* ahh the joys of crazy people the same age

says:

Randomness rules de world!!!! Mwahahahahahah!

Musically delicious goatee ron ? says:

D

*

says:

Yeah! hyahahahaha I can't wait for Dark Days. I'M MEETING DEREK LANDY!!! Have you met him before?

Should i get him to sign ALL my SP books?

Musically delicious goatee ron ? says:

yup

DUH

says:

He seems funny

And he created Skulduggery, and therefore is god.

what time is it over there

?

Musically delicious goatee ron ? says:

6:17 pm

says:

7.20. Oh my god, i read the comic strip in Skulduggery's fan page about him shooting the TV and was literally rolling on the floor laughing hysterically.

*7.20AM

Musically delicious goatee ron ? says:

im addin u to a convo

says:

Wut?

I don't get all that, but yeah do it

Musically delicious goatee ron ? says:

it just did is another convo comin up on yer screen?

says:

No....

Musically delicious goatee ron ? says:

ah...

ok. hang on.

says:

I don't have official MSN, i just chat from my inbox.

.uk was added to this conversation.

.uk appears to be offline. E-mail this contact instead

Musically delicious goatee ron ? is back online.

says:

It worked!

Musically delicious goatee ron ? says:

wooo

says:

YAY!

But she;s offline, isn't she? Who is it?

Musically delicious goatee ron ? says:

yooo

ok.

anna- meet jordan (jordan? spelt right? never mind) jordan-meet anna- and dont virtually kill each other, please.

says:

Will not do. Hiya. *cyber-waves frantically*

YOU SPELT IT RIGHT!

Congrats!

Musically delicious goatee ron ? says:

woo !

im eating PIZZA

says:

Lucky! I think we have pizza in teh fridge from last night *gets up to check*

Musically delicious goatee ron ? says:

lol

says:

no, but i have real strong S&V chips...*gulps in fright*

They're nasty...

Musically delicious goatee ron ? says:

*shudders* oh shit! i dropped my pizza!

says:

Oh by the way. We need to egg Fletcher's house!

Oh boo!

Musically delicious goatee ron ? says:

o does he have a house?

says:

Hahahahahahahahahha wellll.....

I dón't know,

Let's just assume he has a housel

*house

Musically delicious goatee ron ? says:

oh. i picked my pizza up again. mmmm...dropped pizza......

says:

yummy...

But then again, as the saying goes: when you assume, you make an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me'

Oh god dammit now Fletchers laughing at me yelling that he doesn't have a house after all.

*throws ball of green energy at Fletcher*

Hahahahahahaha.

Musically delicious goatee ron ? says:

omg i LOVED that assume thing XD


	68. Chapter 68

Chapter Sixty-Eight

Flaring and Lythia Discuss Alcohol

_**I know, I know, I've been slack. And I haven't been writing actual proper chapters, instead exposing you to potentially dangerous MSN conversations (erlack-a-pongo, you know, the whole "cracking a rib with laughing" danger fandango [PS I've been reading Georgia Nicolson lately]). But they're funny. So here's another. Awaited with bated breath, it has finally arrived. But don't yell at me virtually because it's been ages. You're lucky I'm even writing this. A bracket of my braces fell off one of my teeth and so now it hurts grievously.**_

_**Lythia Harpen**_

_**PS Thank you chapter coming soon! **___

FLARING AND LYTHIA DISCUSS ALCOHOL!!!!!

Musically delicious goatee ron ? says:

*dies*

says:

*drags to Kenspeckle Grouse, who restarts Flaring's heart*

Why did you die?

Musically delicious goatee ron ? says:

*eats kenspeckle*

cause that poem is IMMENSE

says:

ahahaha I love it

Are you doing Ghastly's design competition?

Oh yeah, something i've been meaning to ask: do you have good beer in Ireland?

Musically delicious goatee ron ? says:

VERY

guinness

says:

We have exxxxxxxxxxxxcellent beer in the South island of New Zealand...

Speights Summite (Golden Lager) mmmmmmmm....

Export Gold...

Tui...

Hieniken...

Monteiths...

Musically delicious goatee ron ? says:

lol

says:

And then we have good whiskey too,,,

Musically delicious goatee ron ? says:

we have hieniken!

and carling!

says:

Jim Beam....

Musically delicious goatee ron ? says:

and many other good things

says:

We have Carlsberg! Do you?

And what about bourbon? We have Jack Daniels and Kim Beam and McKenzie...

Hahahaha, it's funny, I may take a while to reply with normal questions, but mention alcohol and my head turns!

Musically delicious goatee ron ? says:

mckenzie, bourbon, carlsberg... YES

says:

YAY

and what about vodka? I had vodka with my rasp + coke, it was gooooooooood

And we had home made Contreau

In our Strawberry Cloud cocktails

Musically delicious goatee ron ? says:

Of COURSE I've had vodka

says:

Which was also good...

Musically delicious goatee ron ? says:

and shandies??? Beer and lemonade?

says:

And Fluffy Duck cocktails taste like a better form of ice cream soda. Psssh, shandies are what i consider beginners stuff. But i have had them,

and they're good.

and...wine. We have FUCKING AMAZING wine,

Pinot Noir... *mutters excitedly*

Musically delicious goatee ron ? says:

same

oh yeah, u ever been to thailand ???

says:

Noo...

But I;m going to Fiji in August!

does that count?

Oh what were you saying "same" to? The shandies or the wine?

Musically delicious goatee ron ? says:

HELLL yeah!

says:

FIJI!!!!!!!!

FIJI ME!

Musically delicious goatee ron ? says:

BOTH

says:

Cocktails and swimming...and swimming....

and swimming...

and a wedding...

and sun...

and tans...

and hot guys...

...and swimming...


	69. Chapter 69

Chapter Sixty-Nine

Mage Field Day, Huh?

If you have a annoying, sneezy, head cold, make a cup of tea (Earl Grey is OK, herbal tea works better really), WITHOUT MILK, add a decent amount of lemon lime cordial syrup stuff, and just a dash of bourbon/whiskey. And then light incense in your room and drink. Works a treat. Trust me *drinks* it works.

_**Thank you, Micky Alaa, Sydney Jones and Zondell Rellamonda for brightening up my school week.**_

_**If you want your character to feature in the upcoming chapter that I m planning, please review. Leave your taken name, your discipline, and your description. I'm going to stuff in as many OC's as I can!!!**_

_**La da de da, la da de da, la da de da, la da de da, la da de da, la da de da, la da de da, la da de da, la da de da, la da de da, la da de da, la da de da, WHY AM I SO EXCITED??? ANSWER: I AM GETTING A CUSTOM MADE SKULDUGGERY PLEASANT T-SHIRT!!!!!!!! I GET A SKULDUGGERY PLEASANT T-SHIRT TO WEAR TO WELLINGTON WHEN DEREK THE MARSHMALLOW GOD (part of daily worship: you must say His name once in capitals every day) COMES!!!!**_

_**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

_**Lythia Harpen**_

_**PS. A word of warning to you, Flaring: Try not to let Fletcher throw fish at you. He's still grumpy because you and me egged his house (yes, you did, but if you don't remember it, you were sleep-throwing). He threw a can of fancy pink salmon at me on Wednesday.**_

_**PPS. To all: I need more marshmallows! I'll swap you for cake. ;)**_

_**PPPS: Hannah Brandon has ordered me into literal writing. :L**_

Lythia Harpen, Zondell Rellamonda (_**A/N: She finally took a name! YAY!**_), Sydney Jones, Micky Alaa and Flaring Rhythm walked into fabrics with berets on their heads. The teacher got grumpy and confiscated the berets. Sydney got detention for asking "why they weren't allowed to summon up their great-great-great-great-great-grandfather's French legacy."  
Flaring was clumping around the room with a scowl on her face, repeatedly throwing bobbins into the air so that they unravelled.

Micky kept stabbing her fabrics book with pins and bending them.

Lythia was hanging by her knees off the garment hanging rack, writing in her "Various Rambling" book upside down. The white bin where all the sewing bags were stored hid everything up to her chest.

Sydney was standing on her chair, trying to communicate in Sephamore through the window and into the classroom over the courtyard.

Zondell was sitting on top of the fabric wardrobe, singing to "crushcrushcrush" by Paramore really loudly. The teacher was sighing a lot, and eventually gave up and left the classroom. Micky yelled in triumph, along with the rest of the class. Meanwhile, Flaring went to the teacher's office to get the berets back. She returned soon, scowling, and continued throwing bobbins around. Obviously she hadn't found them.

"Hey, Lythia…" Micky called. "Do you remember?"

Lythia stuck her hand out of the bag bin to show she was listening. "Do I remember what?"

"The…the…" Micky had already started spluttering with helpless laughter. Lythia got off the garment rack with great difficulty and staggered over to where Micky was. She grabbed Micky's shoulder and shook it. "Mickyyyyyyy! Stop corpsing and get on with it…!"

"The…incident with Skulduggery…table tennis…" Micky howled with laughter and couldn't say any more. Now Lythia was down on the floor, slapping the ground with her right hand and laughing fit to bust. She knew what Micky was talking about.

"What's all the laughing for? Are we reminiscing?" Sydney finally gave up on the Sephamore, flopped into a seat, and put both her feet on the desk. Flaring, having run out of bobbins, started on the thread from the spool holder. She grabbed the spool holder and sat down at Lythia and Micky's table. The seats were all empty: everyone else that was actually meant to sit there had long run for the hills.

Sydney asked Lythia what they were going on about.

"Bahahahahahahahahaha," came the reply.

After about thirty seconds, Micky gasped a great number of times. She breathed in and out repeatedly. By this time, Zondell had also joined them.

"Okay," she began. "When Skulduggery was still a skeleton, he came to my house for some unknown reason. I forced him into table tennis playing. Lythia was there too, although she was in her normal form and she didn't tell Skulduggery her name, because she hadn't taken one yet.

"Well, Skulduggery and me were playing table tennis, and…and…" Micky broke down in gales of laughter and couldn't continue.

Lythia forced a sneeze so she would stop laughing. "The…the ball went into his eye socket!"

Sydney, Zondell, and Flaring's jaws dropped. Then, they all looked at each other and burst out laughing.

Lythia finished. "He was all swearing and running around…and…and…" Lythia didn't even try to keep talking. Tears of laughter ran down her face, which _**(A/N: unfortunately, this did actually happen, when Micky and me cracked up in English**_) made her eyeliner run.

While they were still laughing, the door to the fabrics room opened. The teacher walked in, followed by a muscly man in an excellently tailored suit. All the girls in the room (apart from the five miscreants, who weren't paying attention) gasped and all the boys scowled and whispered to each other, flexing their arms.

Flaring hissed Lythia's name. When Lythia saw the man, her jaw dropped and she stood up. Zondell and Sydney and Micky were all staring at her strangely.

The man saw Lythia and his jaw dropped as well. Then he closed it again and winked without anybody seeing.

"Ghastly!" Lythia practically shrieked.

The teacher put her hands on her hips. "That's not particularly nice, Jordan. Detention."

Lythia groaned and retook her seat. Ghastly folded his arms, amusement visible in the way he was smiling and also the way he was gently tapping his foot. Several people in the class were staring at his scars, but he was used to it.

"Right, class." Flaring hurriedly hid the thread spool. She'd been braiding all of the threads together and they looked shockingly untidy. She threw it to the ground and kicked it underneath Amber Longwood's chair.

"What's up?" hissed Zondell. "Who's that?"

"Right, class," the teacher repeated. "Today we have a guest in our classroom. This is Guy Bespoke, and he's an excellent tailor. He has agreed to come here today and generally assist us in our endeavours – " (Lythia stifled a laugh) "–and help us with our sewing techniques. Um, Guy, will you tell us a bit about yourself?"

"Well," Ghastly said. "I'll start off with the thing that seems to worry most people when they first meet me." He smiled. "The scars. I was in a mining accident when I was twenty-two. We were working and there was a cave in. In fact, I was right underneath it."

A few people gasped. Lythia grinned, and so did Flaring.

"But anyway," Ghastly continued. "I was taught boxing by my father when I was young, and taught my sewing skills by my mother. I've sort of gone off making clothes now –" (another unseen wink to Lythia, telling her that he knew she knew otherwise) "–but I still know how to make stuff really well. My mother was thorough in her teaching. She didn't believe in half-finished jobs."

"OK," the teacher said. "Well, class, get your stuff and carry on with your garments. If you need help, just talk to one of us. Go."

There was the usual scrabble of activity, and, in this cover, Lythia hissed to Zondell and Micky and Sydney, "That man's not called Guy. His name is Ghastly Bespoke. He's a friend of Skulduggery's. I fought Sanguine and Sanguine's accomplices with him. He's the best puncher you've ever seen. And he makes clothes still. He just said he didn't to make sure people don't come to seek his skills."

Zondell nodded. Sydney and Micky followed suit. They went to get their sewing stuff. Lythia grabbed her half-finished dress from the garment rack and went to go sit at machine two.

A tap on her shoulder and she turned to see Ghastly grinning.

"You looked surprised to see me," he said, pretending to be unpicking a seam, which Lythia had just messed up.

"Well, nobody expects to see an uber magic fighter walk into their period one fabric class," Lythia replied in a low voice. "Where's Skulduggery today? Sleeping after him and Valkyrie's honeymoon? And how was your road trip, by the way? I heard about that. Was it fun?"

"It was," Ghastly answered. "Tanith enjoyed herself. And no, Skulduggery's not sleeping. 'Simon' Pleasant is guest talking in Economics 101 as we speak."

"No way!" gasped Lythia. "Tanith? Valkyrie?"

"Tanith's relieving a Physical Education class right now. Valkyrie's entertaining a Year 10 drama class. Fletcher's helping out in Geography. China is helping in the library. Grouse is in a Science classroom talking about solubility. Springheeled Jack is teaching angles in maths. Vaurien Scapegrace is working with a Hard Materials class. Dusk is running a History lesson. Mr Bliss is teaching Social Studies."

"Wow, a mage field day huh?"

Ghastly laughed. "Yeah, I guess so."

Lythia scrunched up her face and thought. "I have…maths next. So that means I have Springheeled Jack. Oh dear. And then I have P.E…oh, joy! Yay! Swimming with Tanith. And period four I have Drama. Oh good, I'll be able to catch up with Valkyrie. And I have…" Lythia's eyes widened and her jaw dropped. "I have Social Studies last period. I have…Mr Bliss." Lythia chewed her lip. "That's going to be so scary."


	70. Chapter 70

Chapter Seventy

"P.E with Tanith Is UBER!"

Period Three came faster than usual. Micky, Sydney, Flaring, Zondell and Lythia had enjoyed both Ghastly's presence at Fabrics and an enthusiastic, demonstrative maths lesson on angles from Springheeled Jack (luckily, he'd cleaned himself up. A LOT).

Tanith was surprised but glad to see them. Lythia and Micky took (as usual) a whole twenty seconds to get changed into their swimming gear, whilst Sydney, Zondell and Flaring took only about forty seconds longer.

Despite her pregnancy, Tanith still provided an engaging and interesting lesson on swimming. They were able to gauge this after the first minute.

When everybody first got into the pool and made all the usual comments about how warm the water was, she gathered them all in, smiled, and announced that for the first fifteen minutes, they could do anything they wanted. She then told them that she had a camera if anyone wanted photos.

"TANITH! TANITH, OVER HERE!" Flaring yelled. She was perched precariously on Lythia's shoulders. Sydney was on Micky's shoulders and Zondell was in the middle, holding her arms out wide behind so that her double peace signs were visible at the sides. Tanith laughed, and got the photo. Lythia chucked Flaring back into the water and Micky did the same. Lythia laughed and gave Micky a high five. Then, Lythia swam to the side and asked to see the photo.

"Oh, EPIC!" Micky's enthusiasm was justified. The photo had turned out perfect.

"So, why's all the sorcerers here today?" Lythia asked Tanith. "We had Ghastly come into our Fabrics class. And Springheeled Jack taught us last period."

Tanith shrugged. "I dunno. Although I suspect it's partly Guild's doing. Seeing as Crux is principal for the day…"

"WHAT?"

"I know, it's terrible. Guild has sent two Cleavers along too. Crux finally stopped attempting to assassinate Guild already, so Guild decided to give him a small job."

"This isn't a small job."

"I'm aware of this. Guild, unfortunately, isn't."

"He's a dick then."

"Naturally."

"I think we knew that all along."

"I think we did." Tanith stood straight again, pressing her hands into the small of her back. Because she was still so petite, being two and a half months into pregnancy was putting immense stress on her 'scapula' as Grouse would have put it. Luckily, she was so toned and fit, it countered it so much that it was only a minor discomfort. More annoying than grievous.

"OK, dudes and dudettes," Tanith called to the class. Several heads popped up from underwater; Tanith's voice carried well. She beckoned and they all made their way to her end of the pool. "You've got twenty minutes to do as many lengths as humanely possible. Go."

There were a lot of cheers. This was exactly the relaxed lesson that everybody liked. A few set off immediately, legs and arms pumping professionally, whilst others shrugged before swimming with a casual breaststroke.

"Cool. Thanks Tanith." Flaring paddled lazily on her back, flicking her arms a few times so that it was discernible as a form of backstroke. Lythia soon caught up, and Micky, Sydney and Zondell were equally motivated.

"P.E with Tanith is UBER!" Micky called to Flaring.

"Indeedy! Now try battling super evil people by her side," Lythia chuckled.

"God no." Zondell interjected.

"Ha ha." Flaring found that amusing.

"Shut up and swim or I'll chuck water into your mouth," Zondell threatened.

"Charming."

"I know."

"Isn't it just…"

There was the sound of a splash and a few coughs and a bit of spluttering from Flaring.


	71. Chapter 71

Chapter Seventy-One

Kiwi Culture

_**Oh my god, I'm still laughing…my Social Studies teacher went SERIOUSLY afoul of a talk on prostitution…it was SO hilarious, everyone was laughing.**_

_**Me and Sydney are exploring Bluetooth, it's really quite amusing. I keep puzzling everyone with my High Pitch audio that sounds like a bomb dropping.**_

_**Micky has saved enough to come with me to Wellington! Joy of joys, it's really happening!!!**_

_**Derek Marshmallow, we're coming to get you…**_

_**Lythia Harpen**_

_**PS. It was so scary auditioning for Oliver Twist today! I was so scared, we had to sing. I sang "Top of the World" by The Dixie Chicks. I think I did OK…**_

_**PPS. I cracked Sydney up by singing "We Like Tha Moon" in English. It's so hilarious…But then we watched the end of Anna Frank, and it was depressing.**_

"So, was Lythia surprised to see you today?" Tanith asked, her head resting on Ghastly's shoulder. They were watching the latest episode of 'House M.D', but currently the scourge known as advertisements was running.

"Yeah. But no more surprised than everyone else. And perhaps less, even. She's used to my scars, after all."

"Yeah, I guess."

'House' came back on and they fell silent. House argued with Cuddy about a biopsy for a few minutes before rolling his eyes and limping out of her office. When he was outside, he had a talk to Dr Robert Chase _**(A/N: HE'S SO HOT!)**_ and then Seventeen asked him a question. Then a nurse cried out that the patient was going into cardiac arrest.

"Oh, fun," Ghastly laughed. All the doctors were panicking and House was drinking coffee very casually while they all scampered around like headless chooks.

"Do you remember the time he pretended to collapse and spat 'blood' all over that doctor and it was really cranberry juice?" Tanith remarked, as House ignored Seventeen's pleas, shrugged in his irritating way, and kept drinking his coffee.

"It's not a problem to me," House said affably. "I suggested a solution – my boss ignored it – it's her paycheck."

Seventeen sighed. Chase frowned at House.

"You know, you can't just let this patient die," Chase said, his Australian accent as audible as ever.

"Well, I actually can," House replied, matter-of-factly. "Tell Cuddy that it's her retention or his life." With that, House drank the last of his coffee, tossed the empty cup into the wastepaper basket, and looked back at Seventeen and Chase with his eyebrows raised.

"Well?"

Chase and Seventeen exchanged irritable looks, and then left House's office. The patient carried on cardiac arrest-ing for a while longer, and then died. And then was brought back to life. And then died.

"Oh, fun," Tanith said. A rare 'To Be Continued…' came up and the show ended. Ghastly flicked the TV off and pulled Tanith into a closer embrace, kissing the top of her head. Then he frowned. "Have we eaten tonight? I can't remember. I don't really pay much attention."

"Oh. No, I don't think so."

"Ah."

"Call the fish and chip shop. We can go down to the beach."

"Tanith."

"What?"

"We're back in Dublin now..."

"What do you mean?"

"It's in Lythia's country where you call the fish and chip shop and go down to the beach."

"Oh. Yeah. Kiwi culture. I keep forgetting that fish and chips in any other country but New Zealand are usually crap."

"Yeah. There's some good ones down here, but it's not the point."

"Yeah."

"How did we get on this topic, anyway? I'll order some Thai, OK?"

"Sounds like a plan."

Ghastly smiled, kissed Tanith once on the mouth and then the neck, and went to find the phone.

Tanith remained on the couch, humming to herself. Then she got up and went for a wander on the walls and ceiling. She hadn't done it in a while, and had forgotten how enjoyable it was.

"Do you want me to order…" Ghastly walked in and fell silent, looking around. Then Tanith's hands covered his eyes and he sighed. "Tanith…It's always disconcerting when I walk in and we have an "oh, where's Tanith gone," scenario."

Tanith giggled and scampered away on the ceiling. Ghastly jumped up and grabbed her arm, managing to catch a hold of her. She started yelling with helpless laughter when he tickled her.

"No! Ghastly! I mean it...bahahahahaha!" She screwed her eyes shut tight, trying to concentrate so she'd stay on the ceiling, but Ghastly kept on tickling her and eventually she fell. Ghastly caught her and she arranged herself more comfortably in his arms.

"Oy," she said, giving his arm a poke. "This is too much like those sappy chick flicks we both hate. Put me down."

"Never! I believe the hero is supposed to catch the damsel in distress."

"That wasn't fair! You cheated!"

"Pirate…!"

"Oh god, not that Pirates of the Caribbean quoting again…Lythia does that a lot…"

Ghastly chuckled. "Lythia's a character." He set Tanith back on her feet. "But you are too, so that's all good!"

Tanith pouted, but then grinned. "Fair enough."


	72. Chapter 72

Chapter Seventy-Two

Hallelujah

_**OH MY GOD…I WAS WATCHING TEAM AMERICA…MY JAW HURTS…MY STOMACH HURTS…OH MY GOD…HILARIOUS…**_

_**I threw my failed, charred toast onto the lawn. My second round is UNDER-cooked!!! Is there no mercy???**_

_**My cat now looks very disgruntled. I shoved her off my desk chair so I could write more 'Valduggery, Ghanith and a whole lot of revelation'. Fair? She doesn't think so. I argued my case well. But she's a tripod, so she can claim disability. She doesn't look too disabled when she's half-clawing my face off. **_

_**I'm a bit sad to have broken up with my boyfriend. **____** But oh well. Shit happens.**_

_**I am so in love with this song. 'Hallelujah'. I was going to sing it for Oliver Twist auditions, but changed my mind at the last second. However, it's still a beautiful song, and one that I can sing incredibly well, so I couldn't resist putting it in here.**_

_**Enjoy!**_

_**Lythia Harpen**_

Lythia bit her nails. Anxiously waiting. She was going to be singing in front of at least two hundred people. Stupid music teacher, making her do this to get credits. Luckily, Skulduggery, Valkyrie, Ghastly, Tanith, Micky, Sydney, Zondell, Flaring, Stormshadow and Fletcher were here. They took up the entire second row in the auditorium.

A mystery speaker announced her normal name and she swallowed hard. Forcing a smile onto her face, heart pumping furiously, she stepped out into the spotlight as the piano music started.

She needn't have worried.

"Well I heard there was a secret chord,

That David played, and it pleased the Lord,

But you don't really care for music,

Do you?"

Her first few lines went well, her voice sounding as strong and pure as it was. Tanith's jaw had dropped, Valkyrie was staring at her incredulously. Skulduggery looked taken aback and Ghastly's eyes were narrowed. They hadn't heard her sing before. Micky and Sydney had heard her before, of course. Zondell had also listened to her sing a song.

Fletcher was grinning up at Lythia, enraptured. While he'd had the most dealings with Lythia, he still enjoyed listening to her voice, and that gave Lythia confidence.

"It goes like this,

The fourth, the fifth,

The minor fall, the major lift,

The baffled king composing

Hallelujah…

Hallelujah,

Hallelujah,

Hallelujah,

Hallelu---jah…"

Lythia let her eyes rest on Fletcher especially for the next part.

"Your faith was strong,

But you needed proof,

You saw her bathing on the roof,

Her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you…

She tied you to a kitchen chair

She broke your throne

And she cut your hair,

And from your lips she drew

The hallelujah…

Hallelujah,

Hallelujah,

Hallelujah,

Hallelu---jah…"

She took a welcome breath. Sweating a little, she continued.

"Maybe I have been here before,

I know this room; I've walked this floor,

I used to live alone before I knew you,

And I've seen your flag on the marble arch,

Love is not a victory march,

It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah…"

Lythia sang the rest of the song and bowed. She got a standing ovation, invoked by, of course, Skulduggery and the crew. She blushed and left the stage, went behind the wings.

And it was over. Hidden from the audience, she bit her lip, flopped into a chair, and shook with the effort it had taken to express three and a half minutes of nerves.


	73. Chapter 73

Chapter Seventy-Three

Mage Camp

It's Mr Pacman Cheese! Bahahahahhahahahahahaha. XD

_**I just watched The Hangover. Oh. My. God. It. Is. So. Hilarious. **_

_**Lythia Harpen**_

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Valkyrie jumped up and down on the spot. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WE'RE HELPING WITH A MAGE CAMP????"

"Valkyrie, calm down. It sounded interesting, so I put our names down," Skulduggery explained calmly. "It's a two week camp, made to help young mages hone their fighting skills."

"OH, NICE TO KNOW IT'S A BOOT CAMP."

"A mage camp, Valkyrie."

"THIS IS RIDICULOUS!!!"

"If it makes you feel any better, Lythia, Flaring and the rest will be there."

"Oh, joy. I'm crap at helping run camps, Skulduggery!"

"If it makes you feel even better, Ghastly and Tanith are coming to help as well."

"Has it crossed your mind that me and Tanith might not be up to all the activities? We're both three months pregnant. And where are we supposed to throw up when we get struck by morning sickness?"

"There's bathrooms."

"And you're sure there'll be one abandoned EVERY minute of the day?"

"Well, no…"

"Exactly."

"It'll be fun."

"I hate you."

"I know."

Valkyrie scowled and looked away for a second. Then she looked back. "Isn't is Lythia's birthday during the camp?"

"I think so."

"Well, how about this. I'll come help, but only if you let me organise a surprise party for her."

"That's fair."

"Good."

"Well, should we organise a playlist for her?"

"Ooh, that'll be fun. Let's do that right now."

Grinning, Valkyrie grabbed Skulduggery's hand and climbed the stairs. She entered the study, closed the door and turned on the new laptop that rested on the desk.

While it was turning on, Valkyrie thought about what songs she had that Lythia might like. She was a fan of older music, Smashing Pumpkins and R.E.M and the like.

But then there was the newer music she liked as well. She'd heard !3OH3! playing from Lythia's phone on various occasions. She liked Katy Perry and Lady GaGa and that song by Cascada. _Evacuate the Dancefloor _or whatever. And _Fireflies_ and _Remedy_. And also Paramore. That was unquestioned.

And she couldn't forget the grungier music that Lythia liked. She was a fan of System of a Down, My Chemical Romance and Nirvana.

"Hmm," Valkyrie said. The laptop had turned itself on by this time and Valkyrie started looking through the various MP3 files.

"Doesn't she like that !3OH3! one?" Skulduggery pointed to _Starstrukk_.

"Yeah, I was going to add that one." Valkyrie dragged and set it in the playlist column.

"Play it." Skulduggery asked.

"We'll never get through all of them if we play them all though!"

"Play it."

Valkyrie shrugged and double-clicked it. It started playing, and when the words began Valkyrie had to laugh and clap both hands over her mouth in astonishment.

Skulduggery knew all the words.

"Nice legs, Daisy Dukes,

Makes a me go *wolf whistle*

That's the way they all come through,

Like *wolf whistle*, *wolf whistle*

Low cut, see through,

Shirts that make ya *wolf whistle*

That's the way she come through

Like *wolf whistle*, *wolf whistle*…"

Valkyrie grinned. "'Cause I, just set them up,

Just set them up,

Just set them up

To knock them down,"

Skulduggery took over. "Cause I just set them up,

Just set them up,

Just set them up,

To knock them down, down, d-d-d-d…"

Valkyrie and Skulduggery sang the next piece. "I think I should know

How

To make love to something innocent

Without leaving my fingerprints on

Now

L-O-V-E

Just another word

I never learned to pronounce

How

Do I say I'm sorry?

'Cause the word is never gonna come out

Now

L-O-V-E

Just another word

I never learned to pronounce…"

Valkyrie stopped singing and smiled, and Skulduggery grinned as well.

"Tight jeans, double D's,

Makin' me go *wolf whistle*…And I've embarrassed myself enough already." Skulduggery exited Media Player and continued scrolling though the music. "What about Dane Rumble? Does Lythia like Dane Rumble?"

"I'm sure, who doesn't? We can chuck _Cruel _on there, as well as these ones from him," Valkyrie clicked the mouse a few more times and brought up the Lady GaGa folder. "Hmm, let me see…_Just Dance_, yes…_Lovegame_ (they grinned at each other), yes…_Paparazzi_, _Pokerface_, _yes…Eh, Eh, (There's Nothing Else I Can Say)_, sure why not, _The Fame_, yes, _Money Honey_…er, maybe not…_Beautiful, Dirty, Rich_…oh, what the hell. And what else? Oh yeah, _Summerboy_ and _Disco Heaven_. Oh, what the hell! I didn't know we had _Bad Romance_!"

"OK," Skulduggery said. "Can we have some older stuff now?" He took the mouse from Valkyrie and scrolled down. What have we got from Rapid Eye Movement?"

"R.E.M? Loads," Valkyrie said. "We've got four of their albums."

"Hmm, _**Automatic For The People**_," Skulduggery said. "Let's have all of that except _Star Me Kitten_, because that's a bit slow…then again, so is _Nightswimming_, but we've got to have that…"

"What should we get from _**Green**_?" Valkyrie asked.

Skulduggery bit his lip and pulled up _**Green**_. "_Pop Song 89_, _Get Up_, no, let's not put_ You Are The Everything_…"

"_Stand_!" Valkyrie cried. "Yes! _Stand_, definitely."

"For sure. And _World Leader Pretend. Orange Crush_ is an absolute MUST. Do you reckon we should put in _I Could Turn You Inside Out_?" Skulduggery looked at Valkyrie from the corner of his eye.

"Oh, what the hell," Valkyrie answered. "But not _Hairshirt_ or _I Remember California_. Or the bonus track."

"OK."

"Here's The Smashing Pumpkins. We have Gish, Machina, and Mellon Collie."

"Let's have…"

"I Am One."

"Siva."

"Bury Me."

"The Everlasting Gaze."

"Raindrops + Sunshowers."

"I of the Mourning."

"Try, Try, Try."

"This Time."

"The Imploding Voice."

"Tonight, Tonight, definitely."

"Jellybelly? No…Zero."

"Bullet with Butterfly Wings."

"An Ode to No-one."

"Love."

"Cupid de Locke."

"Muzzle."

"Where Boys Fear To Tread."

"Bodies."

"1979."

"Tales of A Scorched Earth."

"X.Y.U."

"We Only Come Out At Night."


	74. Chapter 74

Chapter Seventy-Four

Blue PowerAde + orange juice = BRIGHT GREEN DRINK!!! Excitement!!!

_**.**_

_**Zondell and me cracked up in Drama today. She wouldn't stop making popping noises. We were in the middle of watching Mr Bean, and everyone was quiet, a few people turned around and gave me odd looks but if I look weird, well, that's good. Weirdness rules. And then the girl beside me stuck paper on her eyes and tongue and did the Mr Bean paper thing. You know, when he's on the train with the kid?**_

_**On the way home Zondell and me cracked up again. Once when we were listening to "Chic 'N Stu" by System of a Down. She told me to look at the lyrics and I realised it was a song about pizza.**_

_**Crack up.**_

_**And then we listened to "Cigaro" by System of a Down (we're addicted to System of a Down), we laughed our heads off. It's hard not to when the first line is "My c**k is much bigger than yours…" Bahahahahahahah. No, surprisingly, it's not that inappropriate a song. We love SOAD because it remains one of the few death metal bands that still has meaning in its song lyrics. Apart from "Cigaro", naturally.**_

_**I'm listening to "Whir" by The Smashing Pumpkins as I write this author's note. From their album Pisces Iscariot. I like the picture of the fish in the pan. Haha. I'm surprised it even played in my retarded CD player. Normally it throws a psyche.**_

_**Lythia Harpen **_

_**PS this was a highly amusing conversation on Vaurien Scapegrace's Facebook page. I couldn't pass up the idea of putting it into writing. xD**_

Just before the mage camp, there was a slight skirmish involving Tanith Low, Vaurien Scapegrace, Valkyrie Cain, Raven Finn and Lythia Harpen.

"Right, that's the last of them," Ghastly said, as he closed the luggage compartment of the bus. "Hey, what the eff is going on over there?"

Valkyrie Cain was standing in front of Scapegrace, a flame in her hand, her eyes narrowed. Scapegrace had his eyebrows raised and looked puzzled. Tanith was standing a way off, a dreamy look in her eye. A girl with a wicked smile and dark hair was standing a bit in front of the two, looking amused.

"I don't know," Lythia answered. Her bag had been the last one. "I'll go check it out."

"Cool," came the reply.

Arching her eyebrow in what she hoped was a questioning way, Lythia walked over to the argument.

"What the hell is going on?" she asked.

"NO! Raven Finn, you're mad." Valkyrie turned to Scapegrace. "YOU ARE NOT MARRYING TANITH!" she said loudly. "THAT IS WRONG!"

"I agree wholeheartedly," muttered Scapegrace.

"What's going on?" Lythia repeated. Valkyrie turned to her, a pained look on her face.

"Raven wants Vaurien to marry Tanith. It's not happening."

"Well, it's happening," the girl called Raven Finn replied. "Tanith agrees, don't you Tanith?"

"Yeah…" Tanith mumbled. But she didn't look herself; there was a vacant look to her, as though she'd been possessed. She blew a kiss at Scapegrace and Scapegrace recoiled and ducked behind Valkyrie.

"She's marrying him," Raven Finn insisted.

"I'M SORRY, BUT I HAVE TO SIDE WITH VALKYRIE ON THIS ONE," Lythia announced. She stepped up and went back to back with Valkyrie. Without even blinking, she pressed her hands together and then pulled them apart. Green electricity danced and looped from one palm to the other. She lifted one side of her mouth in resignation and Raven reappraised the two people she now had to argue with. Valkyrie, with her flame, and Lythia with her green electricity. She blinked a couple of times. And then something shifted in her eyes.

"Oh my god," Raven said, horrorstruck, her jaw dropping. "What was I just saying?"

"You were saying Scapegrace and Tanith should marry," Valkyrie frowned.

"Oh my god. Oh, no. My ex best friend came over yesterday. She's a Sensitive. She must've possessed me. Arggggggh." She began running around in circles, a frown firmly in place. "Nononononononononono."

"Actually, Tanith called me last night to say she thought someone was in her house," Valkyrie said, letting her flame go out. "Could it have been your friend?"

"Very likely," Raven said. "Ohgoddygodgod, I never would have said that."

"But I agree," Tanith said.

"Tanith, you're married to Ghastly!" Lythia told her.

At that, Tanith seemed to snap out of whatever reverie that she'd been in. "Oh, no, what's been going on? I can't even remember hanging up the phone last night. Have I been possessed?" Tanith looked to Valkyrie for reassurance.

"Yeah," Valkyrie answered truthfully. "You were actually agreeing to the idea of marrying Scapegrace. Scary."

"Hey!" came the indignant call from the man behind Valkyrie.

Tanith frowned, then began checking herself over. "Got to make sure they didn't nick anything. Hair? Check. Baby currently inside? Check. Face unmarked…I need a mirror…cheers, Lythia…check. Legs not amputated? Check. Well, guess that's sweet then."

Lythia looked at Scapegrace. "What are you even doing here?"

Scapegrace smiled weakly. "I've been pardoned by Skulduggery and the Sanctuary."

"He helped me re-capture Rinestarr Harlequin and Sanguine again," Lythia told them all. "So they pardoned him. Silly move really." She punched Scapegrace's arm. "Kidding, dude."


	75. Chapter 75

Chapter Seventy-Five

Mount Thomas

_***AIR GUITAR* HELL YEAH…Oh, sorry. That's the reaction that "Frail and Bedazzled" by The Smashing Pumpkins tends to instil in you. Jumping up and doing electric air guitar.**_

_**This chapter is so short, I know, I'm sorry. Couldn't think of how to make it longer. **_

_**I'm excited for many reasons. A) New boots B) new dress C) TOP BRACES OFF! YEAHHH! D) CAMP IS FRICKEN TWO DAYS AWAY! F*CK YEAH! E) I HAVE JUST REALISED I HAVE THE BEST FRIENDS IN THE WORLD. Oceane, Sydney, Zondell…you guys are EPIC. **____** So looking forward to camp and F) IT IS MY EFFNG BIRTHDAY ON THE 25**__**th**__**! DO I GET CYBER-CUPCAKES, PEOPLE? Oceane and Sydney are already planning a party for me that's going to be on camp in the bunkroom at night! YAY!**_

_**Huggles to all because I am in the best f*cken mood EVER.**_

_**Lythia Harpen**_

"Wow! What a view." Valkyrie and Skulduggery stood proudly on top of Mount Thomas. Below them, most of the Canterbury Plains were spread out, with a clear view to the Port Hills, the Southern Alps and (and this really was the most beautiful) the azure sea.

"How did we end up in New Zealand again?" Valkyrie asked. "It seems like a dream."

"We took the bus to the Teleport centre," Skulduggery patiently explained. "Once we got to the Teleport centre, we Teleported to the Christchurch sub-Sanctuary, which Lythia is a part of."

"It was a rhetorical question, Skulduggery."

"Oh. Right then."

Valkyrie leaned down and retied the lace of her hiking boots. When she looked up, Skulduggery was gazing at her.

"What?" she said suspiciously.

"You just made me realise that I'm really, really struck by you. I just agreed to what you said." Skulduggery raised his eyebrows. "That's a first."

Valkyrie raised her eyebrow in return. "O…K…"

"Yeah. It's good, actually."

"I guess. Where are Lythia and Fletcher and Flaring and stuff?"

"Flaring's probably pushed Fletcher down a part of this mountain."

"Probably."

They stood in silence for a while. Then they shared a quick kiss before the miscreants arrived.

"You know what I think?" Valkyrie said. "I think they're finally taking life a bit slower."

"No, probably not."

"Hmm. Maybe you're right."

"Of course I'm right. I'm Skulduggery Pleasant."

"Oh no. I thought for a second your ego had waned!"

"Never."

"Oh ha ha." They heard Flaring's voice, loud and clear, arrive at the top of Mount Thomas.


	76. Chapter 76

Chapter Seventy-Six

Rocky Bit

Crawley sensation up arm…. Eww…!!!!! Big spider…!!! I'm now flailing like Valkyrie did in The Faceless Ones. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. *flail* Ugh….yukyukyuk. *Flail* *shudder*

OK. That was gross. And now I feel like there's spiders all over me. But anyway. Note to readers: Oceane LeClaire is one of my best friends, Michaela. Micky Alaa was her nickname, but now she's chosen a proper name. Just letting you know.

Ugh. Spider. Paramore just came on the radio…cold tea is disgusting…thinking what it would be like if our uniforms were designed by Patrick Stump, like me and Flaring discussed…

ONE MORE FRICKEN DAY UNTIL CAMP AS I WRITE THIS!!!

Lythia Harpen

Flaring had in fact not pushed Fletcher off the side of the hill. Fletcher and Lythia had chillaxed, taking the climb at their own pace and chatting.

And then Fletcher had saved Lythia's life. According, strangely, not only to Fletcher.

"How the FUCK did that happen?" Valkyrie asked, half-laughing, half-groaning. They were all back at the Lodge. Skulduggery and Ghastly were having a coffee inside. Lythia, Flaring, Valkyrie, Tanith, Oceane, Sydney, Zondell and a few other new acquaintances were sitting around a roaring campfire.

"Well, we were walking along that rocky bit with the drop on the right side, right? Fletcher jokingly suggested I walk along the side rocks and I did."

"Why the hell would you listen to Fletcher?" Oceane shook her head in disbelief. "That's not smart."

Fletcher, who was cocooned in his sleeping bag by the campfire, yelled, "Hey!"

"Anyway," Lythia continued. "The rock slipped, naturally, but Fletcher grabbed my hand and Teleported us to safety."

"And then…?" Sydney asked, sensing Lythia had something else to say. Lythia looked rather uncomfortable for a moment, but Fletcher beamed at them all.

"Show them," he grinned.

Lythia seemed to sag, and then she pulled something from the pocket of her denim shorts. Opened a velvet box and there was…a ring with a huge diamond. Solid, twisted gold.

Everybody in residence (Tanith, Valkyrie, as well as a few new girls they had met, whose names were Amithest Moss and Rialla Shadows) shrieked.

"OH MY GOD!" Valkyrie screamed. "WHAT THE FUCK?"

"I asked him how I could thank him and he grinned in that cocky way of his and pulled this out." Lythia grinned sadly and hid the ginormous diamond ring away.

"So, what the fuck, you ACCEPTED?" Flaring shrieked, glaring at Fletcher. "I'm going to kill you, Fletcher. And then Patrick Stump shall resurrect you and Oceane and Sydney shall kill you. Yes?" She looked to Oceane and Sydney sternly, and they nodded obediently.

"No, I haven't accepted yet. I've just got the diamond. I told him I wouldn't accept until I was at least eighteen." With that, she fell apart with laughter, as did Oceane, Sydney, Tanith and everybody else within a metre radius. Fletcher sank down into his sleeping bag and glared at them all.

"Oh, it's OK Fletcher," Tanith laughed, ruffling his hair (Fletcher shrieked and jerked away). "We all make right dicks of ourselves sometimes."

"I'm not making a right dick of myself!" he protested. "I love her!"

"Well there's other ways of showing that," said an amused young Necromancer called Greaya Smith that had just joined them at the campfire. He was tanned, had dyed black hair with blue streaks and a white-toothed smile. His dark eyes gleamed and the shadows surrounding him shrank away from the warmth and light of the flames.

Vehement Melancholy, a quiet Necromancer, was sitting with his knees up to his chest. His dyed black curly hair and dark eyes reflected the mood he was often in. His object of power, a leather armband, was obvious, due to the large amount of shadows coiling around his wrist. He said nothing, but grinned suddenly, as though daydreaming.

"I agree," Amithest Moss said. A tall, pale Elemental, she was dressed in her usual attire, which consisted of black skinny jeans, a dark purple top and a leather black jacket, with black, suede, heeled boots. She grinned, her dark hair with golden streaks shining in the firelight.

"I'm siding with my friend here," Rialla Shadows said, idly fiddling with the black and purple Necromancer bracelet that had a death grip on her left wrist. She had violet eyes, which matched the dark purple streaks in her midnight-coloured hair. Her black cloak fell in ripples around her cross-legged, sitting form, whilst she had her long purple dress tucked around her knees.

A young female mage named Mercyful Fear grinned, flashing her white teeth at them all. "Everyone's agreeing here. But I don't see a problem with Fletcher proposing to Lythia, just so long as he doesn't expect her to marry him straight away."

"Oh, I wasn't expecting anything immediate," Fletcher broke in, immediately and hopefully latching onto an opinion that he could verify.

"Good," Lythia said. Stretching, she yawned. "Right, I'm going to bed. Any other girls coming with?"

If Lythia saw the suspicious glance that Oceane, Sydney, Zondell, Valkyrie, Tanith, Amithest, Flaring, Rialla, and Mercyful exchanged, she didn't say anything.

"You can have first dibs for the bathroom," Flaring said craftily, winking at Valkyrie. Oceane punched Sydney on the arm and Sydney responded by bending her leg up and tucking her foot behind her neck. Tanith covered her mouth with her hands in astonishment.

"It's not part of my being Adept," Sydney explained, as Lythia got up and wandered off, dragging her polar fleece blanket on the dewy grass and not caring. "I do aerobics."

Oceane kept glancing at Lythia whilst trying to act normal. "She's so darn skinny, Lythia and me are always so jealous…SHE'S INSIDE THE BATHROOM! GO GO GO, FELLOW GIRLS! Back to the beds!" All the females around the campfire scarpered, leaving Fletcher and Greaya looking at each other in puzzlement. Fletcher shrugged and keeled over, pulling his sleeping bag around him and humming contentedly.


	77. Chapter 77

Chapter Seventy-Seven

Best Bunkroom Party

Soon, all of the girls were back in their bunkrooms, frantically trying to work with the thirty seconds they had.

"Okay, quick, quick!" Zondell hissed, thumb-tacking a painted sheet to one wall of the bunkroom, just beside Rialla's bunk, stretching it from one wall to the other. She didn't press the thumbtack in enough and it fell out. Grinning, Tanith grabbed the end and walked on the wall. She tacked it up and it worked. She gave Zondell the thumbs up.

Valkyrie elbowed open the cabin door, opening a gigantic bag of lollies as she came. She succeeded and held the door open for Oceane, who was bearing a cake and had a knife between her teeth. The icing was green, and had the words "Happy Birthday, Lythia!" in blue over top, as well as a picture of a skull. Oceane put it on Lythia's bunk. Tanith retrieved two giant packets of popcorn from her suitcase, having joined in the hype despite being pregnant and over 80 (this was largely thanks to her mind still being teenage). Sydney pulled four bottles of Coke and six cans of V from her sleeping bag. Zondell rummaged around in her suitcase until she found what she was looking for: a travel CD player. She pulled out Sydney's hair straightener from the power socket and plugged it in. She put _**Steal This Album**_ by System of a Down into the CD player and put it on pause.

They were just on time: Amithest and Rialla, who had been standing guard looking out of the window, hissed in unison: "she's coming!" and ducked back down. Mercyful hastily flicked the light off and Flaring hung from the rafters by her knees.

They heard the sound of the bunkroom door opening, and as soon as Lythia turned the light on, all nine girls screamed "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"

"Oh my EFFING…!" Lythia shrieked, a grin spreading over her face, which was quickly covered by her hands. Her blue eyes were wide as she took in all the effort her friends had gone to.

"Happy birthday, Lythia," Oceane repeated, coming forward and giving her a hug. "You're my age at last!"

"Happy birthday, L," Sydney grinned, also hugging Lythia. Valkyrie pulled Lythia into a one armed hug and held the camera so that it was facing them. Lythia pulled a cool face as the camera flashed and then Flaring, Amithest and Rialla mobbed Lythia from behind, cheering "Birthday! Birthday! Birthday!" loudly. Once they had put her down, Lythia received hugs from Zondell, Tanith and Mercyful as well.

"Wow…this is amazing, guys." Lythia caught sight of the cake and gasped. "No freaking way…who made that? That is EPIC!"

"That was me," Oceane said proudly. "And Sydney iced it."

"Wow…" Lythia turned back to them all. "You guys went to all this effort for _me_?"

"And why the hell not?" Mercyful replied. "I would've brought stuff, except I only knew Val and Oceane and stuff were organising it this afternoon and I agreed to help. And there's the fact that I only met you awesome folks this morning…"

"OK, OK," Flaring interrupted. "Cake. Knife. Cut. Lythia. Now."

Laughing, Lythia raised the knife and stabbed the cake right in the centre. "I'm not one for slow, suspenseful cake-cutting," she announced. Everyone cheered and Rialla pulled the knife out of the centre of the cake and began cutting proper slices.

Then, laughing, Lythia's eyes landed on the CD player and she gasped. "NO WAY! You dragged that along, Zondell?"

"Yup," Zondell answered, smiling. "And I brought your favourite CD. There was going to be a playlist but Skulduggery's mobile broadband went out of range here. So we just have a CD player. Now: LET THE PARTY BEGIN!"

She pressed play, and Lythia's face split into another grin as she instantly recognised the song. All of them knew _Chic 'N Stu_ by System of a Down, and were singing along with glee.

"What a splendid pie!

Pizza pizza pie!

Every minute every second

Buy buy buy buy buy,

What a splendid pie!

Pizza pizza pie!

Every minute every second

Buy buy buy buy buy!"

The next line was backed by the more bass voices of three males, and Lythia thought this was a bit odd, until she turned and realised that Fletcher, Vehement and Greaya had gatecrashed. Fletcher grabbed a piece of cake, sticking his tongue out at Flaring and Lythia, and sang through it.

"Pepperoni and green peppers

Mushrooms olives chives!

Pepperoni and green peppers

Mushrooms olives chives!"

At this point, Fletcher, Greaya and Vehement unanimously pulled party poppers; Amithest, Zondell and

Mercyful screamed and ducked. Flaring roared with laughter and did a cartwheel, knocking Oceane over and sending popcorn flying in the air.

Lythia was now hanging from the rafters, screaming "Me, therapy, therapy, advertising causes me, therapy, therapy, advertising causes me, therapy, therapy…".

Mercyful was brandishing the camera and had taken twenty-four photos so far. Lythia swung herself off the rafters and landed on her back, laughing. Flaring helped her up and Zondell ducked out of the way as the camera flashed again.

All of a sudden the door slammed open, and two men shouting interrupted the party. "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?"

"SKULDUGGERY! GHASTLY! DO JOIN US!" Flaring shrieked delightedly. Ghastly managed to escape, taking Tanith with him, but Skulduggery was a second too late; Flaring hauled him inside the bunkroom and smeared green cake icing on both his cheeks. He scowled, noticed Valkyrie walking towards him and grinned. He laughed when Valkyrie began to lick the icing off his face, but when he tried to get her off, she screamed, "WASTE NOT!" and knocked him to the floor.

Vehement had Sydney on his shoulders as she tried to get icing on the ceiling, when she succeeded she whooped and crashed sideways onto the top bunk. Vehement, laughing for the first time all day, scrambled up after her and began writing the date on the wall with icing. Sydney managed to gasp out an "the camp owners will always wonder where the green spot on the ceiling came from…" before she fell apart with laughter, clutching her sides. When she'd recovered, she and Vehement got down from the top bunk and rejoined the madness.

Amithest and Mercyful were arm wrestling on the carpet, while Rialla cheered them on; Zondell was singing "WHAT A SPLENDID PIE…" again. Lythia posed with Sydney, and just as the camera flashed, Oceane threw a handful of popcorn sideways. The camera flashed and when Lythia reviewed the photo, it was revealed that popcorn was flying past their faces. Just another reason to crack up.

All of a sudden, Flaring started cheering and whooping. Lythia turned and laughed, realising why Flaring was cheering. Valkyrie and Skulduggery were on their knees now (Skulduggery was icing-less) but were making out. Fletcher winked at Lythia up so she "accidentally" threw her glass of V all over him. She wasn't quite prepared for a make-out session here.

"Oh my god, this is the best bunkroom party I've been to, and I've been to a lot," Greaya called, ducking to avoid a handful of gummy bears that Amithest had just thrown.

"NICE BIRTHDAY PARTY, LYTHIA! WE HAVE DEREK MARSHMALLOW TO THANK!" Flaring yelled.

"Hooray for Derek Marshmallow!" everyone chorused.

Well? Do you like it? It was really fun writing this chapter. Thank you to the OC's, I loved having you guest star in this chapter. Any more OC's that would like to be in Valduggery, Ghanith, and a whole lot of revelation, just review or PM me (telling me your taken name, discipline, powers, and appearance), and I'll find a place for you.

_**Oceane and Sydney, as we leave for camp I AM WHOOPING WITH GLEE! :D And Derek Landy has fixed a certain problem for me. All is well.**_


	78. Chapter 78

Chapter Seventy-Eight

"What the Hell Was That?"

What the girls didn't expect the next afternoon (the party ended at two am, stopped by a very grumpy camp admin) was to hear about Fletcher, Lythia, Valkyrie, Sydney and Oceane running into an aggressive pack of enemies on the 12km tramp to the day hut.

But no, there he was, Bane Terrorze and his group of mage fighters. He ambushed the group after about the 3km mark, instigating a fight.

"I'm going to gut you all!" he roared.

Fletcher narrowed his eyes and took a stand. "Who are you?" he snarled.

"I am the enemy of you and all other good-worshipping people," Bane snarled back, baring his teeth. "My four acolytes think like-mindedly."

"So why come after us?" Lythia questioned, green electricity already flowing between her hands.

"You're the first people to have arrived!" Bane grinned, holding out his hand. Lythia ducked under the sonic boom that snapped towards her, then tackled him. She had no mirror or reflective surface to change into her second form, so she just fought in her normal form.

Oceane and Sydney stood back to back, Valkyrie had a flame in her hand, and Fletcher was slowly approaching Bane.

"Well fuck you, because we're some of the best fighters in the world!" Oceane taunted. "I'll quote Tanith, but I'm going to add my own words. COME AND HAVE A FUCKEN GO IF YOU THINK YOU'RE BLOODY HARD ENOUGH."

"Gladly," Bane replied, and on a nod, his men attacked. Oceane and Sydney pushed at the air at once, creating a double effect that crashed into the man coming their way.

A bear-like man with bad breath knocked Fletcher to the ground. He cursed and tried to Teleport, but the bear-man shattered his concentration by wrapping one hand around his throat and squeezing. Fletcher gasped and Valkyrie slammed her shoulder into the man, knocking him off Fletcher. She gave a nod at the wordless thanks in his eyes and they prepared to continue fighting.

Lythia was duelling two men at once. Her punches fell heavy and quick, and she occasionally twisted her torso with a kick. One of her fists got through and hit one of the men on the temple, knocking him out instantly.

The other roared and doubled his effort, but she knocked his feet from under him and kicked him in the head.

Lythia jerked her head up as Bane roared his distaste. She began to trade blows with the evil sorcerer, but this time she wasn't the only one to get hit. She kicked him and he fell back. She whipped her head around, trying to gain information on all of the battles in one split second. Fletcher called, "Look out!" and she returned her gaze to Bane just in time to see the dagger swinging towards her face. Oceane and Sydney cried out unison, right before they heard the unmistakable sound of metal embedding itself in bone.

Lythia roared, and something happened which was unusual both to Lythia, her friends, and her enemies. The green electricity involuntarily began appearing around her fists. It quickly travelled up her arm and down her torso, reaching the ground before finally framing her face, crackling and spitting menacingly. The green contrasted sickly with the red blood pumping out of her face. Her whole body was now crackling fiercely with green electricity, and she grinned. As she drew one hand across her torso and then extended it, she uttered four words:

"Fuck dagger-wielding crazies."

The orb of green energy growing in her palm was glowing more vehemently than ever before. She released it, and it flew outwards, hitting Bane in the chest and conveying all of her pain and shock with it.

It hit him and he died instantly.

Once the deadly projectile had been launched, Lythia grinned weakly, falling to her knees even as the green electricity faded. Fletcher darted forward and caught her before she hit the ground.

"What the hell was that?" she asked, before grinning wickedly and fainting.

_**I'm going to do a Mercyful and say NO REVIEWS, NO UPDATES! *cackles* I'm on camp for three days so no updates until at least the 25**__**th**__**! Which ALSO HAPPENS TO BE MY BIRTHDAY! THANK YOU FOR YOUR CUPCAKE, AMITHEST! I HAVEN'T OPENED YOUR PRESENT YET! I'M WAITING FOR THURSDAY…oh what the hell. Caps Lock. Grrr. Anyways. Review. I meant what I said and I said what I meant. Lythia's faithful, 100%! And you should all be too! U REVIEW! The button is there VVVV.**_


	79. Chapter 79

Chapter Seventy-Nine

"So why The Hell did we agree to do this?"

_**The Boat That Rocked is awesome. And I'm running out of ideas for this story. Help. I HAVE A SKULPLES T-SHIRT! :D HUZZAH! Jack Davenport and Tom Wisdom are HOT. And Rhys Darby.**_

_**Could the Necromancer known as Greaya Smith please review and leave their name? I have a question for you. **___

_**I had a good birthday, thank you everyone that remembered. Arctic Wolf (formerly Vehement Melancholy) is awesome! **_

Lythia Harpen

"So why the hell did we agree to do this?" Fletcher said, frowning. He, Lythia, Oceane and Valkyrie were all waiting. Sydney hadn't wanted to do it, Zondell was sick and Flaring was in Thailand. Fletcher looked like he was about to have a nervous breakdown. The only reason he was doing this was because Lythia had asked so nicely.

Lythia shook her head. "Think of all those people with hunger clawing at their insides."

Lythia's mother stuck her head into the room. "We have all these people ready to witness it."

"Alright, mum." Lythia stood up, stuck her chin in the air and marched out staunchly. The other three followed, Fletcher still looking uptight.

"Right then," Oceane announced, clapping her hands together. "We'd like to see our sponsored stuff first, please. Just to make sure."

Everyone in the vicinity laughed (various family members and friends of the four) and put what they were going to donate to World Vision on the kitchen bench. Food and money were the main two categories, although there was also clothing and toiletries.

"Where are those…ah." Lythia grinned at the crowd. "Here goes!"

And she grabbed the scissors on the table and began to cut her hair off.

Everyone cheered, apart from Fletcher who whimpered. Once she had cut off the majority of her hair, she grabbed the electric hair clipper and ran it over her head, getting the last of it. It took her about four minutes because her hair was so thick, but once she had, she flicked off the clippers, held them in her fist and grinned.

"Right. I've done it. Fletcher, you're next!"

Fletcher looked as though he'd swallowed a live eel. He gulped. Then he picked up the clippers and shaved his own head. Once finished, he sighed deeply and put an arm around Lythia's shoulders.

"There you are," he said wearily.

Oceane laughed, grabbed the scissors and clippers, did the deed, and then passed them onto Valkyrie. Seeing the detectives wicked grin, Lythia hesitated, then asked, "does Skulduggery know you're doing this?"

Valkyrie shook her head. "No. But he'll live." Grinning, she commenced her haircut and thy all watched her dark locks drift to the floor.

"And you know what?" Valkyrie called over the cheered that came post-shaving. "I think it suits me. It sure does suit Lythia! No offence."

"None taken," Lythia smiled, glancing at her shaved head of hair in the mirror. "Do you reckon we could sell the hair to a wig company?"

"I'll sort it out," said Oceane. "Oh no. It's going to be hard separating Fletcher's bright blonde hair from Lythia and Valkyrie's dark stuff and my mousy darkish hair. Bugger."

The people in the room gave one last applaud and then Lythia's mum ushered them all out. She gathered up the donated things and left the house to deliver them to the big "Shave Your Head For Charity" event in town.

"Just think," Oceane said, flopping down on Lythia's couch and running a hand over her bald head. "People all over the country are doing this."

"Well," Lythia replied, snuggling on the two-seater with Fletcher and grinning, "It's just another way for me to be different. Don't you agree, Valkyrie?"

"Whole-heartedly." And that was one more bit done for the world.


	80. Chapter 80

Chapter Eighty

"OH MY GOD!"

SIX MONTHS LATER

It was 10pm, and they were in Fletcher's apartment. Fletcher was sprawled on the couch, watching Ninja Warrior. Lythia and Oceane were lying on their bellies on the floor, reading the same magazine. Sydney was fixing her hair extensions in the reflection of Fletcher's glass apartment door that led onto the balcony.

Everyone jumped as the door slammed open and looked up as Flaring rushed in. She grabbed Fletcher by the shoulders.

"OH MY GODGODDYGODGOSH OHMYGOD I HAVE THE WIERDEST BUT THE BEST NEWS!!!" she squealed, shaking Fletcher like a terrier would a rat. "OH MY GOD!"

"What?" Lythia asked, a grin spreading on her face. She had a suspicion…

"TANITH JUST WENT INTO LABOUR GUYS OH MY GOD!!!"

"What's the weird part of it?" Sydney asked.

"GET THIS GUYS!!! VALKYRIE IS IN LABOUR TOO!!!" She jumped up and down on Fletcher's couch. Fletcher toppled off. She left Fletcher, who was dizzy and shaken by this time, and ran over to Lythia and Oceane.

"COME ON LET'S GO." Everyone got up, elated, and together they jerked Fletcher to his feet.

"TELEPORT." And Fletcher did.

It was a mortal hospital, so Fletcher teleported in the back room of a café that he knew that was just down the road. It was raining hard in Dublin and Sydney grabbed an abandoned umbrella leaning against the wall and put it up once they got outside. Fletcher, Oceane and Sydney walked huddled under it, while Lythia and Flaring strode ahead, stepping in every puddle they could see and standing under the edges of rooves so they got as wet as possible.

"Hi," Flaring led the way into the hospital. "We're looking for Tanith Low and Stephanie Edgely (Tanith could pass for a half-normal name but Valkyrie was too extreme). What ward are they in? They both came in today." Flaring mimed having a pregnant belly. "Preggers. Most likely screaming."

"Ward Seven," the lady behind the counter said coolly. Flaring nodded and the five of them hurried off. The umbrella lay once again abandoned, propped up against a wall.

An elevator lay ahead. "Aha!" Flaring cackled. "Time for some fun." She and Lythia narrowed their eyes, grinned evilly and rubbed their hands together. They'd already had fun in an elevator before.

A middle-aged woman with flyaway hair stepped into the elevator and pressed the button for the fourth floor. Oceane nodded. That was where they were going as well. An elderly couple stepped in as well, the male holding a briefcase. The man of the couple reached for the button, then stopped when he saw it had already been pressed. A fourth floor, no doubt. Fletcher jammed his foot between the closing doors as he saw a young male doctor running to get in the lift before it left.

"Thanks," he muttered, pressing the fourth floor button although it was already lit. Flaring sneaked up behind him and put a fake spider on his head. Then she coughed behind him, causing the middle-aged woman to look their way. Flaring checked her fingernails innocently as the woman screamed.

"AAAAAAAH! OH MY…OH MY GOD!!" She screamed. She tried to knock the spider off his head but she accidentally slapped his face instead. The doctor frowned and wheeled backwards, tripping over Flaring's extended foot.

"Lift stopping," said the annoying female voice, earning the usual "No shit, Sherlock," from Lythia. "Fourth floor."

Everybody else in the lift was in a hurry to leave. When they were all out of eye and earshot, Flaring, Fletcher, Lythia, Oceane and Sydney burst into uncontrollable laughing. Lythia slowly but surely sank to the ground where she remained, howling with mirth and slapping the carpet.

"Uh, can I help you, ladies?" Another cute young doctor was standing nearby, eyebrow arched.

"Yes," gasped Flaring, wiping her tears of laughter away and managing not to smear her eyeliner. "Yes. We're looking for Tanith Low and Stephanie Edgely."

"They are both in Room Forty-four," the cute doctor informed them, checking his clipboard. "The midwife is Clarabelle Bines. This way." He led them down the hallway.

"NO WAY…" Oceane suddenly said. The other four looked at her and she explained in a low voice. "Clarabelle…is that the PROFESSOR'S Clarabelle???"

Lythia looked a little horrified, even more so when the doctor ushered them into Room Forty-four. They were greeted by a dreamy, floaty, "ah, I wondered when you were going to get here…they couldn't come to the Professor, so he sent me…" Clarabelle waved at them all, her eyes half-closed.

"Oh man," Lythia whispered, doing a facepalm. Then she turned to the two beds in the room. Tanith sat up when she saw them, but Valkyrie was sleeping. Obviously she hadn't had a contraction for quite some time.

"Hey guys," Tanith managed to say. She was flushed and had dark circles under her eyes, but otherwise looked okay. The white bedcovers came up to her chest, which was considerably bigger because of the baby.

"Hi," Flaring said, leading the way in a series of hugs for Tanith. Right after Oceane, the last hugger, had hugged Tanith, they were interrupted by an "OH GOD!"

They all whirled to Valkyrie, who was sitting up in bed now, a hand clamped to her belly. She threw back her head and howled. Lythia offered her hand and winced as Valkyrie nearly broke all of the bones in it.

"Shit. Val!" Skulduggery said, suddenly appearing through the door and sprinting to Valkyrie's side. Ghastly came behind, façade tattoo in use, worry in his eyes, but once he saw that Valkyrie was just having another contraction, he smiled and sat in the lone chair that stood on four legs beside Tanith. Tanith looked over, love in her eyes, and Ghastly stroked her cheek. She smiled gratefully, but in a split second her smile turned to a grimace. She yelled in pain and then doubled over, gasping. This continued for about twenty seconds.

"No way!" Skulduggery yelled anxiously, running his hands through his hair. He turned to Ghastly. "We need a doctor now. They're in labour in earnest now. Clarabelle, am I right?"

"You are," she said, serious for a change. "Get a doctor or a nurse." She pressed a hand to Valkyrie's forehead. "Oceane, get me a soaked facecloth. Sydney, can you help me hook this up? Fletcher – towels. If anybody's faint-hearted, you might want to leave now."

After doing as they'd been bid, Sydney and Oceane nodded and left, but Lythia stuck out her chin again. Flaring wasn't going anywhere either.

"I'm going to go just for your privacy," Fletcher mumbled, passing towels to Clarabelle and smiling to Lythia.

"That's nice," Flaring said. Ghastly took Tanith's hand as a doctor (the same cute doctor from before) and a nurse walked in. The doctor walked to Tanith and set her up with the laughing gas. The nurse did likewise with Valkyrie.

"They'll be fine," the doctor (whose name was Ryan Hollander) said. "Ladies, just yell when you want the epidural."

"I'm sure that can be arraaaaaaaaaaaaaaanged!" Another contraction for Tanith.


	81. Chapter 81

Chapter Eighty-One

The Combined Force

I thank the Universe, my cheap 1 2 3 Mart candle and my Mother's incense for helping me write such good chapters (this one and the last one). Thank you to my fans also. Tell me if you want me to continue – if not, this will be the last chapter.

"_**I am not free of earth's beauty – SHIT! I'm enslaved of thirst for taking a WET MOP to all the bickering butcherheads of the world!" Hahha. Breaks Co-Op.**_

_**Lythia**_

Two hours had passed before Skulduggery stuck his head out of the door of Room Forty-Four. He was grinning wider then they'd ever seen. He jerked his head towards the inside of the room, still grinning. Lythia, dark rings under her eyes, jumped to her feet. Flaring got up as well, rubbing sleep from her eyes. It had just gone midnight.

Lythia woke Fletcher from his sleep on the waiting room couch but didn't scold him – it was late, after all. Oceane and Sydney ambled back from the coffee shop, where they had just gone to reload on caffeine. When they heard what was going on they abandoned their long blacks on the waiting room table and hurried into Room Forty-Four with the other three.

"OH MY GOD!" Flaring rushed up to Tanith, simply because she was closer to the door. Lythia went around to Valkyrie's bed, and looked Skulduggery straight in the eye.

"Well done," she said. His face and eyes lit up and she smiled warmly before turning and saying the same thing to Valkyrie. And then she gasped as Valkyrie revealed her child.

She was a girl, already with a head of short, soft dark brown hair. Her eyes were firmly fixed shut, so Lythia couldn't see what colour. She asked Valkyrie if she knew.

"Blue," came the reply. "A clear, electric blue."

Lythia grinned as Valkyrie passed her the baby. "Wow," she breathed. "She's so beautiful!" Lythia rocked the baby back and forth gently, face crinkling with another smile as the infant stirred.

"She is so beautiful," Lythia repeated. Then she looked up. "Permission to give her my blessing? It won't negatively affect her."

"Sure," Valkyrie said, smiling. Her face was red from the exertion of labour, a triangluar-ish red line surrounding her mouth and nose where she'd pressed the laughing gas mask in far too hard. To Lythia, however, she didn't look any less pretty; in fact, the flushed look was a symbol of what she'd gone through.

"And no epidural," Lythia whispered to herself, shaking her head in awe. Then: "I'm going to give my blessing now."

There was a silence; she paused and looked up. Everyone in the room was watching her. She felt her face begin to burn, although there was nothing to be embarrassed about.

"That was a…pregnant…pause," Fletcher joked. Everyone in the room groaned and slapped their foreheads, but then looked on with interest as Lythia performed her blessing.

Lythia held her hand out, face down. Summoning up her energy, she watched the green glow seep out from under her downturned palm. Satisfied, she passed her hand over Valkyrie's child's forehead.

"Hurir jols. Gkilner flhurt thrae tiro ue gruet schli. Ehere." The green glow faded, and she noticed Fletcher looking at her oddly.

"Translation please? And what even was that?" He arched an eyebrow.

"That, my dear Fletcher, was magic," Lythia replied. "You know how I say an incantation to change my form? That is the same language. A secret in my family." She smiled. "As for translation… I said, 'Be strong. Live long and good luck to you.'"

"What about the 'Ehere'?"

"Oh, that's practically that language's 'Amen'." Lythia smiled again and passed the infant to Skulduggery, noting the way his face split into a grin and his eyes lit up. This meant a lot to him. And with no murders eminent…well, it was his second shot at life.

"Will you bless ours as well?" Tanith asked quietly, a shy smile playing on her lips. Ghastly was back to having scars, and by the looks of his hand, Tanith had involuntarily put her hand muscles to good use. Lythia nodded and made her way over to them.

Tanith and Ghastly's baby was scar-free, and a boy. He had no hair yet, but that would inevitably change. Lythia repeated her blessing, green energy and all. "Hurir jols. Gkilner flhurt thrae tiro ue gruet schli. Ehere." Then, once she had finished, Ghastly took his son, adoration and love obvious in his body language and his eyes.

"Hey, what time were they delivered, guys?" Flaring's question was greeted with grins from Skulduggery and Ghastly.

"Well…" Skulduggery smiled. "Midnight."

"Midnight." Ghastly repeated. "Both of them."

"How?" Oceane asked.

"Clarabelle worked a little magic," Valkyrie answered, pulling the blankets up to her shoulders and curling up.

"Wow. That's really cool," Sydney said, flopping into a chair and falling asleep.

"That's what I feel like doing," Tanith sighed, eyebrows.

"Then do so," Ghastly said gently. "Sleep, angel. I'm fine with him. Or…wait a minute. What are those implications?" He raised his eyebrow in mock expectancy and grinned playfully.

"Oh, be quiet," Tanith laughed, punching him lightly on the arm and yawning. Getting up, Ghastly kissed her on the cheek and she settled under the covers, blinking tiredly.

"Well done, Valkyrie…" Skulduggery leaned forward and kissed Valkyrie, before stroking her forehead lovingly and then leaning back. "You get some rest as well."

"Yes, Skulduggery," Valkyrie murmured, falling asleep almost immediately.

"Are we supposed we pass them into the hospital's care? I don't want to," Skulduggery complained, staring adoringly down at his daughter, who was resting in the crook of his arm.

"It's standard procedure," Clarabelle breezed. "But they have sleeping facilities near the nursery. Fletcher, Lythia, Flaring, Oceane and Sydney are welcome to sleep there as well, for a fee though."

"I've plenty of money," Lythia muttered. And indeed she did. Her novel had been released three months ago, and had rocketed to the top of the bestseller lists and hibernated there. A bit like Twilight (but a little less gay).

"Well, that's sorted then." Ghastly and Skulduggery regretfully stood and followed Clarabelle out of the room.

"Well, we'd better get moving then." Tanith and Valkyrie were well asleep by now, so the five teenagers left quietly, apart from Flaring who tripped over a chair and cursed Patrick Stump quite loudly. Luckily, the throes of labour ensured a deep, unbreakable sleep.

After checking in and paying for a night's accommodation, they went to the bunkrooms. Well, they didn't have bunks, but Flaring insisted on calling them bunks.

There were three rooms: males, females, and doubles. Flaring and Oceane and Sydney said goodnight and sauntered into the females, while Lythia and Fletcher had (to save the cleaners a bed to make) decided to share a double bed. Lythia had set down strict rules, which pretty much meant that the only physical contact Fletcher could have was to put his arms around her. That was it. She had even threatened him with the combined might of her and Sydney and Flaring and Oceane. Fletcher had just nodded, and so had Lythia. She had trusted him ever since he had shaved his head six months ago. If she could ask him to shave his head and have him agree, then she could ask him and trust him with anything.

The hospital settled for the night, making two more people fathers and two more people mothers. And one less person a…

_**Well? Shall I continuez? If not…it's ADIOS, AMIGOES!**_


	82. Chapter 82

Chapter Eighty-Two

Sheena Bloom

_**And all over the world, there is the sound of OM NOM NOM as large amounts of chocolate are consumed! Happy Easter, everyone! **___

_**Oh, and by the way, I don't care for the new developments involving Fletcher's relationships that have appeared in Dark Days. I started the FanFiction with Fletcher and Lythia dating and I'm keeping it that way because I can't be arsed writing a breakup.**_

_**This is for the funeral challenge. EVEN THOUGH ITS FINISHED!! Because not many of you live in New Zealand, I will translate the Maori words for you.**_

_**Karakia = a prayer**_

_**Kia Ora = hello**_

_**Moko = symbolic tattoos around chin and lips**_

_**Waiata = a song**_

_**Lythia**_

Fletcher Teleported into Lythia's room unnoticed. She was totally absorbed in something she was writing on the computer, head bowed over the keyboard, legs pulled up her chest, perched on her desk chair. For a moment he was drawn to the tightness of her purple blouse over her breasts, then he looked up and saw her eyes were puffy and red.

"Hey," he said simply.

Lythia whirled, wiping her eyes. "Fletcher!" she exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, I am your near-fiance. I've got to be there for you." He walked over as she stood and wrapped his arms around her. "What's wrong? What are you writing?"

"A eulogy," Lythia said sadly.

"What, a…a eulogy? Who died?"

"Sheena Bloom."

"Who is Sheena Bloom?"

"Friend of mine. And Oceane's. And Sydney's. And Valkyrie and Tanith knew her."

"Oh god Lythia, that's terrible! I hate to ask, but…how?"

"New Zealand Sanctuary. Fighting an evil female Adept called Kilida Hollow. Stabbed right through the chest with a short sword."

"Oh god," repeated Fletcher as he felt Lythia start shaking with tears again.

"I got the call this morning."

"Oh no. Cruel, bloody Society."

Fletcher managed to cheer Lythia up only slightly over the next hour or two, and, after he agreed to Teleport her to the funeral tomorrow, they fell asleep on the couch together. Despite the sad situation, Fletcher was happy about one thing: Lythia hadn't been so strict about her sleeping rules this time. She hadn't even protested when he had kissed her neck, just half-smiled sleepily.

The next morning arrived. A blood-red sunset washed through the house, without drawn curtains to hold it off. Fletcher and Lythia got up. Fletcher made Lythia her customary cup of tea while she was upstairs dressing. He was drinking coffee when she came down, and accidentally spat it all over the kitchen floor when he saw her.

The dress was black, long, and fully fitted. The bodice was practically a corset, but straps were present, taut over Lythia's collarbones. The skirt was many-layered and covered Lythia's legs and hips completely. A lace veil that was attached to her tilted wide-brimmed hat hid her face. She had on a black ring. She wasn't going for attention, Fletcher realised. She was wearing this to show her bereavement. And if she was delivering the eulogy, she would have all eyes on her. She needed to be visible.

"I'm ready to go, Fletcher," she said miserably. "Get changed. I'll ring Tanith and Val and tell them to meet us here. Oceane and Sydney are meeting me here in quarter of an hour."

Fletcher nodded, drank what was left of his coffee and Teleported to his apartment. He picked his special occasion suit from his wardrobe and Teleported again. Once back in Lythia's house he undressed, pulled on his shirt and buttoned it, pulled on his black trousers and coat, and tried to tie his tie while he was walking downstairs. He concentrated so hard on tying it that he misplaced his footing and with a yelp he fell down the stairs.

"Ouch…ow…ouch…owwwwwww…" Fletcher sat up, dizzy. Lythia emerged from the kitchen and groaned. Then she burst into laughter and tears at the same time.

"Oh god Fletcher, try and be more careful!" She helped him to his feet, wiped her eyes, and turned as someone knocked on the door.

"Hey. Val. Tanith. Come in." Both women were holding their children, and Lythia looked past them to see Skulduggery and Ghastly locking their respective cars. When they wandered over, they offered their condolences. All were in black, Tanith and Val in dresses not dissimilar to Lythia's. Skulduggery and Ghastly were wearing suits.

A few minutes later, there was a booming call of "LOOK OUT BELOW!" and in a rush of displaced air, Oceane and Sydney dropped from the sky. Their helicopter continued and the girls got up, eyes full of tears and dresses a little ruffled. They soon straightened out, however, and everybody got a hold of Fletcher's arm and they Teleported.

The church was on the outskirts of Wellington and Lythia took the lead as they walked across the grass. A black limousine pulled up and Sheena's parents got out. Sheena's mother was wiping her eyes and her father looked vacant. Lythia and the girls went to talk to them, leaving Skulduggery, Ghastly, and Fletcher feeling a little awkward.

"I fell…down the…bloody stairs…for it's sake…and it still won't work," Fletcher complained, still trying to tie his tie. Skulduggery sighed in amusement, and, grinning at Fletcher's expression, tied it for him.

"Thank you," Fletcher said, eyes big. Skulduggery chuckled and Ghastly shook his head.

All of a sudden, a bell tolled. Everyone jumped and spilled whatever they were holding. The giant bell at the top of the church tower was swinging, and all the guests looked up in time for another loud toll. A hearse pulled up and everyone let out a moan. The hearse parked with its boot towards the church, and the hearse drivers rolled out a red carpet. It spilled from its roll and went from the car to the door. The mourners lined up on either side of it as Sheena's coffin was withdrawn by the car, carried by six men, two of them brothers and four of them friends.

Lythia dissolved into tears as a Maori man, with fierce tattoos on his face and a booming voice began a karakia. It wavered and echoed, the words strong and pure and announcing the strength of the Maori people. Another Maori, this time a woman with a moko, joined in, her lilting and crying voice filling the air as well.

A single black rose was cast onto the red carpet and Valkyrie looked up. She recognised the thrower, Amithest Moss, and wondered how many other mages were here.

The Maori couple bowed and ushered everyone ahead of the coffin as it approached the church. Lythia and Fletcher sat in the front row because Lythia was delivering the eulogy. When everyone was seated, they all turned to watch as Sheena's coffin was carried in and a song started. Lythia recognised Thirty-Three by The Smashing Pumpkins.

"_Speak to me in a language I can hear_

_Humour me before I have to go_

_Deep in thought I forgive everyone_

_As the cluttered streets greet me once again_

_I know I can't be late, supper's waiting on the table_

_Tomorrow's just an excuse away…"_

Sheena's parents, Tanith, Valkyrie, and Lythia had tears carving tracks down their cheeks. The song was perfect, mournful and slow. Amithest Moss and Rialla Shadows and Crystal Heart (a mage who had been quite close to Sheena) were here as well. They were also crying.

"_So I pull up my collar up and face the cold_

_The earth laughs beneath my heavy feet _

_At the blasphemy in my old jangly walk_

_Steeple guide me to my heart and home…"_

Sheena's home, a graveyard. Lythia bowed her head and allowed the veil to cover her tears.

"_The sun is out and up and down again_

_I know I'll make it, love can last forever_

_Graceful swans of never topple to the earth_

_And you can make it last, forever you_

_You can make it last, forever you…"_

Somebody blew their nose as the coffin made its way to the halfway point.

"_And for a moment I love myself _

_Wrapped up in the pleasures of the world_

_I've journeyed here and there and back again_

_But in the same old haunts I still find my friends_

_Mysteries not ready to reveal_

_I'll make the effort, love can last forever_

_Sympathies I'm ready to return…"_

Fletcher gritted his teeth, fighting the mood and the atmosphere.

"_I'll make the effort, love can last forever_

_Graceful swans of never topple to the earth_

_Tomorrow's just an excuse_

_And you can make it last, forever you_

_You can make it last, forever you."_

The song drew to a close and Sheena's coffin was placed near the altar. Lythia got to her feet and walked to the front, getting a reassuring glance from the priest. The coffin had been opened once it had been put down. Sheena Bloom, pale and still, lay on the pillow cushions and velvet. Her curly black hair framed her face, which was dark-skinned. Sheena was Maori, after all, and gorgeous. She had a moko as well. There was no evidence of the grievous wound from which she had died. She was dressed in a traditional plaited flax kilt and cape, bringing back her culture for the final journey. Her hands were arranged over her breast and she looked calm and serene.

Lythia looked back to the masses. Then she repeated a karakia, followed by a short waiata. She translated, and, trying hard to stay composed, began the eulogy.

"Kia Ora," she began.

_**Please review! **____** I love being a New Zealander…you get a language just for you! **____** Heh heh. **_

_**Lythia**_


	83. Chapter 83

Chapter Eighty-Three

Vampires

_**Holidays…and bored. Grr. Writing is my sanction.**_

_**Lythia**_

Tanith Low sprinted away from the vampire, sword in hand. He stopped pursuing her after about a hundred metres, eyes glimmering in the fading light. The sun would set in about eight minutes time. Tanith wondered how to goad him forward so she could arrest him.

"I HEARD YOU NEVER GO TO SLEEP…

THE NIGHTS ARE PROBABLY LONG

THE STREETS ARE TEEMING WITH THE DEAD

AND WE RARELY GET ALONG!" Valkyrie, Sydney and Lythia's voices combined scared the shit out of the vampire. They were singing _Vampires_ by a New Zealand band called _The Dukes_. It was a Christchurch band, actually.

The vampire whirled around. The trio was keeping to the shadows, so they weren't visible. Tanith grinned and sheathed her sword, waiting for the fun to begin. The three stepped out of the shadows and launched their attack.

"AND IF YOU'RE WALKING HOME TONIGHT…" Valkyrie sang loudly, sending a wall of displaced air towards the vampire. He dodged it, snarling.

"OH, TAKE ANOTHER ROAD HOME…" Sydney called, hurling a fireball from the opposite direction. The vampire ducked, looking very confused.

"'CAUSE YOU COULD TAKE A CHANCE ON MEEEEEE…" Lythia shot out an orb of green energy and it hit the vampire. He fell and she stepped forward, allowing the green electricity to envelop her entire body. She had been able to channel that ability. Sydney and Valkyrie let balls of flame expand in their palms. Then they all crept towards the groaning vampire and yelled,

"THEN AGAIN, YOU MIGHT BE WRONG!" The vampire fainted and the three girls cackled.

Tanith grinned and stepped forward. "Hey, guys. Thanks for your help." She cuffed the vampire and hauled him to his feet. Valkyrie grinned and helped Tanith take him away to the Sanctuary van that had just pulled up, while Lythia and Sydney stood in the middle of the street, singing "COME ON ALL YOU VAMPIRES WITH YOUR BLOOD-SUCKING WAYS COME ON AND TURN ME OUT! OOOOH, WHEN THE LIGHTS GO OUT…HOW YA GONNA FIND YOUR WAY…?" Then they realised Oceane had gone and scarpered, then returned with her, holding another vampire by the arms.

"Hey, Tanith, wait!" Oceane yelled. Tanith turned, eyebrows raised. "He has an accomplice. However, Skulduggery taught me how to fly so I had no trouble."

Tanith and Valkyrie fell apart with laughter and Oceane threw the vampire into the back of the van with the other. A Cleaver, who was behind the wheel, came around to the back and injected both vampires with the hemlock and wolfsbane combination. That done, he got back in the front and drove off.

"Well, that's that done," Tanith said cheerily, dusting her hands. "Now, who wants coffee?"

Heh heh…I had fun writing this chapter, even though it's short. Um…I forgot what I was going to say. Anyways, anybody with the star sign Taurus is compatible with Patrick Stump! I read that in a Zodiac section of a magazine.

_**Well, I watched the whole Pirates of the Caribbean series again and remembered how epic it is. One highlight – when Will is getting 5 lashes in Dead Man's Chest and they rip his shirt off! Haha.**_

_**Lythia**_


	84. Chapter 84

Chapter Eighty-Four

"He Takes After You."

Ghastly Bespoke walked into the main room to find Tanith rocking her baby boy to the sound of gentle Smashing Pumpkins music.

"Oh no. Lythia's got you hooked on Billy Corgan's bunch," Ghastly laughed, walking over. "Is the CD Pisces?"

"Pisces Iscariot, yes," Tanith answered. Ghastly wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on her shoulder and they slowly swayed, as Plume was the music to sway to.

"I feel like I'm in a musical," Ghastly laughed. He detached from Tanith and she passed him the child. "What should we call him?" Tanith asked, watching as Ghastly lifted the child above his head and listened to him giggle. "We should give him a name although he'll take a name anyway."

"Yes, that's true," Ghastly responded.

Tanith stroked her chin mockingly, as if she were Crux trying to emphasise a lack of chin. "What about…Osiris?"

Ghastly blinked. "Osiris? Where did that come from?"

"Osiris. An Egyptian god."

"He's not Egyptian."

"He probably is, one way or the other."

"How do you know?"

"Well…I don't. But if you don't like Osiris…my ancestors were Roman, so why don't we name him after a Roman god instead?" Tanith suggested. "How about Mercury?"

"Mercury Bespoke…" Ghastly considered the name. "Mercury…yes, I think Mercury will be just fine."

Tanith reached out to hold Mercury and Ghastly grinned before handing him over. She held him to her chest and continued swaying. "Hello Mercury. Hello, Little God."

Mercury responded by giggling and Tanith yelped suddenly, whipping one hand away and sucking her finger. Her brow furrowed and she fought the urge to swear.

Ghastly frowned. "What the heck?"

"He conjured a mini fireball…" Tanith cocked her head and narrowed one eye. "Elemental, I think. He takes after you."

Ghastly grinned. "Nice one, Mercury. Hey Tanith, what did Valkyrie and Skulduggery call their daughter?"

"I think Skulduggery wanted Skulduggery V2, but I think they eventually settled on Isis."

"Isn't that another Egyptian god?"

"Yep. It's a growing craze. I remember Lythia saying to Skulduggery that she's going to call her daughter Isis even though they've called their daughter Isis."

"Lythia seems certain to have kids," Ghastly said. "She sticking with Fletcher? I imagine any daughter of theirs would be snapped up by a film director from the word go."

"Well, yes," Tanith said. "I mean, Fletcher's tall. If their daughter had Lythia's eyes, and Fletcher's hair colour, and Lythia's curves, and Fletcher's height, she wouldn't last long free. She'd be trapped in show business."

"But if she's anything like Lythia, she'll be individual anyway. Black lipstick and eyeliner, weirdness, etc etc."

"Yes. Definitely."

I'll have a few more drabbles with Skulduggery and Valkyrie & Ghastly and Tanith with babies and then skip a few years…unless you want me to take it the slow way?

_**Lythia**_


	85. Chapter 85

Chapter Eighty-Five

Skirmishing Teenagers

SIX MORE MONTHS LATER

_**I wanted to bring TOLSA and OC's back into this. They're awesome. **___

_**Lythia**_

"HEY, HO, NOBODY KNOWS! YOU'RE NOT COMING HOME!"

"SYDNEY, THAT SONG SUCKS MONKEY TIT. HAND OVER THE STEREO REMOTE."

"BUT ZONDELLLLLLLLLL…!"

"GIVE IT."

"NO." Sydney ran away, throwing the remote to Oceane.

Oceane cackled, throwing the remote and catching it. "Three monkeys up a stick, one fell off and broke his…"

"LYTHIA! Do something." Zondell lunged for the remote and Oceane ducked out of the way.

"OY!" Lythia thrust out her hand, sending a fast-moving tendril of green towards the skirmishing teenagers. She instinctively knew where the remote was and she grabbed it with the green energy. Then she retracted the energy; the remote slapped into her hand and she held it.

"Now, let's see…" She pointed the remote at the stereo, ignoring Sydney who was sulking, and Zondell who was dancing and chanting "POWER OF STUMP, POWER OF STUMP" angrily.

"Hmm." Lythia skipped through the songs. "Not in the mood for _Brick by Boring Brick_…"

"I AM!" Zondell, who loved Paramore, yelled, diving for the remote. Lythia rolled and came up, pressing forward skip again.

"No, not quite the atmosphere for _Starstrukk_…" muttered Lythia.

"YES IT IS!" Oceane, who loved 3OH!3, shouted, drawing in the air. Lythia cackled and conjured a green ledge of electricity and jumping on as Oceane's blast of air passed beneath.

"Definitely not _Rock The Casbah_ at a time like this…" Lythia hummed.

"NO!" Sydney, who loved The Clash, moaned. "SHE'S GOING TO CHOOSE SOMETHING REALLY DICKY LIKE _Golden Love!"_

Lythia pressed Enter and _Bad Romance_ by Lady GaGa came on.

"Oh," they all said in unison. "Well, that's OK then. RA RA AH AH AH, RO MA, RO ROMANCE, GAGA OOH LA LA, WANT YOUR BAD ROMANCE! RA RA AH AH AH, RO MA, RO ROMANCE, GAGA OOH LA LA, WANT YOUR BAD ROMANCE!"

There was a pop and several people appeared from nowhere. Lythia grinned and they kept singing, accompanied now by a lot of good folks. Flaring Rhythm, Druna Malgood, Shakra Flame, Amithest Moss, Crystal Heart, Mademise Morte, Arctic Wolf, Greaya Smith (it turned out SHE was actually a GIRL, someone male and annoying had been acting as her at camp), Rialla Shadows, Angel Nightfall, and, in the middle, a little ruffled, Fletcher Renn.

"I WANT YOUR UGLY, I WANT YOUR DISEASE, I WANT YOUR EVERYTHING AS LONG AS ITS FREE, I WANT YOUR LOVE! LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, I WANT YOUR LOVE!" (All the girls made the 'hurrrrrr' noise whilst doing a full waist-up body circle).

"LYTHIA!" Fletcher shrieked, making his way over to her side. "THEY HIJACKED ME!" He pointed to the group of people that had just arrived. Amithest cackled and stuck her tongue out. "HIJACKED! Flaring and Druna and Shakra had the idea and Amithest and Rialla grabbed me at my apartment!"

"Well, I have to thank you for putting up with it," Lythia said, eyebrow arched. "You appear to have started a dance party. Just what I needed to counter the still-remaining gloom of Sheena's funeral." She looked at the carpet, downcast, and Fletcher, feeling for her, lifted her chin with one finger. She looked at him, tears just beginning to well in her blue eyes, vanishing when she saw the look on his face.

"Get your weird clothes and make-up on," he told her, "And lets make this a night to remember."

Lythia smiled and turned away, walking through the kitchen and disappearing inside her room.

Once in, she grinned and crossed to her chest of drawers. She pulled out a white corset-like top with panels and white buttons down the front (which were just for show, as there was a zip down the side). Then she also pulled out her black singlet top with the sparkly stringy rows at the top and her purple three-quarter-length-sleeve blouse. And then her long black Goth skirt and her makeup bag.

She pulled on the white top and the singlet top, and shrugged into the blouse and left it undone. Then she tugged on the skirt and pulled the tops over it. Grinning, she turned to the mirror and dug through her makeup until she found her eyeliner and the watercolour pencil that did extraordinarily well as a lip pencil and which she'd become rather attached to.

She sharpened her eyeliner pencil and drew black outlines around her eyes, with points at the outsides. Then she switched to the watercolour pencil, licking her lips and colouring them. With her finger she spread the black evenly, grinning at how it looked. Then she wet the point of it and put a double row of short lines over her cheekbones. There were eight lines in the top row and six on the bottom. That done, she drew four more under her bottom lip. This was almost exactly the style of Tia Dalma, the god in human form from Pirates of the Caribbean. Lythia and Valkyrie had watched the series over two nights, laughing at Jack Sparrow's wittiness and giggling when Will Turner (Orlando Bloom)'s shirt got ripped off in Dead Man's Chest (_**A/N you should have seen me and Zondell! XD**_).

Last of all, Lythia flicked her hair partially over her face, gathered up her skirt and left her bedroom.

Fletcher was waiting outside, grinning when he saw the over-the-top blackness. He gave Lythia a kiss and then cursed when he realised he had black all over his own lips.

"Bugger, bugger, bugger." He was still trying to get it off when they entered the main room and everyone went "ooooooooooooooooooooh!" at them. Lythia pulled a stupid face at them, embarrassment-free, and Fletcher rolled his eyes.


	86. Chapter 86

Chapter Eighty-Six

Some Beer…

_**And Wreath. Because he's awesome too. **___

_**Lythia **_

"I like the makeup," Amithest complimented, punching Lythia lightly on the arm. "Suits you. I bet you walk around town like that and stick your tongue out at all the people that gawk?"

"Right on," Oceane called. "She finds it amusing. We all do it."

"Yeah," Sydney agreed. "Hey, Fletcher, can you get us some beer?"

"Sure," Fletcher shrugged. "How many?"

Sydney counted heads. "Three dozen?"

Fletcher raised his eyebrows. "Sure."

"You can use my card," Lythia told him. Fletcher nodded. She took his arm and they Teleported to outside a liquor store.

They walked in, Lythia keeping her head down to cover her eyes and mischievous smile.

"Hey, Lythia…" Fletcher whispered. "Lythia. Look."

Lythia looked up, trying not to let her hair shift from her eyes. "What?" And then she saw: Wreath was in the store.

Grinning, she squared her shoulders, tilted her head back. "Drinker, are you, Solomon?"

Wreath turned, and grinned. "No, Lythia. Yourself?"

"Me and my friends do occasionally. But not seriously." Wreath grinned, teeth gleaming. The person (who was also the storeowner) behind the counter was staring at Lythia's face, halfway through accepting Wreath's purchase of genuine Russian vodka. Lythia ignored him.

"So, I haven't seen you in four years and this is where we meet?" Wreath smiled. "Irony. I love it."

"Wait, you guys know each other?" Fletcher asked.

"Of course," Wreath replied, arching an eyebrow. "I'm her uncle. How do you think Ducanti Stormshadow and me know each other? He's my nephew."

"Wow," Fletcher said, walking around the store and collecting a dozen of Heineken, Speights and Export Gold. Lythia gave him her card discretely and the storeowner finally finished with Wreath's vodka. Fletcher tapped out Lythia's pin number and gave a half-smile to the storeowner. But he wasn't looking. He was staring, ashen-faced, at something over her shoulder.

Lythia, Wreath and Fletcher all turned, registering the night sky as four albino vampires walked into the liquor store. The one in the lead had a mad look in his eye. Sanguine poked his head into the store briefly, and said with a drawl, "Now that one in the lead, her name is Slader Ghesh. She's Dusk's daughter. Hell-bent on revenge on Ducanti Stormshadow or anyone close to him. Seein' as Stormshadow's holed up in the new Sanctuary, we decided to send them after you instead. Are ya feelin' special? I would be." Sanguine laughed and left.

"Oh crap," Wreath muttered, gripping his cane. Lythia whirled, performed a roundhouse kick that got the storeowner right in the temple. He dropped to the ground, knocked out, and she turned back to the converging vampires, Fletcher pressing his back to hers so they stood back to back, and stretched electricity between her palms.

"Bring it on," she hissed. The vampire in the lead roared and lunged.

_**OOH! GASP! SUSPENSE! Don't you love cliffhangers? I am going to love writing the next chapter…especially with the twist I'm going to add…heh heh…**_

_**Lythia**_


	87. Chapter 87

Chapter Eighty-Seven

Blasting Vampires

The vampire in the lead, Slader, lunged, and in a flash of green Valkyrie Cain tackled it. Face twisted n a contemptuous snarl, she put all of her strength into a punch that knocked the next vampire into the wall.

Wreath, Lythia, and Fletcher attacked at once. Wreath stepped forward, face pale, and, calm as Christchurch on a spring day, swung his cane up and sent shadows into a vampire, catching it and pinning it up against the wall. Lythia gave a nod and dispatched it with an elbow. It crashed to the ground and didn't get up.

Then she cursed as fourteen more vampires stalked into the fray. She cursed, whereas Fletcher Teleported. Lythia noticed this and waited patiently, trading blows and firing orbs of green energy all the while. After a few minuted her brow furrowed. "Bloody hell! Where are you Fletcher?" she muttered to herself. And then a vampire occupied her attention, so she didn't notice Fletcher reappear.

"HEY! LYTHIA! I WANT MY ALCOHOL!" Lythia gasped and turned. Eight sorcerers stood there, in various combat stances. Sydney Jones, Oceane LeClaire, Zondell Rellamonda, Flaring Rhythm, Arctic Wolf, Mademise Morte, Amithest Moss and Rialla Shadows. They, including Lythia and Fletcher and Wreath and Valkyrie, all ran to the back room of the store, Arctic dragging the storeowner with him, and locked the door under the blows of the vampires.

"Where's Druna and Greaya and Shakra and Crystal and Angel?" Lythia asked, after she had found a glass door and changed into her second form.

"Gone to get help," Flaring said breathlessly. "Druna and Shakra are going to find Guild, and Crystal, Angel and Greaya have gone to get some Cleavers. Hey, it's Valkyrie! Man, you're dressed up." She looked at Valkyrie's emerald green, sparkling, one-sleeved, slash-neck dress that ended just below her knee.

"Well, me and Skulduggery were going to a formal ball for work," Valkyrie shrugged, "Isis is with Tanith. She's one of the only females I trust. But we were walking past and I saw this. He's gone to get Guild as well. So he'll probably cross paths with Shakra and Druna."

"Right. Well, I think we should do something to fill the time," Arctic said quietly. "Yes?"

"YES," everyone called. And, on that positive note, Oceane motioned for silence.

"Who here is Elemental?" she asked. About five hands went up. She nodded. "We'll blast the door off together. Give them a scare and hopefully take out a few while we're at it."

Everyone nodded. Oceane counted one, two, three and the Elementals gathered in the air and pushed hard.

The door flew off, crushing three vampires but not majorly, and the fighting bunch swarmed outside.

Immediately Wreath, Rialla and Valkyrie began blasting vampires with shadows. Oceane, Mademise, Zondell, Amithest and Sydney began fighting as well, claiming more enemies than there were hairs on Kenspeckle Grouse's head (_**A/N: HA HA! XD**_).

Arctic was amazing. He was Necromancer, as everyone knew. A vampire lunged for him and he jumped straight up, landing behind the vampire. Shadows leaking from his leather armband solidified into inch-long spikes that arranged themselves on his knuckles. He punched the vampire; blood spurted and he punched again, teeth bared in a rare snarl.

Valkyrie and Lythia worked together, whirling and twisting almost like a pair of contortionists, but far faster and deadlier. Valkyrie caught a vampire on the torso with a kick, and then Lythia got another with her elbow. A vampire rushed them, and together they lifted it and threw it across the room. It skimmed a table, pushing all of the bottles off so that they fell and smashed on the floor.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Flaring moaned. "NOT THE ALCOHOL!" She forgot about the battle, kicked the feebly struggling vampire in the head, and knelt by the broken glass and alcohol. Using her Elemental powers (one of her various disciplines), she lifted every single speck of the broken glass away and dropped it in a pile on the spread-eagled vampire's chest. "OY! LYTHIA! I need a huuuuuuuuge glass bottle!"

"I'm – " Lythia was cut short as another vampire, the last new one, approached. Flaring scowled, separated the alcohol from all other foreign stuff, and held it in the air, liquid and yet a solid.

"I feel like I'm on the moooooooooon!" she laughed.

Lythia launched herself forward and dove underneath the vampire, rolling and getting her feet under it. She kicked and the vampire flew into the air (in her second form, Lythia had superior strength). The brown-haired sorceress ducked out of the way as the vampire fell back down, getting well clear of Valkyrie's high-heeled foot, which smashed into the vampire's head with impressive force.

And then silence.

And then the sound of tramping boots, as the Cleavers finally arrived. Lythia looked at Flaring, who was still suspending the alcoholic drink that had been smashed in the air, and summoned her green energy. Using delicate work, she created and solidified a giant glass bottle. After putting the alcohol in it, Flaring was laughing too hard to hold it. Fletcher carried it proudly out of the store, Teleported, and then returned. The Cleavers were collecting the bodies of the vampires. When Fletcher wandered back inside, Lythia went up to him.

"Hey," she said simply. All around them, people were moving, hugging and talking and asking questions, and Guild was there, and yet Fletcher didn't care.

"Ohhh. Your cheek makeup got smeared," Fletcher complained, eyes half-closed.

"Why don't you get the rest of it?" Lythia asked quietly, grinning tiredly. To her, it was the best thing he could have said. Better than the traditional 'are you OK?'.

"Could do that," Fletcher replied, even quieter, and they both leaned into the kiss. Lythia breathed in, ducking her head a little more so Fletcher had to squeeze her even tighter to get her back up. Noticing this, Fletcher grinned and placed his right hand on the back of her neck and took her right hand with the other.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOKAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" Druna yelled. "BREAK IT UP, LOVEBIRDS! GET A ROOM! WE SEE MORE OF YOU GUYS MAKING OUT THAN WE DO OF DANIEL RADCLIFFE'S STRAINING NECK MUSCLES AND THAT'S HARD TO BEAT! WE HAVE ALCOHOL TO DRINK, PEOPLE! THE STOREOWNER TOLD US TO TAKE WHAT WE LIKE – THE SANCTUARY IS COVERING EVERYTHING! WHOOOOOO!"

Everybody cheered and Guild winced. Skulduggery took his wife's hand and left. Lythia and Fletcher shrugged as "Golden Love" by Midnight Youth came on the radio that minute.

Then they carried on, ignoring everyone around them, until everyone threatened to hijack Fletcher again. Fletcher rolled his eyes, pulled away, held out his arm. Thirteen hands took hold of it. Lythia grinned, wrapped her arms around Fletcher, and they Teleported back to her home.


	88. Chapter 88

Chapter Eighty-Eight

Fearful

_**OH MY GOD! I WAS READING CHAPTER EIGHTY-THREE AGAIN, AND GUESS WHAT SONG CAME ON THE RADIO???!!! YES! VAMPIRES BY THE DUKES! I yelled "OH MY GOD!" and turned it up. It was actually really funny. **_

_**I strongly suggest people go to the improved Skulduggery Pleasant website…*cackles***_

_**Wow…DEREK LANDY IS A GENIUS!!! :D **_

_**More M crap here, you know how it goes, yep.**_

_**If you have not seen Monty Python, you are missing out EPICALLY. "And now for something totally different" literally made me crack a rib. Almost.**_

Lythia

Skulduggery held a screaming Isis and rocked her, trying to get her a bit calmer. Gradually, Isis's cries abated and before long, she was asleep on his shoulder.

"Valkyrie? Want to put her to bed?" Skulduggery called, but not so loud as to wake their daughter up.

"Sorry Skul, I'm busy." Valkyrie called back. "Why don't you just get her a miniature elevator? I'm sure she has the strength to press the button."

"Very funny." Skulduggery climbed the stairs, and, going straight past him and Valkyrie's bedroom, reached the room of Gordon's that they had converted into a nursery. Teddy bears and green paint adorned the walls, there was a beanbag and a bookcase in the corner, and a crib beside one wall that had a mobile hanging over.

Smiling, Skulduggery pulled back the blankets in the crib one-handed, watch flashing in the dim light, hearing the central heating purring from the hallway as he put his daughter in and pulled the blankets over her. He bent down and kissed her on the forehead, stroked her cheek lovingly and then crept out of the room, turning off the light as he went.

"Right, now its quiet time," Skulduggery said, marching into he and Valkyrie's bedroom and turning the lights up. The husky smell of incense was in the air and Skulduggery stopped, then grinned as Valkyrie massaged his shoulders gently. One hand left his shoulder and the lights went down again.

"Hardly," she whispered. Skulduggery turned, taking in the pure white dress she was wearing. It was loose and ruffly.

"Well…" Skulduggery answered, grinning as his hands found her neck and his mouth found hers. The kiss was long, passionate and included a lot of tongue action.

It didn't take long before Valkyrie's dress was draped over the door. Skulduggery was just about to take his hands to Valkyrie's red and black Spanish corset and garters when there was a crash from downstairs.

Skulduggery paused, hands on Valkyrie's waist.

Valkyrie frowned. "What was that?"

"I don't know." Quickly serious, he crossed to the door and turned the lights back up.

"Could it be more vampires?" Valkyrie asked worriedly. "I would let a vampire maul me but I will not let one near my baby daughter."

"You know I agree," Skulduggery answered seriously. Valkyrie pulled on her bathrobe to cover her provocative attire and they stepped out into the hall.

"Right," Valkyrie whispered, creeping down the stairs after Skulduggery.

When they got to the ground floor there was another bang and a voice muttered, "Dang it, why don't things move when you want 'em to?"

"Because they are child-safe, Billy-Ray," Valkyrie called. Sanguine cursed.

"So now the parents have to go and ruin everythin'," he complained. "Can't even snatch a baby without trouble."

It was then that Valkyrie noticed that the things Sanguine had been arranging seemed to be underneath Isis's room.

"Snatch my daughter?" Skulduggery said, dangerously low-toned. "Snatch the daughter, of my beautiful wife, and expect to get away with it?"

"Well, beautiful wife's got it right," drawled Sanguine sleazily, looking at how Valkyrie's breasts were defying gravity. Valkyrie frowned and adjusted her robe.

"Why are you here?" Skulduggery asked.

Sanguine shrugged. "A little job. I sent some vamps to stalk that angel Harpen, did a bit of checking out myself. But I got paid to be here."

"Lythia told me about that," Valkyrie replied. "Her and Stormshadow have been fighting those vampires, and agent Ghich spotted you in New Brighton in Christchurch. And they've all told Elder Kohoro. So you haven't been masking your prescence in New Zealand well, Sanguine. Lythia moved back here, anyway."

"Oh, I don't mind." Sanguine went to stand on the coffee table, but Skulduggery darted in and pulled it away. Sanguine lost his balance and with a curse he toppled to the ground.

"What's the big picture these days, Sanguine?" Skulduggery questioned, standing over him, revolver suddenly in hand. Sanguine grinned.

"Not telling for free," Sanguine laughed. "I would give the information for a price though. Interested?"

"And what might that price be?" Skulduggery sighed.

"An hour alone with the little darlin' here," Sanguine laughed. "She's of age now, ain't she? And also, I want you to get me an hour with that darlin' Harpen too."

Skulduggery pulled a disgusted face. "Not going to happen. We'll figure it out on our own, thanks."

"Oh. Pity, that."

Skulduggery holstered his gun and Valkyrie dragged Sanguine to his feet. He tried to lean into her so she slapped him. Skulduggery frisked him quickly and took his straight razor and pistol.

"Now this ain't fair," Sanguine complained. "You guys are all joined in holy matrimony, and I'm still a single man."

"Maybe that has something to do with all the killing you do…" Valkyrie said, arching an eyebrow. That was when there was a knock on the door. Valkyrie rolled her eyes, looked down to make sure everything was covered, then nodded at Skulduggery, who went and opened the door. The night sky was visible for a second.

"Ah, it's the angel herself. You comin' in to see me?" Lythia ignored Sanguine's comment and Fletcher led the way into Gordon's house. Sanguine winked and Lythia extended one finger to his temple. Valkyrie let go of Sanguine. They glimpsed a flash of green electricity and he dropped to the floor, sunglasses falling off and out for the count.

Lythia's female eye was quick to observe. "Where's Isis?"

Valkyrie smiled. "She's fine. Upstairs, asleep."

"Oh, good," Lythia replied. "We were going to go to Tanith and Ghastly's, but when Fletcher teleported in we heard things that will scar us for life and he quickly teleported here."

Valkyrie winced. "So what's the problem?"  
"You know how there's been vampires around lately?" Fletcher said. Lythia fell silent and scowled. Skulduggery noticed she was wearing a heavy coat buttoned up to her throat.

"Yes, Lythia mentioned it."

"Well…" Fletcher trailed off and turned to Lythia. She sighed, rolled her eyes and started to undo the coat buttons. She pulled it off. Skulduggery and Valkyrie both gasped, cried "Oh god!" and covered their mouths with their hands.

"Please help me convince her to go to Kenspeckle," Fletcher said.

Lythia's entire chest and shoulders were covered in crimson blood. Her left shoulder and collarbone had been totally mauled. Twisted flesh and blood weren't discernible from each other, and the entire left sleeve of her bodysuit was vanished, gone. She also had three gigantic gashes on her chest, obviously caused by claws.

"I'm just glad those missed her breasts," Fletcher said, pointing to the three wounds. "The world would have been a sadder place."

Lythia rolled her eyes again. "It's not that bad."

Skulduggery and Valkyrie just stood in stunned silence. Then, word from Skulduggery: "I think you need to go to the professor. We'll take you ourselves."

"Wait a sec," Fletcher said. He walked over to Sanguine, touched the American with his foot and teleported. Then he came back, twenty seconds later, Sanguine-free. "Dropped him at the Sanctuary," he explained. "I'll tidy your lounge and baby-sit," he told Valkyrie. "If Isis wakes up I'll bring her to the Hibernian."

Valkyrie smiled. "Thank you, Fletcher."

Skulduggery gestured to the door. Valkyrie grabbed Lythia's un-ruined shoulder and walked her out to the Black Devil.

Skulduggery turned the key and they sped out of Gordon's estate with a roar of gravel. Lythia was scowling.

"You're lucky you've got Kenspeckle," Skulduggery said from the front seat. "You get eight hours before becoming an Infected if the wound doesn't sever your jugular."

"Sounds about right," Lythia replied grumpily.

"Oh, Lythia, don't panic," Valkyrie sympathised. "Grouse'll get you fixed up. And look at me. I'm so worried I still have my corset on. How…what's the word?"

"Unusual?" offered Skulduggery.

"OK, that'll do."

The Black Devil made good progress out of Haggard and soon they arrived at the old theatre. Skulduggery parked out the back and they all got out of the car as Fletcher teleported.

"She woke up," he said simply, handing a screaming Isis to her mother. "I don't think she likes me."

Valkyrie sighed but took her daughter. "She wants feeding, and I'm not really wearing the appropriate ensemble for feeding. Never mind."

Fletcher reached for Lythia's hand, and that was when she finally cracked; a lone tear rolled down her cheek and she looked fearful.

"You'll be fine," Fletcher told her. "Really. Kenspeckle's a genius. I got bitten by a vamp a while back and he fixed me up just fine."

"How can you be sure?" she answered.

Fletcher shrugged and Lythia smiled, glad he was being honest. She walked forward as the professor strolled forward, muttering and cursing.

"To the operators with you, Lythia," he ordered.

When Kenspeckle came out of the operating theatre four hours later with a smile on his face, everyone didn't notice it was a sad one. Fletcher demanded to know what was going on, and Valkyrie, now in normal clothing, gave Isis to Clarabelle, who had just emerged as well.

"The news isn't good," he said sadly. Three faces dropped an entire half-mile.


	89. Chapter 89

Chapter Eighty-Nine

Saved Her

"I fixed her shoulder up alright," Kenspeckle explained. "I rearranged her collarbone and stitched up the bite. I got Clarabelle to do the other wounds, and then I administered the anti-vampire injection. But soon after that she fainted on the table and went into cardiac arrest shortly after."

Fletcher's eyes were wide as dinner plates. He went white and shaky. Skulduggery guided him to a seat, then looked up. "What's the good news, if any?"

"She survived," said the professor with a wry smile, and Fletcher sighed in relief. "We restarted her heart. She's lucky she's an Adept actually – she energy in her saved her. But, she'll need a whole fortnight of rest. I need someone to take care of her in that time, to make sure this stuff gets put on the wounds daily." He threw a jar to Fletcher. "As you're her boyfriend, I am commanding you with this task."

"All right," Fletcher agreed, looking at the stuff in the jar. It was bright orange. "I'll do it."

"Then she will be fine," Kenspeckle answered. "Come and see her."

Fletcher, Skulduggery and Valkyrie followed Kenspeckle into the Recovery Room. Lythia sat up when she saw them, brown hair dull, light only just coming back into her eyes. She smiled and it looked painful. A blue gown covered her wounds quite nicely. Valkyrie didn't let the sight of her pale, drained features upset her.

"I'll need a new bodysuit," was the first thing she said.

Fletcher laughed, teleported the two feet to her side because he could, and Valkyrie and Skulduggery smiled as the two teenagers hugged.

"I can ask Ghastly to mend your clothing," Valkyrie told Lythia. "He's the best."

"I know," Lythia grinned, pulling away from Fletcher. "He's brilliant."

There was a loud shout of "WHERE IS SHEEEEEEEEEE?"

"Oh no. Who rang them?" Skulduggery moaned.

"I think it was Clarabelle…" Valkyrie replied.

And before anybody knew what was happening, Oceane, Sydney, Zondell and Flaring appeared. Fletcher backed away as they all marched over to Lythia.

"LYTHIA! WHAT HAPPENED?" Sydney hugged Lythia, earning an "Ouch be careful" and saying in return, "sorrrrrrrrry".

"Seriously Lyth, what happened?" Oceane asked worriedly.

"Was it the mutant ducks I gave you?" Flaring inquired. "Was it?"

"Excessive listening to Cigaro?" Zondell questioned.

"No," Lythia told them. "Vampire. They've been hanging around in New Zealand, and they followed us here. Me and Stormshadow were leaving for work this morning and three attacked us. We defeated two of them, then I got wounded and Ducanti shot the one biting me. The bite hurt." She smiled at her friends and they smiled back. "But I'm fine now."

"That's good then."

_**REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!**_


	90. Chapter 90

Chapter Ninety

Acacia Volt

Danajade and me found out something uncanny today. And this was the first Valduggery story she read! I feel so honoured! Ha. So this is for Danajade/Acacia Volt.

_**Lythia**_

Skulduggery walked into the new Sanctuary and immediately stopped. Two women were talking, and they looked almost the same. One of them was Anhinga Volt, he knew, Stormshadow's partner, but he didn't know the other one. The other one was a bit taller than Anhinga and had slightly lighter hair.

"Oh, hey, Skulduggery," Anhinga said, waving. Hey eyes slowly turned yellow. "It's me, Anhinga. This is my twin sister, Acacia Volt."

Skulduggery gave a half-smile and walked forward. Acacia extended her hand and Skulduggery shook it with a murmured "pleased to meet you."

"Well, what's happening with all these attacks?" he asked. "Valkyrie's friend – my friend as well – just got fixed up after being mauled by a vampire. She'll be out of action for another dozen days yet. Also, Valkyrie and I found Billy-Ray Sanguine in our house two nights ago. He let slip about being here to snatch Isis, mine and Valkyrie's child. Ghich told us Sanguine had been spotted in New Zealand stalking Lythia as well. And of course there was that incident in the liquor store. What's going on?"

"Oh, I don't know," Acacia said honestly. "Lythia got mauled? Scary. So did I, last week. By a vampire called Isis Crow."

"Oh?" Skulduggery was suddenly interested. "Did she make any remarks, give you any reasons at all why she would attack you before she changed for the night?"

"Well, she did say something about the Sanctuary."

"Of course," Skulduggery said brightly. "Lythia and Anhinga and Stormshadow, and evidently yourself, are becoming big players in this game we call power, so they're taking you out before you get there. Ingenious."

"Didn't take you long."

"I _am_ a detective."

Acacia was about to open her mouth again when Mercyful Fear walked over. "Hey, I heard Lythia got mauled by a vamp, where is she, do tell, please please please?"

"Um…she's watching Men in Black 2 with Fletcher at his apartment," Skulduggery answered. "But _be sure to knock_ before you march in."

"OK," Mercyful walked off.

"So…" Acacia said slowly. "We're not going into protective custody, so what do you suggest we do?"

Skulduggery shrugged. "Well, staying alive would be incredibly helpful."

Sorry it's so short, Acacia! I'm putting you in another chapter because that sucked, I'm sorry! :O


	91. Chapter 91

Chapter Ninety-One

I've waited All My Life…

_**My argument with this chapter is that I so badly want to meet this person that I wrote in my FanFiction that I did. So there.**_

_**Let's see if you can guess who it is before their name is shouted. **_

_**Lythia**_

Mercyful Fear knocked very loudly on the door of Fletcher's apartment. She could hear _Telephone_ by Lady GaGa ft Beyonce playing at a very high volume.

Fletcher came to the door and opened it, singing. "You shoulda made some plans with me you knew that I was free…" he caught himself, then appeared embarrassed. "Oh, hi Mercyful."

"Hey," she answered. "Is Lythia in?"

"Can call if you want but there's no one home and you're not gonna reach my telephone!" called Lythia, waving. She was sitting on the couch, head in one hand. She was wearing a grey-brown wide-open necked top with the World Wildlife Fund panda on it. Mercyful could see the fading stitches from where the vampire had bitten her, faintly imprinted on her left shoulder. C4 was on but they watched as Lythia changed the channel to Comedy Central with the help of green light energy. 3rd Rock from the Sun came on.

"Ghastly likes that show," Mercyful said. "He thinks John Lithgow is hilarious."

"That's because he is," Lythia said, switching the TV off and getting to her feet. "I agree with him. Want to go out shopping? I need some new palazzo trousers and another dress."

"I was just coming to suggest that," Mercyful laughed. "Come on."

Lythia smiled, kissed Fletcher, picked up her coat and wallet and left.

"Right. Now we need a…" Lythia trailed off and never said 'ride'. Mr Bliss was standing by his car, talking to someone.

"Did he come and visit?" Mercyful asked. She looked at Lythia, her eyes and mouth were wide open, her face was drained of colour and she was shaking. She closed her mouth and turned to Mercyful.

"Dude. Did you see who he was talking to?" she gasped. "Look!"

Mercyful did look. The man Bliss was talking to was bald, with sharp eyes. He was wearing a pair of jeans and a black and white striped top. "What?"

"That's…" Lythia began walking, Mercyful followed, and the men's conversation came into earshot. Bliss was speaking with the same cool tones as ever, whereas the man talked with a unique, almost harsh tone of voice. Then she remembered hearing that voice singing out of Lythia's CD player. That man's name was…

Lythia screamed it. "BILLY CORGAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Billy Corgan looked up, a small smile on his face. "Yes?"  
"OH MY FACELESS ONES!"

Billy gave a small laugh. "Yes, I know about The Faceless Ones." He took a small step back as Lythia reached him and hugged him. "Yes, I know about the awesome music I make…please…let go. Choking me."

"Sorry." Lythia let go and covered her mouth with both hands. "OMFO OMFO OMFO OMFO OMFFO **[A/N: That 'OMFFO' was not a typo. ;}]** OMFO."

Mr Bliss looked amused. "It seems you have finally found your biggest fan, Mr Corgan."

"Indeed," said Billy Corgan in that unique voice of his.

"I have waited all my life," announced Lythia. "Mercyful. Camera. CAMERA."

"Yes." She held the camera that she conveniently had in her bag up. Lythia put her arm around Billy and she took a picture.

"Oh my Faceless Ones," Lythia shook her head in disbelief. "Billy, will you come to get a coffee with us?"

"Sure," he answered. Lythia giggled and hugged Billy again. Fletcher appeared beside them and Lythia

giggled again.

"Fletcher, meet the singer of my favourite band, Billy Corgan." Fletcher smiled.

"Ah, that's OK then," he laughed. "I could see from the window. And I know how much Lythia loves The Smashing Pumpkins."

"Yes," Billy smiled. "We're all going to go to coffee. But wait, what's your names?"

"Lythia Harpen," Lythia said.

"Mercyful Fear."

"Fletcher Renn."

"Taken names…" Billy Corgan nodded. "My taken name is Zero Sandoz."

"Oh my Faceless Ones! I love the songs _Zero_ and _A Girl Named Sandoz_. Well done," Lythia replied. "Can I still call you Billy?"

He laughed. "Sure."


	92. Chapter 92

Chapter Ninety-Two

_**I had a conversation with Universe (the person in my head) about this chapter, and we agreed that it should be all right. **___

_**Waaaaaaaaah! It's not fair! The Smashing Pumpkins are going to Tokyo but not New Zealand! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! :'{.**_

_**Lythia**_

Billy Corgan and Lythia Harpen were engaged in conversation, the debate **Machina: The Machines of God** VS **Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness**. Fletcher and Mercyful were sitting at the same table, but they both looked vacant. Their cups were empty and Mercyful was falling asleep. Fletcher loved The Smashing Pumpkins but he still found the conversation boring.

"We got a few hit singles out of Mellon Collie," Billy Corgan was saying. "But we enjoyed producing Machina. What's your favourite song out of Machina?"

"_This time_," Lythia nodded. "Definitely. But I also like _I of the Mourning_."

"And Mellon Collie?"

Lythia narrowed her eyes, absent-mindedly squishing a marshmallow with two fingers. "A tie between _Fuck You (Ode to No One)_ and _Thirty-Three_."

"And do you like _X.Y.U_?"

"Fuck yeah. Did you like Pisces Iscariot yourself?"

"It was really just odds and ends of other albums."

"And Gish? Did you like Gish?"

"No fucking way. Gishwas our debut. I'm so glad we improved." Billy's phone rang and he muttered an 'excuse me' before getting up and stepping away to answer it. He frowned as he replied to whoever was on the other end. He narrowed he eyes and said something vicious down the phone, and they all heard a "FUCK YOU" being shouted on the other end. Billy snapped the phone shut with two fingers.

Fletcher arched his eyebrows. "What was all that about?"

"Darcy," Billy sighed, before retaking his seat. "Still causing shit."

"'And into the eyes of a jackyl I say ka-boom.'" Lythia said animatedly. "Best fucking line in the whole of Mellon Collie."

"Better even than 'Coil my tongue around a bumblebee mouth'?"

"Ooh. Maybe equal."

Fletcher snapped. "Can we talk about something NORMAL?"

Lythia stared. "Smashing Pumpkins is a very normal part of my routine. Daily pilgrimages and all that."

Fletcher groaned and Lythia cackled, before turning back to Billy Corgan and resuming her conversation with him.


	93. Chapter 93

Chapter Ninety-Three

'_**Lythia Harpen was smiling.**_

"_**So, this Art period is followed by Drama?" Across the desk, Zondell Rellamonda grinned. **_

"_**Yep," Zondell answered. "We've got a mime assessment."**_

"_**Oh, joy. Actually, that will be fun."**_

"_**Girls! Make sure to use adequate glue on your shirts." Their teacher, Maxine Hyper, held up her example. "The shirt should be nice and crunchy so you can easily paint the folds."**_

"_**Yeah yeah, nothing we haven't heard already," Lythia muttered. "I never get why teachers repeat themselves."**_

"_**They need words to fill their hour." Zondell grabbed the PVA glue bottle, squeezed it hard, and spread the glue with her brush. "Where would teachers be without repetition? Answer: under bridges."**_

_**Lythia grinned and laughed. "Good point." Having totally saturated her shirt with glue, she pushed back her chair and wandered over to the drying rack.'**_

_**An actual conversation between myself and Zondell, when we were having an amusing time in art. And now, we get to do photomontage. Which is great. Because it gave me reason to give Halle Berry a lobster claw for an arm and a carrot for another arm, a giant head and a minidress, and a tiny head. I showed Zondell and she cracked up. I am so cruel. And then today, I stuck a single leg onto the neck of the Woman's Day magazine editor so that she was just a head and a leg. Because Woman's Day is complete and utter crap. **_____

_**The real purpose of this author's note is my lack of reviews…if you want to read more of this FanFiction you have to let me know. I am still doing OC requests, but I want reviews first!**_

_**Muchly appreciated.**_

_**Thank you,**_

_**Lythia Harpen**_

Fletcher Renn scoured the shops of London. Oh, crap, he thought, they've closed. He glanced up at the dreary sky as the first drops of rain hit his head. He immediately screamed and covered his head with his hands, and then ducked into the nearest building.

"Hello?" Fletcher turned around at the voice and screamed again as he found himself face to face with a large snake. "Help!" He cried. "A snake!"

"This SNAKE has a name, thank you." A young woman emerged, looking cross, and took the snake. Green scales slid over her bare flesh as she allowed it to coil around her arm. "He's called Jinx. Mine's Amara Calla."

"Fletcher Renn. I only ducked in here to stop my hair getting wet." There was an awkward silence in which Amara raised a contemptuous eyebrow. After about a minute Fletcher coughed nervously and continued. "Well…"

"Haha." All of a sudden she disappeared and Fletcher jumped back. A laugh sounded and Amara reappeared.

"I'm Adept. I have chameleon abilities," she laughed, seeing the expression on Fletcher's face. "I fight for the Irish Sanctuary. Did you want to buy anything?"

"Do you have another snake? My girlfriend likes reptiles." He watched Amara. She had straight waist-length blonde hair, with bright red streaks. Her eyes were blue and she was tanned. She wore a white tiger print vest with a small black tank top over it, as well as a red miniskirt and a black studded belt. Her fishnets came up to her knees and her boots were heeled. Black gloved hands stroked the snake's head.

"I think we have geckos." Amara held the snake up to the rafters and it disappeared into the gloom. Then she crossed over to a desk, poked around for a minute, and then turned to Fletcher with a bright yellow and green gecko draped over her hand. Fletcher went to stroke it and Amara slapped him across the face.

"HEY!" he yelled. "NO."

"Yes. You do not touch before they get food or they will bite your finger off."

"Then how are you?"

"I'm special!"

"Oh. OK then."

"So you're buying it? I'll feed her now."

"Yep."

"Awesomeness."

**Hope you enjoyed, Amara! Thank you to Acacia Volt, Hannah Brandon, YayForMagicDetectivesAndStuff, Mercyful Fear, DelphianBleak, Amara Calla, Isis Crow and Midnight's Queen for recent reviews ;] and also to Mademise Morte for her interesting conversation **


	94. Chapter 94

Chapter Ninety-Four

Never try this At Home

_**The plot bunnies attacked Lythia Harpen in her home. They mobbed her and her screams were never heard. She was found with part of her brain removed and it will only grow back with at least ten reviews on this chapter. **_

"Never try this at home, kiddies!" Flaring yelled. She put a DVD into Lythia's player.

Mercyful immediately grabbed the DVD case. She whooped. "IT'S LORD OF THE RINGS!"

"Which one?" Oceane inquired, from her position taking silly photos on the webcam with Sydney.

"The Fellowship of the Ring!" Lythia called from the kitchen, where she was making popcorn with Arctic. Amithest Moss was at the phone, ordering chips, and Rialla was on her cell ordering pizza. It was Official Mage Day and celebrations were widespread across the globe.

"Oh, that'll be the one with the most dashing Legolas scenes," Oceane called.

Lythia giggled, poking her head around the wall. "Indeed."

"Oh, nice," Sydney cheered. "YAY FOR LEGOLAS THE HOTTIE!"

Acacia piped up from her spot sitting on the couch. "Sexaaaaaay."

"Hmm, I don't know, I like Aragorn," Rialla commented.

"Strider when they first meet him." Greaya said.

"But then once they get to Elrond's council he becomes Aragorn," Mercyful told them.

"Yeah yeah," Druna said. "Just put the fricken movie on."

"I LIKE BOROMIR!" Mademise yelled.

Everyone settled on beanbags, couches, and each others heads (this was unique to DFS). The movie began.

_**SORRY ITS SO SHORT! Stupid class.**_


	95. Chapter 95

Chapter Ninety-Five

Fiji

My fans, my dear fans. I have neglected you. I have been extremely busy, with school and life and keeping several people uplifted. Please accept this chapter, and my apologies.

Mademise Morte, you keep my sanity alive. 3

**15 years later**

Valkyrie sighed, not in irritation, but in bliss. Flicking her sunglasses up with one finger, she looked over to the pool, where Skulduggery was swimming up to the bar to buy his daughter a drink. She watched her daughter join her husband at the swim-up bar, smiling lovingly as Skulduggery hugged her. Untangling the glasses from her damp hair and placing them on the sand below, she leaned up and turned herself over, so that the sun fell on her back. The tropical warmth was pleasant, and the sound of waves crashing on the beach just beyond the sunset deck was heavenly.

A Fijian waiter approached in Valkyrie's peripheral vision, and she got herself up on one elbow on the lounger. He smiled at her, saying 'bula!' before taking her order for a Pina Colada.

"Mum! You have to try this." Valkyrie switched her gaze to the source of the noise and smiled. Oenone Surrend was holding a mocktail out, water dripping off her shapely, athletic body. Her long, black hair was shiny, even when wet, and she was wearing a bikini to show off her new tan.

Valkyrie acquiesced, taking a sip of the proffered drink. "Mmmm! What is it?"

"Coco Choco." Oenone grinned, before flopping down on the sun lounger next to her mother. "I love this place!"

"It is indeed lovely," Skulduggery commented. Valkyrie looked at him and nodded in agreement, and then relaxed, stretching and folding her arms under her face. She smiled as she felt the edges of two mystery hands begin drumming out a makeshift massage on her back as she lay there.

"Further up, Skul." Her husband obliged, blue eyes bright and smile gorgeous, and she sighed again. "This is so perfect."

The massage ceased and Valkyrie looked up again. Skulduggery was sitting on the edge of the lounger, grinning at her. She propped herself up on one elbow as he gave her a quick kiss.

"Agreed." She collected her drink from the waiter who had just approached. Sitting up fully, Valkyrie threw her sarong around her curvaceous frame one-handed before standing. "Let's go for a walk on the beach!"

Skulduggery nodded, taking his wife's hand. Oenone bade them a good walk and sloped off, no doubt to hang out with her new Australian 'boy' friend.

The walk was ambling and slow, but that was how Valkyrie preferred them on her holidays. They contrasted nicely with the high-speed racing around of her detective life. So she just leaned on Skulduggery's shoulder as he squeezed her hand and she drank her cocktail, and enjoyed the slow time.

As they were walking past the area where sailboats and kayaks could be hired, Fletcher Renn and his newlywed wife Lythia Harpen appeared, emerging from the lunch buffet. Lythia smiled and waved, her beautiful smile only matched by the gorgeous sweep of her back, her clear blue eyes, and her long tresses of burnished brown hair. She was as bonny and sweet as she had been fifteen years ago, but much more active in the Sanctuary. She was now Prime Detective of the New Zealand Sanctuary, and high up in the Irish Sanctuary.

Fletcher had grown up as well. All of his cockiness and smarmy demeanour had faded long ago. He had, to his dismay, been thrice compared to Hercules because of his gorgeously blonde hair, muscled body and blue eyes. Protective of his love, generous, romantic and kind, Fletcher really was the dream guy. However, despite this image, and the fact that he could have any woman, he still followed Lythia with a sweet faith. They owned two houses, one in New Zealand, one in Ireland. Theirs was the wedding that everybody had come to Fiji to celebrate, which had been four days ago. For their honeymoon they had been out to an uninhabited island, and, apart from a few people to help them cook traditional food, and a few singers and dancers, were left alone there. They had returned just that morning, full of cheer and adoration and everything besides.

"Hey, guys!" Lythia called. She and Fletcher wandered over. Valkyrie gave Lythia a huge hug, grinning. Fletcher shook Skulduggery's hand, and for a second he looked to have some of his old cocky nature back as he watched his beauty laugh.

"She's all mine, finally!" Fletcher chuckled. "Hey, have you seen Ghastly and Tanith around?"

"They went to Port Denerau," Skulduggery answered, folding his tanned arms casually. "They were going to get some stuff…for…"

"For…?"

"Never you mind."

"Tell me."

"No."

"Alright then. I know you well enough to know that you're especially stubborn with me, even if I am nearly 35."

"You still look 25. So, I can do this for a while yet before I feel cruel."

Fletcher rolled his eyes and said nothing, a small smile playing around his mouth. He counted Skulduggery for a father now, and although it wasn't preferred by Skulduggery, it was at least accepted.

"We should probably get this sailboat before it gets got," Lythia said, breaking off her conversation with Valkyrie, eying the milling crowds and the lone hireable sailboat parked on the beach. "Is it okay if we meet you later? We'll probably see you tonight anyway."

"Indeed." Fletcher took Lythia's arm and they waved their goodbyes. Valkyrie waved back.

"Well, they do suit each other," she commented. "Did you let slip about tonight?"

"No, I did not."

"So they don't know about tonight?"

"No, they do not. Thankfully."

"Ah. Excellent." With an exchanged smile, Valkyrie and Skulduggery kept walking.

Well, I hope you liked it. This chapter is solely created due to the fact that I recently went to Fiji for a week. It was absolute BLISS, as you can imagine, and much of the description at the start of the chapter with Valkyrie was based my own thoughts and love of Fiji. I hope you enjoyed my return to FanFiction!

_**-Lythia Harpen**_


	96. Chapter 96

Author's note: I apologise for the fact that I haven't posted since last year. Two huge earthquakes ripped through my city and I've been off sorts ever since. I feel ready now, however, to embrace FanFiction once again.

**My love to you all.**

**LythiaHarpen**

Chapter Ninety-Six

The stuff was hurriedly hidden and sneaked back to the resort. It wasn't dodgy, per se, but it was…deceitful. Lythia and Fletcher were to be fooled. Skulduggery handled the champagne himself. The small shuttle bus dropped everybody off back at the resort, and they quickly moved to prepare for the newlyweds.

"Lythia won't suspect a thing," Oceane LeClaire whispered. "Trust me. Remember the time on camp? She's completely oblivious to this kind of thing."

Sydney Jones, who was, by now, an extremely famous model, frowned. "I wonder if the green dot of icing is still on the ceiling."

Oceane laughed and lined up all the bottles.

Skulduggery re-entered the vicinity with Ghastly, with a foosball table. Valkyrie looked up from where she was making the punch.

"Where the heck did you get that?"

"The staff often play after they're finished for the day," Ghastly said, not even burdened by the table. "They let us borrow it for the occasion."

"Ahhh, sweet."

Tanith suddenly materialised, but luckily by the door. She was dressed in a halter-neck, flowing, brightly coloured dress. "That may be the first time I've seen Skulduggery wearing shorts, apart from when he swims."

Skulduggery's head dipped a little. "Shut up about the shorts!"

"I think they're cute!" Valkyrie chirped.

"Yes, but remember, you're wrong a shocking amount of the time. I've told you that before."

"They are cute," Tanith said. "Accept it."

Skulduggery frowned and left the room for the kitchen.

Valkyrie was wearing a nice dress also. It was a blue-green colour and had purple ribbon for straps. She looked around. "Where's Oenone? Anybody seen her?"

There was all of a sudden an almighty clumping sound. Valkyrie looked around. Her daughter was wearing a waist cincher corset over a light grey singlet, short shorts, stockings with great rips in them (and decorated with safety pins), white face makeup and bright red lipstick.

"Even Emilie Autumn," Valkyrie sighed, "Wears sensible clothing for the heat of Fiji."

Oenone grinned. "Your corset is your armour. Lace it tightly. Breathing is unimportant."

"You're just waiting for Ghastly's son, aren't you? And possibly Flaring and co?"

"Yes. And yes, Mercury is my fellow wayward Victorian."

Ehh, hope it was enjoyable enough. Now I don't face disembowelment with a spoon from Flaring, at least XD

**Mademise Morte, I swear Dark Before Dawn shall have its next chapter soon. **

**3**

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	97. Chapter 97

Chapter Ninety-Seven

Marry Me

Drying her hair on one of the fluffy resort towels, Lythia glanced in the mirror. Gah. Despite the warmth of this place, it wasn't free of water yet. She grabbed the hairdryer and finished the job. She got into the dress she'd bought from Nadi that day. It was never worth bothering with makeup here, she found. It just slid off her face in the heat.

As she left the bathroom, a song popped into her head and she instinctively sang it.

"Marry me he said, through his rotten teeth, bad breath, and then,

Marry me instead of that strapping young goatherd; but when

I was in his bed and my father had sold me I knew,

I hadn't any choice,

Hushed my voice,

Did what any girl would do…"

She dug for her shoes in her suitcase and kept singing in a trilling voice.

"When I'm beheaded, at least I was wedded,

And when I am buried, at least I was married,

I'll hide my behaviour with wine as my saviour, but oh," she danced over to the mirror, "What beautiful things I'll wear,

What beautiful dresses and hair,

I'm lucky to share his bed,

Especially since I'll soon be dead…"

"WHAT?"

Lythia laughed at Fletcher's expression as he stuck his head in the door.

"You only married me because you were sold to me?"

"No, silly. It's a song."

"I don't believe you. Is it because I haven't done my hair yet?"

With a sigh, a smile and a shake of her head, Lythia slipped on the newly found shoes. "Ahh, ahhh…Marry me he said, God he's ugly, but fortune is ours…"

"YOU THINK I'M UGLY?"

"Running in the gardens, enjoying men, women, and flowers,

Then I break a glass and I slit my own innermost thigh,

So then I can pretend that I'm menst – well, unavailable…"

Fletcher looked more horrified…

Despite her husband's reaction, the song was stuck in her mind now. "My life is arranged,

But this union's deranged, so I'll fuck who I choose

For I've nothing to lose,

And when master's displeased I'll be down on my knees again, oh…"

"Lythia, dear, that's probably the only thing about that song that's positive for me."

_**REVIEWS PLEASE! **___


	98. Chapter 98

Chapter Ninety-Eight

Oenone

Oenone Surrend sat in a chair by the door, tapping one platform boot onto the wall next to her. She was thinking of Mercury, obviously. There was no denying she felt some infatuation for him, and yet, she didn't know how he felt. Lythia's good friend Mademise Morte had advised her of the dangers of love twice before. So had Lythia herself. And her mother. And…

She shook her head, refusing to dredge up all the advice again. It forewarned her. She didn't want to know that she could fall. She was slightly afraid of heights.

Mercury hadn't taken a name yet, and so he remained Mister Bespoke. She remembered her name, Isis, before she'd taken a name. She didn't mind being called by either.

The sun beat down on her small, supple frame that was so elegantly folded up on the chair. Her chest cavity was begging for freedom under the cincher, and sweat was finding its way to the small of her back, but she didn't mind. Being a Wayward Victorian Girl was amazing.

"Bula!" Oenone grinned at the dark-skinned Fijian lady that ambled past with her cleaning trolley. It was so weird having somebody else make her bed – her mother, Valkyrie, was a bit lax about tidying up, but her dad Skulduggery was absolutely nuts over it. Her room hadn't gotten truly messy in years – it simply wasn't allowed. Her dad had cast a spooky little spell, which came into effect every time she didn't tidy something up. A little gust of wind would blow into both her ears if there was something that she could and would normally pick up lying on the floor. When she left the room, the little breeze would stop, so mostly to evade minor tidying, she'd sit outside her door.

At the sound of amiable laughter, Oenone looked up. Her breath caught in her throat. There he was – well built, with gorgeous brown eyes, a shock of blonde hair that flopped over one eye, and a well put together face. He casually loped along the balcony walkway, before spotting her and grinning.

"Oenone! Fancy seeing you here." He put his hands in his pockets and came up to her.

She felt like she was melting inside. The sun shone in a brilliant halo on his hair, and the familiar dimples in his cheeks were there because of her.

"Hello!" she called, trying to look normal as she uncrossed her legs and stood. "How are you finding it this day?"

Mercury shrugged. "Ah. All right. I took a name."

Eyes widening, Oenone grinned. "Really? What is it?"

Brushing a piece of leaf from his shirt, Mercury half-smiled, before leaning in to whisper in her ear.

"Kyran Vaneel."

Oenone sighed. "It's perfect!"

Mercury, or, Kyran, smiled. "I thought so too…how long until the surprise party?"

"About an hour."

"We should go for a swim." Tossing his hair back, Kyran put a thumb through the belt loop of his shorts, casually leaning all his weight on the wall. Oenone's pulse picked up a little.

"Sure. I'd love to. Just let me go get out of my corset and stuff." She smiled, nodded, turned to leave.

And froze as she heard movement behind her. She felt breath on her neck, and slowly, agonisingly slowly, she felt Kyran's hands slide around her corset-tiny waist.

"But I like the corset…" Oenone closed her eyes as she felt the kiss on her shoulder, the kiss on her collarbone, the kiss on the side of her neck, behind her ear.

"Ah." Oenone removed Kyran's hands so she could open the door to the left. "Then you should come see the rest of them."

Her own room.

Kyran smiled. "I'd like that."

Oenone backed into the room as Kyran reached for her face, and the kiss she'd waited so long for was suddenly hers. Having a rock-hard chest against her was a new thing, but the fingers wound in her hair weren't. Guys loved her hair.

The doors here were so tricky at closing themselves. Oenone flicked one eye open at the slam, then closed it again as Kyran forged on.

**Reviews make me happy... As I can't have sugar in my tea any more they can be my addiction…**


	99. Chapter 99

Chapter Ninety-Nine

Dances and Drinks…

So. Um. Yeah. This is my return to VGAAWLOR, after about a year. So, yeah, seeing as some earthquakes destroyed my city and everything, I've been in a bit of a rut. I did post a story a couple of days ago, but nobody reviews any more. Eight months since February 22nd today, anyway. I think it's time I got a move on. And hopefully the earth won't move with me.

_**Anyway, enjoy. I love writing silly chapters like this. I DO NOT CONDONE NARCOTICS USE IN ANY WAY. I have only included the stuff in this chapter because I tried it myself and it was actually very nice, if a bit woody. For those who don't know, kava is a traditional drink of Fiji, derived from the root of the kava tree. It has a slight narcotic effect, which I have experienced. Pretty much, your mouth goes numb and when that feeling fades, you don't mind waiting, and you only seem to see the good things in where you are at that point in time.**_

_**(It just occurred to me there are very few Ghanith 'scenes' #ahem#…Hmmm…)**_

_**Lythia**_

Lythia and Fletcher walked onto the beach, and went, "um… wow."

Skulduggery smiled. "Happy four day anniversary?"

Ghastly, Tanith, Oenone, Kyran, Valkyrie, and Skulduggery were sitting in full Fijian dress, in the traditional circle, and there was a coconut-shell bowl, and a huge dish of boiling something at the other end. Ghastly was stirring it, his muscled body looking the part in the skirt made of grass, and the leafy armbands. Tanith was kneeling beside him, also dressed in a grass skirt but with a very short-sleeved crop top of woven grass on. Valkyrie and Skulduggery and Oenone and Kyran were dressed the same way. They all were sitting cross-legged, because they all knew that in Fiji it is impolite to sit with one's legs stretched out in front on them.

Fletcher held up his hands when he saw a similar outfit on the sand. "You can make me wear that. But please…don't touch my hair."

"I'm not allowed to anyway," Skulduggery said. "The touching of the head is considered impolite."

"The touching of bloody anything is considered impolite…" muttered Fletcher darkly.

Lythia grinned. She reached for the skirt and top and crept away to change. When she returned Fletcher was already dressed and she began to laugh. She sank down into the sand, tears rolling down her cheeks. It wasn't fair really. Nothing was really wrong with Fletcher and his outfit but the disgruntled expression he wore because Valkyrie was drawing on his back with charcoal. Valkyrie winked, and moved away.

"I lied," she proclaimed. "Those aren't really traditional symbols. You now have a bunny on your back."

Fletcher sighed. "It's always the way." He walked over and reached out his hands to help Lythia up. "So, what's this all about?" He took great enjoyment in dusting the sand from his wife.

"We thought seeing as we're in Fiji, we'd do the traditional Fiji thing," Ghastly told him. "A kava ceremony. Come, sit. You're the chief and Lythia can be the advisor to the chief."

Fletcher knelt at the head of the arrangement, Lythia on his right. Skulduggery settled on his left. Ghastly looked at Fletcher. "Low tide or high tide?"

"High tide," Fletcher said boldly, looking at the mysterious liquid. Ghastly nodded, filling one of the bowls. He got up and held it out.

"You have to drink it in one go," he told Fletcher. "Before you do, you clap three times and say 'bula'. Then after you've drunk it you return the bowl and clap three times again."

"OK." Fletcher clapped three times and everybody yelled out 'bula'. Then he took the bowl and didn't wait around – he drank deeply and quickly. His nose screwed up but he kept going. Once he'd finished he handed the bowl back to Ghastly and clapped three times.

"Nice?" Ghastly inquired.

"Woody. And my mouth's a bit numb."

"Might stop you snogging me for a while," Lythia said, amused. Ghastly went back to the vat. Then he turned and looked at Lythia. "Low tide or high tide?"

"High tide."

Ghastly nodded, filled the bowl. Lythia did the clapping and they did the shout and she drank it down.

They repeated this until the whole group had consumed some kava (only low tide for Oenone and Kyran).

"My lips are numb," Valkyrie said. "You were right, Fletch."

"Always the tone of surprise."

"It's the narcotic effect," Skulduggery smiled, stretched out in the hammock. Valkyrie looked over, and smiled.

"Bet it's not the kava that has the biggest effect right now," noticing how he was looking at how she looked in the extremely tight top.

"Yeah, you're right. But it hasn't kicked in yet…"

"Oh god… don't look, kids," Valkyrie rushed, shooing Oenone and Kyran away as Ghastly and Tanith began kissing by the kava. "Run away and enjoy legal drugs." They grinned at Valkyrie's fluster and stalked away, heading towards the restaurant.

Lythia and Fletcher walked off and retuned with two sun loungers, setting them up to look at the setting sun, hands joined over the space in between them.

"Hey, everybody else does it," Ghastly laughed, when Tanith came up for air. Her eyes smouldered, hands on his chest.

"True enough…" said Skulduggery, as Valkyrie joined him in the hammock.

The sun beat down on the three couples… the warm, hot sun. Cocktail glasses gleamed as the twilight drew in and turned the sky into a glorious picture. The warm breeze drifted in from the sea, and everybody was completely, blissfully happy with the world.

How much of that was down to the kava, though, would never be known.


End file.
